Silence Says

Warning: Chapter contains sexual content.

Over the next few days, Toby started to gain his footing. What had seemed like chaos at first was not really so out of control. Two activities a day, one in the morning and one in the afternoon, five days a week. Three meals a day. Toby could attend, or not attend, whatever he wanted. With Noah's help, things were starting to feel safe. Comfortable.

It was nighttime that Toby looked forward to the most. It had become part of their schedule to cuddle up together after dinner and watch a movie before bed. They didn't talk about the way Noah ran his hand through Toby's hair or the way Toby curled in close and breathed in Noah’s scent. Something was going on between them, Toby just wasn't sure what.

The movie had ended ten minutes ago, but Noah hadn't left Toby's bed as he usually did. Somehow, now that there were no other distractions, Noah's fingers felt different in Toby's hair. More meaningful. They rubbed down Toby's neck and over his shoulders and Toby shifted further onto his stomach to give Noah better access to his back.

"You like that?" Noah murmured, his voice lower than usual.

Toby hummed an affirmative and shuffled until he lay flat on his stomach. Noah sat up so that he could use both hands to knead down Toby's back.

At first it was just relaxing, like most of Noah's touch, but Toby found himself reacting differently when Noah's hands reached his lower back. Toby probably should have told him to stop then, but it felt good. It felt really, really good. It wasn't easy to keep himself from responding in any way Noah could see.

In the end it was an involuntary jerk of his hips against the mattress and a sharp exhale of breath that gave Toby away. Noah's hand stilled and Toby squeezed his eyes shut. Fuck.

There was a long stretch of silence between them before Noah finally spoke. "I looked at your books."
Toby wanted to run away, but he wasn't about to roll over just yet. That would have made things even more embarrassing.

"I wasn't snooping or anything, I was just curious," Noah continued. "I just wanted to find out more about what you liked, and they were just laying out on your dresser so I thought..." Noah sighed. "Anyway. There sure are a lot of dudes making out in your selection of literature."

Toby clenched one of his hands into a fist and began rhythmically thumping it against the mattress, his speed increasing as Noah kept talking.

"I wasn't sure if I should say anything, but now I'm starting to think we should have had this conversation a while ago.” Noah paused. “Toby, are you gay?"

Toby wanted to take his fist and ram it into Noah's face. That would have been better than having this conversation. At least the anxiety churning Toby's gut was dampening his libido.

"Yes," Toby murmured into his pillow. By this point there was no use in lying. Noah knew.

Noah let out a long breath. "Okay. I just thought we should be on the same page here before things got awkward."

"This is before?" Toby grumbled.

Noah laughed. "Okay, more awkward. Sorry. I am too. Gay, I mean. Just so you know."

"Oh," was all Toby could think to say.

“You're so hard to read sometimes,” Noah said. “Tell me what you're thinking."

"Um. No."

"Toby, come on. Help me out.”

"I liked it." Toby moved his tapping fist to Noah's knee and tilted his head so that he could watch Noah's face. "When you were touching my back just now. It felt nice."

Noah spread his hand over the back of Toby's fist but didn't halt its movement. He knew better by now. "Do you want me to do it again?"

"Yes, but..." Toby couldn't keep himself from squirming slightly. "I'm not sure it's a good idea. It felt too nice."

Noah grinned. "Fair enough."

"With all this... With all these things, were you just trying to see if I was really gay? Or are you...?" Toby waved his hand vaguely. He wasn't sure how to finish that sentence.

"I wouldn't lead you on, if that's what you're asking," Noah said. "Everything I've done, I've done because I wanted to and it seemed like you wanted to too. If you feel differently about all this touching stuff now everything’s out in the open, let me know and I'll keep my hands to myself."

Toby's fingers tapped against Noah's knee. "Can I touch your muscles?"

Noah's eyebrows drew together. "Uh... what?"

"I wanted to, and I think maybe that's okay now. Is that okay now? Are there new rules, and they mean it's okay?"

Noah still looked confused, but he held his arms out away from his body. "Touch all you like."

His arousal subsided enough to no longer be visible, Toby sat up and contemplated Noah's form. He started with Noah's arm, fairly safe territory that he'd been able to lightly explore in their pretend platonic period. Toby beant Noah's arm, told him to relax it, told him to flex. It was strange the way the muscles bulged out with Noah's movements, firm under Toby's fingertips.

Noah inhaled sharply when Toby snaked a hand up under his shirt to feel the solidity of his muscles. Toby used his other hand to touch his own chest under his shirt, comparing the two. Toby could easily feel his ribs, but there was a layer of muscle padding Noah's.

"Want me to take my shirt off?" Noah asked.

"I'm not taking mine off," Toby said without looking up from his examination. "I don't have muscles like you."

"I wasn't under any illusion that you did. I like how you look. You're cute."

"You're cute," Toby said, though he was unsure whether he was echoing or retorting.

"You want me to or not? I don't expect any kind of shirtless reciprocation."

"Hm. Yes."

Noah took his shirt off in one fluid motion, his muscles flexing as he moved, and tossed it onto the floor. Toby had seen Noah shirtless plenty of times before, had even openly stared at times. It was different now, though, up close and with permission to touch. Not intimidating as Toby might have expected, just... Toby wrapped his arms around Noah's body and leant forward to rest his cheek against Noah's chest, half awkward embrace, half exploring the feel of Noah's body with his face.
Noah kissed the top of Toby's head. "You have no idea how adorable you are."

"This is science."

Noah laughed. "Oh yeah?"

Toby swiped his tongue out and licked Noah's chest. "Tastes like skin."

"That's a relief. So your science has concluded that I have skin on my chest?"

"Evidence strongly supports it, but there are no certainties in science."

Toby moved up Noah's body to his shoulders, exploring the muscles there with his teeth. When Noah inhaled sharply Toby paused. "Hurt?"

Noah's hand came up to rest lightly on Toby's lower back. "No, doesn't hurt."

Toby bit down harder, closer to Noah's neck this time. "Did that hurt?"

"Are you trying to hurt me?"

"No, just exploring."

Noah flopped back on the bed, pulling Toby on top of him, and it became very clear what effect Toby's biting was having on him. Maybe this new thing should have frightened Toby, but all Toby felt was proud. He'd done that. He wasn't sure where to go from here, though.

Noah rubbed his hand against Toby's hip. "Do you want to try kissing?"

Toby stroked his fingers over his lips. It didn't give him the same unpleasant feeling touching other parts of his face would have. "Okay."

Noah moved his hands to Toby's back but otherwise remained still and pliant, allowing Toby to take charge. The first brush of their lips was light, too light, so Toby pressed down more firmly. Toby didn't really know how to kiss, but as they continued he began to learn from copying Noah. It was more than just pressure, it was movement, it was pulling back and reconnecting. Slowly Noah urged Toby's lips open until Toby felt Noah's tongue against them.

"No," Toby said as he pulled back. He wiped the dampness off his lips with the back of his hand.

"You okay?"

Toby nodded. "Slimy. Don't do that."

Noah laughed. "From anyone else, I might take offense. Okay, I won't do that again. I promise."

"Okay. More kisses." Toby leant forward again and continued where they'd left off, no tongues this time.

The longer they continued, the more enthusiastic Noah became and the more difficulty he had remaining passive and still. Toby didn't mind. He liked the way Noah's hands roamed his body, stroking up and down his back and over his arms. He liked how, when he bit Noah’s lip, Noah's hips jerked up to meet his reflexively. Toby had always had to fight to have power over anybody, but in this arena his body seemed to know exactly what to do to make Noah's respond.

The way it ended, though, was just embarrassing. Toby didn't have the self control to stop when he needed to, to resist the urge to grind himself desperately against Noah as tension rose in his body. For one single, shining moment there was nothing but pleasure.

Toby lay still and panting, his face buried in the crook of Noah's neck. "Fuck."

Noah just laughed.

Toby pushed himself up and punched Noah's shoulder lightly. "Don't laugh at me."

Noah ran his hands down Toby's arms. "I wasn't being mean. I've just never heard you swear before."

"I'm going to go into the bathroom now," Toby said as he crawled over Noah and climbed off the bed.

"All right. You going to shower or just get changed?"

"Shower. It's sticky," Toby said as he searched through his suitcase for clean underpants. He still hadn't unpacked. "Why?"

"Uhh..." Noah's eyes roamed to the tent in his cargo shorts. "Wondering if I should wait to use the bathroom or if you're going to be in there long enough for me to..." Noah gestured towards his crotch.

"Oh." Toby threw the little pack of tissues he kept in his suitcase at Noah. "Don't get it on my bed."

Noah's laughter followed Toby into the bathroom, cut off only when Toby shut the door.