I'm Just a Could've Been, Would've Been.

Colleen was having some morning crisis and was screaming for me to come downstaires. I covered my head with the pillow until I was dragged out of my bed by my noisey roomate.

"Aurora! Someones here to see you." I sighed puling on a hoodie and walking downstaires. I was greeted by Corey surprisingly.

"Mornnin' love." He chuckled at my bed head. I nodded towards him settling on the couch across from him.

"I''m 'ere to tell yeh' about the secret show we want yeh' to shoot in a week. Its gunna be in whales at this venue." He handed me a note with directions and a pass to get in. I nodded as he explained what the set was and whomelse were playing that night. I nodded collecting the information.

"Right S' see yeh' then." He nodded then left. I grunted looking up at Colleen who was now dressed heading out the door.

"Oi! Where you off to?" I threw a pillow in her direction.

"I'm going on a date." She smiled her cheeks turning red slightly.

"With who!?" My jaw dropped. How the fuck did she get a date with someone when weve only been here for almost a week or two.

"With Matt. The one you guys call Vegan? He took me out for coffee the other day and we really hit it off." She smiled. It all made sense. I smiled and sent her off.

After getting dressed and smoking my cigarette. I decided I was going to explore Sheffield. I walked down my block opposite from Olivers house. I found a record shop next to a cafe. I shopped for a couple hours before becoming exauhsted. I settled into the coffee shop with a book I had bought. I was just about to grab my coffee and sit down when someone caught my eye. He had dark shaggy hair and olive skin. He was slightly shorter than Oli and was wearing a beanie. I noticed him through the window smoking a cigarette smiling at his friend. I grabbed my coffee sitting down in the leather chair next to the window. I tried to focus on my book but I could hear them fooling around outside. It was intreging and irritating at the same time. After twenty minutes of trying to ignore them I got fed up and started to leave. Unfortunatly they were right outside of the door so I had to walk past them. I noticed from the corner of my eye the one who stood out to me was watching me walk.

"Ay! Miss!" I heard one of them shout. I mentally smiled turning around. They both looked over to me smiling.

"Wha's yeh' name? Haven' seen yeh' around 'ere." The friend's thick accent rang in my ears. I smiled.

"My names Aurora. I just moved here a couple weeks ago." I sipped my coffee before pulling out my own cigarettes. The boy with the beanie quickley pulled out his lighter for me.

"Thanks." I smiled exhaling smoke. I got a closer look at his face. He was attractive to say the least. He had a bit of scruff around his chin.

"No problem." His accent was even thicker than Oli's.

"S' Yeh' not from england at all, judging from yeh' accent. My names James." The beanie boy spoke. I smiled blowing smoke from my nose.

"An' this bloke is Gus. He's no harm." We both laughed at James' comment.

"Nice to meet you guys." I nodded my head before finishing my cigarette. I bid them a goodbye and went on my way. After a few minutes I heard fast paced foot steps approaching me. I causiously turned to almost be knocked over by James.

"'Ere's My number, Give me a ring sometime beautiful." He handed me a scribbled piece of torn paper smiling. My jaw dropped slightly. Oli would've never done that sober. I looked at the piece of paper and back to him nodding and half smiling before I headed back to my house blushing the entire way home.I unlocked my door walking into Colleen and Vegan cuddling on my couch. I said my hello's and padded into the kitchen while Vegan walked over and plopped down on one of the bar stools that sat at the island counter.

"Hello." I narrowed my eyes at him. He waved smiling slightly. '

I placed my bag and coffee on the counter before I washed my hands. I watched his eyes graze over the counter at my miscolanious items until they stopped on something. I turned to dry my hands when I heard him clear his throat. I turned to see Vegan quickly looking away from the paper that was laying on the table. i rolled my eyes. He opened his mouth to say something but I cut in.

"Uh I have to go run some errands for Corey ill be back." I told Colleen and Vegan before almost running out of the house. I didn't want them to know where I was heading off to. They would want to come with me, because they wouldn't think it was safe. Honestly, I didn't even think it was safe. Not because I thought Oli would hurt me or something - that was not the case at all. I was more worried that I would fall apart without someone else there to help hold me together. But I knew that, at some point, I would have to learn to hold myself together without help, and this would be good practice. I was all nerves on my way to his apartment. My hands shook as I walked into the parking lot. My stomach twisted into knots as I punched the floor number in the elevator. I could hear laughter inside, even as footsteps approached the door, and as it swung open, I was greeted with Oli's smile. It was his real smile, the one I loved, and I hated to see it slide from his lips as he saw the expression on my face. I was desperately trying to remain expressionless, not wanting to give anything away, but I could tell that he knew I didn't come with good news. His scent filled my lungs. It smelled of cologne and some sort of cooking oil. He cooks? I mentally shook my head rid of those thoughts.

"Hey," he finally said, leaning against the door.

"Can I talk to you?" I saw him look back into his apartment before nodding, holding the door open further so I could walk through. The apartment was cleaner than the last time I was here. It was spacious but small in a way. Matt was sitting on the couch drinking a beer not noticing I had walked in the room.

"Eh. Matt could yeh' leave for a bit? Yeah?" Oli scratched the back of his neck which seemed to be a habit since I've been back in shefield. I watched Matts eyes dart back and forth between mine and Oli's. They exchanged a look before he nodded smiling and leaving. Oli sighed sitting down on the couch and turned off the TV.

"S' whats up?" He fumbled with his lip ring. I took a couple deep breaths before I finally got the courage to speak.

"I wanted to talk to you about the other night." I leaned against the wall slightly hugging myself. He nodded looking up at me. His eyes drawing me in like hazel pools.

"I-I didnt mean to kiss you. Okay? it was just, you werent listening to me and I thought it was the only thing I could do to try to calm you down. I dont want you to think too much into it." I finally looked at him.
His face fell. As if he hadn't already looked sad enough, now he looked positively heartbreaking. I wanted to tell him I was kidding, that I forgave him for what he did, that I didn't want him to leave me alone. But I knew I couldn't do that.

"I just need you to-"

"To what?" he looked upset. He didnt look angry. He actually looked sad. On one side I knew that I really didn't want him to leave me alone, But on the other I needed to get past this. The relationship wasnt good. I dont even think I could call it that.

"I-I cant do this game of back and forth, back and forth. Trying and then not trying. I cant keep letting myself fall in your trap. I just want you to leave me alone for a while." I exhaled the breath that I hadnt known I was holding. I needed as much distance as possible between us, because he was frowning - not pouting, like he usually did, but actually frowning - and his eyes were sad, and all I wanted to do was be close to him.

"Because... I can't," he answered slowly. "I can't leave yeh alone Aurora." he whispered.

"Yes, you can," I assured him. "You can leave me alone. Just delete my number and we won't have a problem. I'm not saying you have to disappear anytime we have to be in the same room together, even though that's really not a common event. I'm just saying... pretend you don't know me. Like we've never met before, and you don't want to meet me." I watched his eyes dance around the room before landing on mine. I watched him get up and take a few steps towards me. He was now close enough that I could hear his breathing, shallow and quick. Close enough that when I turned my gaze from his chest to his eyes which held no emotion.

"Oli?" I breathed.

"Please dont ask me to do do that." His eyes bore into mine. I felt my heart breaking again.

"you need to Oli. I can't keep doing this. These games you play, they're ripping me apart!" I couldnt take this anymore. I tried to ease past him but he was blocking my way out.

"They're not games," he told me, leaning down to look me straight in the eye. "I'm not playin' this is me tryin' to be real. This is me really tryin' to explain - "

"I dont want to hear it!" I closed my eyes, I didnt want to look at him anymore. I couldnt without going back on my word. Not like this.

"I can't do that. I'm sorry." He whispered before pulling my face to his. I sucked in through my nose. I instinctly kissed back. I felt his arms pull my waist towards him and my hands found their way to his neck and hair. there was something about Oli I just hadn't gotten out of my system yet. His arms gripped my waist tighter pressing me into the wall. I moaned slightly before snapping back to reality and pushing him away roughly. My hand slapped my swollen lips.

"Dont do that!" I yelled. His hands flew up to his hair. Gripping the ends.

"Dont kiss me anymore, Dont even think about kissing me at all!" I started to grab my bag and walk past him. Oli looked positively furious as he turned to face me - angrier than I'd ever seen him. His upper lip curled and his nostrils flared, and his eyes had gone from watery green to dark, smoldering brown in that instant he'd had his back turned.

"Yeh' so fuckin' stubborn! Why the fuck cant yeh' jus' lemme explain myself?!" His hands balled up into fists. I swallowed trying to keep my composure.

"Theres nothing to explain! You fucked another girl and didnt give two fucks about me! I'm trying to move on! I'm trying to get ove-"

"Yeah Yeah Get over me? Get over me? Like get some shitheads number so yeh' can get back at me?" I glared at him.

"Dont fucking judge me Oli! You have no fuckign right whatsoever." I growled.

"Thats what I thought." he humorlessly laughed.

"You know what Oli? Dont fucking come near me anymore. Dont think about me. Dont talk to me. Dont even look at me. Youre fucking scum!" I turned walking to his door.

"Fine I fuckin' wont!" He screamed before I slammed the door. I basically ran to my car. I noticed Matt outside smoking a cigarette. I walked past him so fast before he had even a chance to say hello. I heard him call my name a few times until he finally gave up. I entered my empty house walking up to my room slamming and locking the door. I stripped down to a sweatshirt and some leggings, crawling into bed
right before I deleted Oli from my phone.

Finally I breathed before passing out.