Completely Undone

Cinnie didn’t think that her nerves would get the best of her. She inhaled and exhaled deeply as she paced around the room letting her mind wander into places where she rather not go. It was a stressful time hoping to be perfect and despised when she messed up. Gnawing on her bottom lip, Paty growled in annoyance as she grabbed her shoulders and shook her a bit.

“Calm down, Cin. There is nothing to worry about. It’s just a simple date.”

The last time she was this nervous was pitching her ideas to the company that she was currently signed to. There was nothing that she feared most than failure, she can dive head first into it, but when she didn’t come out successful it took a lot out of her.

This was just like any other time. Yes they have known each other for a few years now, but did they really know each other? Cinnie recognized that Tom didn’t know as much as he wanted to know. He would do or say the wrong things when she was in a difficult situation leaving them awkward.

Cinnie jumped in surprised when the doorbell rang. Gripping her hands tightly together, she didn’t see Paty rolling her eyes as she pushed the shy girl towards the front door. “Go answer it.” Instinctively, Cinnie dug her heels into the floor before she almost collided with the door. Her hands stopped her from damaging herself or the property of Paty’s.

Taking another deep breath she patted her hair down to make sure that not a hair was out of place. Opening the door with a shaky breath, it hitched when she saw Tom standing there with a huge smile on his face. He was dressed in casual clothes or as casual as he got. A button up shirt with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows and dark pants that she couldn’t tell the material by just looking at them.

A small gasp left her lips when she felt something soft and prickly pressed against her cheek. She realized it was Tom’s lips and when she felt his stubble she took a step back in surprise at the touch. Tom’s close distance made her feel uncomfortable and she hoped that he could see it, but sadly he didn’t.

He was covered in happiness as he stroked her cheek lovingly, “You look stunning, love. Are you ready to go?”

She nodded shyly, waving at Paty before heading off with Tom. Their arms were linked as they strolled towards the parking space. “I decided to have our date in my flat. There won’t be anyone around, no paparazzi, no fans, just us.” Cinnie was grateful that he was taking this all into consideration. It wasn’t that she was ashamed of walking around with him; she just didn’t want to be thrusted into the spotlight too soon. They just started dating and she was rather shy around random strangers especially strangers with cameras and a cold personality to boot.

“It’s perfect.” She breathed out; her heart skipped a beat when he opened the car door for her like the gentleman he is before walking over to his side once she was comfortable. The tension in her body made her aggravated. Why was she so tense? On her birthday, she acted so natural around Tom and was herself, but once their feelings are out in the open she reverted back into her shell.

Shouldn’t it be the complete opposite?

Furrowing her brows in confusion upon her actions, she didn’t see Tom lacing his fingers with hers. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze letting her know that he was there. “Don’t be nervous. It’s just me.” Those words calmed her down somewhat, but she wasn’t completely relaxed like she wanted to.

Subconsciously, her thumb started to rub circles on his hand to break the ice. Cinnie started asking questions about his day when he left and tried to keep their date alive. It would be embarrassing if the date was over before it started. She didn’t want to get emotional either for not being herself and as the minutes rolled on by, Tom’s nature easily brought her back to her chatty self.

She laughed and teased him like she always did. Poking his side as they entered his flat with their hands still intertwined, she was so focused on the conversation she didn’t realize her hand instantly clasped onto his once more when they were side by side.

When they entered the flat, Cinnie paused in awe as she saw his dining room table decorated for their meal. A small tug pulled her back into her mind seeing Tom with his arm stretched back still holding onto her hand. “Well, what do you think?” He subconsciously asked; he was secretly seeking for her approval. Tom wanted to know if he went too far or didn’t go far enough for his date with Cinnie.

He wanted to make it special. After all, he fancied her for so long he has yet to grasp that she could belong to him if he played his cards right. The small shy approving smile lit his heart, her boots echoed towards him before he was received a loving hug.

“It’s wonderful.”

He didn’t think it would take so much to please her, but only because he had no idea what she preferred. When he realized that he had no clue what she liked or what she shied away from he panicked. The logical side of him had him start with something small before going for something grand. He wanted to shower her with all the love in the world, give her the grandest of things to show that he was mad over her, but he didn’t want to get ahead of himself.

The weakness of his heart, he got ahead of himself having women fleeing before their romance even started. Cinnie would easily run if he did the things he wanted to do. When their dinner went as planned, he smiled to himself that she was enjoying herself.

Tom laughed until he was red in the face at her jokes and laughed even harder when her drink spilled from her nose. Laughter and joy spread across the room as they moved their banter onto the cushioned floor of his entertainment room. Leaning against the couch, Tom grinned down at Cinnie as he laced his hand with hers loving the feel of her warmth.

As Cinnie’s laugh filled the room Tom couldn’t help looking at her with amusement. Their silence surrounded them until she spontaneously started to laugh. “What’s so funny?” He chuckled lightly watching her nose crinkle in delight.

“I was just thinking how sad it was to think that I was nervous going on this date with you. I nearly had a panic attack. I should have known that it would be alright, I always psych myself out before anything big happens only to see it wasn’t as bad as I thought.”

In all truth, Tom was thinking around the same lines. He was stressed before their date not knowing what he should do. Whether he should wine and dine her indoors or outdoors or if he should pull back on his displays of affection or if he can kiss her whenever he wanted. Sometimes he felt like he needed her permission still.

“It’s not sad at all. I’m glad you came through.” He was aware of her runaway tactics. Her nerves would get the best of her and she would run before anything ever started. She almost ran when she had her meeting with the book deal and luckily Tom convinced and encouraged her to take the risk. To go through with it and if it didn’t work out then there was something better to come along.

Tom wanted to look at all the optimistic sides; there was no point in thinking such depressing thoughts. Cinnie on the other hand thought of the worst before she thought of the positives. She was a realist and she thought of all possibilities.

“Me too.” She breathed out. “I haven’t enjoyed myself like this in a very long time.” Taking another sip of her beverage, she relaxed under the touch of Tom as the alcohol started to set into her system.

The man furrowed his brows asking what she meant. The stress lines settled onto her face as she elaborated on her up and coming deadline that her editor wanted to make. Mina was a tense and pin point woman that wanted the best from her writers. Cinnie didn’t know if she would make the deadline and her inspiration for the book was slowly slipping.

“I’m sure your writer’s block will come to an end. Nothing last forever.”

Cinnie nodded firmly knowing that her muse comes and goes as it pleases. She couldn’t turn her muse on and off whenever she felt like it. There was no control over something like that, but during this trip she found that she found a small muse to help her get through the rut. Hopefully. The book had a darker feel to it and being separated from Tom might inspire some of that darkness to be conveyed in her book.

She didn’t want to think about the near future. Her days of staying in London was coming to a close the day after this was the day she was to fly back home. Shaking her head she placed her head against his shoulder as they continued to talk, getting to know each other and surprising one another.

Cinnie was surprised that Tom loved adventure, he loved doing physical activities, doing zip lining and such things. She thought that he was a bit conservative for some reason, but to see that he had a more liberal side made her less tense. She didn’t mind physical activities, but she drew the line when it came to jumping off of planes and things such as that.

Tom didn’t know what to say when she shared that she loved to dance. Not once as he ever seen her dance. Usually she would be in the corner shyly looking at people on the dance floor or decline when she was invited to dance along with them. If she was on the dance floor was when she was drunk and she wasn’t really dancing, it was more of jumping and being silly along with Paty.

He didn’t know that she took hip hop classes when she was younger or that she was a part of a dance crew from middle school all through college. The way her eyes shined when she shared how her family would pushed all the furniture out of the living room and blasted Elvis Crespo or Cheyenne, dancing to their hearts content made him smile. He could picture the younger version of herself following her mother’s dance steps wanting to have the same precision, wanting to be perfect.

As she got older and graduated from college she had a tough decision she had to make and decided to quit her dance crew in order to focus on her writing career. It wouldn’t be fair if she couldn’t give her passion all of her time and he could see that she was saddened by it, but didn’t regret it. When Tom shared that he would love to see her dance for him he could feel the heat radiating off her cheeks.

He grinned at her reserved nature as she stayed silent not making any promises. Standing up he offered his hand to her, “Will you dance with me right now?”

Confusion written on her face as she muttered, “But there isn’t any music.”

Still she placed her hand into his, pulling her up on her feet. He pulled her close feeling her soft warm body against his. Cinnie tensed at the closeness feeling her heart beat a million miles per minute. She almost lost her breath when she felt Tom’s lips next to her ear sweetly singing under his breath as he took the lead.

Slowly they danced in circles, she felt clumsy being so close to him. She squeaked an apology when she stepped on his feet several times feeling embarrassed that she claimed she had dancer’s feet and yet she was dancing like she was some amateur. Tom continued to sing next to her ear taking in the sweet flowery smell of her hair. His heart rapidly pounded in his chest feeling good that she was nervous around him; it was a sign that she indeed likes him.

There were small fears that he liked her more than she liked him. That he was in too deep, but seeing her stumble only made him smile wanting to pick her up and cradle her in his arms, but he kept to himself.

“You’re a fantastic dancer.”

“Are you teasing me?” Cinnie questioned.

Tom pulled back as he looked into her eyes, “I would never.” Looks were exchanged before they grinned chuckling to themselves.

“If you keep teasing then I will just have to step on your feet again.” She teased back. Tom only grinned as he welcomed her feet on top of his. Her misguided steps didn’t bother him; they were dancing barefoot after all. Placing his lips on the crown of her head, he kissed the spot as he savored the moments they had together.

_ _ _

Paty grinned slyly when she watched Cinnie coming back the next day with a smile on her face. There was a glow about her and she needed to know the details. Cinnie gave her small details feeling odd sharing such intimate details with her best friend.

The meal, the conversation, the dancing was personal and…girly. Something that she didn’t really have when she was a child. She rarely heard stories from her female relatives of romance, she only heard of the fights her brothers, cousins and uncles got into or what girl they fucked that night. There were rarely any romantic stories shared unless it came from a movie.

Paty squealed in excitement as she held her friend close to her bosom. “I’m sooo happy for you! Why do you have the romantic things happening to you?” She jutted out her lip in a pout.

When Cinnie asked what her and Ben did, she told her that nothing, but their flirty banters and small kisses that they shared. It was special, but not as special as Cinnie’s. Cinnie reassured Paty that it could possibly be because she was flying back to the states so Tom is trying to woo her further while Ben had all the time in the world since he would be seeing her a lot more often.

The pouty friend agreed, but felt guilty for bringing it up. She could see that flying back home bothered Cinnie, a part of her wanted to stay. She could see it. There was nothing wrong with moving to London, but that meant she had to uproot her life and her editor might not be pleased for her to move to another country.

That could only cause more drama and conflicts in the schedule of meeting the deadlines or any meetings that were to transpire.

“Everything will work out fine.” Paty reassured, “There is nothing in the world Tom wouldn’t do for you. He will go to the ends of the Earth for you.”

Cinnie didn’t look convinced. It was still the early stages of their…dating life. No, they haven’t confirmed their relationship. They didn’t talk about it, again. Not that Cinnie minded she felt that if they did talk over it they would go their separate ways. It was simpler and easier if they weren’t official, for now. She didn’t want to go too fast in this thing only to fall flat on her face for rushing.

“I want to take things slow, Paty. I don’t want to rush things because I’m flying back tomorrow.”

Paty knew she was right. There was a sense of rush from her and she knew Tom was trying his hardest to slow down since he felt like he needed to condense every loving notion before she left. He could still fly out to see her and she could fly out to see him. It’s all about their schedule really. Tom was rising in fame and also acquiring films a lot more quicker than when he first entered the Hollywood scene.

It will be a task that Cinnie wasn’t looking forward to. The juggle between work and distance never sparred any relationship. Usually it tore them to shreds and that is what she feared the most. Them drifting apart and not having a real chance of a relationship, but they are going to try. She was going to give this a try because Tom is worth it. He is worth the risk.