My Janey
Epilogue
I never got to see the note she left. Her parents kept it and when I asked to see it they instantly shot me down. It's not something I want to see they said. They didn't know anything.
It was two weeks after her funeral that my mum gave me a letter addressed to me. It didn't have a return address just mine. My mum didn't want to give it to me when it first arrived the day after Janey was found, not that i can blame her i was practically comatose for days. I just knew staring down at the mysterious letter that it had to be from my Janey. Even after death she was still surprising me.
She told me what happened to her that Halloween. Roger had broken up with her at the party that's why she had originally disappeared. Then while she was alone in a bathroom crying some guy found her. She had never seen him before but he told her he knew a quiet place for her to go to calm down. My sweet, naive, Janey followed him. He lead her to a room where two other guys were waiting and while the first one stood watch out side of the door the other two took turns with her. They raped my Janey. She felt so worthless after that she couldn't go on. It was eating away at her. She kept telling me it wasn't my fault, over and over, she told me how much she loved me. She hadn't felt right in years, it wasn't even the first time she had thought about killing herself. I still have her letter only now there's tape in every inch of it keeping it together after so many times of rereading it. At the end she told me to continue singing. She said that's one of the things she would miss the most, my singing. She told me to never give up on my dream, that she was proud of me and would always be proud of me.
I never wanted to disappoint her so that summer I tried out for X Factor. I did what she wanted me to do. Follow my dreams. Everywhere I go I think about Janey and how much she would have loved to travel the world with me. The lads would have loved her and she would have loved them. I became someone she would have loved, even going as far as to dress like the only person she had ever fancied. I became a charismatic, charming, lady's man to hide how lonely I actually am without my Janey. No one will ever replace the part of my heart Janey took with her that night.
Every award I've ever won was for her. Every record we broke was for her. Even though I never told the lads about her I always silently thanked her and told her it was all for her. Everything I do is for her. All I want is to make her happy.
It's her birthday tomorrow, twenty three, that's how old she would have been. It's weird how time flies when someone is gone. I've gone on four world tours, debuted several singles and five albums; and yet it still doesn't feel like it's been almost eight years since I lost her.
Tonight I will go onstage for the last time as one fifth of One Direction. Seven years as a band coming to an end with one final performance. I have no idea where I'll go from here. This will be the first time in my life I have to make a life decision without Janey. I know what ever I do in the future Janey will be happy with me, and will always be proud.
One day I'll see my Janey again. When that time comes I'll finally be able to tell her how I feel about her. I can say the things I never got to say. My Janey will be waiting for me.
It was two weeks after her funeral that my mum gave me a letter addressed to me. It didn't have a return address just mine. My mum didn't want to give it to me when it first arrived the day after Janey was found, not that i can blame her i was practically comatose for days. I just knew staring down at the mysterious letter that it had to be from my Janey. Even after death she was still surprising me.
She told me what happened to her that Halloween. Roger had broken up with her at the party that's why she had originally disappeared. Then while she was alone in a bathroom crying some guy found her. She had never seen him before but he told her he knew a quiet place for her to go to calm down. My sweet, naive, Janey followed him. He lead her to a room where two other guys were waiting and while the first one stood watch out side of the door the other two took turns with her. They raped my Janey. She felt so worthless after that she couldn't go on. It was eating away at her. She kept telling me it wasn't my fault, over and over, she told me how much she loved me. She hadn't felt right in years, it wasn't even the first time she had thought about killing herself. I still have her letter only now there's tape in every inch of it keeping it together after so many times of rereading it. At the end she told me to continue singing. She said that's one of the things she would miss the most, my singing. She told me to never give up on my dream, that she was proud of me and would always be proud of me.
I never wanted to disappoint her so that summer I tried out for X Factor. I did what she wanted me to do. Follow my dreams. Everywhere I go I think about Janey and how much she would have loved to travel the world with me. The lads would have loved her and she would have loved them. I became someone she would have loved, even going as far as to dress like the only person she had ever fancied. I became a charismatic, charming, lady's man to hide how lonely I actually am without my Janey. No one will ever replace the part of my heart Janey took with her that night.
Every award I've ever won was for her. Every record we broke was for her. Even though I never told the lads about her I always silently thanked her and told her it was all for her. Everything I do is for her. All I want is to make her happy.
It's her birthday tomorrow, twenty three, that's how old she would have been. It's weird how time flies when someone is gone. I've gone on four world tours, debuted several singles and five albums; and yet it still doesn't feel like it's been almost eight years since I lost her.
Tonight I will go onstage for the last time as one fifth of One Direction. Seven years as a band coming to an end with one final performance. I have no idea where I'll go from here. This will be the first time in my life I have to make a life decision without Janey. I know what ever I do in the future Janey will be happy with me, and will always be proud.
One day I'll see my Janey again. When that time comes I'll finally be able to tell her how I feel about her. I can say the things I never got to say. My Janey will be waiting for me.