Two Worlds

(Link to the video in chapter)

I woke up the next morning to an empty room. I looked around and sighed. My bruises were still there. The gashes on my arms were still there (and beginning to scab up) and my mental health was out of control. The nurse walked in. “Morning Beth. Christian went home with his mum and your parents if you want to know.” She pulled up the little table and set down my breakfast. She handed me a little cup with some pills in there. “I know it’s hard but if you want to get better you need to talk these pills.” I nodded and took the 3 tablets and swallowed them down.

For breakfast, it was cereal with orange juice and toast with Vegemite. I smiled at the simplicity and began eating. I didn’t feel hungry so I barely ate. I played around with my food when I heard a voice. “You need to eat Beth.” I saw Christian but I heard Harry. I hid my face. “Beth?” I heard Christian this time but I was scared to look. “Beth? Answer me please.” I felt the firm hands of my best friend pull my hands away from my face. “There we are.” He smiled. “Sorry I left. I went home when you fell asleep. I had mum wake me up.” He laughed. I was so glad to see his face and not Harry’s.

He sat down on the chair beside me and held my hand. “Frank and Charlie are at work. They have asked me to make an article for the website about sexual harassment. I’m going to write it on you.” I looked at him. I wanted to smile but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. “There’s a councillor coming in today to speak to you. When she rang I asked if I could be in the room just for moral support and she agreed to it. So I will be there with you.” I hated being like this. Emotionless, Numb, unable to speak without the fear of crying. It was getting to my head.

I pulled Christian up onto the bed. The last thing I wanted to be was away from him. He gave me protection, safety and comfort. He put both his arms around me. “I miss you Beth.” He whispered in my ear. I felt my tears bubble up in my eyes. He knew I was going to cry so he hugged me tighter. I felt so safe in his arms. I didn’t realise but I just let it out. I cried into his chest softly. He only told me it as going to be okay. I knew it was going to be fine but I also knew it wasn’t going to be easy. “Beth, look at me.” With his thumb and forefinger he lifted my chin up. “I’m not going to let you get hurt again, you hear me?” I nodded.

He wiped the tears away with his thumb. “We are going to live together and we are going to enjoy it. You hear me?” His attempt to make me smile and laugh was partially working. “We are going to get the pets we want and we are going to enjoy life.” He crossed his eyes and poked out his tongue. For the first time in a few days, I smiled. I breathed out a little giggle which caused him to smile even wider. He pulled me in for a bear hug and I hugged him back. “Excuse me, is this Beth’s room?” We both turned around to see a woman. She wore the casual jeans and a nice floral shirt. We both nodded and the lady walked in.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Amber.” We shook her hand. She sat down and got out a little notebook. “Any progress at all?” She asked Christian. He smiled. “I literally just got her smiling then.” He kept his arm around me and I smiled, showing my teeth. “Well that’s brilliant!” Amber cheered. It was a genuine smile but I know that some aspects of the smile were fake. Christian knew it as well. Amber began the session. “So Beth, tell me a little bit about you.” I went on to explain to Amber where I grew up; from my mother dying to right now. Amber’s face looked solemn. “Well at least there are good moments to balance the bad.” She smiled.

I understood what she had said, but that didn’t stop the fact that I was still hurting, inside and out. Christian was still holding my hand and I was weakly returning the gesture. The session ended in an hour and a half; it went for too long I thought. All I wanted was to go home and settle down without a beeping noise surrounding me.