Lilies in Ash

Phoebe reached down and lifted the book up off the floor. Despite the fact that the “dedication” had terrified her, she still felt horrible for mistreating an innocent book. The logical half of her mind was already trying to explain how her name had ended up inside.

Perhaps he found out my name from someone around town… She thought, nodding to herself. That had to be it. She examined the swirling handwriting, the way the ink was blotted slightly in places, the way it had settled on the page. With a heavy sigh she turned the page again this time to find a page with a small message written in the same script as the “dedication”.

“This book contains the story, the secrets, of one long forgotten. Only when the time is right will a new passage will form. But only then will you learn the secrets this book is to hold.”

“What is that supposed to mean.” She wondered. She flipped passed several more pages, all blank, before she came upon a page with more curling script. She sat down on her bed and started to read.

“I was a wife, a lover, an equal but he saw me as not. He wished to be superior to someone who was created in the same fashion as he. I didn’t wish to anger him, or emasculate him in anyway. I just wished to be treated with the same respect which I showed him. I wanted a love based on equality and trust. I didn’t wish to be possessed like some, strange trinket that was made just for him.

“I thought, at first, that he really did love me. Not just because I was the only woman in his life but because I was something truly special to me. He told me, countless times, that I was beautiful and wonderful. I was everything he wanted and needed. I was the perfect woman for him (leaving out the fact that I was the only woman). He made me feel as if I were some celestial being dropped down through the heavens.” Phoebe stopped. Was this some sort of strange diary? Whoever this woman was she was heartbroken, betrayed by the man she loved and gave her entire being to. Feeling for the woman, Phoebe continued to read.

“When we first made love…it was fantastic. It was more than physical or emotional…it was spiritual. With every thrust and every groan I felt our souls winding together. And when we climaxed together it was as if I could see into the pure soul he had within himself. Never before had I felt that way…and never again would I.

“Things after that started to change. Every night, as we were about to make love, he demanded that he was on top. He was the man; he needed to show that he was dominant over the weaker sex, the weaker of the species. At first I was obedient. I would do as he commanded. After all, isn’t that what a good wife was to do? Please her husband in every way she could? But after a period of time it became tiresome. I was just the same as he. I was flesh and bone and blood. I had a mind of my own, an opinion, and my own thoughts. There were only a few, minor differences between us and I was determined to make him see this.

“I finally objected to submission. I finally spoke my mind. I was not a thing. I was not an animal or a pet. I was his wife! For God’s sake I deserved to be treated with equality! But he just couldn’t see that! He couldn’t understand!

“I was a slave to my creation, to my husband, to my destiny.”

Phoebe turned the page, totally captivated by the heartbreaking story of this poor woman, but the next page was blank and so was the one after that, and after that. In confusion, she set the book aside and stared into the shadows. Such a heartbreaking story full of pain and anger that she could feel deep in her belly, as if it were her own pain, her own seething anger. Her jaw tightened and she clenched her fists in a wave of pure, raw fury that she felt.
She exhaled shakily and closed her eyes against the darkness. This rage, this strange and surprising rage frightened her. Soon, the world slipped away and Phoebe was dreaming.

She was kneeling in the grass, thick, lush grass that tickled the skin of her bare thighs. The air was sweet and smelled of flowers and soil. The sky above her was blue and the sun bright with fluffy white clouds that floated lazily on the winds. Trees surrounded her with their colorful blossoms and jade colored leaves casting shadows along the ground. The breeze was warm and damp, carrying with it the smell of rain.

She stood and lifted her face to the sun, welcoming the oncoming rain. Like a curtain had been pulled over the sun dark clouds rolled in, thunder rolled and lightning flashed across the sky. It didn’t frighten her, however, it excited her in a way she didn’t understand. Rain began to fall like mist over her naked body, sliding down her breasts and stomach. She ran her hands over her damp body with a smile.

From off in the distance, carried on the wind, she heard his husky whisper.

“Come to me my love.” And she obeyed.

He was beautiful, with golden hair and bright blue eyes the color of the sky. His hair was damp from the misting rain and his body was glistening. Her eyes traveled his body taking in everything she could, drinking in every detail. And then she was in his arms and he was kissing her with passion and something more. And then they were on the ground and he was caressing her wet body, his hands slipping over her slick flesh. He was kneeling between her legs and then he was entering her. She cried out in ecstasy. Every thrust brought with it more pleasure, and a need she couldn’t describe. She was crying out his name, screaming it as her muscles tightened and she climaxed. He followed seconds after her, shouting her name hoarsely.

“Lilith!”

Phoebe awoke quickly; a thin sheen of sweat covered her forehead. Her heart was pounding in her ears. Her mouth was dry and she was shaking, ever muscle in her body was trembling. She pushed back her blankets, standing on shaking legs. Her knees nearly gave out and she had to grab onto the bedside table for support. For the first time in years, her dream was different and she suddenly felt as if she would have preferred the original dream. This dream was strange, erotic and it frightened her more than the one she’d been dealing with since her late childhood.

She was ten when the dreams began and she was starting to wish she had dreamt it again. Anything would have been better than that. She quickly showered, trying to wash away the feelings seemed to linger and dressed. She hurried out the door and to the bookstore, colliding with someone standing in the street as she did.

“Jesus I’m so sorry!” She cried. There was a deep chuckle and she looked up into Connor’s smiling face.

“Where’s the fire?” He asked, his hand on Phoebe’s arm, trying to steady her. She stepped away with a huff.

“I’m running late for work.” She said with a heavy sigh. Connor nodded. She looked around. “What are you doing up this early? No one is ever out this early in this town.”

“I just left el circo.” He said, gesturing to the square. Phoebe glanced over her shoulder. “How’d you like it?”

“It was…different.” She answered honestly. “But refreshing.”

“I bet. After being cooped up in this town your entire life I guess it would be nice to have something different.” Phoebe nodded her head. “Mind if I…” he looked in the direction of the bookstore.

“Ummm sure.” Phoebe smiled shyly. The two of them walked in silence for a couple minutes before Connor asked,

“So why haven’t you left, if life is so boring here?”

“No one is permitted to leave without the proper paperwork from the mayor.” She shrugged.

“Besides, what’s out there for me? An empty wasteland? I think I’ll pass.” Connor chuckled.

“It’s not that bad, really. It’s actually…there’s no way to put it in words.” Phoebe glanced at him.

“Do you live out there?”

“I do, actually.”

Her eye bows shot up in surprise. “Then how’d you get in here?” She asked. “It’s a ‘no enter no exit’ type deal we have going on here.” Connor looked around.

“Well, believe it or not, I scaled the wall.”

“What?!” Connor laughed then.

“I’m joking. I snuck in with the circus.” She nodded. That made much more sense than scaling the wall. The two of them stopped outside the bookstore. “Well, I guess this is where we part ways.” Connor said with a sad sort of smile. Phoebe rocked back on her heels.

“I guess so…” She chewed on her lower lip. Connors’ eyes drifted to her mouth and then back to her eyes. “I guess I’ll see you around.”

“Yeah.” He walked away and she unlocked the store.



It was later in the day when the front door opened. In walked an older woman with graying brown hair and kind silver-green eyes. She smiled at Phoebe as she entered.

“How are you today Phoebe?” She asked.

“I’m fine Lenore.” She said with a kind smile. “And you?”

“I’m just fine. How’s business been?” Phoebe shrugged.

“Slow since the circus came to town. But it’s been steady at the same time.” Lenore nodded her head. “How’s Archie doing?”

“Oh the old coot does nothing but whine these days.” The woman said with an exaggerated roll of her eyes. “But I love him either way. We’ve been married going on almost fifty years now.” Phoebe nodded. Lenore and Archie Oldman had been to her family for as long as Phoebe could remember. She had been like a second mother to Phoebe when her own mother wasn’t around. She was the owner of the bookstore where Phoebe worked and had given Phoebe the job when she needed it.

The two chatted about little things like the store and the circus and their families.

“Say, Lenore, does the name ‘Lilith’ mean anything to you?” She asked. Lenore’s brow furrowed in concentration.

“Well, I believe she was rather big character in mythology.”

“How so?”

“I’m sure we’ve got something on her here somewhere.” She walked off in search of a book but returned empty handed. “It seems someone’s got that specific book right now.” She said with a shrug. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright. I was just wondering.” She nodded.

“Well I’m going to head off. I’ve got some errands to run.” She turned toward the door but paused.

“Unless you’d like the day to yourself, I could take over the shop for you.” I shook my head.

“No, I’ve got it.” She said with a reassuring smile. Lenore smiled warmly.

“Alright. Have fun Phoebe.”

“Oh you know I will.” Phoebe said with a wave.



Around noon Phoebe locked up the store and headed to the diner. It was a quick walk and the diner was busy with the lunch rush when she walked in. Eve smiled and waved and Phoebe waved back with a slight grin. She found a little corner booth and slid in, resting her head on the table. She was aware of the presence of another and she glanced up to see Connor sliding in across from her.

“Long day at work?” He asked with a lopsided grin. Phoebe rolled her eyes.

“Boring day.” She replied with an exaggerated yawn. “Doesn’t anybody read anymore?” Connor chuckled.

“They’re probably all still sleeping after being up until dawn, what with el circo in town.”

She nodded in agreement. “That’s a possibility.” The two chit-chatted about Phoebe’s job and what Connor was doing to entertain himself in the dull little town of Fallmount. Eve found her way to their table as soon as she could and rested her hands on the table.

“Good lord! They have me running around like a chicken with its head cut off.” She sighed. Phoebe smiled. “Will it be the usual Pheebs?” She asked. Phoebe nodded. Eve turned her head to Connor, her eye brows shooting up into her hairline as she registered that there was a person of the opposite sex sitting across from her favored customer. Her eyes flitted back to Phoebe who shrugged slightly. “And you sir?”

“Just a glass of water will be fine for now.” Connor said with a polite smile. Eve nodded her head and looked to Phoebe.

“Do you mind if I steal her for just a moment?”

“Of course not.” Eve grabbed Phoebe-rather roughly, Phoebe noticed-by the arm and practically yanked her from the booth, through the crowd and out around to a storage closet near the kitchen entrance. The door was barely closed before she was bouncing with excitement.

“Who is he? Where did he come from? How did you—“Phoebe covered Eve’s mouth and sighed.

“His name is Connor. He came into the bookstore a couple days ago and keeps popping up out of nowhere at the weirdest of times. As for where he came from…well he snuck in with the circus.”
Eve’s jaw dropped. “What?!” She hissed. “Do you have any idea how much trouble he can get into?”

“Yes I know that, but who am I going to tell? It’s not like I’m going to run off and tell the Mayor.” Eve
shrugged her shoulders and nodded slightly.

“Well he is one good looking man. You’re going to try to get with him right?”

“Evelyn! I just met him!” Again Eve shrugged her shoulders.

“I would.” Phoebe pinched the bridge of her nose. “What? He’s quite the catch.”

“Don’t you have orders to be filling?” Phoebe asked, crossing her arms over her chest. Eve smiled and opened the door with a slight giggle.

“I’m just saying…” She said before hurrying to the kitchen. Phoebe made her way back to her table where Connor was waiting patiently. She took her seat with a weary sigh and shook her head.

Several minutes passed and their food arrived, well Phoebe’s food and Connor’s water. She ate in silence for a while, pulling off chunks of her three-cheese grilled cheese and dunked them in a side of ketchup.

“So,” Connor softly, “read any good books in that dusty bookstore of yours?” Phoebe shrugged her shoulders.

“A couple. Most of them were tragic love stories that I read just to get through the day…other than that not really.” She kept the fact that she had the book he slipped into his return pile at her house from him, hoping he wouldn’t say anything about it. He nodded his head and checked his watch.

“I’ve gotta get going. I’ll see you around.” He stood up and hurried from the diner. Phoebe finished her lunch in solitude, paid for her meal and left.



She collapsed into bed later that night and picked up the book from its place beneath her nightstand. Flipping it open, she found that there was more writing on the once blank pages. She was far too eager to read it than to wonder how the script had gotten there when the pages were obviously empty the night before.

“I did something so wrong, but it felt so right. I was finally free of my husband, from that place that should have been paradise but turned out to be nothing more than a prison off pretty flowers. I returned to Him hopes of getting his help, but I knew that he would not be so easily swayed with words. So, doing what I did best, I turned myself into a monster of seduction. A sweet flower dipped in toxins that could tempt even the strongest willed.

“He was so soft-hearted toward the weaker sex that it didn’t take much for me to draw from him the power I needed. I knew his name, his sacred, magical name that no one should ever know. And with that knowledge I held him in the palm of my hand. With just one word I was granted my escape. Great, luxurious wings of black feathers, soft as down, burst from my back and I escaped that place forever. I ran to a cave near the Red Sea and stayed there.

“In order to get back at those who tried to keep me down I found myself bedding many other men, less pure than my husband. My lovers didn’t care how it was done, as long as I allowed them to release their seed and as long as I carried their hellions. I did, and I was happy to defy my husband. And then He sent His lackeys to retrieve me. He told me how my husband missed me but I didn’t believe it one bit. He didn’t miss me as a companion; he missed me as a subordinate. I refused to go back to him. Upon my refusal they chose to threaten me, to scare me into returning.

“Their threat? They threatened to kill my children until I returned to my husband. Unmoved by their means of trying to force me to return to a place where I didn’t want to be, I came back with a threat of my own. I would kill an unborn children and new born children. I would seduce men and steal their seeds to take back what was wrongfully taken from me.

“I was a murderer, a monster and a destroyer of lives.”

Phoebe closed the book, noticing that the pages after were blank once again.

She killed unborn children? She thought to herself. That’s terrible. But then she stopped to think about. If she was in that situation, and someone was threatening the lives of her own children, would she find a way to get back at mankind for taking something she loved dearly? Maybe she wouldn’t go to those extremes, but she couldn’t lie to herself and say that she wouldn’t take revenge for the lives of her lost children.

The truth scared her more than she cared to admit.

That night, Phoebe was plagued by dreams of a world of ash, a figure with burning silver eyes hidden in the shadows and the screams of children.