Cold Sweet Brutal Heart
Chapter 14
I sat on the floor in Matt's room. The house was very silent, it was almost dead... nothing was heard outside of Matt's door, I wonder where he went. Did he leave and try to call someone to come and get me and take me away? I suddenly started to panic, I then breathe heavily, wondering if I should go or stay. It was starting to be night time now... where is he? I was crying for what seemed like hours and barely stopped like almost 2 hours ago. I seriously still can't believe I did that. How could have this have happened knowing what I promised myself NOT to do. I felt so dead and lost...... part of me wanted to leave but another part of me wanted to just stay here and rott forever. Suddenly the doorknob to Matt's door turns slowly, and the door opens. I hug my knees really tight. His head pops out, his face tired and somewhat a bit pale... he looks at me with a blank face, his face still visible in the dark.
"Are you hungry?" he asks with no emotion
Am I hungry? Why would you ask a girl that that's been crying and just revealed her damn mentally ill self to you? I stay quiet.
"Well.... if you are..... their's dinner which I happened to do my best to cook... take your time.." he closes the door without hesitation
The fuck? I didn't know how to respond to that, I was pretty much speechless... is this a game he's playing on me? I wasen't sure if it was a trap or not.... but my stomach couldn't stop growling, damn you stomach, and I was suffering from a very bad headache, knowing it was the tears and sniffing that brought it, but I haven't eaten all day either. I was unsure on what to do exactly. Instead my body moves on it's own and walks to the door, I open it just a bit and notice that the light of the kitchen was on. I see a shadow sitting down... I figured it was him. I walk slowly to the stairs, making my way down, as I step on a creaky step, and I stop and back up a bit, suddenly I see the shadow move and come closer to the stairs, I put my hands up to my mouth to cover it. Matt then appears and looks up at me with still no expression on his face.
"You ready to eat?"
I am starving!!! I nod instead of replying to him, my hands still up to my mouth. He nods lightly, and signals me to come to the kitchen with his head.
"I have a plate ready for you.." he walks back to the kitchen again
I move my body to the kitchen slowly and feeling intimidated. He stands by the microwave heating my food up.
"No.." I say quickly
He turns to me with a worried look in his eyes.
"Don't warm it up..." I say almost mumbling
"Why?"
"I prefer my food not warmed up..."
"Are you sure?" he raises an eyebrow
"Yea..." I nod
He then stops the timer before it beeps and get's my plate handed it to me with a fork already on his other hand. I get it still feeling intimidated and walk to the table, to the far end of the corner and place my plate down without making any noise. Matt comes back to grab I was guessing a 2nd plate of food and sits at the other far end across from me. Their table was medium sized in length, not too long... I didn't dare to give him eye contact, although I was curious to know if he was looking at me at all, but I wasen't going to take the risk. I just sat there eating little by little the food, which was rather delicious... chicken, corn, smashed potatoes and gravy next to some delicious green beans. I hear him get up from his chair and go to his cupboard and grab a glass and pour in some red juice.
"Kool-Aid?" he looks at me now, my eyes meeting him finally
"Mmhmm.." I nod looking down at my food
He places the glass cup next to my plate and lays the Kool-Aid patch in the middle of the table, reachable more to me then to him, he sits back down without a word said and continues finishing his food. It was quiet through the whole meal, I was starting to get paranoid as thoughts kept going in and out of my mind, thoughts that weren't normal like was he going to call the cops on me and have me on lockdown? Was he going to murder me? What was he thinking? I hope he doesn't plan on taking me hostage and brutally torture me, will he ever let me go home?
"You can stay here the night if you like..."
He cuts through my emotions and I quickly look up with my eyes wide open in shock. I say nothing though.
"You can stay in my room... I'll be down here in the living room watching TV if you need me for anything.." he doesn't look at me just keeps eating his food while he says this
I still don't say a word... how can he casually say that after what happened earlier? Has he gone mad? I am not staying here, fuck that, what if something happens to me? No!!! I will not take that risk, I have to get home!! But if I do get home, I know what will await me there.... and it's not something I want to g through right now, more or less I don't even want to check my phone an forget I even have one or make myself believe I lost it.
"Do you want to stay?" he finally looks at me serious
"um..." I look away, only my eyes navigating to my left "I.... I guess..."
"Do you or do you not? Because it's past 10 and you can't go out and walk back home, it's too dangerous.."
Since when did you care about my safety? Since today stupid!!!! I answer, or more likely my CONSCIOUS answers my own damn question. I just keep my eyes to my left, as I bite my lip unexpectedly.
"But we have school tomorrow.."
"We'll walk to school together.."
"You wouldn't walk to school with me in public, what about your friends?"
"They don't matter at this point, and I don't care..." he says with almost an attitude, he then sighs and looks to his right, as if he was a frustrated dad trying to explain something to his 5 year old daughter "..Look... we'll get some rest tonight, don't worry I won't try anything funny or disrespectful, you have my word, I know we.... both had a rough day... today... but you can stay here as long as you like... and I mean it.... but I will say this... whenever your ready be free to talk to me and open up awright? I won't judge....... I promise... I just want you to be ok and safe..." he looks at me as he ended what he said
I was in complete awe.... then again this wasen't the first time I have heard those betraying lies, so I wasen't going to give in that easily. I wasen't born yesterday. I just relax my shoulders and nod to him slowly.
"I am not saying you should trust me or that I will be the best friend you'll have, maybe I will maybe I won't..... but I would want you to feel comfortable with me and talk to me, because I did see quite a lot today.." he then navigates his eyes to my arms and then looks at his food, I look down too, ashamed ".. if you don't want to give me a chance I won't ask for it.... but I will say that I do want you to be ok, no matter who you talk to or get help from..."
This made me tense up, I hated when people said that I needed help, it boiled me up to think that they felt I was a mental harmed person who 'NEEDED' help. But the only reason I cringed and got boiled up was because deep down inside I wanted the help.... but I didn't want to be looked at like I was the sick person.
"Thank you..." I said after a 1 minute of silence between us ".. I appreciate you doing this for me in letting me stay in your home and all..." I look at him, he just looks at me back
After we were both done with dinner, I was going to proceed to go upstairs as he was going to prop himself on his nice big cushiony couch in front of a big flat screen TV. We then both just make a slight eye contact before I go up..
"Will you be ok?" he asks me
"Yea... I'll be fine.." I nod
"You sure?"
"Yes....... I am sure..." I bite the inside of my lip
"Awright.... if their's anything, and I mean anything that you need.... do not hesitate on coming down and telling me or asking.... I'll be awake all night anyways..."
"I'll probably be too.." I rolls my eyes
"Insomniac... I remember.." he chuckles lightly
"Yea..." I look down
"Well still.... I'll just be down here ok?" he re-assures me again
"Ok.."
As I head up the stairs and I hear him turn on the TV to some late night show, I stop mid step and turn to see him.
"Hey..."
He looks up at me from where he's at in question.
"Thanks.... and goodnight..."
"Anytime..... goodnight"
"Are you hungry?" he asks with no emotion
Am I hungry? Why would you ask a girl that that's been crying and just revealed her damn mentally ill self to you? I stay quiet.
"Well.... if you are..... their's dinner which I happened to do my best to cook... take your time.." he closes the door without hesitation
The fuck? I didn't know how to respond to that, I was pretty much speechless... is this a game he's playing on me? I wasen't sure if it was a trap or not.... but my stomach couldn't stop growling, damn you stomach, and I was suffering from a very bad headache, knowing it was the tears and sniffing that brought it, but I haven't eaten all day either. I was unsure on what to do exactly. Instead my body moves on it's own and walks to the door, I open it just a bit and notice that the light of the kitchen was on. I see a shadow sitting down... I figured it was him. I walk slowly to the stairs, making my way down, as I step on a creaky step, and I stop and back up a bit, suddenly I see the shadow move and come closer to the stairs, I put my hands up to my mouth to cover it. Matt then appears and looks up at me with still no expression on his face.
"You ready to eat?"
I am starving!!! I nod instead of replying to him, my hands still up to my mouth. He nods lightly, and signals me to come to the kitchen with his head.
"I have a plate ready for you.." he walks back to the kitchen again
I move my body to the kitchen slowly and feeling intimidated. He stands by the microwave heating my food up.
"No.." I say quickly
He turns to me with a worried look in his eyes.
"Don't warm it up..." I say almost mumbling
"Why?"
"I prefer my food not warmed up..."
"Are you sure?" he raises an eyebrow
"Yea..." I nod
He then stops the timer before it beeps and get's my plate handed it to me with a fork already on his other hand. I get it still feeling intimidated and walk to the table, to the far end of the corner and place my plate down without making any noise. Matt comes back to grab I was guessing a 2nd plate of food and sits at the other far end across from me. Their table was medium sized in length, not too long... I didn't dare to give him eye contact, although I was curious to know if he was looking at me at all, but I wasen't going to take the risk. I just sat there eating little by little the food, which was rather delicious... chicken, corn, smashed potatoes and gravy next to some delicious green beans. I hear him get up from his chair and go to his cupboard and grab a glass and pour in some red juice.
"Kool-Aid?" he looks at me now, my eyes meeting him finally
"Mmhmm.." I nod looking down at my food
He places the glass cup next to my plate and lays the Kool-Aid patch in the middle of the table, reachable more to me then to him, he sits back down without a word said and continues finishing his food. It was quiet through the whole meal, I was starting to get paranoid as thoughts kept going in and out of my mind, thoughts that weren't normal like was he going to call the cops on me and have me on lockdown? Was he going to murder me? What was he thinking? I hope he doesn't plan on taking me hostage and brutally torture me, will he ever let me go home?
"You can stay here the night if you like..."
He cuts through my emotions and I quickly look up with my eyes wide open in shock. I say nothing though.
"You can stay in my room... I'll be down here in the living room watching TV if you need me for anything.." he doesn't look at me just keeps eating his food while he says this
I still don't say a word... how can he casually say that after what happened earlier? Has he gone mad? I am not staying here, fuck that, what if something happens to me? No!!! I will not take that risk, I have to get home!! But if I do get home, I know what will await me there.... and it's not something I want to g through right now, more or less I don't even want to check my phone an forget I even have one or make myself believe I lost it.
"Do you want to stay?" he finally looks at me serious
"um..." I look away, only my eyes navigating to my left "I.... I guess..."
"Do you or do you not? Because it's past 10 and you can't go out and walk back home, it's too dangerous.."
Since when did you care about my safety? Since today stupid!!!! I answer, or more likely my CONSCIOUS answers my own damn question. I just keep my eyes to my left, as I bite my lip unexpectedly.
"But we have school tomorrow.."
"We'll walk to school together.."
"You wouldn't walk to school with me in public, what about your friends?"
"They don't matter at this point, and I don't care..." he says with almost an attitude, he then sighs and looks to his right, as if he was a frustrated dad trying to explain something to his 5 year old daughter "..Look... we'll get some rest tonight, don't worry I won't try anything funny or disrespectful, you have my word, I know we.... both had a rough day... today... but you can stay here as long as you like... and I mean it.... but I will say this... whenever your ready be free to talk to me and open up awright? I won't judge....... I promise... I just want you to be ok and safe..." he looks at me as he ended what he said
I was in complete awe.... then again this wasen't the first time I have heard those betraying lies, so I wasen't going to give in that easily. I wasen't born yesterday. I just relax my shoulders and nod to him slowly.
"I am not saying you should trust me or that I will be the best friend you'll have, maybe I will maybe I won't..... but I would want you to feel comfortable with me and talk to me, because I did see quite a lot today.." he then navigates his eyes to my arms and then looks at his food, I look down too, ashamed ".. if you don't want to give me a chance I won't ask for it.... but I will say that I do want you to be ok, no matter who you talk to or get help from..."
This made me tense up, I hated when people said that I needed help, it boiled me up to think that they felt I was a mental harmed person who 'NEEDED' help. But the only reason I cringed and got boiled up was because deep down inside I wanted the help.... but I didn't want to be looked at like I was the sick person.
"Thank you..." I said after a 1 minute of silence between us ".. I appreciate you doing this for me in letting me stay in your home and all..." I look at him, he just looks at me back
After we were both done with dinner, I was going to proceed to go upstairs as he was going to prop himself on his nice big cushiony couch in front of a big flat screen TV. We then both just make a slight eye contact before I go up..
"Will you be ok?" he asks me
"Yea... I'll be fine.." I nod
"You sure?"
"Yes....... I am sure..." I bite the inside of my lip
"Awright.... if their's anything, and I mean anything that you need.... do not hesitate on coming down and telling me or asking.... I'll be awake all night anyways..."
"I'll probably be too.." I rolls my eyes
"Insomniac... I remember.." he chuckles lightly
"Yea..." I look down
"Well still.... I'll just be down here ok?" he re-assures me again
"Ok.."
As I head up the stairs and I hear him turn on the TV to some late night show, I stop mid step and turn to see him.
"Hey..."
He looks up at me from where he's at in question.
"Thanks.... and goodnight..."
"Anytime..... goodnight"