Fancy Pants

-

I literally threw Emma off of me and ripped one of the pillows I was laying on up from under me to shield my face from my mom’s shocked expression.

“Oh,” she gasped uncomfortably as I felt Emma grab a pillow to cover herself with.

Emma shoved her face into her hands and whimpered, “Oh, no.”

“Oh, my God,” I groaned along with her. I wanted to suffocate myself with this pillow as my mom continued to try and talk.

“Uh…” I heard the door handle rattle and peeked out to see her backing out of the room. “Uh,” she said again. “Sorry - uhm, I’ll…” She composed herself and sighed, staring up at the ceiling.

An uneasy groan.

“Look, I know this is the last thing you ever wanted to happen - believe me, I know - but, uhm…get dressed, both of you. I think…we should…talk.”

“Oh God,” I groaned again into the pillow. I could feel my skin crawl from discomfort. “Mom,” I begged. “Let’s not.”

“Dodger,” she sighed. “Just - we’ve never talked about this stuff before, and I think we need to.”

“But I already know,” I pleaded, wanting to explode. “Please, Mom, we don’t need ‘the talk.’”

“Maybe you don’t, but she might - what’s your name, honey?”

“E-Emma.”

I could almost hear the light bulb flicker on over my mom’s head. “Oh, you’re Emma, okay - well, Emma, did you parents give you ‘the talk’?”

“Oh, my fucking God.”

“Dodger, shh. Did they?” she asked Emma again. I think she shook her head, because my mom said, “Exactly - now come on. I’ll let you two dress and then talk to you out in the living room. Okay?”

No one said anything. She sighed. "Okay.”

The door closed behind her and I nearly broke down crying.

omfg. WHY?

Emma’s finally comfortable enough to have sex again and this happens. oh god why.

We awkwardly glanced at each other. I let my arm dangle off the bed. My hand touched a material of clothing. I lifted it to see Emma’s underwear.

“Uhm,” I handed them to her. “We should get dressed.”

She slowly smiled and took them from me, nodding. She dropped the pillow to the side to pull them on. If I wasn’t so traumatized by what just happened, I would’ve laid back and enjoyed the show, but I feared my mom was going to suddenly pop back in here.

Giving Emma a bit of privacy, I sat up and turned my back to her. Seeing my clothes on the ground, I picked them up one by one and got dressed, handing Emma articles of her clothing every time I saw them.

Minutes later, we were unfortunately dressed and out in the living room, sitting awkwardly on the couch in front of my mother as she paced the room, thinking.

“So…as we just previously found out, you two are obviously having sex.”

Emma and I both let out a groan. just why.

“I know, I know,” she agreed, picking at her nails, still pacing. “You really don’t want to talk about this, but - I just want you two to know that I’m not going to bite your head off for it - this is your life, you can do what you want…but…you need to be safe.”

And here comes the condom talk.

I stared intently at the wall, trying to ignore her, while Emma held her face in her hands.

“And, of course, that means condoms and birth control,” - we groaned again - “Yeah - whether or not you plan on doing it with each other again or other people, you need to be safe. Take account of all the diseases out there and the chance of a baby…”

I saw Emma shift and her fingers twitch.

“Those are things that could change your life forever - and you’re only in high school. Life could never be the same again because of one little slip-up. You guys are using protection right? Condoms?”

Stiff nods.

My mom sighed and I watched her walk over to sit in an armchair. She was quiet after she sighed again.

I prayed that was all. I waited for her to tell us to think before we act and then send us off.

But after the long pause it looked like she was struggling to speak.

“And so I think…to be really safe…maybe we should get you, Emma, some birth control, or, ya know, keep some in the house, so in case what happened with you two was just a fling - not judging - so then, Dodger, anyone you decide to…sleep with will be covered.”

I fought another whimper. Such an awkward dialog.

“Okay?” she said, waiting.

“Mmm-hmm.”

“Yes.”

“Good.” She stood up, rubbing her chin. She began to walk into the kitchen, but stopped. She looked so curious.

“Was this…the first time?” Not getting a response from either of us, she stood there before nodding. “Right, okay, well…I think that’s all that needed to be said. Good talk.”

Again, as she walked towards the kitchen, she only got so far before stopping.

“If you two are serious about each other - not saying you have to be - maybe we should talk to Emma’s parents about this - at least about the birth control. I don’t want to disappoint her parents by doing something they should have a say in.”

No. That’s a - no.

Emma’s head jerked up and she looked at my mom, shaking her head.

“Please don’t -”

“Oh,” my mom said frantically, also shaking her head. “I wouldn’t say anything to them without your consent, of course. But I personally think I couldn’t go behind their backs on this. Maybe, but not for long. They should know.”

“No,” I said aloud, shaking my head in fear, the thought of a room full of weaponry flashing in my mind. “Her parents will kill me. You don’t understand - I will be slaughtered.”

“That bad, huh?”

“Worse than you think.”

She looked at us again, but finally nodded, seeming to understand. “Alright…alright. It’ll be a secret - Emma, how about some time this week, we go to the doctors. I want this taken care of as soon as possible.”

Getting a small nod from Emma, she returned it.

“Okay.” And then she finally - finally - turned and walked into the kitchen and out the back door to the patio.

fuck fuck fuck.

I wanted to crawl in hole and cry.

But I guess I should thank God I have such an understanding mom.

Seriously. How awesome is she?

-

Emma stayed for little while after before I had to drive her home. When I got back, I crashed in my room, watching Food Network.

Yum. Giada. She was melting chocolate chips in a bowl of, idk, something white. Honestly, it looked like cum.

Sigh. She’s hot -

There was that feeling again, paranoia that I was being watched. I could swear I was. I glanced out the window but didn’t see anything besides the big hedges sitting right outside it. I was hoping that if I did see anything out there it would at least be Natalie.

I turned my attention back to the TV just in time for a commercial. Cool. Bored, I looked around my room at all the posters I had up. While I marveled at Hayley Williams, I noticed a black dot right next to her poster. Kind of big.

Immediately, I jumped to the worst conclusion - camera. That would explain the feeling of being watched. But then I realized that was crazy. Right? Why would there be a camera in my room? Who would waste their time watching my life? (Author: heh.)

Two names popped into my head.

Jeff and Chris.

Was that the real reason they came here? If it was a camera, what all did they see? Emma was here earlier - did they see what we did?

Trying not to wake Chewy, I instantly got up and trekked to the other side of my room. The closer I got to the dot, the more I realized it looked like a hole, a circular hole. I picked up the scissors from on top of my TV and jabbed one of the blades into the hole.

If there was a camera in there, I was going to break it.

The blade hit against something, but I didn’t hear anything like a camera lens break, so I figured it was the wall.

Stop. You’re so paranoid. That’s just a hole in the wall, an empty hole in the wall.

I realized I was being overly stupid and dropped the scissors back down onto the TV.

My hand stung and I felt something drip. I looked down to see a thin line of red running diagonally across four of my fingers, a bead of blood dripping down my pinky. Within seconds the thin line opened wider as it filled with blood.

Fuck. See, you idiot. See what freaking out over nothing gets you? You cut your hand on scissors.

That was dumb on my part, really. It’s just the ideas of what they would do with that footage wasn’t something I wanted to happen.

Not wanting to die, I grabbed a shirt from the ground and wrapped it around my hand. Heading back over to my bed, I stepped over a random chord lying on the ground that I managed to trip over earlier today, then wondered what the chord went to. One end - the end that plugs into an outlet - wasn’t connected to anything.

I followed the other end to a shelf also by the TV. The chord traced up the back of the shelf. I grabbed it and eyed where it seemed to start.

The back of a video camera.

My jaw dropped and I snatched the camera from the shelf. All the stuff that was piled on top of it - hiding it - collapsed and fell when I pulled to me.

I looked at the screen and saw it change as I moved, matching whatever I was pointing it at. My eyes widened and then I realized it wasn’t recording. The battery bar was dangerously low, but I still hurried to check the SD card.

The first video on it was five seconds long. I took the camera back with me to my bed, chord in hand. I plugged it back into the wall and hesitantly hit play.

It was dark at first and all I heard was shuffling. Then as the object causing the darkness moved out of the way, it was blindingly bright. The camera focused and there was a blur of…something. Then the video ended.

I rewatched it several times before being able to make it out.

A person, but I couldn’t tell who it was.

The next video started the same way as the first, but where the other ended, this one didn’t. The sound of shuffling and then the camera focused. The same blur, but I was actually able to see who it was.

Jeff.

That mo’fo’.

He stepped away from the camera, and adjusted it. He jumped as his phone rang loudly. I jumped right along with him.

He frantically answered it. I noted him setting down something on a chair. A black and grey varsity jacket.

“What?” he hissed. His face fell. “Shit! Okay, uh…give me a second - yeah, yeah. Shut up. I’m hurrying.” And with that he walked off. I focused on the room and recognized it as mine. The jacket still laid in the chair. It was quiet, but then I heard what sounded like my mom. She said something to Jeff, and he quickly answered back. Then the sound of a screen door opening and closing.

The backdoor.

That little creep.

I watched a few minutes of boring footage. Just my room and silence, then a door suddenly opened and in walked the star of it all. Yours truly. I watched myself check around the room, then flop down on the bed next to Chewy.

Well, fuck. Those creeps put a camera in my room. Why? I knew the answer had to’ve been somewhere on this SD card.

The rest of that video was also boring; me laying around, watching TV, so I fast-forwarded through most of it. The only other interesting thing was Natalie coming over to get her jacket.

The video ended with a timestamp of 2:56pm the next day - on Saturday. Minutes earlier I had left the room for Natalie’s. With ten seconds left of the video, my window in the video opened and Chris pushed himself through the window. He landed hard on the ground, and had to limp the rest of the way to the camera. It ended.

The next two videos or so started the same way as the last two, and ended the same way the last one did.

They were all boring, so proof I am boring.

But the last video, oh wow.

Jeff backed away from the camera and angled it. He left out the window. I looked at the timestamp - 2:40pm on a Monday - today Monday. About twenty minutes passed before something happened. I recognized Emma’s voice and me laughing at her.

It got louder as we got closer to my room. The door opened and we walked in, talking about something. I went over towards my bedside table, but tripped halfway there. Over a chord. The angle of the camera jerked suddenly, and the head of my bed was out of view. Video-me cursed loudly. Emma snapped at me for swearing. I mocked her and grabbed my laptop. I swung it in the air getting Emma to laugh, and then followed her back out of the room.

Oh. That was the chord I tripped over earlier. Uhm. Was that a good thing? Sure.

Taking breaks between fast-forwarding, I eavesdropped on our conversations. But since video-us was all the way in the dining room, I couldn’t make out what we said. I continued to skip through the video until I noticed something happening.

Video-me sauntered into the room, and flopped down onto the bed then sat up as Emma joined seconds later. Our positions? Her, lying down, belly up; me, sitting with my legs dangling off the side of the bed.

We sat there a while.

Real-life-me’s eyes widened. Well, if it recorded what I think it recorded, it’s a good thing I found this now.

“What is your mother doing again?” video-Emma asked seconds later, sitting up. She started taking off her shoes.

“She had to stop by Wal-Mart to get insulin - she’s diabetic.”

“Oh…okay.”

And you get how this all went; you were there when it happened. But I sort of enjoyed watching a mini-movie of my life, so I kept watching. In short, we made out, Chewy popped up from outta nowhere, we watched TV, I kicked Chewy off the bed, Emma and I cuddled like manly men, I got up to pee - Emma got up to look through my bookcase, found one she liked and began reading it - I came back, we made out again, and then…banged.

Okay.

Very good thing I found this.

The video abruptly ended the second my door in the video swung open. I’m assuming it was my mom because I flung Emma off of me as someone female said “Oh.”

Though, it was interesting to watch my own porno, I remembered who else could’ve been seeing this right now.

Were they ever going to come back for the entire footage or what? Why did they start recording in the first place? How did the video end by itself this time? (Probably low battery, idk, so it was a good thing I tripped on the charger.)

I wanted to say revenge - David’s revenge, but what was he hoping to see?

Well, I’ll find out tomorrow, that’s for sure.