What I'd Never Tell Him

Oli hated the way his heart was beating too fast. He hated the way he could almost feel how close Cam was to him, he hated how he liked the masculine, salty smell coming off the other man.
"You deserved that red carpet." Cam said it so quietly..but Oli would've heard it if it had only been a whisper, for the tension was thick between them, one waiting for the other to say something.
"What did you say?" His eyebrows shot up in surprise, but somehow the way it came out, it almost sounded like he was being an ass again, just trying to make Cam repeat the astoundingly difficult to admit words he'd just uttered.
"You deserved the red carpet...your band did...it's a pretty cool band." He stammered slightly and Oli would've been smiling, had he not felt so confused.
He knew how to deal with the other man when he was being nasty and arrogant..he didn't understand this new guy and it scared him, because he was starting to like him far more than he knew he should.

Oli stood up suddenly, making Cam jump, and started walking away.
"Hey! Oli!!" He scrambled to his feet, slipping in the sand, and chased after Oli.
"Oli wait...." He pulled Oli to a stop gently.
"What Cam?"
"Why're you just walking away?"
"Because I can't be doin' with this Cam!!"
"What do you mean?"
"One second you're an asshole, then you're nice then if I start trusting you then you're gonna be an asshole again!!" Oli shouted in frustration, Cam shook his head.
"No. I'm sorry I...I didn't want to be nice to you when I met you but I actually like you ok? You're a nice guy and I'm sorry for how I acted before, I'm not an asshole either." Oli sighed, knowing Cam was being completely honest with him.
"I...know you're not an asshole, not really..."
"Then why're you angry with me?"
"I'm not!! I just don't want to be, you know...I just wanna go home." Oli breathed, sagging slightly.
"I'll see you later Cam." Oli left slowly, he knew Cam was watching him but he never turned back.

The guys all tried to poke their noses in as to what was wrong with him, but he just showered and went to bed.
He slept for hours and woke up feeling very disjointed, like he'd been asleep for years.
He was alone in the hotel room, and his friends weren't in the other room either.
He checked his phone, no messages or calls, and called Jordan.
"Hey." His friend answered.
"Hey where are you guys?"
"We're looking at places, we're at this really great house Oli you'd love it. It's right on the beach and everything." Oli smiled sadly at the happiness in Jordan's voice.
"Sounds fantastic."
"Yeah it is. One sec I'm just gonna go outside cause they're being loud."
"Alright." Oli sat down on the edge of the bed and waited for him to speak again.
"Sorry I'm back. Ok so what's the matter? Are you sick? I mean I tried to wake you up earlier but you were completely out of it."
"Oh, sorry Jordan, I'm fine...I think I just needed to catch up on sleep."
"I'll say. Did you even come back to the room last night? I mean, when I went to sleep you weren't back yet, you didn't stay on the beach all night did you?"
"No. I just came back really late."
"I'm worried Oli. You just got better. If you feel like you need to talk or anything just..." Jordan paused, he knew what he meant but didn't know how to say it.
"...I don't know how to say but...just talk to me ok? Or someone else I.."
"I will Jordan, thanks mate. And sorry, I'm ok, really."
"Ok. So I think we all want this place, it's not that expensive either, shall we come pick you up so you can look?"
"Nah, you might as well sign the papers and everything, I'll start packing up our stuff then you can come get me later."
"You sure?"
"Yeah."
"Ok then. Bye." Oli hung up and packed up everyone's stuff before going to get a pizza for himself.

As he sat in the diner waiting for his pizza, he slowly flicked through his messages and deleted the many texts from his ex-girlfriend. He felt a weighty kind of depression fall about him again and he knew he was in trouble. Just as he finished deleting messages, he saw Cam appear in the doorway and order something. He pretended to be on the phone, hoping that even if Cam did see him then he'd just go away and wouldn't talk to him. Much to his frustration though, the actor came and sat in the same booth as him, waiting for him to finish talking.
"Okay, yep....yeah no that's cool." Oli pretended to be talking and half smiled at Cam who crossed his arms, smiled back and leant on the table, looking at Oli and around the diner.
"Okay, see you later, bye." He hung up ruefully and sighed.
"Lee." Cam nodded.
"So, you stalking me?" Cam laughed.
"Must seem that way, but actually no. This place does the best anchovy pizza."
"No kidding that's what I ordered." Cam smiled, Oli realised that he suddenly felt happy and it made him uncomfortable again.
"Oh no, don't get weird on me again man."
"No, sorry I'm not."
"So have you guys found a place yet?"
"Yeah actually, Jordan called me earlier and said that they've found a place they love."
"You didn't go with them?" Oli shifted in his seat.
"No actually, after I spoke to you I knew I felt weird cause I went home and slept for hours, I might've had jet lag or something." Cam nodded, but they both knew it was a lie.
"Look Oli I-"
"Two anchovy pizzas?" The waitress interrupted us, we nodded and she lowered them down in front of us, pushing her small chest out as far as possible. Cam pulled a face at me and I laughed, she left us alone then.
"So anyway!!" Oli said after they'd laughed for about five minutes straight, Oli had forgotten how good it felt to laugh - really laugh at something with a friend. And he thought maybe that was why he'd felt so strange about all this, Cam could just turn out to be a really good friend, he was already turning out to be a good friend.
"Yeah, I was saying that..I know we'd kind of decided to loathe one another straight from the beginning Oli but...I mean I don't know about you but I don't think I can hate you, you know? I mean, you're a cool guy and I'd like to be your friend, I don't like fighting with people." Oli smiled.
"Me either. Friends?"
"Yeah." They shook hands jokingly and ate their pizza for the most part in silence.