Fancy Pants

-

Standing in front of the pharmacy, I was overwhelmed with paranoia. All these stupid scenarios were manifested. All involve judgmental people.

I mustered all those stupid paranoid thoughts up, then threw them into the street. I can do this I need to. I will.

I bolted forward after waiting for the doors to open, a battle cry ringing out in my mind.

I ran inside and looked around. Wow, this place was filled with people. Seeing people I knew, all confidence left me and I sheepishly pretended not to see them, heading for the aisle.

There wasn’t anyone down this aisle, thank god. Remembering security cameras are a thing, I awkwardly walked on, and faced the rack of pregnancy tests. Then as I began to scan through them, I heard the sound of voices - ones I knew, one…I hated.

I quickly turned to see two people waltzing by the aisle.

David was rambling on about something, so I thought he might not have seen me, but Chance did. It happened in slo-mo.

His hand went up to wave at me and his voice changed to slow and demonic.

“Heeeeyyy, Doooddggeerrrrr!”

God
damn
it.

I’m a good person. Why is this happening?

Time went back to normal as David looked and saw it was I Chance was acknowledging.

“Oh, hey, man,” he greeted, turning down the aisle I was in. “What are you doing here of all aisles?” He grabbed a binky from the shelf and dangled it in front of my face. “Shopping for your baby?” Perhaps one day.

I laughed sarcastically. “Hopefully not.” I turned the subject to them. “What are you guys doing here?”

“Just fucking around,” he said, throwing the binky at Chance. “Going to Jeff’s after. You wanna go?

“Nah. Can’t.”

“And why not?”

“Don’t want to.”

His smile flashed as he shook his head at me. “Well, alright then. You’re missing out.” He slapped his hand down onto Chance’s back, hooking his thumb under his collar. He began pulling him back the way they came.

“Later, dude.”

“Bye.”

I waited until they were completely out of view before sighing heavily. Well, that went better than expected. I turned around to face the pregnancy tests once more. I looked out of the corner of my eye to see if anyone was going to suddenly pop up. Not seeing anyone, I used my ninja-like reflexives, grabbing a couple boxes with one hand and prepared to bolt out of there.

But the second I turned to leave, Chance ran back into the aisle. He was saying something, but when he saw what was in my hands, his eyes widened.

“Are those…?” He waited for an explanation and I wasn’t ready to give one so I bolted out of that aisle…going right into another, a couple over.

I really, really don’t want to face the cashier. They judge me obviously every time I go in to buy condoms. If I go up with a handful of pregnancy tests, they’ll know embarrassing myself to buy condoms was all for nothing - and it so was.

But I wanted to get out of here as fast as I could before David found me. I knew I had to sooner or later if I wanted to know my fate for the next twenty years at least, so I exited the aisle with my soon-to-be purchases and their logos hidden under my hand, entering the shortest line available.

“Whattcha got there?” a voice boomed, hands clamping down on my shoulders. My neck jerked to see David standing behind me, stupid smile on his face. Chance was a few feet away with a look of shame on his face.

I turned to hide the pregnancy tests out of David’s sight, moving up in line as it got shorter.

“Candy,” I went with, thinking it was somewhat believable.

“That’s not what I heard,” he said smugly. I took a glimpse at Chance who was staring at the ground. I wanted to be angry at him, but David has a way of guilt tripping you into telling him everything.

“Well, don’t go believing everything you hear.”

“You’re right…” He lurched for the boxes in my hands, but I yanked them away. Knowing he wouldn’t leave in time for me to pay for the pregnancy tests discreetly, I walked out of this now line of two to the neighboring one of five. They followed suit.

“Oh, come on!” David groaned. “Won’t you share with the class?”

“Won’t you fuck off and mind your own business?” I retorted casually getting him to frown, but his smile returned quickly.

“So you fucked her, didn’t you? And now she’s pregnant, huh?” Everyone in this line and the neighboring looked back at us in surprise. When I ignored him, he started to chuckle, but stopped abruptly.

"Is she?” he asked now seeming to be concerned and full of pity.

“I don’t know,” I answered honestly, looking down at the pregnancy tests. “And you’re not making me feel any better.” The line shortened and I moved up one spot.

After a sigh, he went to put a hand on my shoulder, which I shook off, causing him to sigh again.

“Look, I’m sorry, and that is a shit situation. It really is. How’s she handling it?”

“She’s scared,” I sighed. “So am I.”

“I’d be on the verge of suicide,” I’m guessing he tried to reason. He paused. “You’re not, are you?”

“No.”

“Well, that’s good.”

I moved up in line again, waiting for him to speak. He stayed silent for a few moments before looking back at Chance.

“We’re gonna go,” he said slowly, motioning between him and Chance. “Uh, good luck with…that.”

“Yup.” I could still feel everyone looking at us. They were.

Backing towards the door, he added, “And I really am sorry about the whole…being nosy thing. I just don’t like not knowing things.”

Fighting another sigh because I feel like I’ve been doing that too much, I just said, “It’s fine.” He nodded to himself before fully turning and exiting out the doors with Chance at his side, leaving me to stand in a building full of people who were silently judging me.

It felt like ages, but one by one, the line got shorter and then it was just me and the cashier. And it was the same chick that’s always working the counter whenever I come in here to buy anything.

I looked down at the three boxes in my grasp and nonchalantly shoved them onto the countertop. And then Miss Cashier judged me.

Ugh. I was expecting that, but still.

She didn’t say anything as she began to scan the first one, dropping it into a bag. As she grabbed the second one a smile formed on her face.

"Want to be extra sure?”

I tried to smile and might have succeeded. “Yup.”

“How far along is she - or might she be, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“I don’t know,” I shrugged, letting out an exasperated sigh. “Could be a week or a little more. She might not even be at all.” She just nodded, scanning the last one. Then the smile got bigger.

“So I guess all those condoms went to waste, huh?”

Though I didn’t feel like smiling or laughing at all, I still forced them. “Unfortunately so.” She put the last one in the bag, saying the total. “Thanks,” I muttered, slumping the money in front of her. She opened up her cash register, traded some money, and then handed it back to me.

“Three dollars is your change.”

“Thanks,” I muttered again and then got out of there before I pissed my pants. She has to think I’m the biggest hoe. Has to. As soon as I stepped out the door, I looked down into the bag. There they laid.

Leaving, I felt shittier than I did going in to buy them.

I tried to get to Emma’s as fast as I could, in fear her parents had gotten home by now. Instead of parking right in front of their house, I parked a couple over. Cutting the engine off, I texted Emma that I was here. As a reply, I saw her figure in one of the windows of the second floor.

Her head bobbed around, looking for me. Spotting my truck, I knew she had smiled.

I grabbed the plastic bag, shoving it into my Nike bag, then hopped out into the freezing cold. Good going, me, not wearing a jacket on the coldest day ever.

I sprinted to the side of their house, because it was closer to where I parked than the front of their house. I lifted the hinge of the gate door, and felt relief when an alarm didn’t sound off. Making my way down the path, the front door opened to the house, and Emma stood in her pajamas.

I smiled at that.

Pajamas at one in the afternoon. Cute.

We exchanged hellos, and I followed her inside. I waited for her to close the door behind us, getting a surprise instead.

“May I take your bag, sir?”

I think I peed myself, but maintained a composed face at Herald. He held his hand out for my belongings, but I shook my head.

“I won’t be staying long. Thanks though.”

He still stood like a stature, arm outstretched, nose high in the air. His eyes shifted between us and the bag. His hand went back to being behind his back and he nodded. Emma hooked her little hand around my forearm, starting to pull me towards the stairs when Herald stopped us.

“Does your mother know Mr. Riley is here?”

How did he know my last name? Did I tell them? uh.

“Yes, she knows,” Emma lied smoothly, continuing towards and up the stairs with my arm in her grip.

“And she is alright with this?”

“Yup,” she replied shortly, continuing to drag me behind her…her butt’s level with my eyes right now. Ahem. No Sticky Notes, I see. That’s good. She took me to the left and a couple doors over, stopping in front of one, letting go of me. She checked to make sure Herald hadn’t followed, pushing the door opening quietly. I went in behind her.

When she closed the door, locking it, I pulled off my bag, handing it to her. She slowly took it from me, pausing to glance into it. I heard her sniffle as she bit her bottom lip, pouting.

“I can’t believe I have to do this,” she whispered tearfully. I thought about apologizing but didn’t think that was enough, so stayed quiet. She looked up before clasping her arms around me tightly. After being shocked, I hugged her back. I felt her little body shake and she took a deep intake of breath, making me hold her tighter.

She was so scared. So, so scared.

After another shaky breath, she pulled away, tears staining her cheeks, hand on my forearm.

“Oh,” I frowned, rubbing the pads of my thumbs under her red eyes. “Please don’t cry; everything will be okay.”

She sniffled hard again, nodding her head. She uttered, “Okay.” I let her go into the bathroom connected to her room, and she closed the door.

Taking a seat on her bed, I looked around her room. I was expecting it to be girly, but it was very neutral. White walls, barely a sign of anything pink besides one of the pillows on her bed. Movie posters hung on her walls, along with pictures of bands and family/friends. It was a neat and tidy room, like I knew it’d be. Her closet seemed to be organized; no clothes on the ground. Her bed was made and comfy.

The more I looked at her bed, the more I noticed the wet spots on her pillow. She’d been crying. I hate to make her sad. She’s crying because of me. She might be pregnant because of me. It’s all my fault. All of it.

The bathroom door pushed open and she walked out slowly, holding something bunched up in toilet paper. The pregnancy tests. She stopped walking as soon as she stepped out, looking down at them in her hands. I noticed the boxes being held between her arm and side. She sighed looking up.

“We have to wait three minutes,” she said, walking over to the bed to sit down. I pulled out my phone to check the time and reminded myself to check back in a few minutes.

“Okay.”

She laid the toilet paper and its contents next to her. She waited a few seconds before resting her head on my shoulder. Sensing she needed a hug, I wrapped my arm around her, playing with her hair. Her eyes closed as she sighed a trembling sigh.

We didn’t talk the entire three minutes. I constantly checked the time while she played with her fingers.

The three minutes seemed to d-r-a-g by. It was agonizing. When I checked my phone and the appropriate time had passed I felt a mix of eagerness and total fear. I told her the three minutes were up and she hesitated grabbing the three tests.

She handed me one and the box it came with, taking one for herself, and then the third we saved for last to share.

On the count of three, we both looked down and checked the results.

A sad face stared back up at me and I felt so relieved but also…a little down. Why? It’s not like I wanted her to be pregnant. But then again, just because mine is negative doesn’t mean the other two are.

I instantly panicked.

I looked over to her, saying, “Negative.” The way she stared down at hers scared me, because she looked so blank. But then she breathed out deeply.

“Same.”

She took the one from me and dropped it, along with hers into one of the boxes.

We shared a look as she went for the last one and its box.

She held it so we both could see…and the little negative symbol in the middle made us both sigh with relief.

“Well,” I said seconds later, feeling so insane. “That was horrifying.”

Her little smile calmed me, though. “Right? God,” she sighed again, dropping it into the same box as the others. She leaned back onto my shoulder and shook her head. “That shouldn’t have even happened. I shouldn’t be taking a pregnancy test as a teenager.”

“I know,” I mumbled, feeling guilty again. “I really am sorry.”

She looked at me, with a faint smile. She shook her head. “I know you are, but this is not all your fault. Two to tango,” she reminded me, smiling slightly. I smiled back, but still knew it was all me.

“Oh,” I said remembering a thought I had earlier. “We should probably check again in a few weeks, just in case it was too early to detect a pregnancy. “

She slowly nodded, her smile falling. “Smart.”

We sat there for a while longer until I asked if I should leave now since we got all that out of the way, but before she could answer, the abrupt sound of the door knob trying to be forced open scared the crap out of us both.

The French/mafia accent spoke after a knock.

“Ms. Emilia, are you in there? Your mother wants to talk to you.”

Fudge Rounds, are you serious?

Our eyes widened on cue and we gaped at each other.

Hesitating, she yelled a response. “Okay! Give me one second.”

She hopped up from her bed, picking up all the boxes, shoving them into my bag. She gave me it, then grabbed the toilet paper and ran into her bathroom. I heard the sound of the rustling plastic bag as she shoved it into her trashcan.

As impressive as it was to see how fast she can clean under pressure, I hissed at her, “What do I do?”

She immediately stopped dead in her tracks, eyes reminding me of an anime character. She stuttered wildly, looking around her room. “Uh, I - stay here. I will go speak to my mother.” She sprinted to the door, unlocking it silently. She mouthed to me to stay quiet, pulling the door open to Herald.

“Your mother is downstairs, Ms.,” he informed her. “She wishes to speak to you now.”

Emma glanced back at me with a completely terrified and confused look on her face, but turned back to Herald and nodded. “Okay.” She slid passed him and disappeared from view. I heard her call for her mom, and then an urgent response from her mom. She sounded livid.

I looked at Herald as he stood in the doorway. He had a strange expression as he stared back, before taking several steps back and turning down the hall.

My face met the palms of my hands as I cursed to myself. He probably told Emma’s mom I was here, thinking she knew I was. Plan backfired. Wonderful.

Neither of them closed the door of Emma’s room when they left so I could hear most of their conversation - well, the tones they were using. Emma sounded apologetic. Her mother, angry. I hope it wasn’t at me.

They argued back and forth for a while until I heard the dreadful sound of footsteps coming up the stairs. I prepared myself to see her mother stomping in here, but got dainty Emma instead.

Relief seems to be the sponsored feeling today. But I wasn’t completely at ease.

“What’d she say?” I asked trying to remain calm, watching Emma lean on her door to shut it.

Her eyes blinked up and she smiled. “You left the gate open and a cat got in our yard. It took a big poo.”

“Oh, fuck,” I facepalmed myself. “I’m sorry.” And apologizing seems to be my new go-to answer. Emma pointed her finger at me in a scolding fashion.

“Hey, what do I say - no cussing.”

Not helping the situation at all, this was my response, “Oh, fuck. Sorry.” I scrunched up my nose and tried again. “Really, though. Sorry.” When she smiled, coming over to the bed to sit beside me, I felt better.

“So,” I started. “Does she not know I’m here?”

She shook her head. “Not a clue.”

“So what should I do?”

She took a second to think. “I will sneak you out -”

Her bedroom door opened suddenly, and we both tensed up at the sight of her mom. “Emilia, why is this door closed - ?” She stopped mid-sentence and gawked at me. I could tell she was beginning to fume.

“What is that boy doing here? In your room? With the door closed?”

She looked to me for an answer - I stuttered - then to Emma.

Emma’s mouth hung open as she searched for an excuse.

Releasing stammers, she collected herself enough to say, “He - we were studying.”

“Where are your books?” she asked, hand going to her hip.

“He just got here - we haven’t started yet,” Emma explained franticly. “Mama, I swear.”

Her mother took a deep breath, and snapped out harshly, “Emilia Maria Russo, non osate mentire a me. Che cosa è quel ragazzo facendo qui con te?”

I sat there in shock. What did she just say?

Emma’s face became tense and she frowned. "Mama, ti giuro. Che non sto mentendo. Ha ottenuto qui presto e tu non eri qui. Mi dispiace. Si non accadrà mai più. Lo prometto."

I looked at Emma and was strangely turned on. Why are foreign people so hot sometimes? I looked back at her mother, standing in the doorway with the most pissed off/deceived face I have ever seen.

She relaxed only slightly as she spoke to Emma again.

“Giura di me? Non è successo niente? Lui è qui solo per studiare?”

Emma nodded quickly. “I swear,” she whispered regretfully. Her mother looked at her one more time and then at me. She gave me a look of warning before opening the door completely so it touched the wall.

“If I come back up here and this door is closed, he is never coming back over.” She sounded %100 serious. We both nodded, and she remained in the room for a few more seconds and then turned and left.

Neither of us said anything or moved.

I finally had to say something. “Uhm…what was all that?”

Emma closed her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose. “She didn’t believe me.”

“But does she now?”

“So she says. But I have doubts.” She dropped her head into her hands and sighed yet again. “I do not like lying to her. She will be so angry if she finds out your real purpose here.”

Oh, yeah. The real purpose. Godddd. I can’t believe that even happened. It was such a mistake. Me ever talking to her was such a mistake. I should’ve just left her alone.

That stupid party.

I was becoming angry at Natalie for bringing it up. But I was the one who ditched her for Emma. She shouldn’t have came with me. Look how it all turned out.

Emma leaned over, dropping her head onto my chest. She snuggled closely when I draped an arm around her waist. I saw her close her eyes, and felt her relax.

This was so nice. I just wanted to lie down and cuddle with her, falling asleep. If her mother saw that…heh. Goodbye to me.

But damn. That reaction was just because of me being in the same room as Emma. Imagine if Emma was pregnant. I would die. Her mom was becoming more and more terrifying to me. Her dad must be an absolute nightmare.

I wanted to get out of here before he came home. I stuck around for about half an hour or so and all we did was talk, and then I left, making sure I avoided her dad at all costs.

Hey, I’ll meet him when I absolutely have to. Til then I’ll be over here existing and enjoying life.

Just a little while longer. I hope.