The Resident Leader

Out of respect, I went to his grave. It was only right, after I had taken his life from him. He was buried down south, at his family's request. His family stretched back a whole century and the huge house where is mother and step father now lived had everything. The family cemetery was in the middle of a forest, but it had been forgotten long ago. The fountain had broken and didn't work and the garden had grown into a wild jungle.

His mother showed me the path then left me to be alone with him. His headstone stood out from the other tombs and grand designs. His was simple, just a little headstone by a mound of dirt. There were no flowers by his grave. There were no dates, no 'beloved son of...' or anything else. Just his name and a inscription.




"Uh, hey." I begun awkwardly. I didn't believe in life after death or spirits or Heaven or anything like that. Death is like slipping into a deep sleep, never waking up. What does it matter when you die? When you die, you're dead, you're asleep, how do you know you're dead? I was just talking to a stone with a name on it.

"Well, if you're there, kiddo, I'm just here to apologise. I should of done something to stop this from all happening." I said quietly, afraid someone would hear me, even though I was alone.

"Who are you?" A strange boy asked. I turned around, and a blonde boy with sharp blue eyes was stood behind me. A helmet was hooked under his arm, a bunch of flowers in one hand. He had a long neck and skinny frame, his clothes almost hanging from him.

"Jimmy, friend of his," I replied awkwardly. The boy sat down by my side and placed the flowers on the mound of dirt. "Who are you?"

"Lee, knew him since we were kids. The little Devil was gonna die young though, he never had it easy," He said sadly. His eyes were empty and lost. "I shouldn't of pushed him the night before."

"How old was he?" I asked.

"Nineteen, a little younger than myself. His dad used to hit him and then his mother abandoned him with his dad, before marrying a playboy. Poor kid never knew what hit him but by God did he try to put things right." Lee explained. He rubbed his eyes and grinned at me. "How did you know him?"

"He challenged me the street and his cockiness put me off him. If I had realised then he needed help and he wasn't as stable as I thought, I would've helped him. I wouldn't of given him drugs are make him attack that guy. I should of known better." I sighed morosely.

"Well he came to us the other night and told us he'd killed someone, maybe two guys and we were all so mad at him we just pushed him further." He gazed down at his feet. "Knew him since he was five. Nearly ran out in front of mam's car, trying to get away from his dad. So I got out and helped him calm down. His dad played it off, mind. He always got away with beating and raping that poor kid."

The forest fell silent again, and we sat there together. I didn't want to leave. I felt so sick with myself, for letting him and many others suffer. He'd had it hard enough as it was. The stranger, Lee, made me feel comfortable, less lonely. He knew Mirrorboy from back to front, and he helped finish what I started. Maybe we were both as guilty as each other. We both pushed Mirrorboy to that point where life seemed an unreachable dream that had consumed so much of him he was lost. His name - Ian Watkins - would never mean anything to anyone. He wasn't just a common boy from the south. He was Mirrorboy, the waiting unknown. Despite all the evil shit and the fucked up trauma that the kid faced, the man could've been great. He wasn't ordinary, he was special. And we took that from him, that spark of youth and innocence. We took his smile and his sweet little giggles, his charm and cockiness. We tore it all to shreds and left just a hollow shell, with no soul or personality or love. That hollow shell had no reason to continue existence and no one who cared enough. It was all our fault, we let him fade into black.

"We always followed him, like little lost puppies. He was the resident leader, like he was born to be in charge. Then one day he was gone, police were looking for him, thought his old man had finally killed the poor guy. They didn't even know wether to look for a body or not. We were lost without him, we always listened to him. Everything he fucking did, we did too. So when he came back, we were so mad that he just upped and left us we were so mad. I should've helped him." The blonde kid explained sadly.

"If this is any help to you, I gave him drugs, and in return I wanted him to fight a man. He killed him accidentally. I started all this." I tied quietly. Guilt is a strong emotion, regret is even stronger. Very few kind words could calm the horrible emotions inside this man.

He looked at me and smiled. "He was always so worried about his appearance, we gave him the name Mirrorboy," He explained. It made sense, his obsession with his fringe and the very 'emo' style. "You remind me of him," He added, looking down. "You seem just as strong willed and determined as he did. I can tell, it's all cooped up inside you but you're just like him beneath the surface."

A strange idea crossed my mind. Why didn't I do exactly as Mirrorboy did and move to a new area to start a new life? There were no relatives or friends who would miss me, and I didn't have a job other than drug dealing.

"What if I stayed?" I asked. The blonde boy looked across and frowned in confusion. "What if I take Ian's place?"

He grinned again and thumped me on the shoulder. "It'd be great, it sure would fill the gap."

"Well I'll see what I can do. It's alright here, a little quiet but I can live with that. I'll try and get back here as soon as I can." I agreed with a grin.

Lee stared sadly at the grave before us. He hadn't just lost a leader, he'd lost his best friend.