A Candle in the Dark

It was almost noon, and they still hadn’t found anything on the other side of the river. But much like the last search party, Ezra was hardly paying attention to the task at hand. He was completely absorbed by Astrid, and how she’d been acting all day. Not only was she ignoring him, but it seemed as though she was ignoring Jack as well. That normally wouldn’t have bothered Ezra at all, but since he was also being neglected it made him curious.

Astrid only spoke to Maddie. Even when Ezra asked her a question directly, she’d just look away and shrug in a noncommittal way. He was growing more and more frustrated with her as the day went on. This was even worse than before, because she actually seemed to be angry with him instead of being distant for no apparent reason.

“Found something,” Maddie called from ahead. Ezra and Jack, who’d been lagging behind the girls all morning, jogged to catch up.

They’d found the remnants of a small fire. Monroe was sniffing the surrounding area, but didn’t seem to have picked up a scent. Ezra wondered if the smoke masked everything else, and that was why the Shepherd was having trouble.

“Looks like survivors,” said Jack.

“Or Snatchers,” muttered Astrid, so quietly that the others barely heard her. Astrid was looking at Maddie as she said it, her mouth curled into a frown. “Maddie? Would you like to contribute your insight?”

“What is with you today?” Maddie snapped, facing Astrid with a scowl. “You’ve been so fucking pessimistic all morning.”

“God knows that’s just awful when we’re being attacked by flesh eating monsters!” Astrid exclaimed, adding in an eyeroll. “The whole world has gone to shit and nobody seems to care!”

“You should be grateful for what you’ve got, Astrid, because who knows when it’s going to be taken away.” Maddie snarled, stalking off in another direction. Astrid stared after her, her lips pressed into a firm line. But Ezra had paid enough attention to Astrid by now to know that the slight twitch in her jaw meant that she was fighting off the urge to burst into tears.

He glanced at Jack, who seemed completely thrown off by the whole situation. “Why don’t you go find Maddie? Make sure she doesn’t get too far. But wait till she calms down before you come back,” he said, and Jack nodded before running off after Maddie.

Ezra waited a moment before approaching Astrid, knowing it was likely she’d snap at him too. The whole conversation with Maddie wasn’t going to do much good to her already terrible mood.

“Do you remember when you asked me not to let you lose hope?” Ezra asked when he was only a few feet from her.

Astrid looked up, her brows furrowed. Slowly, she nodded.

“When I make jokes and stuff, try to make things seem better than they are,” Ezra began, lessening the space between them. “It’s not because I’m trying to avoid what’s going on, believe me, I’m fully aware that a life doesn’t have the value as it did before. I’m just trying to remind you that joy isn’t completely lost.”

“Sometimes it doesn’t feel that way,” Astrid murmured. She’d dropped her crossbow, and instead held her father’s knife in her hands. “He was the bravest man I’ve ever known, even before all this. We were in—“

“You don’t have to tell me,” Ezra interrupted, covering her hands with his own. He carefully extracted the knife and tucked it back into her belt, then returned to holding both her hands in his. He brushed his thumb along her knuckles, covered in little scrapes and bruises. They weren’t a girl’s hands, but they were Astrid’s hands and he thought they were beautiful.

Astrid met his gaze, her eyes watery but strong. “I want to,” she said firmly. Ezra could only nod and wait for her to finish her story.

“It was ten days in. Those first two weeks were the worst, especially in a place like Colorado Springs where you’ve got the mountains to one side, so getting out’s less than easy. My dad and I tried to stick it out in the city, but that day we decided that we’d last longer at the cabin. It’s deep in the mountains, there’s no Walkers there. So we set out, the three of us, and we got to the edge of town when we saw the hoard. God, there was so many of them. I didn’t think we’d make it through. We had to split up, to confuse the scent and make it easier to get around. That was when Dad gave me his knife and told me to run as fast as I could. I figured I’d see him in the woods, like we promised, and I waited until sundown. He never showed up.”

Astrid stopped, her breath coming out in shuddering gasps. Ezra, without thinking, dropped her hands and pulled her right into his chest and holding her as tightly as was humanly possible. She held on even tighter, her hands digging into his lower back. But as she slowly collected herself, Ezra realized that Astrid wasn’t finished speaking yet.

Her voice was slightly muffled by the collar of his shirt, but she carried on anyway. “So I spent the night in the woods, and in the morning Monroe and I went back to find him. We did, right in the spot where the hoard had been the day before. There wasn’t much left, but I knew it was him. I knew that I couldn’t stay in the cabin, but I went anyway and I got my crossbow and all my camping gear. Then I headed south.”

“Sorry doesn’t seem like enough,” Ezra murmured into her hair. “I know it’s sad, but you’re lucky that you got to say goodbye at all. Eden and I…we have no way of knowing if our parents are still alive.”

Astrid pulled her head back, peering into his eyes. “What happened?”

“They were in Boston when it all started. The last time we heard from them, they were at the airport, trying to get a flight back to Austin, but the line cut out. All the flights had been cancelled by them, anyway.”

“Why didn’t you try to find them?”

“Eden and I aren’t like you, Astrid. We wouldn’t survive two days alone in the woods. If it wasn’t for this camp, we’d probably be dead.”

“But you seem so capable,” Astrid said, her brow furrowed. “You’re a good fighter, Ezra. You have good instincts. That’s all you need these days.”

Ezra sighed, the back of his mind warning him that he would regret falling for Astrid, if anything were to happen to her. But there wasn’t much his mind could do to stop what his heart had been beating for all along.

“I care too much,” he whispered, reaching up to brush a strand of copper hair out of her eyes.

Astrid’s gaze hardened. She stepped out of his grasp and shivered, despite how hot the air was. “You shouldn’t. Caring gets you into trouble.”

And then she was back. That brief glimpse of the scared girl was gone, replaced by the survivor. Astrid picked up her crossbow and gazed off where Jack had chased Maddie. “C’mon. They should’ve been back by now.”