I Breathe Alone Now and Wondering Will It Always Be Like This? (Save Me)

It seems I need someone here to mend and save me from a bitter end.

If anyone asked Alex if he ever thought he'd be sitting alone without the company of his best friend, he'd laugh in their face. Him and Jack were a packaged deal, JackandAlex, or AlexandJack. They were always together. It always felt weird when one was gone, even if it was for a few days. It felt like half of them was missing. But sometimes, things happen and life hands out a hard hand. Some things are inevitable, and you need to learn to accept it to be able to move on. But how could you move on from losing half of yourself?
Everyone tried to tell Alex that it was time for him to stop hiding himself in his room, that it was time to eat, shower, and go outside. That Jack would not want him to wallow and stop living. But Alex couldn't, they didn't understand. Him and Jack had a connection that no one else had. It was a once in a lifetime connection, and now it was gone. Alex was never going to get that back, he was never going to feel that with anyone else. Not that he would want to, he only wanted it with Jack.
Rian knocked on the door, hearing a grunt from the older male. Rian sighed, and walked into the room only to see the broken man staring up at the ceiling.
“You should come eat with us,” Rian started, seeing that Alex wasn't going to even acknowledge him. “We really miss you.”
“I miss Jack,” Was all Alex could say, before he looked at Rian. “But I'm not going to get him back.”
With that, the dejected man turned and walked out of the room, but not before he heard the heart wrenching sobs from the room. Rian knew that it was hard for Alex, and that Alex didn't really talk about his troubles or his pain. But Alex really needed someone to talk to, whether it be his friends or a professional, but Alex needs to talk to someone about all of this. Everyone was taking it hard, Alex wasn't the only one who lost someone close. But he was taking it the hardest, and it broke Rian's heart whenever he saw Alex.
Rian walked into the kitchen, seeing Cassadee and Zack sitting around the table. They looked up at him expectantly, but all his could do was solemnly shake his head. Cassadee frowned and instantly slumped, and Zack just sighed. Rian sat down beside his girlfriend, and took her hand in his own.
“He'll come around, we just need to give him some time. He did lose his best friend.” Rian said, only to get a glare from Zack.
“Are you saying Jack wasn't your best friend? Or my own?”
Rian sighed, “I'm not saying that, Zack. He was our best friend. But you know and I know that we were never as close as they were. So, Alex is completely shattered.”
Zack rolled his eyes, scoffing. “He should've learned, life is too short to waste it. Jack definitely wouldn't have wanted him to sit in his room and wallow and nearly starve himself to death.”
'Life is too short to waste' Rang in Rian's mind as he absentmindedly looked at Cassadee. She could die tomorrow, or he could die tomorrow. Life is too short to waste, so I'm going to live it the best that I can. Rian thought to himself as he gently held onto his girlfriend's hand.

Alex rolled over in his bed, grabbing his phone. He scrolled through his photos, finding photos of him and Jack together, or one of them doing something stupid. He wore a bittersweet smile, tears welling in his eyes as he saw Jack's goofy smile that made his big, brown eyes sparkle. Alex laughed, tears streaming down his cheeks as he looked at a photo. It was the photo of Jack's sexy pose from AP magazine. He took the picture and sent it to Jack the minute he saw it, laughing because it was on page sixty nine, and he knew Jack would appreciate that.
Alex locked his phone, looking at his background. It was of him and Jack from a show from when they were on Warped Tour. The first time they were on Warped Tour. It didn't help the tears that were streaming down his face because it reminded him of how far him and Jack had come, just for Jack to leave and all of it go to waste.
If Alex had just told Jack to stay, that they'd work it out, Jack would still be here. But no, Alex was a dumbass that let Jack walk right out the door, and incidentally, right out of his life. But it was all so sudden, what Jack was springing on him, he didn't know what to do, or say. It made Jack even more upset, because he was so scared, but Alex was insensitive, and just stood there. He couldn't blame Jack for leaving, but he wished he didn't. Because he'd still be here, probably right beside Alex. Both of them laughing, goofing off like they usually did when they were together. But that would never happen again because Alex screwed up.
Alex wipes his eyes, before standing up. He walked over to his bedroom door, hand on the knob. He bit his lip, knowing that when he left this room, he was going to be faced with the knowledge that Jack isn't out there with the other guys, waiting. Jack won't be there, a smile on his face, his eyes lighting up the minute he saw Alex. Jack won't be there, he'll never be there. Jack is gone, and Alex just needs to accept it. But he really doesn't want to.
He let his hand slip from the door, before he looked down at the ground. He doesn't want to accept that Jack, his big, brown expressive eyes, or his goofy smile, or his crazy antics will never be in Alex's life again. They'll never make new memories, they'll never grow old, they'll never laugh together, or play music together again. Jack will never get married, have kids. Jack wouldn't see Alex get married, have kids, and be the godfather to Alex's kids. Jack will just be the person Alex will show his kids in pictures and videos, share the stories him and Jack should've been telling them together. How do you come to terms with the fact that your best friend will be nothing but a memory? That he'll be nothing more than a unknown figure to your kids? How can you just be okay with that?
Alex sighs, rubbing his eyes before shuffling back to his bed. He knows he can't stay in his room forever, but it's too soon to leave. Alex looked at his photo of Jack, “I need you here, to mend and save me from a bitter end. But you're gone and it's all my fault. I'm so sorry I let you down, I'm such a dick. I'm sorry.” Alex whispered, before slipping his eyes closed.

A few days later, Alex found himself looking at himself in the mirror with a black suit on. He looked a little worse for wear, but he doesn't care. He can't believe he's facing his worst nightmare. There was a knock on the door, bringing Alex out of his thoughts. Alex turned around, seeing Rian sheepishly standing by the door. He was dressed in a dark grey suit, and Alex smiled lightly at him.
“I'd say you look good in grey, but I don't like the circumstances.” Alex murmured, causing Rian to uncomfortably flash his blinding white smile.
“I know, but we've got to go. Are you ready?” Rian asked slowly, causing Alex to chuckle sadly.
“Can you ever be ready to go to your best friend's funeral?”

Alex, Rian, Cassadee, and Zack were standing in the foyer of Rian and Cassadee's house. They had just gotten back, a few people coming over to reminisce. Alex didn't feel comfortable with the whole idea, he'd much rather be back with Jack. But Rian insisted that Alex come back with them.
Rian flashed a reassuring smile at Alex, which caused Alex to roll his eyes before going and sitting on the couch. He heard snippets of conversations, 'What a poor dear, could you imagine?' 'I heard that Jack was with him before he, you know.' 'I heard it was Alex's fault.'
The last one kind of threw Alex off, but in Alex's mind, they were right. In Rian's, Zack's, and Cassadee's, they were wrong. How was Alex supposed to know that when Jack walked out the door, he was going to get mugged? How was Alex supposed to know that Jack was going to be stupid and stubborn with the guy? It wasn't Alex's fault, but he couldn't understand that. So hearing it from other people wasn't helping him at all.
Cassadee followed him to the couch, much to Alex's annoyance. She heard what the person said, and she sighed. “Don't believe them, Alex.”
Alex shot a glare at her, “But they're right.”
Cassadee smiled at him sadly, shaking her head. “They're wrong. It was out of your control, Alex.”
“If I just told him it would be okay, if I made him stay...” Cassadee cut Alex off.
“It doesn't matter, Alex. If you did that, if he did this. For all you know, it still could've happened a few minutes later. Don't blame yourself, blame the person who did it.”
Tears were filling Alex's eyes as he shook his head, “Why do I feel so guilty?”
“Because you built it up in your head that you're a monster for not stopping Jack.”
Alex rubbed his eyes, feeling Cassadee rub his back soothingly. “I miss him so much, I just. I wish I stopped him.”
Cassadee clicked her tongue, sighing. “I know, Alex. But you can't keep beating yourself up, Jack definitely wouldn't have wanted that.”
Alex just nodded, Cassadee still rubbing his back. “It'll grow easier. Just give it time.” She murmured, causing Alex to laugh.
“You can say that saying all you want, but time isn't going to heal this. It never will.”

A few days later, Alex was sitting in front of Jack's gravestone, talking animatedly to it, like it was Jack. He was telling him how much he missed him, and everything that was happening recently. Even though Jack wasn't really there, it gave comfort to Alex to go and talk anyways.
There was a hand on his shoulder, and for a second, Alex thought it was Jack. He whipped his head around, only to see Rian, Cassadee, and Zack behind him. He smiled, feeling his heart drop to his stomach.
“Hey guys, what are you doing here?” He asked, not because he didn't want them there or that they didn't care, just sort of random.
“Rian made us come here, we know you like to be alone, but for some reason he was insistent.” Cassadee said, shooting a halfhearted glare to the man.
Rian shrugged, “I had something to ask, and I wanted Jack to be around.”
Alex felt tears well up in his eyes, the fact that Rian talks to the gravestone like Alex made him smile. It was so sweet, and it just made Alex want to hug to man and cry.
“So ask,” Alex said. “Jack's listening.”
Rian turned to Cassadee, “It isn't really a question for Jack, but I wanted Jack to be present for it.”
Cassadee raised an eyebrow, and Alex just sat beside the stone, a grin on his face.
Rian got down on one knee in front of Cassadee, pulling a velvet box out of his pocket. Cassadee's hand flew to her mouth, covering her gasp.
“Cassadee, I realised just how short life really is, and just. I love you so much, Cass. I want to spend the rest of my days with you by my side, I want you to be there for everything. Cassadee, will you do me the honor and be my wife?” Rian asked, opening the box and taking the ring out.
Cassadee nodded and whispered, “Yes! Of course, yes!”
Rian smiled, slipping the ring on her ring finger. He stood and pulled her into a hug, and Cassadee kissed his cheek. Alex and Zack cheered, smiles gracing their faces.
Alex could of sworn he heard Jack cheering as well, but he just shrugged it off as his imagination until he heard someone whisper to him.

“You don't need me to save you, 'Lex, you have them. But I'll always be right there beside you like I promised at Warped.”

Alex grinned at the memory, trying to fight back the tears. Alex and Lisa had again, broken up. Alex took it really hard that time, and was crying into Jack's shoulder. Jack told him it will be alright, that Jack was there for him. Alex just mumbled that everyone in his life chose to leave him, and Jack made Alex look up at him.
“I love you and I'll never leave your side. I promise, Alex. I'll always be right there beside you.”
Even if Jack wasn't literally right there beside Alex, he'll always be there. In Alex's heart, helping Alex along the way. So, Jack is still there to help Alex, and that's all Alex really wanted.