Souvenirs From Dead Worlds

Sam felt restless from the moment he woke up the next morning, and it quickly became clear that he wouldn't be able to simply laze around their room with Kias all day without getting grumpy. He needed to get some proper exercise.

The only real issue was what he would do with Kias while he got it. Taking Kias with him was an option, but Sam couldn't really imagine Kias being anything but a frustrating and distracting hindrance. Sam wanted to lose himself in physical exertion and, for just a few hours, not have to worry about Kias.

Sam glanced over to Kias who was sitting on his bed and busying himself with braiding his hair, the reddish golden strands sliding smoothing through his fingers as he twined them together. Kias’ slender hands had a grace and dexterity to them that Sam’s lacked.

"I have some things I need to do today,” Sam said. “Would you mind if I left you with a friend of mine for a while?"

"That's fine," Kias said, but Sam didn’t fail to notice that his normally confident hands had stumbled and ruined the braid he was working on at the mention of being sent to stay with someone else, nor the tension in his voice.

Sam probably should have paid attention to what Kias was communicating to him nonverbally and either figured out what the issue was and resolved it or thought of another option. He didn't. Despite all his good intentions, Sam hadn't suddenly stopped being selfish and it was much easier to simply take Kias at his word. It wasn't like anything terrible would happen to him, and perhaps Kias would learn that he really was safe by spending a little time away from Sam and seeing that things weren't really as threatening as he thought.

Sam sent a message to a friend of his, Jay, who lived in the compound and had the same job as Sam did. He was presently on leave and he was a nice, easy going guy. Hopefully he'd be able to handle Kias for a few hours without incident.

Jay sent a message back saying he didn't mind watching Kias at all, and told Sam to bring him round whenever he was ready. As Jay’s job involved interacting with people from other worlds, just as Sam's did, he was interested to meet someone who had come from one of those worlds to theirs.

Kias was still on edge as they left their room, but Sam was determined not to let it bother him. Jay would do a great job, and perhaps this would be a baby step towards some kind of independence for Kias. He'd have to learn to manage on his own at least for short periods eventually.

Sam pressed the buzzer on Jay's door, and a moment later the door slid open.

"Hey, man," Jay said to Sam, smiling openly. His hair was black and long enough that he was forever shoving it out of his eyes, and his olive skin was smooth. He was handsome and, unfortunately, completely straight. Jay waggled his fingers at Kias, and Kias waved back uncertainly in response.

Jay's grin widened. "You taught him that?"

Sam shook his head. "Laura did."

"Well, little by little, you know? It's great he's learning to communicate. I bet he has loads of great things to say."

When Jay moved aside Sam entered, leading Kias with him. "He doesn't really say much at all, honestly. His speciality is looking anxious."

"Kinda like right now, huh?" Jay asked. He was watching Kias, who was in turn looking to Sam for instruction.

Sam switched languages to speak to Kias. "This is Jay, he's a really friendly guy. The bathroom’s through that door, and I'll be back before lunch so you don't have to worry about food. Okay?"

Kias nodded, though he looked no less tense.

Sam patted Kias on the back and addressed Jay again. "I'll be at the gym so I might not have my communicator on, but I doubt you'll need me. If he gets upset for some reason, just give him some space for a while. I'll be back by twelve."

Jay smiled again and nodded. "Yeah, no worries, we'll be fine. I'll show him my photo collection. Finally, someone who can't say no."

Sam shook his head, smiling, but made no comment. ‘No’ was a word he'd have to teach Kias some time.

As he was saying goodbye to Kias, strangely, he felt like he ought to kiss Kias on the forehead like a mother might on her child's first day of school. Instead, he patted Kias on the back. "You'll be fine."

When Sam glanced back at Kias just before he left the room, Kias still didn't looked like he believed him. Oh well. He'd learn.

#

The sense of unease gripping Kias' gut increased once Sam left, and Kias turned to watch his minder uncertainly. This guy, Jay, certainly seemed friendly enough, and Sam had been fairly clear about the role he intended Jay to play. The show of possessiveness from the previous night had made Kias fairly confident that Sam was not planning to let anyone else touch him.

Jay had picked up one of those rectangular things Sam said were called tablets and was gesturing for Kias to follow him further into the room, so Kias did. Jay's room was smaller than the one Kias shared with Sam, but it had carpet and looked altogether more homely. Kias eyed the bed with trepidation, but it was the sofa Jay led him to.

Jay sat down on the sofa and patted the spot next to him, so Kias sat too. Not close enough, apparently, because Jay shuffled over until their thighs nearly touched. He held the tablet between them, and then pressed something that made it light up and images appear on the screen.

He tapped things on the screen faster than Kias could follow until a picture of a house showed up. It looked much more like the houses in Kias' city had than any structure he'd seen on Sam's world, even though the architecture was a little different. It was simple, worn, and kind of shabby, completely different from any of the buildings on Sam’s world.

Jay said something and then tapped the screen, switching to the next picture. It looked like a marketplace, and again nothing like anything on Sam's world. As Jay progressed through the pictures, Kias became more and more convinced that these were images of another world. Kias had no idea how images like these were even recorded, but Sam's people managed it somehow and there wasn't much point in questioning it.

After handing the tablet to Kias, Jay stood from the sofa and went over to the kitchen area of his room. Kias hesitated for a moment, and then cautiously tapped the screen of the tablet with his finger. The image changed. He glanced back at Jay and shrunk in on himself guiltily when he saw Jay watching him, but then Jay grinned so Kias figured he was allowed to switch between the pictures on his own.

Kias switched between a couple more, one of a library and one of several horses, but when he tapped again the screen suddenly went grey and there were words. Kias stared at the screen in horror. What had he just done? Panicking, Kias began tapping things randomly in hopes of fixing whatever he'd done. The screen changed again, but to the plain green background with little images on it that had come up before Jay had brought up the pictures. Was that better? Or worse? Kias was so busy panicking that he didn't notice Jay returning until Jay was looming over him.

Kias cringed back against the sofa and stared up at Jay timidly, but Jay just smiled, said something, and then tapped the screen of the tablet. The pictures came back.

Kias sighed in relief and Jay handed him one of the bottles he was holding before sitting back down next to Kias.

"Drink," Jay said when Kias just stared at the bottle, pronouncing the word slowly and carefully. Kias made a guess at what Jay was saying and took a sip.

It tasted... odd. Fruity and sweet, but with a strange edge to it. Not bad, though. It had bubbles in it that made his tongue tingle like some of the other drinks Sam had given him, so Kias guessed it was something similar. Jay took a deep swallow from his own drink, and Kias mimicked the action. It was actually quite nice once he got used to the unusual flavour.

The longer Kias was with Jay, the more he started to relax. Really, Jay seemed like a fairly nice guy. He smiled more than Sam did and was more patient. He also didn't own Kias, which was a trait Kias preferred in those he associated with. Even so, being near him didn't give Kias the same feeling of safety and protection he got when he was with Sam. Perhaps the safety Sam provided was an illusion, but Kias was coming to believe that Sam was on his side.

He didn't realise he'd been leaning against Jay until Jay stood and Kias almost fell sideways onto the sofa. This time when Jay left, Kias continued tapping through the pictures without concern. If he did something wrong it could clearly be undone, so why worry? When Jay handed Kias a second bottle, he accepted it happily.

It wasn't long after starting the second bottle that Kias began to suspect it was alcohol. He'd never had alcohol before and he'd never smelled any with such a fruity fragrance, but he was feeling woozy and relaxed and rather a bit more friendly than was appropriate. He considered setting the bottle aside immediately, but decided not to. It felt good not to worry for just a little while.

When Kias was halfway through the second bottle Jay tried to gently take it from him, but Kias hugged it against his chest and Jay didn't try again. When the door buzzed a while later, Kias was entertaining himself by tonguing at the opening of his mostly empty bottle.

#

Jay looked kind of anxious when he answered the door, and Sam's stomach immediately sunk. Jay was always chill.

"What happened?" Sam asked.

"Well... nothing happened," Jay said. "But... don't get mad, he's just fine. I just kind of..."

"What did you do?"

"He's drunk," Jay blurted. "I gave him a couple of drinks to relax him, and I guess I forgot to take into account that he's kind of a scrawny little thing. He's fine though! He's a nice drunk."

Sam sighed and shouldered past Jay into the room. "It's not even lunchtime and you got him plastered?"

Kias was sitting on the sofa fellating his bottle of sugary alcohol. Rather than stop, he waved at Sam in greeting. He did, at least, seem perfectly happy, not to mention far more relaxed than usual. Perhaps keeping him constantly boozed up was the solution to all their problems.

Sam glanced back over at Jay. "I'm not mad, but just so you know this isn't generally how you babysit."

"He's an adult," Jay protested, and then made a face. "He is an adult, right? He's kind of skinny, it's hard to tell."

"Eighteen," Sam confirmed, and then turned to address Kias. "Come on, you drunk. Time to go home."

Kias tipped the bottle back and drained the rest of the liquid before standing up. He stumbled a little at first, but once he gained his footing he didn't look like he'd need any help with staying on his feet. Kias handed his empty bottle to Jay and gave him a smile and a wave before Sam led him from the room.

"You do realise that was alcohol, right?" Sam asked as they walked down the hall. Kias was walking so close that their shoulders kept bumping together.

Kias laughed. "Not at first, but by now? Yes."

"This isn't exactly what I had in mind when I asked him to watch you for me."

"Are you angry?" Kias asked, but he seemed only mildly concerned.

"Nah, it's fine," Sam said. "Alcohol's not a great thing to rely on, but you're enjoying its effects."

"I've never been drunk before," Kias said thoughtfully, then started running his tongue along his lips as though the texture fascinated him.

Ah shit, it looked like Kias had some kind of oral fixation when he was drunk. Sam averted his eyes. Kias was attractive, something that was especially clear when he relaxed and stopped looking like a startled bunny, but actually thinking of Kias like that made Sam feel like the worst kind of creep.

"We should get you some food," Sam said as soon as they reached their room. "It'll help sober you up."

"Mm, food, yes," Kias said, smiling, and Sam wished like hell he looked that open and happy when he wasn't drunk. Or maybe not. This new side of Kias was stirring up a jittery feeling in Sam’s stomach that he wasn’t entirely comfortable with.

When Sam opened the fridge and began looking through it, Kias came and leant in close against his side. It was really, really distracting, and only got worse when Kias bit down lightly on his shoulder. The shirt Sam had worn to exercise in was sleeveless, so he could feel Kias' bare teeth drag lightly over his exposed skin. It sent shivers through his body.

"What are you doing?" Sam asked. He wondered if it would be best to push Kias away, or if that kind of rejection would have a negative impact on their still developing relationship.

"No biting?" Kias asked innocently.

Sam turned back to the fridge, and took out the bowl of leftover spaghetti. "I can't imagine I taste very good."

"Salty," Kias said.

"That would be the sweat," Sam said as he began scooping spaghetti from the big bowl into two smaller bowls.

"Hmm," Kias said, and then gave Sam's shoulder a lick. Sam had to very firmly remind himself that Kias was a poor, traumatised, drunk teenage boy who would most likely ultimately be very upset if Sam so much as laid a finger on him in any sexual way. It took every bit of his self control to remain focussed on reheating their food. It was a very good thing Sam wasn't drunk as well. He'd have to make sure never to be drunk at the same time as Kias if this was the way Kias was going to behave.

Normally they ate on their beds, but once the food was reheated Sam pulled out the tiny table tucked away in the corner of the room for them to eat at. He doubted Kias would have been able to eat his food without making a mess.

Kias played with his food as he ate, sucking distractedly at the individual strands of spaghetti. Sam applied his attention determinedly to his own food and for once was finished eating before Kias. He put his bowl in the sink and went to lay down on his own bed while Kias finished his food.

A few minutes later when Sam was reading through his messages on his tablet, Kias clambered onto the bed next to him.

"Hello," Sam said without looking up.

Kias was, apparently, not in the mood to have anything but Sam's full attention, because he crawled up to Sam and sprawled himself half across Sam's chest. He reminded Sam of a cat, and his hand automatically reached up to pet Kias' head accordingly.

Kias sighed and leant into Sam's touch. "I'm bored."

"You're drunk," Sam countered.

Kias crawled further up Sam's body, elbowing the tablet out of the way in the process. "Both."

Sam was finding it really, really hard to pretend to be unaffected by Kias' behaviour. What did Kias even want from him? Well, obviously he was drunk and didn't know what he wanted, but what did Kias think he wanted? Sam could certainly think of a few things he wanted from Kias at that moment. It wasn't fair that he should have Kias' warm body pressed against his own, squirming as Kias repositioned himself, and be unable to do anything about it.

And then Kias' teeth clamped down lightly on Sam's ear and Sam very quickly pushed him away. Sam really, really shouldn't have let things go that far. Had he really not pushed Kias away sooner because he hadn't wanted Kias to feel rejected, or had he just been enjoying Kias' proximity? Sam wasn't sure, and that made him even more certain he needed to put space between himself and Kias until they were both ready to behave themselves.

"I need to go take a shower," Sam mumbled, then retreated to the bathroom. It wasn’t a complete lie; Sam was still sweaty from his workout, and a shower certainly wouldn't hurt.

Sam considered taking a cold shower, but he wasn't sure that would dampen his desire any longer than he was in it. He set it to warm, stripped off his clothes, and stepped under the spray.

He put a noble effort into not thinking about Kias' mouth on that bottle, Kias' teeth on his shoulder and ear, but his mind kept wandering back and eventually he surrendered to it. He finished silently, then slid down the wall and sat under the shower's spray.

Thinking about Kias in that way made him feel guilty, but he couldn't help it. No matter how many times he reminded himself of everything Kias had been through, he couldn't go back to thinking of Kias as some poor abused kid worthy only of pity. He promised himself, though, that he would never act on his desires. He'd never even let Kias know he had them if he could help it.

Eventually Sam's skin turned pruny, and he decided he'd spent enough time washing away his shame. Hopefully Kias was a bit more sober and hadn't wreaked havoc in their room in the meantime. Sam couldn't quite imagine Kias wreaking havoc, but then there were a lot of things he'd been imagining Kias doing that he hadn't previously.

When Sam left the bathroom he was relieved to find Kias asleep on Sam's bed. Careful not to wake him, Sam quietly retrieved his tablet from where it lay on the bed next to Kias, then paused to examine the source of his current problems.

Kias lay sprawled half on his back, half on his side. He'd released his strawberry blond hair from its braid and it lay around his head in loose waves. His lips were pinker than usual, probably from incessant chewing brought on by his alcohol induced oral fixation. The sudden desire to kiss them rose up in Sam, but he slunk over to Kias’ bed with his tablet in hand instead. He was going to focus on his messages and hope like hell Kias stayed asleep until he sobered up. Sam wasn't sure how much more temptation he could take.

#

When Kias woke up, he felt terrible. Why he felt terrible slowly came back, along with memories of all the things he'd done under the influence of the alcohol. Most notably, the things he'd done to Sam.

And Sam had more or less just ignored him or pushed him away. Kias really, really ought to have been pleased by that, but instead he mostly felt offended. He was fairly sure he hadn't been a slobbering, gross drunk, so why had Sam been so completely disinterested? But then, perhaps he didn't want Kias to show initiative. Perhaps he liked the quiet, subservient boy Kias was most of the time.

But Sam didn't really seem to. Oh, he certainly tolerated Kias, and without complaint for the most part, but there wasn't a single moment that Kias could think of when he had been anything but a burden on Sam. Yet Sam still kept him. It would have made sense to simply ask, because surely there was a rational reason and Sam knew it, but what if there wasn't? What if, upon Kias asking, Sam realised that Kias had been nothing but a pain? Sam wasn't perfect, but he was a far better owner than Kias could have expected.

Sam was talking, but in his own language. Kias rolled over and squinted his eyes open and saw Sam sitting on the other bed talking into a black, rectangular object Sam said was used for communication. Though Kias couldn't understand the words, he found the quiet rhythm of Sam's voice soothing. He let his eyes fall shut again.

Sam stopped talking, and a moment later he spoke in Kias' language. "You're awake."

Kias clutched his throbbing head. "Mmn."

Sam chuckled. "I'll get you something for that."

Sam began clattering around in the kitchen, but for once Kias felt too miserable to care. He was never drinking again. It had felt nice at the time, but in the end it'd just left him feeling awful and with memories of all the stupid things he'd done when he was drunk. He was lucky Sam's rejection had been so calm and gentle.

The machine that mixed food together started grinding and Kias whimpered and buried his head in his pillow. It stopped and there was more clattering, and then a moment later the bed dipped.

"Here, this'll help," Sam said from beside Kias. Kias looked up to see Sam holding a glass full of pink liquid.

Kias accepted the glass and took an experimental sip. The liquid was thick, ice cold, and fruity. It tasted good.

"It's just a... Well, if your people had a word for it I don't know it. It's ice, fruit, and yogurt all mixed together. I put something in it to make your head stop hurting."

"Medicine?"

"Yup. It's good stuff," Sam said. "It won't even make you sleepy like the needles did."

Like the... "Oh. So that's what happened."

"Yeah... I guess I didn't really explain that to you very well, huh?" Sam shuffled further onto the bed and lay down next to Kias. He looked like he wanted to say something, but was unsure how. "I need to take you to see a doctor again tomorrow. A different one."

"Why?" Kias asked cautiously, though he was careful not to sound defiant.

Sam made a face and averted his gaze. "Just some... things. You've been hurt in the past and the other doctor said there was some damage. This new doctor just needs to take a look so he can help fix it."

Sam seemed really, really uncomfortable even talking about the topic, and that set Kias on edge straight away. Kias could guess at what damage they meant, and tried to piece together why Sam might care to get something done about it.

Throughout everything that had happened Sam hadn't expressed the slightest sexual interest in Kias, but perhaps that didn't mean he had no plans to. He either cared about Kias' well-being or was strongly invested in pretending to, so what if he just wanted Kias to be in good physical condition before he made any kind of move?

Though the skin the doctor had put on his stomach had gone a long way towards speeding up the healing process, his stomach did still hurt if he touched it. He was also unhealthily thin, something Sam was clearly doing his best to change. The only thing Sam had not yet made an effort to fix that might physically impede comfortable intimacy was the scarring that remained as a reminder of what Kias had endured. Did they have medicine that could fix scarring? Kias wouldn't have been surprised.

"Okay..." Kias said slowly when Sam glanced over at him uncertainly. Sam might have been a nice person, but he really wasn't very good at being a master. He didn't seem to know how. It was almost endearing and, if Kias could be just a little more cunning, might even provide Kias with an advantage.

The thing was... Kias wasn't even sure any longer how opposed he was to doing things with Sam. If he just knew how sincere Sam’s supposed interest in his welfare was and what, exactly, Sam wanted from him, he might be perfectly happy to oblige. But Sam didn't seem to want to discuss it, so Kias didn't ask.

"Great," Sam said, though the smile he gave Kias was tight and not remotely genuine. "Now get off my bed. You have one of your own."

Kias slunk off to sit on his own bed. It was amazing how much little moments of rejection hurt when he shouldn't have wanted anything to do with Sam. He should have been glad every time Sam turned him away, but each time he wanted it less and less. Partly, he was just lonely. Sam was the only person he could even talk to, and maybe some sign that Sam appreciated his company would have been nice. But all that Kias could do about it for now was sip at his drink and sulk.