Decided to Break It

I stood over the toilet and kept throwing up. Withdrawal sucks, man. I’d pawned my two guitars and gave Mike some of Sara’s stash and came up with the whole 1100 so I wasn’t worried about that. But I was trying to get off of this stuff altogether. Knowing that Echo could’ve been hurt scared me into getting clean. I stumbled out of my bathroom, squinting at the sunlight that was in my room. Sunlight? What time is it? I figured I’d missed school but I didn’t care. I stayed in the bathroom all night and wasn’t feeling better at all. But I needed to be clean- for her.

I heard my phone beeping and after about 10 minutes of looking for it, I found it under my dresser and under a sock. 44 missed calls- damn. And 20 were from Echo, not to mention all the texts from her and the rest of the crew. I called Echo back, just to let her know I was okay. I hoped my voice said that I was. “Hello?” A guy answered. “Um… Echo?” “Josh, hey buddy!” Mike said all cheery.
“…Mi…Mike?” “Yep. I’ve got your girl here. She’s hanging out with me and the guys.” “I paid you. What the fuck are you doing?” “Yeah, you paid me. But- your girl is just so. damn. cute. You can have her back, if ya want. But that’s another 450.” “I don’t have that. You said 1100. I gave you that. GIVE ME MY GIRLFRIEND BACK!” I sat down on the floor to collect myself but couldn’t get my thoughts together. “She’s not in any danger. Yet.” He hung up. Fuck! Fuck me! Fuck!

I grabbed some of my mom’s jewelry, some of Sara’s and went through her drawers to see if any of her stash was still there, but she moved it- must’ve known I tampered with it. Oh well. I made my way to the pawn shop, throwing up three times on the way but only got 300 for everything. While I stood outside of the shop trying to get my thoughts together, Echo’s phone called me again. “You on your way?” Mike asked me cheerfully. “I just need some more time.” “I don’t know if she’s got more time.” “Don’t do anything stupid.” “I don’t know Ramsay, she’s got a sweet mouth.” I puked. “Leave her alone.” I breathed. “Oh, I will. For another half hour.” He hung up and the only thing I knew to do was call Matt. “I need to borrow some money.” “What? Why?” “I’m in trouble. It’s just 150 but I need it quick. I swear you’ll get it back.” “Josh- what’s going on?” “Please Matt. I don’t have time.” “Okay… okay… um. I’m pretty sure I have some saved up here. Stop by and I’ll hook you up.”

He didn’t ask any questions when I showed up. He just gave me the money and I ran back to my car and drove as fast as I could to Mike’s place. I banged on the door but there was no answer. I tried kicking it down but I was too weak and instead, just ended up throwing up on the door. Mike came to the door and busted out laughing when he saw me. “You look like pure shit.” “Where is she?” I was completely out of breath and I couldn’t focus much but she was the only thing keeping me going. “Where’s my money?” I handed it to him and he counted it, smiling the whole time. “Better hurry up, I’m pretty sure Tony’s gonna make her his bitch soon.” I pushed passed him and immediately towards the screaming I heard. “Shut up!” I threw my body into one door and no one was in there so I did it again down the hall- finally- the right door. The Tony guy stood over her shaking body. Her eyes were rolled back in her head again and she was convulsing all over the place. I picked her up and noticed she had a fever and was trying to breathe but couldn’t. “Call an ambulance!” I yelled, tears streaming down my face. This was all my fault. “Fuck no! Take her with you!”

I threw her over my shoulder and rushed down the stairs and threw her into the back of my car.
They held me and wouldn’t let me go in the back with her once we got there. They called her parents, this time, her dad and Izzy showed up. My parents came a little later for support. They called Matt who called everyone else and about an hour later, everyone was in the waiting room with me, trying to comfort me. Except Kevvy. He just stayed in the corner with arms crossed, glaring at me. “It’s my fault.” I heard her dad whisper. Immediately my ears popped up. “They’re still after us. I figured moving to Canada would make them go away.” Izzy rubbed his back to make him feel better. I knew this wasn’t his fault, but I wasn’t going to take the blame for it. Nope. Her dad made her feel like shit since the day she was born and he hurt her, so much. I wasn’t going to let her down, even if that meant keeping this my little secret. I was shivering extremely hard and Amanda found me a blanket- though I wasn’t cold. No one came out to tell us anything for a while. A good three hours passed before we even got to see her doctor. “She’s alright.” He said, as soon as he did, the entire room exhaled and you could tell everyone was relieved.

“Mr. and Mrs. Morietti, can I speak with you for a moment?” They went over to the side and I watched to see if I could read his lips. I’m not sure what happened, but Izzy grabbed Tony’s shirt and dug her face into his side. I stood up to walk over there but Kevvy got there first. Izzy hugged him and I balled up my fist. Kevvy looked at me, his eyes deep and angry and I still had no clue what happened. After a couple of minutes, Kevvy came up to me. “They had to pump her stomach. She was injected with enough heroin to take down a fucking elephant, not to mention all the coke they found in her system too.” I didn’t say anything at all. I couldn’t. She could’ve died. By this time, the others had made their way around us too. “She hasn’t eaten in a while either. They’re saying she’s anorexic.” He turned towards Matt and Amanda, both of whom had their heads down. “Feelin’ like shit yet?” His hair was pulled back under a baseball cap and you could see that his eyes were even more furious than before. “Kevvy… I…” “Save it.” He cut me off but I don’t know why. She was my girlfriend. “She’s fine right now. Sleepin’. Visiting hours are over until tomorrow unless her parents say otherwise. They’re trying to put her in a rehab center for drugs and anorexia by Wednesday. Hope you’re all fucking happy.” He didn’t even wait to see if her parents would let us see her before he left. He just… he just left.

None of us talked to each other. Ian held Ali while she cried, Matt held Amanda and he just kept shaking his head. I just stared at the blinding, tiled floor, not paying attention to anything. My body shivered uncontrollably and I knew a hit would calm me down. But I couldn’t do it. Not after tonight. Mike sat next to me and put his arm around my shoulders. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to. Just knowing he was there helped a lot.

Her parents didn’t let us see her that night, which was okay, I guess. On our way out, my mom grabbed my hand and pulled me back towards the waiting room. My dad was already sat down with a doctor and my mom sat next to both of them. I pulled up the coffee table with all the old magazines on it and sat across from them. “Is she okay?” I barely whispered. “She’ll be fine. We’re going to send her to a rehab center once we’re sure she can breathe on her own.” Those words stung. This was all my fault. My mom grabbed my dad’s hand and a tear dropped down her face. “How long have you been going through withdrawal?” The doctor asked point blank. I wanted to puke. “Heroin, right? I can tell because of your eyes. And your mom says you haven’t been eating.” “Did she do this to you?!” My dad nearly yelled. I couldn’t handle this. I stood up to leave but my mom sobbed “please” and I was frozen. “I’m guessing you’ve been addicted for at least 3 months, yeah? The bulimia longer? You have all the signs, son.” My dad kept his head down and my mom just cried. I said nothing. I wanted to puke. “We’re... we’re gonna send you to the rehab center too.” She cried. “I’m fine.” “No you’re not. You’re going.” My dad’s face was fierce. They weren’t gonna take my word for it.