Status: Part I and II- Complete!

All That I've Got

chapter 7

Gerard’s P.O.V

Gerard said nothing to Ray and Bob after they shut Frank’s front door. His hands were shaking and he knew the rest of his body would follow suit soon. He walked across the lawn and got into Brian’s car that he’d driven over here without permission. Brian was going to have a cow.

Now the risk had gone to waste. He hadn’t managed to tell Frank how he felt, and it seems it wouldn’t have mattered. Frank was with Pete. Frank would not be with Gerard. Gerard felt so stupid for letting Frank in, for letting his first friend become something more in his mind.

Gerard wanted to cry, he wanted to yell and he wanted to find someone who would fix these cracks he could feel appearing in his heart. That someone would obviously not be Frank, and that made the cracks widen until he had to pull his car to the side of the road and get out.

He ended up on his knees in the grass of some road-side park, head in his hands. Gerard could feel his panic rising. He was stupid. And foolish. And he loved Frank. And his heart hurt so bad he had to hold his breath. Once he starting breathing again, it was too fast, and a full blown panic attack bloomed.

Gerard rode it out as best as he could without Mikey there to help, and when it passed, his head was empty and emotionless and he was so tired he didn’t even know how he would get home.

But he did. And when he pulled up, there was beat up Jeep in the mansion’s driveway, and Gerard’s heart stopped.

The car was empty, so Gerard ghosted up the walkway and paused before he opened the elaborate front door.

Everything in Gerard’s brain was on slow-motion until he walked into the sitting room and saw Frank perched on the couch across from Brian, Emerson and the boys.

All the eyes went to Gerard, but Gerard was only looking at Frank. His confusion must have been on his face because Emerson said, “He came to see you.”

She turned to Frank again, “I’ve seen you before, but Gerard never introduces us to his friends,” she laughed.

Yeah, because I’ve never had friends, Gerard thought. Then words were at his lips without his thinking. “Frank, let’s talk upstairs.”

Everyone looked a bit shocked by his forwardness, but Frank stood and smiled at the others before following behind Gerard to the doorway.

“Gerard,” Brian said from behind them, “we will talk about my car later.”

“Okay,” Gerard said, voice flat. He led Frank through the house and to the stairs. When they got to Gerard’s room, he closed the door behind them and they stood in the quiet dark.

“Gee,” Frank stepped closer, so close, and Gerard had to fight with himself to stop from interrupting.
“I really have no idea how you feel about me, Gerard, but I need to tell you now- before I lose my mind- that I like you. That I wish it had been you in the kitchen, not Pete. I’ve wished for that since the first time I saw you.” Frank didn’t look close to being finished, but he stopped for a breath, eyes closed.

“Do you mean that?” Gerard asked in the open space.

“Yes, of course,” Frank said, “I know I haven’t known you for very long, but I’d had one conversation with you before I knew I had to be with you. And I’m sorry it took me so long to fully realize. You’ve changed this town Gerard, and my life, for the better- I can already feel it.”

Gerard’s stomach filled with uneasiness, and he was glad Frank hadn’t said something like “there’s just something about you”. That wasn’t what Gerard wanted: his fucked up life fucking things up. He wanted Frank’s words to be real and genuine and utterly his. And it was that belief that made Gerard stretch across the heavy dark and grasp onto Frank.

Gerard brought the other boy against him, twisting around and pushing Frank against the closed door. Then, with all his courage and desperation he leaned forward.