All That I've Got

Frank spent the rest of the weekend alone in the house. His mother was called into work both days, and apparently wasn’t going to get the relaxation time that Frank had hoped for. He spent the time by cleaning the basement and eating family sized bags of Doritos.

He was having his before-school-smoke in his car on Monday, when Gerard practically smashed his face against Frank’s window. Frank jumped and knocked his hand into the steering wheel.

“What the fuck, man?” Frank said when he’d rolled the window down.

Gerard smiled his crooked, tiny-toothed smile. “Your second fact: you’re about to be late,” he said.

A look at the clock had Frank moving, practically knocking Gerard over when he swung his door open.

“Fuck, well you’re going to be late too, then,” Frank said as he rushed across the parking lot, Gerard on his heels.

“Wait up, Frank,” Gerard called after a moment. The parking lot was deserted except for them, and Frank had no idea how he could’ve been so spacey. Frank slowed anyways and let Gerard catch up.

“That-by the way- does not count as one of your facts,” Frank stated matter-of-factly.
Gerard looked at him from under his messy hair, lashes dark and eyes hesitant. Frank was about to ask what was wrong when Gerard blurted out, “I’ve been to thirty different schools in the last three years and you’re the first friend I’ve ever made.”

That made Frank stop, and while Gerard looked like he wanted to keep walking- and not stop until he walked off the face off the earth- he did too. While Frank stared imploringly at Gerard, Gerard kept his head down and his eyes on his shoes.

“Gerard,” Frank started, then thought better of it. Instead, he took a step and wrapped his arm around the taller boy’s middle.

Gerard didn’t waste any time before he hugged back, held breath whooshing from his lungs as he did.

After a moment, Frank pulled away a little. “None of that matters now, Gee, you’re here, so fuck everyone else that missed out, they had no idea what they were giving up,” he said, searching Gerard’s face to see if his words had made sense.

Olive eyes met his, and didn’t look away. Gerard’s mouth opened as if to say something, and then Frank was couldn’t take his eyes off the way Gerard’s lips were shaped or the light pattern of veins under his pale, pale skin. The world slowed down again and Frank knew Gerard’s aura was coming, but Gerard didn’t look panicked like usual. He just kept his eyes on Frank, and just as the world burst into color, Gerard lifted his hand to cup Frank’s face.

Suddenly, from across the lot, the late bell rang, loud and sharp and reality. The two broke apart as if they’d been shocked awake. Gerard’s colored aura fell apart on the breeze, and they hurried to their
classes without another word.

--

During the day, Frank attempted to shut his brain off, but it kept trying to analyze what had happened in that morning. Gerard didn’t exactly avoid Frank in between classes, but they didn’t talk either.

Lunch was its normal blend of Bob threatening to hurt people, Ray giving out disapproving looks like samples at the mall, and Gerard playing some kind of card game with Patrick.

Frank was stuck trying to stop Ryan from playing with his food. It was a disgusting task, and once when Frank was pretending not to be staring at Gerard, Ryan giggled and stuck his ketchup covered
fork to Frank’s face.

--

They had band practice again after school, but Gerard made his excuses to Ray about why he couldn’t come. So Frank gave him an awkward wave in the parking lot before he and Bob got into Frank’s car.

They both lit up immediately and drove to Frank’s with the windows down and the radio blasting the speakers apart.

Pete was actually on time, and they actually made progress for the first time in weeks. Frank’s voice hurt by the time they called it quits and went upstairs to fuck around in Frank’s room.

When Frank’s mom still wasn’t home from work by seven, they made themselves a dinner of microwaved ramen and whatever else they could find. They were eating on the couch watching
Survivor reruns, and Pete was practically on Frank’s lap when the doorbell rung.

Ray got up to get it, and came back into the dark living room a few moments later, Gerard right behind him.

“Oh, hey,” Frank said, trying not to feel guilty for having Pete laying halfway on him.

Gerard stood hesitantly in the room’s doorway, even after Ray sat back down on the couch. “I came to talk to you, Frank,” he said, “but it can wait.”

Normally, Frank would’ve jump up to hear what Gerard had to say, but he was too confused and Pete was unweildy, so instead he said, “Well then, you should come watch with us.”

Gerard came and sat at Ray’s foot and watched for a while. He declined all offers of food, until Bob forcefully pushed a can of Coke into his hands. After a while he relaxed, and in turn so did Frank.

Things got weird though, when Frank got up to call his mom in the kitchen around ten o’clock.
His mom picked up on the fifth ring. “Hey, Frankie.”

“Mom,” Frank said, leaning against the counter. “Where are you?”

He could hear his mom sigh through the phone. “Work,” she said. There were voices in the back ground, loud and harsh.

“At the hospital?” Frank questioned. “It sounds like you’re outside.”

There was a pause, then his mom said, “I’ll be home before midnight, Frankie. Get yourself something to eat, and don’t worry.”

Before Frank could respond, she had hung up. The kitchen was dark, and Frank could faintly hear the voices of his friends in the other room. He felt like his life had gotten beyond weird in the space of a week, and Frank wasn’t sure how he felt about that.

“Frankie?” a voice said quietly.

Frank didn’t know what he expected, but it wasn’t Pete standing ultimately too close and looking concerned.

“Are you okay? You look upset,” Pete said, managing to get even closer.

“Yeah,” Frank sighed, running a tired hand down his face. “My mom’s just acting weird.”
Pete caught his hand as it fell, and Frank’s heart stuttered when he saw Pete’s face. Oh, fuck, he should’ve realized.

He was about to speak when Pete was suddenly leaning forward and his lips were attached to Frank’s.

This should’ve been the moment that Frank freaked out, and pulled away, and stated his feelings for Gerard. But maybe, he’d known this would happen, even before Gerard had come to town.

So he closed his eyes, and tilted Pete’s head to a better angle, forgetting raven-haired rainbow boys for the moment. Pete pressed Frank hard against the counter, his hands curled in the back on Frank’s shirt and mouth forming words against Frank’s mouth in the best way.

And then, as the cliche goes, they heard someone clear their throat in the doorway. Pulling apart, Frank’s brain stayed off for a moment as he gazed at Pete. Then it immediately started firing “freak out” notices, when Frank looked over to see Ray, Bob and Gerard huddled in the kitchen’s entrance.

Ray’s look wasn’t his default one this time, it was genuine and concerning. Bob looked, well, like Bob- kinda confused and distant. Gerard’s face looked. . . crushed.

And that was the look that froze Frank’s heart in his throat, and his face in its shocked expression, even as the rest of the world snapped into motion.

“We’re heading out, Frank,” Ray said, gesturing to everyone behind him.

Pete nestled closer to Frank where they were still twisted up with each other. “I’m gonna stay here for awhile,” he said, and Frank just sort of nodded.

Ray nodded, and put his arm casually around mute-Gerard’s shoulders, leading the other boy out of the kitchen and toward the front door. Neither he or Gerard gave Frank another look, and Gerard’s eyes were so dark they looked black in the kitchen’s lighting. Bob followed them with a wave.

Frank was still frozen when the front door slammed, and the house was quiet. Pete finally lifted his head from Frank’s shoulder and gazed up at Frank imploringly. When Frank didn’t look back, Pete’s breath whooshed from his chest and he stepped back from Frank’s limp arms.

“You didn’t mean it,” Pete said in an almost whisper. And now his face was crushed, too.

Frank’s body woke up suddenly, and he reached for Pete. Pete looked like he was going to pull away, but he didn’t- he just let Frank grab his shoulders and pull him a bit closer. He would’ve wanted this before. But now. . . all he could see when he looked at anyone was a boy with a pretty face and a crooked smile and a love for life and a sketchy past. A mystery that Frank needed time to puzzle out.

“Listen, Pete,” Frank said, “If that- if that had happened a week ago, I wouldn’t have hesitated to take you upstairs or date you or whatever you would’ve wanted from me. But now, things are different, and I just can’t be with you like that- at least not right now.”

He searched Pete’s face, praying and praying as hard as he could that his best friend would understand. Pete’s face was still crushed, but Frank could see he had put on his brave face. Pete stepped back from Frank’s grasp, and nodded so slightly it was Frank almost missed it.

“Okay, Frank. I’m not afraid to say I love you enough to give you time. But I’m not stupid, Frankie, and I won’t sit around waiting for you,” Pete said with a firm look. Then he turned on his heel and walked away without a look back.

It felt a bit like Frank’s heart was being pulled after Pete, but he didn’t let himself chase after him. He
wouldn’t play Pete like that anymore.

When the front door slammed for the second time that night, Frank was left with one thought:

How many hearts could he break and mend in one night?