Not So Hollo

The next series of events aren't entirely clear, but they were disturbing enough to unconsciously forget them.

"Fight! Kill! Live! Fight! KILL! LIVE! FIGHT! KILL! LIIIIVE!", I found myself chanting and screaming as I plunged several plates and my sword into the bloody mush that was the belly of the beast. I whispered weakly as my brain caught up to the fatigue in my bones, "kill...fight...live..". My body was drenched in the foul blood of the voracious eater and the salty sweat that had collected in every available crease on my body. I don't know how I had killed it, but I was glad it was dead. I think...but I was not sure why the hole in my chest felt so empty. Its death and blood had not satisfied my lust for vengeance. Nothing could fill that hole.

I stepped back and stumbled to keep my balance. My muscles shook and twitched from overworking in such a small amount of time. The noonday Lady had sunk into the horizon bringing long shadows and the usually welcome tint of oranges, but not today. Today the red and the oranges only pronounced the already red world that I saw.

My body collapsed after walking a few paces away from the carnage. I sat roughly on the ground to assess my damage. The Bright Lady shone hot on my back somehow warming and burning at the same time. The cold that filled my body during the blackouts was slowly being washed away with the pain of my injuries and the burning heat of the Lady's gaze. Bruises covered my body head to toe while a deep gash smiled from my shoulder to my forearm showing rippling pink gums. I tore a long strip out of the cloak of a fallen Patroller and secured the fabric to soak up the majority of blood that flowed in generous amounts. I count myself lucky it was only a surface scratch and not a puncture. The possibility of infection was high though with all of the rancid blood and saliva that dripped into the raw wound. It was sore but my adrenaline still ran at a dull numbing level. I would feel my injuries full force in an hour or less sure enough. I let out a tired sigh and looked at the other part of my damage. The beast.

Its body lay contorted in odd directions with broken bones glowing harshly against the black of its blood. Deep horrendous gashes tore into its normally scratch free hide. Its durable scales were sliced in half and discarded like they had been slips of paper. A thick soup of shredded innards lay against the blood thirsty ground. Had I really done that? 'No you didn't. I had to do it. You were weak and would have succumbed to a mere fly like this', the voice gloated in its victory over my senses. "GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!' I shouted through my mind and into the silent air as much as I could shout with a throat as raw and damaged as it was. Why would it leave me alone? Why hadn't it left already? Why was I stuck with a demon that was forever hungry for blood? Why?

Looking past the beast I saw that there were various body parts of unidentifiable people of the deceased Patroller team. Were they all dead? Where was the lady Patroller? 'She must've died too. She was a pathetic thing, so fragile. She fought valiantly, but it simply was not enough.' I didn't even try to silence my Other. Its power over my mind waned.

I looked over towards the jumble of bodies a dozen yards away. I heard a faint sound perhaps a moan. Could one of them have survived? A groan of pain echoed across the dry land to find homage in the only live ears there were: mine. I crawled steadily, avoiding the flesh of the fallen in the iron smelling battlefield. There was movement as I got closer, a twitch of an arm or neck.

I had reached the source of strained sobs. A man had survived. He looked strange clutching another man's arm. "Hey mister? Can you walk or do I need to help you?", my voice was hoarse and gravelly. The strange man flinched twice, once from my voice and the second upon moving as quickly as he could with only one uninjured limb. Upon closer inspection I could see that the arm he was holding was feminine with a small silver band circling the ring finger that twinkled in the Lady's light. I do not blame him now for acting strange. I had, at one time, clutched the remains of a loved one in grief. I empathized with this poor man.

"S-stay back. Leave m-m-me alone! I h-have a boy at home a-and I'm all he's got now! Leave me be monster!", he screamed hysterically with occasional stutters. His eyes were glazed with blood loss, but calling me a monster was a little harsh isn't it? "Get away from me! You already killed her, killed them. Just please go. Leave me be. I beg of you." He studied my face and blinked stupidly. I knew that I looked like a total barbarian, but he didn't look so great himself. "Y-you're one o-of the Children. Noooo, no, no, no. Oh God No! You've come back for revenge. For me? Please no. I- No please no." The man slowly broke down into loud wails that carried his voice in the wind. I didn't understand his behavior. His injuries must've been great. I mustered up all the energy left in my body.

"Hey, hey calm down okay? I'm not gonna hurt ya. You're obviously distressed and you've lost a lot of blood. I have to get you to a doctor, and I gotta carry you and that means you coming in contact with me." He struggled weakly as I held him down gently. "HEY! I know I may look funny coveredin blood and being puny but that doesn't make me a monster. You say you gotta boy, eh?" He nodded hesitantly and glared through bloodshot eyes. It was an odd mixture of misery and hatred. "Yeah well, the only way your gonna get to see him again is if I get you patched up right quick, gottit?" Every second the fatigue and pain was becoming harder to resist. I rubbed at my eyes to impede the growing darkness. My body longed to sleep and repair itself, but it would have to wait. I didn't wait for a reply as I found some random fabrics that were mostly dry and tied them the best I could to the stump of a leg and ankle he had left. Both legs were damaged heavily but I was no doctor. I secured squares of fabric to soak up blood and tied his stumps off amateur tourniquets. His legs were both missing large chunks that looked painful and upsetting. He would have to live (if he survived) without feet from now on. I was ignorant of his ramblings and whimpers for the sake of trying to keep him alive with my limited medical knowledge. I did not want to hear his pleas or I would cry also for how empty I felt about the murderer of my people being dead, and the lack of satisfaction I felt deep inside my core. I placed the silver ring in his hand after pulling it off the blood slick arm he had clutched so tightly.

My legs wobbled as I stood with the man on my back. It must have been an odd sight. A small blood covered girl with a injured veteran on her back. The gash laughed terribly at the pain it caused in every step and jounce I made. It leaked even more vital blood onto my already blood soaked body. My vision was zeroed in on the door to the outer wall with the edges of my vision slightly blurry and darkened. My body was detached from my mind as it flew ahead of my feet making me lurch and stumble more than once. I had to stop and rest several times, but I never sat down or lightened my load for fear of fainting and leaving a boy fatherless. I was only aware of the gash from one shoulder to the next being stung my the man's limp arms that hung from my neck. "Almost there", I whispered this while panting for dear life.

The darkness of the wall was welcome compared to the harsh burn of the Lady's light. I found myself favoring the darkness and mystery of night more than the burning clarity of the light. We sat there unspeaking for a few minutes when I realized that the town was probably unaware that there was one survivor. Hopefully they're smart enough to leave guards on the outer walls for regular reports.

"OI! The beasty's gone and I got a survivor that needs a doctor like right NOW!", I yelled as much as I was able to with a cracked voice and parched throat. I laid the man down as gently as I could with limp arms and sprained muscles. There was no reply, so I sat next to the man and spoke. "So why'd you say I was a monster? I don't feel like a monster. That big lump of devil meat over there is a monster", I said this lazily to keep both the man conscious and myself. My head was slung low between my knees, threatening to fall over completely. "That thing destroyed my home...I was taken away by the black suits and when I went back...Well I couldn't go back...There was nothing to go back to aside from the peck birds and corpses."

"I'm sorry. -pause- I'm so sorry. I was only trying to help the cause. I didn't want to, but you see (hysterical laughter) I had t-to! Ha! I'm just making up excuses now, aren't I? But you know what? You were the only one who resisted for so long, but you could not be rid of it completely. You knew the secrets of the Tower, but you forgot. They made you forget the secrets, but you forgot what you are. A monster." His body slumped and his eyelids drooped as if the very weight of his words had crushed him in two. I figured we were just muttering from the blood loss but damn if I said that those words didn't hurt. I couldn't quite comprehend about me being connected to the Tower, but I knew I housed a monster.

A small tear slipped down a dry bloodied cheek, stinging more that the fresh wound on my chest. "Why am I the monster? I didn't want to be. I never asked to be!" Silence and darkness filled the air. The Lady had retired for the night. It was best she go away now. I did not want her to see me like this. I almost succumbed to the darkness when I asked, "The lady Patroller. What happened to her?" I was not expecting an answer though.

I was startled awake by the man's sharp reply. "You let her die! You could have saved her but you let her die! That's the same as killing her! And that's why you're a monster. YOU killed her. you...", his sentence drifted off as I staggered dizzily to my feet. I covered my ears like I used to do as a child when my parents argued.

"No. No no no no no no no." I chanted this over and over again to block out his ranting of how much of a monster I was. I used every last bit of strength I had left to stand. My legs were stalks of grass trying to support a boulder. They would not hold for long.

"I didn't kill her. I wouldn't have killed her. It wasn't me that killed her, but I know who did and it will pay for what it did. I promise. I promise." I spoke no more. I simply walked away with as much dignity as a monster could walk away with. That was when I figured out that by carrying a monster within, I was a monster. I just didn't feel like one. I know that I, alone, wasn't a monster. I would prove that to my ancestors.

Monsters were meant to die. I would kill this one like I had killed many others.