All That I've Got

“Frankie, you awake?”

The voice warmed the darkness, and shook Frank from sleep. His eyes cracked open to Gerard’s room and the moonlight patterned carpet.

Wrapped in blankets, Frank turned around in the too-small bed so that he faced Gerard, who the voice belonged to.Through a cloud of sleep, Frank smiled. “Yeah,” he whispered.

Moonlight touched the outline of Gerard’s cheekbone and flared out with his messy black hair. Shadow mixed with the softness of his features, and Frank could’ve stayed in that moment, in between words, for the rest of his life.

“I just wanted to hear your voice,” Gerard’s said quietly. Under the warmth of the blankets, Frank felt Gerard’s arms snake around his waist. Gerard pulled him forward to close the centimeters of space between them and Frank buried his face into the dip between Gerard’s pale neck and collarbone.

Gerard slipped one of his legs between Frank’s and Frank placed a kiss on the nearest patch of throat that his mouth could reach. He thoroughly planned to follow through, but his eyes were already slipping down like weights and it was so warm.

He’d been here for less than a week, but it was like home now that Gerard was with him. It was like their month apart and their lack of memory had been washed away with the snow that fell outside.

“Is this my Batman shirt?” Gerard tugged suddenly at the cloth on Frank’s torso and laughed airily into Frank’s hair, already knowing the answer. Frank kissed the patch of throat again.

Soon, the darkness snuck up between them and Frank was lulled back to sleep by his boyfriend’s breathing and the warmth of the too-small bed they shared.

-------

An hour or so later, though, as it always seemed to play out, everything changed. For the second time that night, Frank was tugged out of sleep, this time by Gerard’s body tensing.

“What is it?” Frank whispered, more awake then ever.

“There’s someone outside,” Gerard whispered back, and the previous calm of the room shattered.

Frank was pushing himself up out of the sheets in a second, tripping over things in the dark. When Gerard tried to follow, Frank held the other boy down with a gentle hand on his chest.

Gerard watched with wide eyes and sleep-crazed hair as Frank inched across the messy room to the window. Silently, Frank lifted up a slat of the blinds and peered through.

Outside the lawn was like a page of white snow, a blank ocean ready for the writing of the coming day.

He was about to turn back to Gerard when he saw the dips in the snow, close to the driveway and almost undistinguishable. Footprints.

“Gee,” Frank whispered, and Gerard was standing next to Frank in a second, arms wrapped protectively around the Frank’s hips.

Gerard spotted the footprints quicker than Frank had and he drew in a sharp breath, his pink lips forming a perfect “o”.

After a moment of stillness, Gerard spoke. “There’s only one person down there. They’re on the porch and-and I can’t really tell what they’re feeling. It’s too jumbled.”

“Is it the Jury?” Frank asked, his eyes widening to the point of pain. He gripped Gerard closer to his body, as if that would ward off whoever was downstairs.

“I don’t think so. . . anyways, most of the Jury left after what happened last September. I think it’s someone else,” Gerard’s voice was right in Frank’s ear and Frank wanted nothing more than to climb back into bed with him and forget the world.

Instead, all thoughts were interrupted by the house’s doorbell resonating through the halls and the sound of sleep being shaken off by the house’s inhabitants.

“Definitely not the Jury,” Frank commented, then laced his fingers with Gerard’s and pulled them out into the hallway.

Mikey met them in the hall, and flashed Frank his now- customary apologetic look, even though Frank had already forgiven him a thousand times for the last month.

Next, Mark found Frank’s side as they filed down the dark hall, and Frank tugged the boy to his side in a short hug.

Brian was the last to burst out his room, still shaking sleep from his body. “No one go downstairs!” he barked, but no one listened. Emerson was already leading the group down the elaborate front staircase, and Nate was flipping lights on as he went. It was the polar opposite of what everyone would’ve been doing a few months prior, when the Jury still posed a threat to them.

They did, however, wait until Brian stumbled down the stairs before moving toward the beckoning door and whoever was beyond. Brian fumed and tightened his bathrobe like a stereotypical dad who’d just caught his daughter walking in 2 hours after curfew. “You guys are lucky I don’t sense anything here, or you all would’ve faced my wrath.”

Behind Frank, Nate giggled and Mark whispered “my wrath” mockingly. Frank was glad everyone was taking this lightly, but personally, he sided with Brian. This wasn’t normal, and this was wrong.

Gerard tensed as soon as Brian began to crack the heavy front door open. Suddenly, Gerard’s body was in front of Frank’s and the door was open all the way.

Freezing air whooshed in, and it seemed to freeze over Frank’s bones and the younger kids’ laughter. Frank remained behind Gerard until the other boy spoke. “You shouldn’t be here,” Gerard’s voice achieved menace, despite its highness.

Frank finally unstuck himself and moved to see who filled the doorway and who had rendered everyone but Gee speechless.

In the hollow that led to the night, the warm light of the house leaked out onto the snow and illuminated the small woman on the porch.

“Mom.”

Frank’s voice broke, and he was outside before the word could even fully force itself out of his mouth. He wrapped his mother into his arms, and ignored the bite of his bare feet on the snowy porch.

“Frankie,” Gerard had come up behind him, and concern colored his voice. But for the first time ever, Frank didn’t turn to comfort his boyfriend. Instead he stayed with his mom, who was hugging him back with all her strength.

In that moment it didn’t matter that she’d completely abandoned him, or that she’d lied to him his entire life, or even that she was what was considered to be the enemy. They were just a mother and a son, somehow brought together again.

The cold finally got to them, though, and that’s how Frank found himself with his mom in Gerard’s lush living room. The atmosphere swam with tension and unspoken accusations.

Frank sat next to his mother on a cream colored couch, and Gerard stood at the sofa’s arm. He kept inching nearer to Frank and casting him worried glances. Frank really just wanted to draw Gerard down next to him for cigarette and sleep scented comfort, but there was so much more to deal with.

“Normally, I wouldn’t have even let you walk on our property,” Brian started, “but this is an exception. We all love Frank very much, and despite my every instinct to kick you out, I know you have things to say to him. So speak.”

Frank’s mother looked small and defeated, but she took Brian’s words without a flinch.

“Frankie,” her eyes turned to Frank’s face and she seemed to gather her strength. “I’m so sorry, baby. . . When I joined the Jury, I never thought it’d effect you. In fact, your father and I thought it would be a way of protecting you. We were raised to think people like,” she glanced around the room, eyes lingering on Gerard, “you guys, were evil. My parents taught me that they were the devil’s work, and that they would eradicate humans if not controlled.

But when you brought Gerard over that day, it was the first time I’d ever questioned what I’d been raised on. He was everything I was supposed to hate, but he was just a kid. He made me think of the Individuals I’d helped put to death, and how they were humans too, that they had children and had once been kids themselves.”

The room was silent and motionless. Frank’s mom pulled her jacket closer around her and continued.

“But what really hit me, Frank, was how much he loved you. I could see it in his every movement, in his aura and how he looked at you. Things that the devil touch can’t love as strongly as he seemed to love you, Frankie. And that was when I knew for sure that I was wrong, and that my life had been a mistake.”

Frank’s mouth had gone dry, and the words he wanted to say couldn’t scrape by to reach the room.

Just when he thought that he might choke on his own silence, a slender hand fluttered down to take Frank’s. Frank’s head shot up, and it was like he was seeing Gerard for the first time- months ago in a cafeteria. The world slowed, and all that was left was pale skin, olive eyes, and comfort.

Frank’s face was still turned up to Gerard’s when his mom began speaking again. The story had to go on.

“I never mentioned Gerard to any of the other members. I never sold him out, though I knew the organization was looking for him. Each day his name weighed less and less on my tongue as I sat through the Jury’s meetings. I was beginning to see the flaws and the evil being spewed during those meetings, and it made me sick.

I threw myself into my work, though, trying to compensate for my secrets and doubt. I thought if I became a more active member, less suspicion would be placed on me. I did anything that would keep the Jury away from Frank and who he loved. But it wasn’t enough.”

They all knew what had happened from there. Someone had found out about Gerard, and Frank’s life had gone to shit.

Words finally found their way to Frank’s mouth then, but they felt like fire as they moved off his tongue. “I believe you, but what I don’t understand is why you left me. If you loved me so much to go against the Jury, why would you just abandon me? And why are you back now?”

Did you even look for me when I ended up halfway across the country? Frank thought.

Tears glassed over his mom’s eyes, and they were the color of shame. Frank almost felt bad for speaking.

“I didn’t think it through,” she said. “I panicked, and I left. It was after the fact that I decided not to come back for you, Frankie, and I’m sorry for that. I figured the Jury would leave you alone if I did, and I thought you’d be safe here. But when they took you, I tried to get back here, but the Jury was catching up to me. They were mad that I abandoned my position, and that I’d committed the ultimate betrayal by hiding Gerard.”

Frank’s hand was numb but he saw Gerard’s fingers tighten around his own. He had no idea what Gerard was thinking, but he squeezed back.

“And then I heard that you’d been relocated, and my heart broke.” Frank’s mom went on. “I wanted you back, but I knew you were safer, baby. I trusted the individuals to keep you away from the Jury, but I’m still so sorry. Just know that I thought of you every moment of every day.”

The silence returned to the room when his mother was done speaking. Brian opened his mouth to speak after a moment, but Frank beat him to it.

“Okay,” Frank took a deep breath, “I forgive you. There’s not enough time in life for me not to. And I love you, mom, but from now on I won’t trust you. Do you understand that?”

“Yes,” was the weak reply.

Frank closed his mouth, feeling the gaping hole in his chest that had been there for months closing. He finally had all of his answers, and all of his puzzle pieces back in place.

Brian spoke then. “So you came here to talk to Frank, but where will you go now?” His face and words were stoic.

“You can’t stay here and you can’t possibly expect Frank to follow you to wherever you go. He’s an adult now, and while he can forgive you, I can’t. You endangered my family and my kin. And despite your lack of system data, neither the individuals or the Jury will have forgotten you so quickly. So where will you go?” Brian repeated.

Before the quiet could settle again, Frank spoke with his heartbeat in his ears.

“I know where.”

And those words were followed by a plan.

-----

After everything was said, Frank’s mom left and the house began to shut its eyes to sleep again.

The eight of them filed back upstairs, and Frank smiled as the weight of the world shifted from his shoulders.

As they all walked, Mikey held Nate’s hand, Emerson ruffled Mark’s hair, and Brian flicked off the lights as he made his way back to bed.

Gerard’s fingers were laced with Frank’s, and he looked how Frank felt: relieved. When Frank glanced over, the boy flashed him a toothy smile that made Frank’s heart jump. Knowing he’d be seeing that smile for the foreseeable future made it jump even more, and Frank couldn’t help but let a grin split his face as wide as possible.

Gerard giggled and then all the lights were off and doors were closing and it was just the two of them in the hallway.

Back in Gee’s dark bedroom, the shadows were warm and sleepy. Frank pulled his hand from Gerard’s so that he could move them to the taler boy’s wide face. Moonlight still played across their faces and Gerard’s lips were softer than heaven when Frank leaned forward.

“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” Frank said when they pulled apart. And hearing those words was all that Gerard needed to kiss back with his entire being, the replying “I love you” mixed and mumbled between their lips.

Soon they were tangled back on the bed, bodies moving and the future and fate hanging like stars above their heads.

---

It was December. In a year and a half, Frank would graduate from Snyder Hill high school. In the cool June air, he’d step out of the gray school for the very last time. He’d hug Ray and break Pete’s heart one last time, then he and Gerard would leave. Together they’d live in Chicago. They would move in near Alex and Natalie and the rest of Frank’s second family. Frank’s mom would move there too, and every day Brian would call them to ask if they were paying their bills and wearing enough warm clothing. Gerard would go to art school and Frank would work in music production, and in the windy city they’d color their world with every shade of every emotion, and fate would make everything right again.

The End.