Questions

By graduation Jack and Alex were officially a couple and talking more and more about the future. Sure they hadn't been dating long at all but it was obvious to both of them that their feelings were stronger than just a like. Luckily they'd both been accepted into two of the same schools and still had a few weeks to accept their admissions. So it was obvious that they'd both accept the better of the two so that they could be close to each other. Rian and Cassedee on the other hand weren't so lucky, who had also started dating but they were going to schools on opposite ends of the state. Jack quite honestly felt terrible for them, but he tried to look on the bright side that they'd all have the summer to spend time together without responsibilities.

Jack sighed as he turned his head to look out the window. Alex was driving him to the private beach again this time for their senior classes party. He really didn't know why he agreed to this, their graduation had been two days ago so technically it was dumb to have a party now. But he guessed he'd just go with it since Alex had looked so happy when he was talking about going. Apparently the entire football team would be there along with all of their friends. Which quite obviously made Jack sit on edge, but he guessed he'd be fine since Alex was there. Besides the older boy had promised to stay by his side and keep close for the night and he knew that Alex was good for his word. Even if he wasn't Rian and Cassadee would be there too ; of whom Jack was still getting used to but she was patient with him so there was no rush.

...

"Hey Jack, wanna put something in the bonfire?" Alex asked from where he sat next to the younger boy on a log. They'd only been at the party for half an hour and Jack was bored out of his mind. He liked seeing Alex interact with his friends, the way he smiled at each of them who passed by. Even when he smiled at the people he clearly wasn't all that fond of Jack found it cute, the smile didn't quite reach his eyes but he still looked genuinely happy. And Jack liked seeing his boyfriend happy. But that didn't keep him from wanting something else to occupy his attention.

"Why would we put something in the fire?"

"Its tradition. We're supposed to burn something here and the smoke from the fire is supposed to represent our futures...I guess it's kind of dumb but the schools been doing it for at least the past fifteen years."

"Its not dumb..." Jack said with a smile as he grabbed his boyfriend's hand. "I think it's kind of cute." He murmured, his lips still curved upward. "But I don't have anything to put in the fire." He said, face faltering.

"Yeah you do." Alex smiled as he took his hands from Jack's and put the younger's hand in his lap. He tugged at one of the woven bracelets around Jack's wrist and untied it, then he took off one of his own and knotted the two of them together. "See, these can go in the fire for the both of us."

Jack only smiled once more and cupped Alex's face in his hand for a few moments. He leaned forward and kissed the older boy after a long while of staring at each other.

"You're great, have I told you that lately?" Jack asked after he'd pulled away from Alex.

"No, but I like it very much when you tell me that." Alex said with a chuckle, leaning back in and pressing his lips against Jack's.
-

Summer went by too quickly for Jack's taste. Almost every day was an adventure with Alex, they'd go explore the city or simply have a movie night. Each of them had even slept over at the other's house a few times over the summer. Jack liked those nights a lot, he liked listening to Alex's heart beat as he drifted off to sleep. He also liked it when Alex would just play with his hair as they lay in bed, it always calmed him a way hardly anything else could.

But those summer nights were over and they were heading off to college. Jack in the car with his parents and Alex in the car with his own. They would all meet up at rest stops though for the seven hour drive to their school a few states away, so it couldn't have been that bad.

Two hours into the drive easily proved that prediction wrong. Jack's mother had decided to get emotional, crying about her baby boy growing up as she flipped through pages of his baby photo album - Jack didn't even know why she had it with them. His father was of no help only sighing heavily and cocking a brow at his wife every so often. Jack was pretty sure he was in the car ride from hell at this point. Especially since when he texted Alex about it all he got was an 'Lol sounds fun' in response.

Jack sighed heavily and took his attention away from his phone and out to the window. But a few moments later and his phone was buzzing in his hand, another text from Alex.

But can you really blame your mom? I'd cry too if I had to think of losing you.

Jack smiled at that and quickly typed a reply to his boyfriend. Even when Jack thought Alex was losing his charm the older boy was always quick to prove him wrong, but hey there was nothing wrong with that.

-

Late in the evening and they'd arrived at their university. All they had to do now was say their goodbyes and they would -almost- officially be in college.

"Are you guys really going to drive home this late?" Jack asked his parents as they stood outside of their car on the sidewalk.

"Yeah, I've got work in the morning. We'll call you when we get home." His father offered with a smile.

Jack simply shrugged in response and moved forward to wrap his parents in a hug. His mother seemingly taken aback as she'd been clutching his baby book to her chest.

"I'm gonna miss you guys." He sighed, already pulling away, looking over to the front gate of the campus where Alex was waiting for him, his parents having left nearly as soon as he'd gotten all of his things out of the car.

"We'll miss you too, sweetie. You're coming home as soon as possible, you hear me?" His mother said with a melancholy smile and her voice wavering.

"Yeah...I should go...I love you."

"We love you too, champ." His father smiled as if to give him approval to leave.

Jack nodded at him and grabbed at his various suitcases filled with clothes, bedsheets, pillows and probably more things his mother had packed than he would truly need.

-

Jack looked around his single with a smile, it was pretty nice if he said so himself. It felt kind of empty in it without another person occupying the space that was clearly meant for two but he liked that he wouldn't have a roommate. It eased a lot of his anxiety around his worries on dorm life. He could only imagine how badly it would be having to meet a new room mate and possibly never really adjust to their presence in the shared space.

He pulled his phone from his pocket guessing that he could check in on Alex. The latter had a roommate but from the looks of things they hadn't arrived yet when Jack left the elder at his room. He doubted that they'd arrived yet but he guessed it wouldn't hurt to ask.

Jack sent his text quickly before going back to tending to his room. In terms of decoration there was still a lot of work to be done so he set off to dig his laptop out of his last unpacked suitcase and search around for new furniture.

...

"My roommate is so boring, oh my god. I don't think I can live with him." Alex complained the next day after their orientation. The pair were in Jack's room, Alex laying across the younger's bed as Jack sad in the floor looking through papers from the school.

"He can't be that bad. Just give it time." Jack advised barely looking up from what he was reading.

"I'd rather have a single. That'd be so great."

"Sucks to be you." The younger mumbled now turning the page of the booklet he was reading.

"Shut up...hey wanna go explore the campus a little bit with me? I'm not gonna have much time after next week since we're going into pre-season training."

"You'll be fine, you balanced football all throughout high school, you can balance it now."

"Who said anything about balancing stuff? Jack, pay attention to me." Alex whined looking over at his boyfriend with a pout on his lips.

"Yeah, okay. What do you want?" Jack cocked a brow finally looking up from his booklet.

"I wanted to go look around campus, wanna come with?"

"Sure...but, uhm if there's a really crowded place..."

"I know, I know. I wouldn't dream of keeping you anywhere you weren't comfortable. Besides everyone's just getting settled in, not many people are gonna be out now."

"Okay, I trust you."

"Of course you do, now come on."

...

Nearly two hours past and the pair had made their way into town, sitting in a booth at a frozen yogurt shop.

"So...do you like the campus?" Alex asked before spooning some of his chocolate frozen yogurt into his mouth.

"I think we established that when we came here for the college visit. But the parts we saw tonight, yeah." Jack rolled his eyes, ignoring the slightly harsh tone underlying his sarcasm.

"Touchey but okay." The elder pouted, looking down into his frozen yogurt cup.

"M'sorry, wasn't meant to be rude."

"I knew that, just wanted to see if you'd say sorry." Alex laughed, his smile reaching his eyes which Jack swore made them a little brighter each time he did it.

"You suck."

"Nah, I just know you too well for your own good." Alex smiled again brushing his hand against Jack's in the table. "Now would it be pushing it to ask for a taste of some of the vanilla?" He said, looking down at Jack's cup of vanilla fro-yo.
"Why yes it would. But...I guess I kind of owe you for helping me out during that car ride with my parents." He said now returning the smile before spooning some of his own yogurt into Alex's mouth. "Hey, you never said how your parents were when they dropped you off."

Alex's face fell at that and he turned away from the younger boy. "Let's not talk about my parents, okay?"

"But...I mean they're your parents. Things can't be that bad, right Lex?"

"Nothing worse than when I was at home." He muttered. "Why don't we go back to your dorm? We have to get back soon anyways."

"Okay." Jack sighed eying the still tense expression on the elder's face wishing that Alex would look at him. Clearly things weren't okay with his parents but Jack knew better than to pry, at least not at that moment. Especially not since Alex rarely wanted to speak about his parents, Jack had barely even met them now that he'd thought about it. Each time he'd been over to the elder's house they either weren't there or on their way out. The one time he had actually sat down and spoken to them was when they were planning the drive to their school. But some things just weren't for him to nose around in, not until Alex was comfortable with it anyway.
...

Almost a month later and Jack felt pretty settled into college life. Maybe a little lonely at times with no one other than Alex to talk to but he'd say he adjusted pretty well. It wouldn't hurt to maybe try to make a new friend but he was fine with everything as it was.

"Knock, knock...can I come in?" Alex murmured at the open door of Jack's room.

"I don't see why not." Jack smiled as he looked up from his text book. "How was your lecture today?"

"Decent...I fell asleep actually. There was that party last night, y'know...I was up a little too late."

"You should have come back here afterwards, I was up waiting for you."

"I bet you were asleep by the time I finally left the party, next time you should come. They're fun." Alex said as he plopped down onto Jack's bed. "I know they're crowded but I've got a couple friends who at least want to see you."

"Your football friends are accepting of us?" Jack asked with a cocked brow, Alex had had a few run ins with the guys on the football team since they found out that the pair were dating. And they were nothing short of disrespectful.

"No, I'm a music major, remember? There's a group of theater guys and a few girls who want to meet you, I want you to meet them."

"I guess we can meet up with them sometime then..."

"Great, you'll love them. Hey, I'll walk you to your next class."

"Shit, it is almost time to go. You sure?"

"Yeah, no more classes for me until four. Is it okay if I hang out in your room though?"

"Of course you can...are you still having problems with your roommate?"

"A little bit. After last week's war on who had to clean the carpet after he spilled beer all over it he's not speaking to me. I'm sick of his stupid friends always being over too, I'm pretty sure the kids a weed dealer."

"Sounds like your kind of guy." Jack teased knowing that Alex would at least slightly appreciate the running joke the pair had about him becoming a huge partier over the past few weeks.

"Shut up." Alex smiled. "Let's go before you're late." Jack simply rolled his eyes and got up to meet Alex at the door.

...

"I'll see you later, yeah?" Jack asked, leaning close into the other boy.

"Of course, I'll meet you back here in two hours."

Jack simply nodded and pecked the elder goodbye before heading off into the psychology building.

...

As promised Alex was waiting for Jack when his class had ended. Sitting on the steps of the building but now with two soft pretzels in hand.

"Hey you," Alex smiled as the younger neared him, his crinkling in the corners which gave Jack the slightest butterflies every time he saw it.

"Hey yourself. Want to go out for lunch today?"

"Off campus? My next class is one in town and not on the main campus."

"Sure, I'm done with class for the day, we can meet back in my dorm when you get out, yeah?"

"Course." Alex smiled, now handing Jack one of the two soft pretzels and taking his free hand in his own. "Snacks first, we've got a long way to walk."

-

Jack tugged on his hoodie sleeves nervously, avoiding all eye contact, keeping his eyes on his feet as he shuffled ahead. He was meeting Alex's friends tonight and really didn't know quite what to do with himself. Of course he'd be open to talking as much as his anxiety permitter...which probably wouldn't be much. He was having a pretty bad day, he could usually at the least speak to professors before or after class but today despite needing to speak with one of them he quickly left her class instead of staying behind. He was quite disappointed in himself for it too, he'd just began to get better, or at least have a bit more control when it came to following through. Now the grip he had was quickly slipping.

"Jay! Over here!" None other than Alex shouted from the corner of the small cafe. It wasn't all that crowded but it was enough to make Jack feel as though he was sinking into the crowd of people. He made his way towards the table his boyfriend was seated at. There were four or five people sitting with him, Jack couldn't be bothered to actually count them all out. Partly because he didn't feel like it and partly because he still couldn't lift his eyes from the ground without feeling insecure.

"Hey." He mumbled as he took the seat next to his boyfriend, lacing their fingers together beneath the table.

"Guys this is Jack...Jack, these are my friends. Anna, Jeremy, Patrick, Cherry, and Margarita." Alex introduced everyone, going around the table. Jack was barely able to look up at all of them, just flashing a quick smile before downcasting his gaze once more to look at his and Alex's intertwined fingers.

...

"So...what'd you think of everyone?" Alex asked from where he lay on Jack's bed as the younger left his personal bathroom.

"They were nice...I wasn't too bad was I?"

"No, they understood it. You're not having the best week either."

"You're right. I'm not having the best week." He sighed as he lay on the bed next to Alex, tucking himself underneath his boyfriend's arm. "Hey...you remember the prom after-party?"

"Of course I do...we had our first kiss there. What about it?"

"Well, when Zack talked to me he said you had really bad anxiety before too...why don't you ever talk about it?"

Alex didn't say anything for a long while, still holding onto Jack, his grip loosening significantly though. "I don't know...It's weird for me to go back into who I was. I mean if you want to know anything about it..."

"M'just wondering...Do you mind telling me about it?"

"Course not...Well, I never had any super bad anxiety up until middle school. I decided I wanted to sing...so I took lessons and eventually there was a talent show, I'd never sang in front of a crowd before, but I signed up for it..." Alex finished his story nearly a full fifteen minutes later, sighing heavily. "I don't know why I never brought it up with you before, I guess that was a kind of major thing to leave out."

"Yeah, a little bit...I, uhm, I don't know ...is that the only reason you started going out with me?" Jack stammered, feeling his palms begin to sweat.

"Jack. You know I wouldn't do that. Honestly the first day I sat with you guys at lunch I'd just gotten into a fight with the rest of the team, I don't even remember what it was bout now, and then...I don't know. Just the more I started talking to you, even when you would only say like barely a sentence, I just wanted to hear more. I wanted to know you. Anxiety had nothing to do with that." Jack nodded and turned over to face Alex. The older boy smiled , moving his hand to put a finger beneath Jack's chin. "I love you...and I love you for who you are, okay?"

Jack nodded, blushing brightly not sure how to even respond. Loving someone in the context he and Alex were in...well that was a pretty big deal, at least to him.

"Hey, I don't expect you to say it back. Just know that the feelings are there, alright?"

"Y-yeah." The brunette mumbled."

-

A few months later and the semester was coming to an end, many of Jack's classes decreasing in size which came as a relief to him. The less people he had to be around the easier his anxiety was to manage. It still wasn't a walk in the park but it was better than it'd been in quite awhile.

Jack walked back from class to his dorm, taking the long route not wanting to go back quite yet. He knew Alex would be waiting for him there and though they were better than ever he couldn't help but have his days where he needed space. Even from the older boy.

Half an hour late and Jack was finally stepping through his door finding Alex sprawled out on his bed reading a book.

"Hey." Jack said softly, making his presence known.

"Hey Jack. You're late, we've got dinner reservations tonight."

"Oh...I forgot about those. We can leave now, I'm ready."

"Okay, we still have enough time to walk if you want."

"Sure."

...

They walked through town almost aimlessly despite having somewhere to be at six thirty. Neither of them seemed to care much though, just happy to have gotten through their first semester alive. Which was really a big accomplishment in terms of how they'd been trained to be afraid of the work load in college. It all ended up being much easier than any of their high school teachers had made it out to be. Not to say that it wasn't difficult at times, it just didn't live up to the terrifying reputation every adult in their pasts had given it.

"This is the place, Jay." Alex interrupted their chatter, stopping in front of a restaurant with string lights hanging from the awning, hanging green vine like plants covering the window. Something about this place felt familiar to Jack despite never being there before.

He let Alex lead him into the restaurant, taking in the scenery. For it to have been a restaurant it felt home, almost lived-in.

Jack had become so lost in just observing everything he barely noticed the hostess showing them to their table or Jack tugging on his hand.

They were seated in a booth, Jack taking one side and Alex taking the other, more hanging lights were above them almost making the tiles of the table shimmer and reflect blue onto their clothes.

"You picked a good place...why'd you get reservations though? It's empty."

Alex shrugged and smiled at his boyfriend. "I like to make sure..and I may or may not have just known that Thursdays are slow days for them especially between the hours of six or seven, they're really popular during lunch." His smile widened. "I may or may have stalked this place for a couple weeks."

"Aw, for me?" Jack teased.

"Yeah, just for you. You're worth the trouble Barakat."

"Glad to know you think so." He grinned back looking into Alex's eyes. Loving how they made him feel whenever he caught them staring at him, like pools of whiskey. Which would be his drink of preference if it made him feel the way he felt when Alex looked at him, as though he was floating...he could do anything when he had Alex looking at him the way he was right now. "So why are we out tonight?"

"We're celebrating. We made it through the first semester...and I may or may not also have a surprise for you."

"Really now? What is it?"

"It's a secret...I'll tell you after we eat."

Jack nodded deciding he could live with that.

...

"To us!" Alex toasted, raising his nearly empty glass of water, clinking it against Jack's. "And to next semester with new roommates."

"New roommates? You're moving to a new dorm? Thats awesome, Lex!" Jack smiled at his boyfriend, putting a hand over his on top of the table.

"Yeah, I got it approved by the dean...I just need your approval and to know which side of the room I get to take."

"Wait...which side of the room you get to take? You've lost me."

"I explained to the dean that we know each other and you've still got clearance for anxiety but...you can now have a roo mate if you choose...that room mate being me."

"Are you asking to move in with me?"

"Something like that...what do you say?"

"Uh...yeah..." Jack down casted his gaze, butterflies filling his stomach. No matter what Alex still seemed to have that effect on him. Alex happened to be the one who brought out the parts of him he'd tucked away from the world...he was the one person Jack could be comfortable with in ways no one else would ever know him. Not even Rian, and they'd been friends as far back as Jack could remember...and that's what made him know. The final push for those three words, eight letters to leave his lips. "I love you..."

Alex didn't give Jack a chance to back pedal the way he knew he would, the way he always did when he was nervous. He leaned forward, over the table, pressing their lips together, placing a hand gently on the back of Jack's neck. A few long moments later he pulled away just slightly, his lips ghosting over Jack's. "I love you too."

-