Wonderwall

Call me a coward but I knew I couldn’t face Ryan this morning after he saw me in such a vulnerable state last night. When I woke up at his house, I was happy for one split second before all of the events from the night before rushed into my brain. Kaden lying and cheating, my having my meltdown, and Ryan being my shoulder to cry on.

I slipped back on my shorts from the night before, but kept the shirt I had borrowed. I said a silent prayer that Casey and Tony had been out the night before so that nobody would ever know I was here. Being as quiet as I possibly could, I left before Ryan woke up.

I guess you could say I was afraid of the unknown and not knowing how Ryan would treat me this morning if I had stayed was a little intimidating to me. It could have gone two ways: the first and the one I preferred would be that we had bonded the night before and would be able to put our years of childish bickering behind us. The second way, which is what I was afraid of, would go something along the lines of me waking up, him telling me how rough I look and then taking a cheap shot at how much of a mess I was when I got there.

So the aftermath of my meltdown resulted in me lying in bed, drinking green tea, and watching Lifetime movies until Taylor woke up and saw her phone.

Finally after about two movies I got a text from her. I called her and told her everything that happened last night with Kaden, nothing about what happened with Ryan. I knew that if I told her and it didn’t work out that we were friends now, she would drive me insane for the rest of my life about how it’s possible for us to get along. In the end, I came to the same conclusion I already had.

Kaden was a lying asshole and Ryan had confused the hell out of me. My plan was going to be avoiding him, which shouldn’t be that hard. I’ve gotten pretty good at it by now.

I heard the doorbell ring from downstairs and I knew that since both of my parents were at work I should probably go get it. Honestly, I couldn’t force myself to get out of my cocoon of blankets so I just ignored it hoping they would go away. The bell rang again, and I ignored it again. The bell rang a third time. I flung my blankets off of me and stomped down the stairs, hoping whoever was on the other side of the door could hear my so they knew they were interrupting something, my peace and quiet.

Ryan Sheckler was standing on my doorstep. Great. How was I supposed to avoid him if he just shows up at my damn house? Before I could get anything out of my mouth, he spoke. “Are you avoiding me?” He looked genuinely worried, but he’s pretty good at pretending.

“Why would you think that?” Playing stupid seemed to be my best option right about now. He didn’t seem to be buying it though. “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because I went to offer you breakfast this morning and there was no sign that you had ever been in my house. And then there’s the fact that you tried to get me to go away because I know you weren’t planning on answering the door anytime soon if I hadn’t kept ringing the bell.”

I couldn’t talk my way out of this one. I just looked down at my feet thinking of the right words to say. I could feel his eyes on me as he waited for my response. “Ryan, it’s not like that.”

“Really? Then what is it like?” Explaining it to him meant once again opening up to him about how I was tired of fighting and tired of hating him. “Nothing. Don’t worry about it. You should probably go.” I hoped he would leave the conversation alone and actually leave my house.

“No I don’t have anywhere to be. Do you want to keep fighting with me?” I looked down in defeat. I let my head rest against the doorframe and just stared at him, taking in his handsome features, until I could process what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it.

“No, okay, I don’t. Honestly I’m sick and tired of always being on edge around you. That’s exactly what this is, edge. You want to know the truth? Fine. I left this morning because I couldn’t deal with it if you had decided to make some snide comment about how I was a mess the night before. I could see you doing something stupid like sarcastically hitting on me since I was freshly single. I wanted to wake up and we could still be friends like we were last night, but I knew the chances of that were slim and so I left before you woke up.”

Neither of us spoke after that while he took in what I just said. A smile broke out on his face. “From this moment on, consider me a friend.” That sounded so nice, friends. He took one step forward and opened his arms for a hug. I debated on leaving him hanging just to be funny but that might not give our new friendship the best start so I walked forward into him. I wrapped my arms around his torso and his arms stayed around my shoulders in a comfortable position.

“I’m glad that war is over Ry,” I admitted.

“So am I Jess, so am I.”