A Failure on My Behalf

“Hey, it’s snowing in Mexico.”

I scrunched up my nose, giving a confused look to my - for some reason - best friend Adam who was sitting next me. We were sitting on top of my roof like we always are. We’ve been up since last night. Yeah, that’s right. Slept and have spent half of today out here. No longer got to worry about school; seniors twenty-twelve, bitches.

“Do they even have winter in Mexico? I thought that was a North America and Antarctica only thing.”

He shrugged, thinking about it, taking another swig of, uhm, a drink. “I don’t know. Do I look like a, a Geographer to you? It’s summer, man. We’re not high schoolers anymore. Don’t wanna be thinking about school ever again.”

Not even college? But then I laughed to myself. Adam? Actually going to college to get a degree and learn? He’d just go for the loose chicks and parties. I nodded in understanding. “Right, right. Sorry. But can it even snow there?”

He shrugged again. “Maybe. Google it.” So I did. I took out my phone, unlocked the screen and went to the search bar.

Can it snow in Mexico?

As I waited for it to search, I asked him, “Are you still getting those texts from Weather Channel?” That’s the only way he’d know. He had laid back on a beach towel by now. He nodded, taking another sip.

“Yep. My mom’s making me keep tabs on Mexico because she wanted to take a ‘family trip’ there sometime soon before I have to really start ‘thinking about my future.’”

I involuntarily snorted, shaking my head. “That’s cute. Trying to bring you guys closer together when there’s obviously no hope.”

“Right? Real adorable – have you gotten anything yet?”

Since I had, I nodded, reading off in a mock business woman’s voice, “‘Yes, there is snow in some areas of Mexico in the winters. Even now, in August,’ blah, blah, blah.” He laughed, fixing the bill of his Wayne’s World hat. I’m wearing one just like it right now, only backwards, because I’m a player.

“It snows in Alaska, too.”

“…what?”

“You said that snowing is only a North America and Antarctica thing. I don’t think Alaska is part of North America. It snows there. A lot.” See. He didn’t even go to high school to learn either or else he’d know Alaska actually is a part of North America…right?

“Oh, yeah. I also didn’t mention Russia and everywhere else no one cares about. It’s pretty cold there.”

“True, you didn’t.” Just then, I got a text from…someone. I didn’t even get to open my mouth before Adam’s was. “Lemme guess – it’s your turn to take the kid.”

Heh. ‘The kid’ – my d to the a to the u to the g to the h to the t to the e to the r. What does that spell? DAUGHTER.

YAY UNPROTECTED SEX.

I made a weird mocking noise because he was right. “How’d you know?” Rhetorical question. “Yeah. She wants me to meet her at Subway because they’re there right now.”

“God,” he groaned, rolling his eyes, infuriatingly. “It’s not even the first week of summer – the first solid day. We’re supposed to be off partying like it’s – well, like it’s summer, because it is! And she can’t even wait a while before handing it off to you? That’s lame.”

It.

I sighed, wanting to rip his head off. He always calls her that. “Frehley is not an ‘it’, and it’s not lame. She had her for the past month – I think almost two. It’s my turn.”

“Whatever,” he muttered under his breath, sitting up. “How are you gonna get there? Want me to give you a ride?”

I scoffed a *totally* non-demeaning scoff. “Yeah, sure, on your handlebars? No, I think I’ll manage.”

He scoffed this time. “What, like your piece of shit skateboard is so much better.”

“Hey, now,” I stood up to be more intimidating and ended up stretching. Like I said, we’ve been sitting here all night and some of today. “Don’t go insulting Element because you’re stuck with your fucking Heffy. Hook on a wagon and my board’s almost as good as a car.”

“Element is shit, Blake. It chips all the time. Plan B is by far the best.”

*weird noise* “Oh whatever! Plan B boards snap like nothing – and it’s so heavy.”

“That’s because you always do your tricks too hard and on curbs. It’s bound to happen with you no matter what board you use.”

“Adam!” I groaned into my hands. “I don’t need this today; I need to be positive or I might throw Frehley under a car. Let’s just agree Girl is the sickest brand and be done with it.”

His eyes went wide as he smiled, nodding in agreement. “Ooh. I completely forgot about Girl. Very good.”

I made my way back over to the window, opening it. “Right – are you just gonna stay here or?”

“Well, how long are you gonna be?”

I refrained from making a joke because that line never gets a rest. (haha.) I shrugged, thinking. “Last time was about an hour there and back. And you know how Frehley always wants McDonald’s and there’s one on the way.”

“Right, right.” He inhaled, taking another gulp. “Damn, that’s a long time.” But he didn’t get up. He just laid back down, covering up with the towel I was sitting on. “Think I’ll chill here for a bit, get some brunch. I gotta be back home by one. It’s, like, twelve now. Yeah, I’ll probably be gone by the time you get back.”

“Alright.” I climbed through the window, jumping down onto my bed. “Well, if I don’t see you any other time today, later, bro.”

He just waved his hand back at me in the air. “Same to you - and it’s not a Heffy. It’s a Trek, much better.”

“Don’t really care,” I called back, shoving my phone and couple other electronics into my bag that Frehley would love to play with. “We’re done with this.” I threw it on and grabbed my board, slipping out my door before Adam screamed something back and we got into a whole other argument.

So yeah. Frehley is my child; she’s about three-ish. Almost. Leah is the mother, and I am Blake, the daddy. That was Adam, the douchebag of a friend who always wants to party instead of being responsible for once. (Yeah, Blake and Adam. All we need is a Ders.)

True, I’m not one to talk; Frehley being proof of that. But I’m done with that shit now. Kind of have to be or else Leah’s parents would find a way to control my thoughts and I’d never be able to even think of the word ‘Frehley.’ Yeah, no Ace Frehley…and I think that’s it…which sucks because he’s obviously a big part of my daily conversations.

Oh, and yeah, her name’s Frehley. Cool, right? (Or just weird?) Well, my dad was actually super duper freakin’ pissed at me. (Again, yeah, JUST me.) And I swore to him, well, Leah and I did - we swore, if he promised not to disown me, we’d name her - or he; didn’t know at the time - Frehley, because Kiss is his favorite band and he’s always liked that name, so….yeah.

Now, the reason I have to go all the way to the other side of town – almost to Covington (the neighboring city) - just to see my own flesh and blood is because right after this whole situation happened and Leah’s parents found out – like, before I did – they were all ‘Hell no, we should just move now – three cities over. Do you think that’s far enough? I don’t think that little rapscallion is really that committed to his girlfriend of at the time almost a year and they’re unborn kiddo that he’s actually going to make the two hour car ride all the way over here to see them. No, impossible. So, yeah, good idea? GREAT. Let’s go.’

Yeah, pretty mad. And I was really going to be there for her and everything – but nope, ‘Let’s move!’ Whatever.

But they were right. Do you really think I was going to skate to Columbus? heh. no. Sorry, Frelo. Like, I tried, legit tried to so many times - and lemme tell you, the highway does not like skateboarders. And I know what you’re saying: ‘Why didn’t you parents drive you?’ or ‘You have friends, get them to take you,’ or ‘Get a car, you idiot.’

Uhm, yeah. My parents have a mild hate towards me, and the whole getting the gf preggers as a sophomore didn’t really help. If anything it helped them realize that I suck and can’t be trusted. But like – ALMOST ONE YEAR. We were together for a long time, like...it’s – well, I’m not going to say it’s okay, but it’s a lot better than a couple months.

And the friend thing – my friends are irresponsible and would suggest that we should stop for drink on the way there and get a couple for the road. Yeah, I wanna make it there to see them in person, not in spirit, so…

And and the ‘get a car.’ I’m broke, so no.

BUT ANYWAY. Sorry for the little rant that was supposed to be an explanation. It’s just grown-ups say they understand and then flip on you the second they realize it’s bad for them and it just pisses me off.

And oh my god –

I jerked my head back and breathed out a sigh of relief. Okay, no, we’re good. I was almost there and I thought I forgot the wagon. That would’ve sucked. How else would I have gotten Frehley home? I tried the holding thing once, almost dropped her. Ended up carry both her and the skateboard more than a mile home. See, this is why we need to meet closer to my house, or just my house. I don’t see why they can’t drop her off and save me the trip.

Guess they’re just looking out for my health, my stature, physique.

That’s French, isn’t it? ‘Physique?’ Sounds like it.

Anyway, since there was a shit-ton of traffic, it took me ten more minutes longer than usual and three phone calls from Leah wondering where I was. But I eventually got there. I skated through the revolving doors of Wal-mart. Subway is in our Wal-mart. It used to be McDonald’s, but of course as soon as the news of Frehley being of existence got around, they closed it and replaced it with something ‘healthier.’

Ignoring all the looks I was getting, I treaded on through the little cart holding area, and since Subway was right next to where I was, I’m guessing Frehley spotted me because the next thing I heard was a little excited girl voice. Also she came running out, and looked a lot like my Frehley.

“DADDY!” I tried to keep her away from my delicates because she always gets a bit too excited and grabs onto the first thing she can and it usually ends with me withering in pain on the ground.

“What is up, girl?” Oh, heck no. She aims for them, I swear. I picked her up and spun her around getting her to giggle like a lot before finally hugging her tightly because I haven’t seen her in about two months. She seriously used to be a part of me, not just another salmon swimmin’ up stream; this one made it and now I only see her once or twice a month - maybe. That sucks. And she’s getting progressively older; she’s gonna hate me soon. Gotta love her up while I can.

I knew better than to set her down now and let her walk by herself, because first off, she usually starts crying if I do, and second off, I don’t want to. So I carried her into Subway to see Leah sitting at one of the really tall tables with the really tall chairs, back facing us.

Great idea. Yeah, let’s just sit this clumsy, wobbly mistake twenty feet in the air. No way that could go wrong.

….jk. She’s not a mistake, heh heh heh…heh.

But the more I looked around, checking to make sure they weren’t hiding somewhere, I realized, ‘Yay, no Leah’s parents.’ AWESOME. That means I can do this –

I did a weird walk/run/hop up behind her. I took my free hand and really did a number on her blonde hair, messing it way up. She almost shit herself, gasping, but quickly realized who did it and groaned out, “Ugh. Blake! You couldn’t just hug me or something?”

Okay, so *freeze frame* Leah’s like perfect. I’m not even kidding. She was a cheerleader, blonde hair, blue eyes, gorgeous, incredibly nice to everyone, bitchin’ personality. And then I wrecked her with the gift of life.

Okay. I just wanted to say that.

*un-freeze this frame*

I shrugged, giving her a quick peck on the cheek. I sat my bag down on the table, taking the reaaalllly tall seat next to her. “Well, you know the expected has never really been my style.”

“True, true – hey, you wiener! Get your own food!” She had one out of originally four slices of cheese pizza just sitting there, and I haven’t ate since this morning, so I thought I could just take it. She didn’t. I continued on taking a big well-appreciated bite.

“What, I only have a couple bucks and I was feeling Mickey-D’s later -”

Frehley’s little blonde mane lurched up at the sound of that.

“McDonald’s?! I love McDonald’s!”

“I know!” I said back to her in a very annoying voice you unintentionally do whenever you’re near a kid. I looked back up at Leah who was shaking her head. “See, I think of other people.”

“Blake, she just ate a sub. She doesn’t need McDonald’s.”

“Yeah, we’ll see…” I mumbled, doing a very bad job at fixing Frehley’s disastrous hair. She had blonde hair like her mama. The only thing she got from me was the dashing good looks.

“What was that?” Leah asked, smiling big.

“Oh, nothing. Hey, where’s Thing One and Thing Two?”

She shook her head at me but continued to smile. “They’re out in the car. They got tired of waiting – what took you so long?”

“You know, just because you’re immune to traffic doesn’t mean everyone else in the whole wide world is.” She narrowed a ‘glare’ at me and I just smiled real big.

“Funny.”

“Thanks – when are you coming back to get her?”

She didn’t answer right away. I just assumed it was because she was thinking; she gives me different amounts of ‘quality times’ with Frehley whenever she can. But then she cleared her throat which got me scared for a second. When she clears her throat it’s never because there was something in it. It’s because there’s bad news.

“Oh God – what?” I asked, hesitantly.

She tried to smile but couldn’t. “Ehem. Well…how would you feel about…never having to give her back?”

“……………………………………………………………..what?”

She cleared her throat nervously again, tucking her hair behind her ear even though it was already there. “Well, just – I, I can’t have her anymore.” (Author: How many of you read ‘tucking’ as ‘fucking’?)

I sat up quickly, almost knocking Frehley off me. “What – what’s that mean, you ‘can’t have her anymore?’ I know you ‘can’t have her anymore.’ You already had her.”

“Well, I mean, like,” She slumped in her chair, shoving her face into her hands. “I mean, like, they won’t let me – Cruella DeVille and Hitler. “

“I don’t…understand. What, why?”

“I don’t know. Everything was fine – well, not really…at all. Apparently she’s becoming a burden now, because - you know how she cries if you leave her alone? Well, she’s doing that a lot. And my mom said she hated looking after her while I was at school; college would be hell – and things just aren’t working out anymore. And I told them, ‘Well, fine, I’ll move out or something; get a nanny to take care of her when I’m not home,’ but they legit won’t let me. They’re all ‘No, it’s not you, sweetie, it’s her.’ And I’m just like, ‘She’s a little girl – my little girl! She’s gonna cry and whine and all that shi – stuff.’ Like, if she really ‘has to go’ then so will I. And - where’s just her going to go? And then they said something about finances and started bringing up all this legal shit. And I’m just sitting there like, ‘Seriously? This is so dumb.’ It’s obvious they just don’t want her there and tried covering with how much she’s costing us, and about how ‘education comes first.’ Like, she’s a human being and we are not free. And It’s kind of too late, like I can’t just shove her back in there, so… yeah…you want her?”

….what the hell…

I don’t know why it took me so long but I finally noticed the medium sized book bag lying on the ground next to Leah. Didn’t look like there were books in it.

Dang. I wanted to run away.

I just sat there, staring at her. “I…I don’t know. I mean, like…Frehley’s cool and everything; love to see her every day, but…like a for sure, keep-her-forever thing? That’s…a lot. And I still live with my parents, Leah - they don’t even like me. They probably don’t want to deal with her. I’m not even sure I want to deal with her and -”

“Please, Blake?” she continued to beg. She looked like this would really help, but…I don’t know. I took a real hard look at Frehley. She was just chillin’ there on my lap; she had gotten into my bag so she was playing with my DS. She’s always really laidback when I have her, but maybe that’s just because she’s only there for a few days. She’d probably turn into the devil himself after a week.

“Please?”

“Leah,” I sighed in a groaning way, starting to squirm. “If I had my own place I would, but I don’t. You know how my parents are – they might suck more than yours do.”

“Yeah, I know, but…please? I don’t trust her with anyone else, and you’re her dad, for heaven’s sake. We used to talk about this all the time: if something would’ve happened to one of us, the other would do whatever they could to keep her alive and that’s what this is – do you want her to die?”

And there she goes, making everything overly dramatic.

“No, it’s just…” Gah. I need to stop looking at her. She was doing those puppy dog eyes and she does them really well. I tried to look away, but she hopped out of her seat, shoving her face in front of mine.

“Please, please, please, please, pleeeeaaasssee, please, please, please?”

“That’s such a weird word – like ‘please,’ what the heck? You know? Maybe it’s because you’re saying it a lot.”

She narrowed her eyes at me again, but before she said anything, her phone buzzed. All of our heads snapped to it. She quickly grabbed it off the table. “Hello? Oh, hi, Mom, what’s up?”

Damn. God. I knew I was going to end up taking her. I knew it.

“Oh, yeah. He’s here now. Traffic sucks up town, by the way – what? Oh, uhm, yeah, we’re talking about it right now and -…he, we don’t know. This is why I’m saying I should just get my own house and take care of her -…yes, Mom. I know ‘it’s her, not me.’ It’s just…wha – you suck.” She hung up.

“…what?”

She shoved her phone into her back pocket, smiled, and then hugged my legs. “PLEASE, BLAKE? DON’T YOU LOVE HER ANYMORE?!”

“Good lord,“ I muttered, hopping that if I just pretended I didn’t know her it would come off that way to the many eavesdroppers staring at us. Eventually, she realized I wasn’t going to budge and groaned loudly, getting up.

“Alright, fine.” She picked up the book bag up off the ground setting it on the table. “Just – here are some of her clothes, up to a couple weeks if you alternate. Think about it. Please?” I still just sat there, looking from Frehley to Leah, Frehley to Leah over and over before sighing, overwhelmed.

Heh. Pushover. Ooops.

“Okay. I’ll…I’ll think about.” Too bad we’re not having sex anymore; I could’ve kept it going and she’ll eventually get tired of begging and say, ‘Okay, fine, if we go do it, will you?’ and I would’ve been like, ‘YEAH.’ and got sex, but no, life’s not like that anymore.

She grinned rather big, hopping up again. She almost hit Frehley in the head trying to hug me. “Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you! Blake, seriously, you have no idea.” She pulled away with a big smile only to hug me again.

She continued to do that until she got another call. Apparently, her dad had a big business ‘linner’ (lunch/dinner; their words not mine) that will go into dessert and they had to go help set up soon, so she hugged me quickly but took her jolly ol’ time hugging Frehley. I guess I understood; she may never see her again for a really long time.

You know the first thing I thought after that was? Good. Now she’ll see what it feels like. BITCH.

See…that’s fucked up I am, but, I mean, it’s only fair. About time. She got almost three years with her. Now I get her for the rest of her life.

HA.

HAHA.

I’m sorry I’m so weird and demonic.