What I'd Never Tell Him

Oli stood, walking slowly to the kitchen to get a glass of water. It was strange, when Cam had first said that and the realisation dawned on him, he'd felt so much like crying, or being angry, that now he didn't feel anything.
"Oli?" Cam asked after several minutes and it brought the anger and hurt back to Oli's body. He sipped at the cold water slowly, nausea rushing up to meet him.
He'd been so happy, so thrilled all day, all he wanted to do was share his news with his band mates, they were closer than brothers, then he'd come over here and been made to feel even happier, only to have it shattered.
"Oli!"
"I...think I'm gonna go...." Oli's voice came out hoarsely and he turned to leave, gently placing the glass on the counter as he went. Cam scrambled up from the couch and rushed over to him.
"Oli please don't go! Please!" He pulled him into another hug that the skinnier boy couldn't find the will to return.
"Oli please do something...say something..." Cam mumbled, retreating from the hug and his hands running up to Oli's face he leant in to kiss him again, Oli snapped out of it and sprang away from him when their lips brushed.
"Don't, Cam!!!! You can't just...kiss me and expect it all to go away it doesn't work that way!!!" Cam nodded, holding a hand up and slowly sitting on the back of the couch.
"What do you want me to do? Do you want me to let you tell your band mates? Cause believe me that's fine but I know the rest of our relationship I'll be scared, constantly waiting for one of them to get drunk at a party and slip up, telling someone everything." Oli shook his head.
"They're not like that, they're twats they're not fucking evil Cam."
"I don't think they are!!"
"Well...why don't you get to know them a bit better? Then you'll be comfortable telling them."
"No."
"What so that's it?!!! Don't you see why I'm upset Cam?! I'm prepared to wait a while, to let you get to know them and trust them, but you're just completely shut down to ideas!!!" He broke, screaming at the other man.
"It's not just that Oli they..."
"What? They're beneath you?"
"No."
"You just don't think you're gonna like them?"
"No!! Ok?? I think I will like them, but to them I'm always gonna be sissy celebrity boy!! They won't change their minds!!"
"Don't try and put the heat on them!! This is all you, yeah they don't like you much at the moment, they did hate you. But since I've started hanging out with you and I've told them stuff about you they're liking you more and more!!! If we were dating they'd be tripping over each other to get to know you!!"
"No I'm not ready!!"
"I know that! But at some point, soon, in the future?" Cam shook his head.
"So that's it then. You're never gonna let me tell my band mates. This is just to stay between us and no one else. Fucking great." Oli started striding out but Cam blocked him again, one hand grabbing onto one of his wrists, the other snaking round to the small of his back.
"Don't go." Oli closed his eyes and his hands clenched into fists as Cam kissed him again, then moved across his jaw down to his neck. He was beyond upset with him, yet still every touch on his skin threatened to pull Oli back to him, make him stay and forget everything that had just happened.
"No." He pulled out of Cam's grip and walked out the door, determined not to look back at the other man.

"Oli? You ok mate?" Nicholls asked as Oli stepped back inside the house on the verge of tears.
"Yep." He tried to walk up to his room but Matt followed him and closed the door behind them.
"Mate what's the matter? You look like you're about to cry or something? I thought you were at Cam's place."
"I was..." He started crying and Matt hurried over to the bed and gave him a hug.
"Hey what's up? Did he say something to you?"
"Sort of.."
"Oli." He looked at his best friend and sighed.
"If I tell you this can you promise not to tell Cam or the lads? And DEFINITELY no one else?"
"Of course. I swear on...like..both our lives. And me mother's." Oli smiled through his tears weakly.
"Me...I've...I just sort of started...dating Cam." He winced as soon as he said it, waiting for Matt's reaction to the news.
"Really?"
"Yeah..."
"Wow, ok."
"That's it? You're not angry..you don't think it's gross you're not..."
"Oli, mate, I don't have a problem with gay guys, or bi guys, or straight guys hooking up once in a while, why would I be angry with you?"
"I don't know, sometimes people can't handle it when it's someone they know."
"Nah I'm cool mate." Oli nodded.
"So how long?"
"We only just kissed tonight. So...not that long, just like yesterday really." Matt nodded.
"I said how happy I was and he said he was too and I was like "no, to tell the guys about this they're gonna be stoked." Matt looked at him.
"And...?"
"He freaked out. I quote, he wants it to be "our little secret." A "secret romance just between us eh? It'll be fun!!" Matt shook his head.
"He actually expects you to keep it from us?"
"Yeah he doesn't trust you guys to keep it between you."
"Well that's fair enough, he doesn't know us yet so he can't trust us. We'll make an effort to get to know him and he'll be fine with you telling us."
"That's what I suggested along with so many other things and he just said no. Like that was it." Matt sighed and gave Oli another hug as he started crying again.
"Look it's ok mate, this is what we're gonna do. You're not gonna go round there or talk to him for a while ok? You gotta let him know that you're not gonna take shit from him ok?" Oli nodded.
"Good. And we're gonna make an effort to get to know him wether he likes it or not. Cause if you're not speaking to him, he won't think you're trying to get him to tell us himself, he'll just think we're trying to get to know him a bit better." Oli sighed and threw his hands up.
"It's worth a shot I guess." Matt smiled supportively at his friend.
"That's it, so stop crying and being bummed out!! I don't like seeing you like that. Now come play video games with us and chill out and be happy again ok?" Oli smiled and nodded, watching Matt leave.

Oli didn't know what to do or how to act, so he just decided to follow Matt's plan. Starting with hanging out with his friends again.
They played some games for a few hours, when he first went down everyone knew he'd been crying but no one asked any questions, it was kind of obvious that that wasn't a good idea. Oli felt much happier by the end of it, being back with his friends again felt good, and he needed good.

That night he fell asleep, praying that he wouldn't dream of Cam again.