Status: in progress
Long Hard Road to Happiness
insecurities
Harry stared at his reflection in the mirror. Hesitantly, he let his hands trail down from his chest to his belly and started to pinch the fat that was barely existent. Though he was an attractive boy with a fit an slim physique, just attaining manhood, he saw the opposite. Arms not tone enough, way to much chin and a stomach that wasnt flat enough. With dull and tired eyes, usually bright and green, he pulled out the scale that was hidden under the sink cabinet and stepped on it. The digital numbers came to a halt at 144. His constant weight, perfectly healthy, made him devastated and angry at himself. From now on he would make every effort to lose 10 pounds minimum till the end of the tour, getting rid of all the baby fat. Sadly he had the idea that all his problems and insecurities would drop off with the weight.
This misery started when an article on one of the many blogs on the inernet came to his view. It was about him and his allegedly "weight gain". Pictures showed him, enjoying an afternoon he spent at a hotel pool,only dressed in shorts and sunglasses. Paparazzi catched him in an unfavorable position, eating a Hot-Dog. He remembered the incident from only a week ago, but he thought nothing was wrong with his body. Harry began to see himself in a different light when he got a glimpse of the comments. The site was plastered with comments like: Ew, get rid of the fast food, who wants a fat boy in a pop band?" , or: "He should rather be working out on a treadmill than being lazy at a pool and stuffing himself with food", which where still the nicer ones.
He really wanted to shake this off, not letting it get to close to him, but it hurt more than he ever thought it could. Harrys bandmateds never earned mockery of this kind in the media, which Harry took as a confirm that there really was something wrong with himself. He started to envy his friends for the good looks and well toned bodys.
The watchful eyes of media and fans sent Harry into a spiral of eating disorders and depression that turns the life of him and his loved ones upside down.
From now on, sport was all he spent his freetime with, cutting off food he considered bad, living mostly on water and vegetables. Working out till his lungs burned and he was close to fainting, always keeping his goal in mind.
************************************************************************
It was ten in the morning and Harry woke up in his hotel bed, still tired from all the training he did last evening and the few hours of sleep he got. Reluctantly, he got up and went to the bathroom. He stripped off his clothing and exidetly got on the scale, checking if he was rewarded for days of starving and pushing himself to limits. He started his diet 7 days ago. the scale showed him the weight sunk from 144 to 141. Still way too much for Harry but a good start for now and he was sure he wouldnt slip.
After taking a shower he decidet to join the others. Checking the other rooms, which were empty, he continued the search. Harry soon became anxious when he found his friends in the dining hall, occupied with theire breakfast. The last days where stressful for everyone and Harry could avoid eating in front of his friends. The others already noticed him an motioned for him to come over. Harry sighed and started to load his tray. He took an apple, the only bearable thing to choose, and added a bowl of oatmeal, to make it look like he would have a normal amount of food. He went to sit with the boys, earning a slap on the back from Louis which made Harry drop his apple. "Morning, princess!", he greeted Harry with a huge smile. He rersponded the smile, grabbing the green apple and started eating it slowly. Savoring the taste of the only thing he would allow himself to eat until evening. The calories he was about to digest where running threw his mind, not being sure how many calories an apple contains. Harry decidet to get a list with common foods and their nutritional information. Niall, Zayn and Liam where about to rise from their chairs, being lectured by Louis. "Guys, dont be so rude! Harry is still eating." Harry shook his head and started to get up also. There was no way the untouched oatmeal would get anywhere near his mouth. "Ill come with you, Im not that hungry."
"But you just had an apple, we are going to have a long day. Do you feel sick?" Lou asked concerned, touching Harrys forehead. Why did he have to make it so hard?
"Dont worry guys, I just dont have the biggest appetite this morning. Now lets go." He quickly made his way to the exit. A bus would take them to the airport for the flight to New York in about half an hour and Harry still had to pack his suitcases. He couldnt stop to yawn, hoping he would get some hours to sleep on the flight. At least he could be pleased that all he had on his record today was a single apple.
A quick knock at his door took him out of his reverie.
"Harry, are you ready? We meet us in the entrance area.", Liam informed him."Ill be there in a second!" he yelled back and finished packing, leaving his room to join the others.
**********************************************************************
While leaving the hotel the boys where greeted by screaming fans like usually. Harry, who often went the extra mile for fans to pose for photos and scribble down autographs, alsmost sprinted pass the waiting fans. He just couldn`t stand the attention and noise lately. That didn`t go unnoticed by his four attentive bandmates, but they shrugged it off for being stress or a stomach bug or something alike, still keeping a watchful eye one the curly haired boy. After arriving at the airport, they quickly entered the plane and took their seats. Harry, Liam and Louis in a row and Zayn and Niall behind them.They tried to make the time go by with joking around, playing cards or in Nialls case sorting skittles by colour. The flight went on and Harry dozed off, finally having a peaceful sleep,
despite Niall and Liam laghing about some story and not minding entertaining everyone else against their will. A stewardess came over to ask if the five of them would like something to eat for lunch. "Was about time!", Niall exclaimed and chose first. "Curly!Wake up", Liam nudged Harrys shoulder.
Harry came to his senses and gave everyone a confused look. "The lady is taking our order for lunch", Zayn explained to him. "Great...", Harry thought sarcastic, "Food again".
"Um, I think I`ll be fine with a bottle of water. I`m not hungry", Harry finally mustered out, but Louis was having non of that. "You can get my friend over here the same as me." Harry looked at his neighbour with a miffed face. "Don`t give me this look Harry". Louis leaned over so the others wouldn`t listen in on them."It`s already fifteen o`clock and all you had was an apple this morning so you have to be hungry if you are not sick. Also I didnt see you eat the past days. We love you Harry and we notice this stuff!" Harry looked at him dumbfounded, his heart starting to beat faster. Louis was so close to find out, he had to assure him everything was fine. "I did eat, Lou. It`s just the week was so stressful and I didn`t get enough sleep, so my appetite was gone.", he lied to him.
"I know it`s hard, but you should take better care of yourself, Hazza-Boo" Lois grinned and pinched his cheek like a grandma would. On one side it was heartwarming how Louis was looking after Harry, but on the other side it made him frustrated because it was an extra burden to deal with.
The stewardess came back with a hostess trolley and handed out the orders. Harry began to pale when he discovered what Louis made him eat. Macaroni and cheese. Harry tried to hide the disgust he felt and carefully grabbed his fork. Hesitantly he started to push the macaroni around the plate, wishing he could get out of this somehow. But their was no way to escape, Louis practically scanned every move of him, as he was already suspicious. Harry had no choice but to give in, picking some food and taking the first bite.
This misery started when an article on one of the many blogs on the inernet came to his view. It was about him and his allegedly "weight gain". Pictures showed him, enjoying an afternoon he spent at a hotel pool,only dressed in shorts and sunglasses. Paparazzi catched him in an unfavorable position, eating a Hot-Dog. He remembered the incident from only a week ago, but he thought nothing was wrong with his body. Harry began to see himself in a different light when he got a glimpse of the comments. The site was plastered with comments like: Ew, get rid of the fast food, who wants a fat boy in a pop band?" , or: "He should rather be working out on a treadmill than being lazy at a pool and stuffing himself with food", which where still the nicer ones.
He really wanted to shake this off, not letting it get to close to him, but it hurt more than he ever thought it could. Harrys bandmateds never earned mockery of this kind in the media, which Harry took as a confirm that there really was something wrong with himself. He started to envy his friends for the good looks and well toned bodys.
The watchful eyes of media and fans sent Harry into a spiral of eating disorders and depression that turns the life of him and his loved ones upside down.
From now on, sport was all he spent his freetime with, cutting off food he considered bad, living mostly on water and vegetables. Working out till his lungs burned and he was close to fainting, always keeping his goal in mind.
************************************************************************
It was ten in the morning and Harry woke up in his hotel bed, still tired from all the training he did last evening and the few hours of sleep he got. Reluctantly, he got up and went to the bathroom. He stripped off his clothing and exidetly got on the scale, checking if he was rewarded for days of starving and pushing himself to limits. He started his diet 7 days ago. the scale showed him the weight sunk from 144 to 141. Still way too much for Harry but a good start for now and he was sure he wouldnt slip.
After taking a shower he decidet to join the others. Checking the other rooms, which were empty, he continued the search. Harry soon became anxious when he found his friends in the dining hall, occupied with theire breakfast. The last days where stressful for everyone and Harry could avoid eating in front of his friends. The others already noticed him an motioned for him to come over. Harry sighed and started to load his tray. He took an apple, the only bearable thing to choose, and added a bowl of oatmeal, to make it look like he would have a normal amount of food. He went to sit with the boys, earning a slap on the back from Louis which made Harry drop his apple. "Morning, princess!", he greeted Harry with a huge smile. He rersponded the smile, grabbing the green apple and started eating it slowly. Savoring the taste of the only thing he would allow himself to eat until evening. The calories he was about to digest where running threw his mind, not being sure how many calories an apple contains. Harry decidet to get a list with common foods and their nutritional information. Niall, Zayn and Liam where about to rise from their chairs, being lectured by Louis. "Guys, dont be so rude! Harry is still eating." Harry shook his head and started to get up also. There was no way the untouched oatmeal would get anywhere near his mouth. "Ill come with you, Im not that hungry."
"But you just had an apple, we are going to have a long day. Do you feel sick?" Lou asked concerned, touching Harrys forehead. Why did he have to make it so hard?
"Dont worry guys, I just dont have the biggest appetite this morning. Now lets go." He quickly made his way to the exit. A bus would take them to the airport for the flight to New York in about half an hour and Harry still had to pack his suitcases. He couldnt stop to yawn, hoping he would get some hours to sleep on the flight. At least he could be pleased that all he had on his record today was a single apple.
A quick knock at his door took him out of his reverie.
"Harry, are you ready? We meet us in the entrance area.", Liam informed him."Ill be there in a second!" he yelled back and finished packing, leaving his room to join the others.
**********************************************************************
While leaving the hotel the boys where greeted by screaming fans like usually. Harry, who often went the extra mile for fans to pose for photos and scribble down autographs, alsmost sprinted pass the waiting fans. He just couldn`t stand the attention and noise lately. That didn`t go unnoticed by his four attentive bandmates, but they shrugged it off for being stress or a stomach bug or something alike, still keeping a watchful eye one the curly haired boy. After arriving at the airport, they quickly entered the plane and took their seats. Harry, Liam and Louis in a row and Zayn and Niall behind them.They tried to make the time go by with joking around, playing cards or in Nialls case sorting skittles by colour. The flight went on and Harry dozed off, finally having a peaceful sleep,
despite Niall and Liam laghing about some story and not minding entertaining everyone else against their will. A stewardess came over to ask if the five of them would like something to eat for lunch. "Was about time!", Niall exclaimed and chose first. "Curly!Wake up", Liam nudged Harrys shoulder.
Harry came to his senses and gave everyone a confused look. "The lady is taking our order for lunch", Zayn explained to him. "Great...", Harry thought sarcastic, "Food again".
"Um, I think I`ll be fine with a bottle of water. I`m not hungry", Harry finally mustered out, but Louis was having non of that. "You can get my friend over here the same as me." Harry looked at his neighbour with a miffed face. "Don`t give me this look Harry". Louis leaned over so the others wouldn`t listen in on them."It`s already fifteen o`clock and all you had was an apple this morning so you have to be hungry if you are not sick. Also I didnt see you eat the past days. We love you Harry and we notice this stuff!" Harry looked at him dumbfounded, his heart starting to beat faster. Louis was so close to find out, he had to assure him everything was fine. "I did eat, Lou. It`s just the week was so stressful and I didn`t get enough sleep, so my appetite was gone.", he lied to him.
"I know it`s hard, but you should take better care of yourself, Hazza-Boo" Lois grinned and pinched his cheek like a grandma would. On one side it was heartwarming how Louis was looking after Harry, but on the other side it made him frustrated because it was an extra burden to deal with.
The stewardess came back with a hostess trolley and handed out the orders. Harry began to pale when he discovered what Louis made him eat. Macaroni and cheese. Harry tried to hide the disgust he felt and carefully grabbed his fork. Hesitantly he started to push the macaroni around the plate, wishing he could get out of this somehow. But their was no way to escape, Louis practically scanned every move of him, as he was already suspicious. Harry had no choice but to give in, picking some food and taking the first bite.