Creating a Life of Trends and Make-Believe

I smiled gently as the all too familiar flats whizzed past my eyes. To this day, not a single one had changed. It was as if time had stood still. When I say nothing had changed, I meant literally nothing. A feeling of nostalgia hit me, and I couldn’t help but be reminded of all the memories that came with this town. 5 years, 5 long years had passed, and I had almost been able to block out the existence of this place.

Almost.

But it still lingered in the back of my mind, and from time to time, I couldn’t help but remember. In a way, I had missed it, and being back felt like I was coming home. Sounds weird doesn’t it? I don’t even know why I think that. A sense of belonging was lodged deep inside my head when I was here; I didn’t feel out of place. Though all the enjoyable thoughts were there, I knew the reason why I had returned was not exactly that pleasant. I sighed, wondering how I would try and get Vic back. The task seemed near enough impossible. That was until my encounter with Jenna. That had restored some faith in me, and I truly believed what she had said.

As I pulled up to the all-too-familiar apartment that belonged to Matty, I prayed he would be in. it had been a long time since I had last spoke to him, and I wasn’t sure how he would respond to seeing me again. Our lack of contact wasn’t the only thing bothering me; I was turning up on his door step once again, expecting a place to stay, just this time, with no notice. I sat in my car, just thinking for a while. I wasn’t sure this was a good idea. Undoubtedly, it was cheeky and rude, but I was running out of options. Jenna told me that coming back here was probably a good idea, and I didn’t have anywhere else to stay. In a town as isolated and reserved as this, hotels were almost unheard of.

‘Come on Kellin’ I thought to myself. What’s the worst that could happen? I mean its Matty we’re talking about here. Fuck it, I'm going to knock. Slowly, and almost in an averse fashion, I walked up to his house and knocked as quietly as I could on his door. The last thing I wanted to do is annoy him by knocking loudly a thousand times. Nervously, I shoved my hands in my hoodie pocket, and fumbled with my fingers. It seemed I waited ages before the door did finally open, and I did not expect what I saw.

In front of me stood a very pretty girl. She had slightly wavy hair that was dyed red and fell past her shoulders. Tattoos ran up both arms, and she had a silver nose ring. Deep brown eyes accompanied with long black eyelashes stared back at me with confusion.

Shit. Oh god, he obviously doesn't live here anymore, and now I have bothered a random person. Fuck.
"Urmm, oh god I'm sorry. I think I have the wrong house." I mumbled and turned around as fast as I could, and made my way back to the car. Although I tried to walk away, a hand grasped onto my wrist and pulled me back.

"You're Kellin Quinn, right, out of Sleeping with Sirens?" The girl gave me a knowing look, and smirked slightly.

"Uhhh yes?" My tone or demeanour was not at all confident, like I portrayed it to be on stage. I must have looked so idiotic, just standing there mumbling and shuffling about awkwardly.

She then turned around and shouted into the house rather loudly.
"Matty! Someone's here to see you!"
She then proceeded to turn back around and grin at me.
"Nah, I think you have the right house. Oh, I'm Brittany by the way. I've heard a lot about you." She stuck her hand out eagerly, and I took it, shaking it gently.

"I'm coming!" A slightly high pitched voice called down from the stairs.
Matty stopped as soon as he reached the end of the stairwell. His eyes widened a bit, and he just stared at me. I gave him a small, apologetic smile, hoping that it would get some sort of response from him.

“Kellin, is that you? Oh god, it is, isn’t it?!” To say Matty looked shocked would have been an understatement. Though he looked shocked, I couldn’t really read the rest of his emotions. Shit, was he angry? I couldn't tell!

“Geez Matty, at least try to sound pleased. All you ever went on about was him!” Brittany flashed me another smirk. She clearly liked to wind people up, and for some reason, that made me like her. Matty ignored her comment and walked up to me, throwing his arms around me, pulling me into a friendly hug. I gently patted him on the back. Relief surged through me. I really did overthink the situation a little; worrying that much isn’t normal. I really must stop getting myself worked up so much over small things.

“I’m so glad to see you Kellin! I see you’ve gone quite far with your band, I’m happy for you! What brings you here?” Typical Matty, he always seemed so giddy.

“Oh, that. Yeah, well I was wondering if I could ask a massive favour of you, Matty.” I flicked my gaze down to the floor. I felt so incredibly guilty asking this of him. Matty’s eyebrows rose in curiosity.

“I was wondering if it would be ok to stay at your place for a bit. I mean it’s absolutely fine if I can’t, you know, I’m being really cheeky and rude and-“

“What? Of course it is! It’ll be great having you here Kells, wont it Britt?” He turned to his girlfriend, grinning. It was a smile that was pleading, and luckily Brittany agreed with him.

“Thanks so much Matty, it really means a lot.”
“No problem dude, go get your stuff. Make yourself at home. You know which room you’re in. I presume youll want some rest, you looked drained, man. We’ll leave you be.”

With that, Matty and Brittany left, leaving me completely alone
---
After retrieving my few belongings from the car, I sat my designated room, mulling things over. One of my favourite things to do was to sit in the window seat this room provided. It made me feel so care-free and calm. I rummaged around in my small bag for my cigarettes. Yes, I know it was a bad habit, but it kept me sane and composed most of the time. That wasn’t the only reason why I continued to do it; I always thought of Vic when I did smoke, mostly because we would both sit there and do it. Hopefully, soon, that wouldn’t be a thing of the past. I pressed the cigarette to my lips and took a long drag on it, ensuring to blow the smoke out of the window- I’m sure Matty wouldn’t be appreciative of his house smelling like ashtrays. Whilst I sat there, alone with my thoughts, I absentmindedly played with the trinket on my necklace. Ever since Jenna had told me to keep it safe, I had been constantly assuring it was there. That little ring meant the world to me- it was the only reminder of Vic I had left.

Oh Vic. Look what you’ve driven me to do. I was completely infatuated with him. I worshipped every inch of him. Nothing would make me happier than for him to be here with me, even if I didn’t have the band, or the fame. So long as I had him here, that would somehow be enough. But the thing was, I didn’t have him here. God, I may never have him here. Annoyed, I threw the remainder of my cigarette out of the window and rested my head on the wall. Maybe a walk would clear my head? Unwillingly, I pulled myself up from the window and made my way towards the bedroom door.

However, I never made it to the door. An unbelievable wave of utter drowsiness swamped my entire being. My entire body felt so heavy, along with my thoughts- they were blurry and unintelligible. Fuck. I tried to continue to the door, but I faltered and tripped, sending me to the floor with a loud bang. I felt my head hit something on the way down, but I was far too hazed to care. The lethargic feeling amplified and I felt consciousness slipping away from me. Contently, I let the darkness engulf me, ignoring the distant cries of someone.
---
Slowly, my eyes opened, and my vision focused. The initial thing that I noticed was the deep throbbing pain in my head. I ignored it though, being more bothered about where I was. The sight above me was a dismal grey ceiling. Confused, I dragged my body up into a sitting position, so I could see my surroundings a bit better. All around me, the same monotonous grey filled the room. You name it: the walls, the floor, the ceiling, and even the door (which had a set of worn concrete stairs leading up to it). Across from me stood a single chair, and judging by its dilapidated attire, it was old. I could just about make out its features though- the room hardly provided any light, discounting an extremely small window in the corner of the room.

Where the fuck was I? My mind was exceptionally obscure. I couldn’t recall how I had got here in the slightest. Trying to remember what had happened seemed extremely difficult, and I just couldn’t focus. A sharp pain made its way through my head as I stood up, showing whatever had happened; I had evidently hit my head. Fuck, it hurt. I brought my hand up, but no blood was there. I sluggishly made my way over to the individual chair, and practically fell onto it. My steps were slightly jumbled, and I ended stumbling over to it. So I just sat there, with my head in my hands, uncertain about absolutely everything.

The creak of a door brought my head snapping up. A silhouette of a figure made its way down the steps slowly, and I felt myself starting to be concerned. Shit. Do I hide? Then again, there wasn’t really anywhere to hide in here. The room was fairly deserted and unfurnished. By the time I had finished trying to think of an escape plan, the individual had made their way to end of the steps, and were walking towards me.

“Kellin? What the hell are you doing here?!” An extremely distinguishable voice asked me from across the room. I knew exactly who that voice belonged to. It belonged to Vic.

“Vic?! Oh my god is that you?!” I enthusiastically jumped up from my seat tried to run towards him. Of course, the unpleasant dizziness returned, and I almost fell to the floor. Luckily, Vic reached out his arms and caught me. Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around him, clinging onto him for dear life. After about a minute or so Vic pulled me back and stared intently into my eyes with those striking brown ones of his. Then, suddenly, he smashed his lips onto my own. A hot feeling bolted through me, sending shivers down my spine. I immediately began to kiss him back, moving my lips against his feverishly. My hands rested on his back as he tangled his fingers in my hair. Vic nibbled lightly on my lower lip, sending pleasure coursing through my veins. I slid my hands down his back and grasped his ass lightly, making him part his lips slightly and moan into my mouth. The action made my skin feel like it was heating up, and I took the opportunity to push my tongue in his mouth. He instantly started to move his tongue against mine, and clutched my hair much tighter. Vic’s lips left mine as he began to leave a trail of kisses down my jawline, then to my neck, which he nipped repeatedly, causing me to groan.

“Missed… you…so …much…doll face.” Vic whispered between kisses.
“Mhhm” Was all I could muster up. I was too busy relishing in the heavenly state Vic had put me in. Then, just as I was about to reach down for his belt, he pulled his lips away from my neck. I groaned loudly in disapproval. Why would he stop? Vic brought his face back up to my own and stared at me again, before walking me over to the chair.

“You can’t be here, Kells… It’s dangerous.”
“I don’t know how I got here, I can’t remember, Vic. But I’m glad I am here, or we wouldn’t have done that. Why’d you stop, I was content with continuing…” I smirked slightly as Vic’s cheeks reddened slightly.

“No, seriously Kellin, you can’t be here. Also, you have to stop this ‘rescue mission’ you’re set on. It’s not safe, too risky. You don’t even know what you’re doing!” Vic wore a concerned expression; then again, he probably knew what to more than I did.

“There’s no need to be so appreciative!” I scoffed, playing a hurt look.

The Hispanic man I’d grown to love so much reached his hand up and caressed my cheek lightly.
“I am, it’s just I don’t want to see you get hurt…” Vic’s voice trailed off, turning his sentence into more of a mutter.

“It’s got to the point where I don’t care about being hurt. It hurts more feeling constantly lonely. I just want you back with me, Vic.”
Vic opened his mouth to say something, but was stopped due to the iron door opening. His eyes widened in fear, and he looked back at me- uncertainty playing on his features.

“Shit. Kellin, listen- I love you, and you have to go, now.” Vic clamped his hands down on my shoulders violently, and shoved me back. I braced myself for the fall, but it never came. Instead an astonishingly blinding white light flashed across my eyes, and everything went completely black.
---
“I think he’s coming round!”
“Thank fucking Christ.”
“Look, his hand just moved!”

Afar voices pulled me out of whatever state I was currently in, making me groan internally. My eyes prised themselves open and I was met with the faces of Matty and Brittany. I blinked a couple of times, trying to rid my eyes of the cloudiness that resided over them. Oh god, my head. The pain was about ten times worse than before. Oh fuck.

“KELLIN! YOU’RE ALIVE!” Matty screamed excitedly down my ear.
“Use your fucking indoor voice, you fool.” I murmured angrily, which earned me a laugh from Brittany. Urrrgh my head killed. God, I felt so out of it. I just wanted sleep.
“How do you feel? You’ve had a pretty harsh blow to your head, dude.”
“Dead.” I replied bluntly. They both laughed lightly, and offered to take me to my bed. I was more than grateful. Walking was an unusually hard task, and my legs did not want to co-operate with me. When I finally reached my bed, I collapsed onto it, not caring if I was under the covers.

Content, I closed my eyes, and reached up for my necklace. However, my hand ghosted over my hoodie, without finding the necklace. My eyes shot open. Where the fuck was it? Frantically, I grabbed at my chest, hoping to find it. But to my dismay, it wasn’t there.

It had gone.