Lilies in Ash

Phoebe awoke with a start from yet another terrifying nightmare; the same nightmare that had plagued her for years; the same nightmare that for years had become more and more vivid until it had reached the point that it felt all too real. Every time she closed her eyes the images returned to her, crisp and clear as if she were really seeing it. It wasn’t as if she were really living it, however; it was as if she was watching from the sidelines, watching as everything happened.

The world was crumbling around her as she stood upon a pedestal of stone, overlooking a world of smoke, ash and decay. A sheer gown of dark fabric clung to her body, billowing unnaturally in the hot winds that whipped around her as if the dress was made from the smoke that lingered in the air. From her forehead protruded thick, twisting horns which ended in deadly tips. In one hand she held an apple, bruised and blackened yet somehow still ripe as she took a bite out of it. A serpent of gold and green rested around her shoulders and twisted around her free arm, its head resting in her open hand, its forked tongue flicking out to test the ash filled air.

Beside her stood a figure shrouded in shadows, his gleaming silver eyes the only thing visible. They scanned the dead world around them with pride, pride that made her sick to her stomach as she watched. He held out his arms and, with a mighty roar, caused the land to be engulfed by flames. The smile on her own face made Phoebe wonder-as she re-entered the waking world- who exactly the man was and what he was to her.

For years the dreams had just gotten worse and worse, more and more vivid and more and more terrifying. She had tried to figure out what they meant but it was like trying to solve a puzzle blind. She hadn’t told her parents of her dreams; she didn’t want them thinking of her as some lunatic. She already thought of herself as such and having those who loved her and cared for her thinking the same was not something she neither wanted nor needed. She prayed that one day they would stop, but for several years her prayers had not been answered. Phoebe was beginning to lose hope.

She glanced sideways at the clock on her bedside table and found that it was only five in the morning. Half of her wanted to curl up under her blankets and resume sleeping, the other half knew it was pointless and urged her to climb out of bed and get ready for the day. Reluctantly she obeyed the more persistent and logical half of her brain and climbed from sanctuary of blankets and pillows. As soon as her feet touched the ground a slight shock went through her body. It was unnerving after the nightmare and it caused goose bumps to cover her flesh. Shaking off the uneasy feeling she turned to her window.

She opened the thick curtains to peer out into the town that surrounded her. The year was 2075 and the world was one giant disaster. The Final World War had destroyed most of the world, and that which had survived was surrounded by large stone walls to keep those within alive and protected from the horror of the reality that waited outside. Everyone lived in blissful ignorance of what the world was really like. Outside the stone and steel enclosures that surrounded the cities and towns that still thrived, the world was returning the wild place it had once been.

Walking from her room, Phoebe turned to the small bathroom down the hall and showered quickly before exiting and dressing. The world-though empty compared to how it had once been- waited for no one. She hurried out the front door and into the still waking town. No one roamed the streets this early in the morning and it gave the young, seventeen year old girl time to clear her mind and ready herself for the day. As she passed house and small businesses, she watched as lights flickered on and people began rising from bed.

A warm wind traveled down the street and blew around her, rustling her still wet hair and bringing with it the smell of dirt and wet leaves. Though she couldn’t see the world outside-as no one was permitted to leave the town without proper paperwork- she could smell it. She longed to see the world outside the walls that had kept her imprisoned all her life, even though she knew she wasn’t really a prisoner, that’s how it felt.

Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, Phoebe pulled a key from her pocket and stuck it in the lock of the small, shabby bookstore she worked at. The inside of the tiny brick building smelled like dust and old paper. It was a smell she had come to associate with comfort and security. The little bell over the door rang as she let it swing closed behind her. Upon turning on the lights, Phoebe was met by the familiar sight of bookshelves filled with books upon books of all different genres and styles. To say that she worked in a bookstore wasn’t entirely right, as the store was more of a library of sorts. People took out the books and read them and, when they were finished, sold them back to the store.

She did her daily run through the stock and checked all the sales records from the previous day. When that was finished she opened the register, removed the drawer and the bag of money stashed below the counter and returned the cash to the drawer. As a last minute time passer, she went through and dusted all the shelves, restocked the books and made sure all books had been shelved correctly the night before at closing. Satisfied that the store was as perfect as it was going to get she exited, locking the door behind her, and stopped to get some breakfast at a small diner down the road. One of the waitresses looked up a she entered and smiled warmly.

“Mornin’ Pheebs.” She said cheerfully. Phoebe smiled in return.

“Good morning Eve. How’s everything going?”

The waitress shrugged her slim shoulders and crinkled her nose. “Can’t complain I suppose. The hubby’s been in New Seattle for about a week now. He should be home soon. How about you? How’s everything at home?”

“Quiet.” Phoebe answered. “Dad’s been working late and mom’s gone before the sun even comes up. I hardly see either of them anymore.” Eve brought Phoebe a coffee and a chocolate chip muffin.

“Well you working all the time don’t help either little missy.” She scolded, resting her elbows on the table. Phoebe rolled her evergreen eyes.

“’Little missy’? I’m about six inches taller than you and two years younger.” She joked. “I don’t really think you have the right to call me ‘little missy’.” The two laughed. Phoebe glanced around and leaned forward. “How’s business been?” She asked. Eve let out a heavy sigh.

“Not too good. The stocks running low and with everything the way it is, it’s getting harder to get supplies into town.” She pushed her curly blond hair out from in front of her face. “Everyone’s heading for the bigger cities now. They have more to offer than our little towns do.” Phoebe nodded.

“On the bright side, I heard the mayor gave clearance for the circus to make a visit. It’ll be nice to have something fun around here.”

Phoebe took a sip of coffee. “The circus?” She questioned. “Which one?”

“The Circo Del Diablo.” Eve replied. Phoebe arched a slim brow.

“The Devil’s Circus? How family friendly.” Eve laughed.

“At least it’s a circus. Do you know how long it’s been since we’ve had one here? Almost fifteen years.”

Phoebe shrugged. “Beggars can’t be choosers I guess.” She finished her muffin and coffee and laid some money on the counter. “Alright Eve, I’ll see you later.”

“I’ll have your usual waiting for you at lunch time Pheebs!” Eve shouted over her shoulder as she disappeared into the kitchen.

~ * ~ * ~

The day was slow or slower than usual for Phoebe. There were hardly any customers who came in looking for new books to read. Honestly she didn’t blame them. Though the store had a wonderful selection of books, it wasn’t that big of a store. If someone had been buying books from them for a year or two, they easily could have read they entire store without trouble. But that never stopped them from coming in.

Peering out the window, Phoebe saw the circus had arrived and was setting up in the square. She was surprised to see them there already setting up, as it took weeks to get clearance to enter town from the mayor. She was mesmerized by the red and black clad performers setting up stands and booths in the square, each one working as efficiently as the other. Her attention was drawn away from the sight by the sound of the store bell ringing. She turned from the window to the customer that entered the little shop. He was tall with shaggy dark hair that fell into a pair of strange yellow-green eyes. He stood with sort of predatory way about him that demanded respect and oozed confidence.

“Can I help you?” Phoebe asked. She had never seen him before and wondered if he worked with the circus. He gazed around the store with skeptical eyes, his brow furrowing in concentration.

“I’ll take it you live here?” he asked, turning his yellow-green eyes to Phoebe. She nodded her head.

“Born and bred.” She answered. He hummed and glanced around again.

“Mythology please.” He said softly. Phoebe pointed him in the direction of their mythology section and he walked away. Phoebe glanced out the window, once again mesmerized by the fluidity of the erection of the circus tents. “You seem very interested in what’s going on out there.” She jumped and turned back to the yellow eyed man.

“It’s been a long time since we’ve had a circus in town.” She answered. “I’m surprised there’s not a crowd out there watching.” She murmured as she checked out his purchases. The man smiled and took the books he’d bought.

“Perhaps they can’t see it.” And with that he left. Phoebe stared after him in confusion.

What on Earth was that supposed to mean? She wondered.

The rest of the day passed smoothly with little to no customers. She locked up the shop and headed home, passing by the circus on her way. She stopped just outside the wrought iron gates that stood outside. Hanging on the gates was a sign that read

‘Grand Opening Tomorrow at Dusk.’ She sighed and walked passed, looking forward to the next evening.

~ * ~ * ~

Phoebe jumped awake from another terrifying nightmare and sighed. Glancing at her clock she found that it was, once again, just before dawn. She went through the same routine as she did any other day. She stopped for breakfast just as she always did and had the same breakfast as she’d had for years.

“Are you excited about the circus?” Eve asked as she poured Phoebe’s coffee. The younger girl shrugged her shoulders.

“I suppose. I just don’t know what type of circus opens at dusk.”

Eve replaced the coffee pot and returned with Phoebe’s muffin. “From what I hear,” She said, setting the muffin down, “it’s kind of the theme of the Circo Del Diablo. It’s open from dusk till dawn and that’s when all the freaky stuff happens.” Phoebe rolled her eyes.

“Nothing in this world is freaky.” She said with a chuckle. Eve shrugged her shoulders. “Anyways, what do they expect parents to keep their kids out until all hours of the night to go to some terribly named circus?”

“That’s the thing though. Hardly any kids ever go. It’s usually just adults or older teens.”

“Okay, now that is weird.” Phoebe paid for her breakfast. “I’ll see you later Eve.” She left the diner and opened the store. The day dragged on at a snail like pace and it Phoebe started thinking that closing early sounded like a good idea. As she was about to close down the store, the bell chimed and in walked the same yellow eyed man as the day before. “Back already?” She asked.

“I head through the grapevine that you allow the return of finished books.” He said. “Almost like a library.”

“We’re one of the few places with in eighty miles that have books. People don’t really want to keep the chance to read from others. Are you here to return them?”

“I am, actually.” He placed the heavy books on the counter and smiled.

“You’re a fast reader I presume?” she said, ringing in the return. The man just hummed a response and Phoebe smiled. “Would you like a refund? People tend not to take them. It gives us a chance to purchase new books when needed.”

“No, you can keep it.” He said coolly. He looked out the window. “Will you be going tonight?”

“I’m thinking about it. Though I’m not entirely sure.” He smiled knowingly and headed for the door.

“You should go. It might be good for you.” And with that he left. Phoebe looked down at the stack of books and sighed. As she gathered them up she felt a slight weight difference. Between two older, worn books of mythology, was a thinner, leather bound book. She pulled it from the stack and examined the cover. It held no title, nor author. There was nothing there but a serpent wrapping around an apple. Phoebe stiffened at the sight of the gold colored serpent against the dark, rusty colored leather.

This is not a book from the store… She thought, glancing out the window in search of the man that had just left. There was no sight of him. She placed the book under the counter and returned the others to their rightful places. After a while she forgot about the other book and carried on with her day, doing mindless tasks to pass the time. It wasn’t until it was nearly time to close that she remembered the strange book. Locking the register drawer, Phoebe removed the book from where she had placed it and ran her fingers over the cover.

She shoved the book into the inside pocket of her coat and left the store, making a b-line for the opening circus. A crowd had formed around the iron gates, murmuring about the strangeness of what they believed to be on the other of the locked gates. Phoebe waited patiently for the gates to open, trying desperately not to eavesdrop on the conversations going on around her. It was working thus far and she was proud of herself for refraining.

“Quite the operation isn’t it?” Phoebe turned to stare into the yellow-green eyes she had become rather familiar with. He was wearing a pair of black slacks and shiny black shoes to accompany a deep red button down shirt that was undone several buttons. Phoebe found herself admiring what she could see of this stranger’s toned chest and arms, through the sheer fabric of his shirt.

“You’re a bit over dressed for the circus, don’t you think?” She asked with a slight grin. He shrugged his shoulders.

“What, pray tell, would be the appropriate attire for the circus?” Phoebe glanced down at herself and shrugged her shoulders. She was wearing a simple grey sweater and worn out jeans with sensible shoes.

“Maybe something like this?” She inquired. He smiled then, a genuine smile that lacked the mystery of every grin he’d given her thus far.

“Perhaps.” He allowed. Phoebe glanced at the watch around her wrist and then turned back.

“I never did catch your name.”

“That’s because I never gave it to you.” She frowned then, out of annoyance. He only smiled again before offering his hand. “My name is Connor.” Phoebe rested her hand in his and he lifted it to his lips.

“Phoebe…” Was all she could say in response. He smiled again. There was a sudden eruption of cheering and Phoebe realized that the gates were open. She turned to ask Connor if he would care to join her on her exploration of the Circo Del Diablo, only to find that he was gone. Confused by his sudden disappearance-and agitated that he kept disappearing as such- Phoebe turned with a huff and followed the crowd into the Circus.

It was quite the sight. Tall wooden posts erect around the entire place with beautiful red and white lights hanging from wires. The lights were twisted and shaped into various things such as wings, roses, hearts and more. The glass sparkled and glittered as if it held within it bubbling campaign for the light to shine through. The tents were tall and sported the same red and black color scheme as the performers had the day before. There were signs outside each tent, telling of what was to be expected inside: Illusionists, acrobats, and a show with big cats. There were so many tents and so many things to see that Phoebe didn’t know where to begin.

She came to a slow stop just in the courtyard of the circus, right in the center of all the hustle and bustle of the circus. Standing there, perfectly still, was a man and a woman. The man wore a pair of black slacks and a white shirt with an elegant red coat over top embroidered with silver along the hem and neck. The woman wore a corseted black gown with red ribbons down the sides and back. The skirt was loose and flowing, fluttering in the breeze as she stood en pointe. And then, without any music to lead them, the two began to dance around each other in a strange sort of ballet. They were bending and twisting in ways that even a dancer couldn’t bend. The dance seemed to tell a tragic story of two lovers, but other than that, Phoebe had no idea how to interpret the movement. She had to give the circus some credit though. Mixing ballet with conservationism was really quite creative.
She left the dancers and continued to explore.

~ * ~ * ~

After several hours of exploring tents and tasting the exquisite foods-though Phoebe never thought she would associate the words circus and exquisite food in her life- she found herself drawn to a smaller tent, just near the entrance. There was no line as there had been with the other tents and she longed to see what was inside. Pulling open the flap and stepped inside.

The tent was lit with hundreds of black and red candles, each one casting different shadows along the tent wall. There was a small table just in the center that was draped in a heavy velvet cloth. Behind the table sat a woman with olive colored skin and deep brown eyes. Her face was veiled by a dark red veil that reminded Phoebe of old blood. Her black hair was loose around her face in thick waves her eyes crinkled in a way that told Phoebe she was smiling.

“Good evening child. Have you come to have your fortune read tonight?” She asked sweetly. Phoebe sat down across from her and nodded, though that wasn’t the case at all. The tent had lacked a sign to tell what was inside, and it was out of pure curiosity that she had entered in the first place. The woman smiled again and held her hand out. “Come; let me see your hand.” Phoebe placed her hand in the woman’s and shivered at her touch. It wasn’t that her skin was cold; in fact Phoebe couldn’t explain to herself what it was that caused her to shiver.

The fortune teller peered at Phoebe’s palm with intense eyes, which narrowed slightly.

“You are a strong girl with a good head on your shoulders. That much is easy to tell. But there is something here that isn’t as ordinary as you think.”

Phoebe tensed. “What do you mean?”

“This is not your first time on this earth, child. Your soul is very old. It has seen many things.” She paused, still examining. “You’ve been having strange dreams, dreams that disturb you. Am I correct?”

“How could you possibly know that from reading my palm?” Phoebe demanded. The fortune teller smiled again.

“I know many things my child. But if this makes you uncomfortable, perhaps the cards can tell us something?” Phoebe removed her hand and nodded. The fortune teller removed a deck of tarot cards, shuffled then cut the deck. “Which deck would you like?” She asked, gesturing to the three piles. Phoebe examined the three piles for a moment, taking her decision very seriously. Something inside her urged her to pick the pile to the left and so she followed her instincts and pointed. The fortune teller lifted the third pile and spread it out in an arch. “Pick three cards, child. Three cards and I will tell your future.”

Once again, Phoebe took her time examining the cards. She carefully pointed to the three she wanted and the fortune teller removed them. After carefully collecting the other cards and returning them to the deck she flipped the three chosen over.
The first was The Wheel of Fortune. The second was The World, and the third-to Phoebe’s horror- The Devil. The fortune teller didn’t seem fazed by the cards chosen, instead gave off the air fascination.

“Fear not child.” She said, noticing Phoebe’s horrified expression. “It’s not as bad as it seems. Destiny has finally caught up with you and it’s time for you to take your place within the tapestry that has been created for you. The world is at your fingertips.”

“And…the devil?”

“Life is full of temptations my dear. But if there is one thing you must know, though destiny is waiting for you, and might I say your destiny is very important to us all, the things that will come to hold you back can be fought and broken. The restraints cannot keep you down if you keep that fight about you.” She returned the cards and Phoebe stood. “Your soul is strong, wise and old. You’ll succeed in whatever you do.” Phoebe nodded and turned to leave. “Oh and Phoebe,” the woman said, causing the girl to stop. “I’m sure working in a bookstore gives you quite the opportunity to read. But a good book is always found closer to home.” The fortune teller said as a parting message.

After her time with the fortune teller, Phoebe wanted nothing more than to go home. It wasn't until she stepped into that tent that she truly thought of the circus -in the way Eve so tastefully put it- as freaky. She hurried down the street, casting one last glance at the circus before jogging to her house.

The house, as usual, was empty and quiet. Her mother still hadn’t returned home and she was sure her father was still working. She climbed the stairs to her room and kicked off her shoes. Stretching her arms above her head, Phoebe paused.

A good read is always found closer to home...The fortune teller’s words rang in her head. Reaching into her jacket, Phoebe removed the book that Connor had left within the pile of books he had returned.

The book was beautiful to her. It was old but seemed brand new at the same time. The binding was intact if not a little weak and the pages-from what she could see-were yellowed with time. The leather was in spectacular condition with not a tear nor a scuff to be seen. She ran her fingers along the spin to feel the smooth leather beneath her finger tips and it gave her a strange sense of comfort.

A good read… “Hmm.” She hummed flipping open the cover. She dropped the book immediately in both shock in horror. Written on the first page, where a dedication was usually found, was a message written in sweeping, curling script. It read:

“Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back. We can all learn things from the written word.
Educate yourself Phoebe.”