A Failure on My Behalf

Okay, so this is boring. I miss Frehley already. Adam ditched me for – what’s her name? Katie? Or wait. Is that the one sitting next to me? The one throwing the party? I’m so off right now. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

Whoever the one next to me is just keeps talking, and when she’s not talking about dumb shit, she’s still being dumb. She waved her hand in front of my face for the twentieth time in the last five minutes.

“Uhm,” She laughed nervously. “You stopped listening again.”

“Oh, uh,” *clear that throat* “Sorry. I was just…thinking.” About ditching you.

And she laughs again. I don’t see why. That wasn’t funny. Now, the part in my head was, but she didn’t hear that, so what the hell is she laughing at?

“Oh, well, uhm,” Get your hand off my knee. I jerked it away from her and acted like I was just as shocked as she was. I grabbed my knee, feigning wonder. “Oh, crap – ah. My knee just kind of went crazy there for a second. I should, uh -” I stood up from the couch. “Walk it off.” She nodded at first, but then had a freaky serial killer moment and grabbed my wrist, stopping me from my get-away. She twirled a piece of her hair between her fingers, biting her lip.

My dick: Oh, hello.

The good, responsible side of me: No. Stop it. LEAH. FREHLEY. STAY STRONG.

“Oh, wait. Heh, you should ‘walk it off’ to my room.”

I made a disgusted sound. “That’s all the way upstairs, though. I was thinking home.” It was like she had another little moment and came up with a completely different idea than what I had.

“Oh…you wanna do it at your house?”

I scrunched up my nose at her, doing the ‘who farted?’ face. “Uh, no. I was just planning on going home…and sleeping – alone.” She reached forward, touching my arm, continuing to twirl her hair and bit her lip. But she added something new; she checked me out. Heh. Hey.

“But what’s the point in that? Sleeping alone is boring.”

But, no, that’s okay. I have a daughter; she doesn’t have her own bed so we share one. I’m not alone.

Hmm. I should probably tell her that, scare her away. Then she’ll know I’m fertile. But I don’t know why; I didn’t want to tell her. Part of me wanted sex and I wasn’t getting it from anyone else right now. (I actually focused on my education while school was in session – except for that one time that led to Frehley. And many ‘safe’ more fortunate times before.) And the other half of me just wanted to get home and watch Disney movies with the kiddo.

But Shelton can do that with her. She figured I wouldn’t be back till morning and offered to stand in as me (because my parents didn’t know about this little shindig.)

And I haven’t had actual sex in almost three years. Just oral and I think I'm going to die if I wait an longer. (I never knew if Leah and I were going to become a thing again, so I kept to myself, y'know.)

Yeah, fuck me. GONNA GO GET IT IN.

LATER.

Or – do you want the deets? (Author: I’m feeling it right now) Yeah, I’ll do that.

No. This is just meaningless sex. If I do it with Leah - or just some meaningful sex soon - I will go really detailed.

….yeah, right. Meaningless sex is the best.

She was going unnaturally fast up the stairs. I almost fell five times. She giddily shoved the hordes of raunchy freaks out of her way; I tried to apologize and she yells at me for being nice. The bitch.

I swear the hallway just seemed to stretch and stretch, like I shouldn’t be doing this, but I ignored it and just like that, it slinked back. Hell yeah, just in time. Poppin’ a boner.

Tmi? Really? Well wait till you get a load of this:

No, okay, know what? This is awkward. We don’t know each other that well. It’d be weird. I know whoever this chick is better than I know you - which is funny because you know more about me than she does…but point is…I (Author: I) don’t feel like explaining right now.

Everything was going great – fantastic – until Adam popped in. Yeah, he was all, “Bro, man, my dad came home early and is REALLY pissed that I took his car without permission. We gotta go. Now.”

But…I didn’t want to. He’s already got it in with…that one girl. It’s my turn. So I just like, “You go. I’ll walk.”

And he was like, “Dude, no. Let’s go.”

And I was still like, “No.”

And then that went on for a while, but, eventually, he left. And then what’s-her-face and I got back to it and everything was going great until she was forgot her name.

Me: “….what? Did you like hit your head or something?”

Her: “No. What’s my name? The last time, you didn’t remember and I let it slide, but I told you, the next time, you had to remember. So what is it? Do you remember?”

And I didn’t, so I was like, “Nope.”

“Can’t even take a guess?”

And I wanted to do it, so I just sat there for a real long time, thinking. But nope. “You’d probably get even madder if I said the wrong name.”

And she was like, “Nah. I’d give you something for trying. Now I’m mad. You should just go with your friend.” And since I didn’t really want to walk, I was like alright and then I ran and caught up with Adam.

EMILY. IT’S EMILY. OH MY FUCKING GOD.

Too late to turn around now.

-

“SHIT! You scared the hell out of me!”

“Hi, Daddy!”

“It’s almost midnight. What is she doing up?” I snapped at Shelton, climbing through my window. “Move over.” She got up off my bed, giving me room. “Baby, go to sleep.”

“But I’m not tired.”

“I tried,” Shelton said, shrugging, “but she wouldn’t lay down. And when I kept trying, she’d start to cry.” That’s another thing that was on the list. I took my hand and pushed Frehley’s head down. She giggled, trying to get it off her.

“Daddy, stop it.”

“Go to sleep or you’re gonna get a visit from the tickle monster!”

She giggled again. “No tickle monster!”

“Then go to bed.”

She continued to giggle, but nodded a lot, lying down. “Okay.”

“Thank you.” I sighed, covering her with a blanket. I sat down at the foot of the bed, looking back up at Liz – woah. Called her Liz. Weird. She was just standing there with her hands hooked together in front of her. We just stared at each other until she breathed out loudly.

“WELP.” She pointed to the door, but then to the window. She looked really confused. “I don’t – I’m just gonna go. Out this – the window. It’s…the best choice. Alright.” But just as she stepped onto the bed, she grunted, and it looked like she was trying to take a shit.

I raised my brows, eyes getting wide. I quickly stood up. Well, I didn’t want her to shit on me.

“Uh, what?”

*chuckle* She pointed…somewhere. “My stuff.”

“Right. I’ll help.”

I helped. We got all her stuff. I asked if she really wanted to walk home this late. She said no. Now I’m sleeping in my beanbag chair and her and Frehley get the bed.

AWESOME.

-

So, when I woke up, she was gone. I assumed she left early and went home, because that’s probably what happened.

Frehley and I just sat around till we were sure Taco Bell was done with breakfast and served those awesome tacos. Because that’s how it works, right? Places only serve breakfast during breakfast time and none of the non-breakfast-y stuff….right? Like McDonald’s and…all them places.

Ehem. You don't care; I get it.

Anyway, so I got my bag together of stuff Frehley likes, put sunscreen on her because she’s so pale and burns easily, and grabbed my board. As I was about to leave my room, she grabbed my hand and sat down.

I jerked back and a tad down. “Uh, yes?” She let go of my hand and held her arms out. She wants me to carry her. Of course. I leaned my board up against the wall and picked her up, grabbing it again. Once we were all good, we exited, going down the hall into the living room.

The second we stepped in there, my mom’s voice stopped us.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“Uh,” I turned to the door then back to her. “Outside.”

“Well, why?” she continued on, hands on her hips. What’s her deal? I looked back at the door, then at Frehley who was sucking on her thumb, and back to my mom.

“Taco Bell.” When she sighed, hand waving in front of her face like it was hot, I knew that wasn’t where she wanted me to go. “Is that not right?” I asked in an odd sheepish tone. She continued fanning her face.

“Oh, Blake!” she sighed, shaking her head. “Stop wasting money on her.”

I started stammering out words, already beginning to become severely annoyed with her. “I’m not wasting money on her!” Yes I was and I knew it. “We have nothing here. Nothing good. If this is another ‘college talk,’ I’m going to explode. It’s only five bucks at most.”

Now she was stammering. She motioned all her around her, then signaled me to join her in the kitchen. She began opening every single cupboard and then the fridge and freezer. “Does this look like ‘nothing’? We just went shopping.”

“You just went shopping,” I corrected her cheekily. “You never get anything for me anymore.”

She started closing everything again. “Well, that’s because I don’t know what you want. Make a list next time and I’ll try harder.”

“That’s all I ask – now can we go? They rebuilt it and I heard they put TVs everywhere. I have to see for myself.” Her hands were back on her hips and she was sighing yet again. Then she shook her head.

“No. Actually, we’re going to have a family meeting – minus your father, so just us. I was just about to go tell you but you were already on your way out.”

“Goddd!” I stomped my foot, whining. Family meetings are never good for me. I always end up giving up everything and they get a new TV. Always.

She just hushed me. She had sat down at the table and patted the seat next to her. I thought it was for me, but then she grinned up at Frehley. “Come sit next to Grandma.” She took her from me and started harassing her again. Poor thing.

I looked down at all the things I had carried out here with me. Well, guess I don’t need this anymore. I was just about to go put it down on the couch when my mom snapped her fingers and whistled at me.

“I’m not a dog,” I grumbled blatantly, getting her to glare at me. I just faked a big ol’ smile back at her, taking the seat next to Frehley. I waited for her to begin this ‘family meeting’ and ended up sitting there for five minutes while she tried telling jokes to Frehley.

“Why did the chicken cross the road?” she asked her excitedly, like this was the first time this joke has been told.

“BLUE CHEESE!” is what Frehley yelled back. omg what? My mom looked at her like she was a parakeet and she was making all these loud squawks at her.

“Uh-uh…what? No, honey, it was so it could get to the other side. Gosh...”

“ANYWAY.” I cleared my throat loudly. My mom was now looking at me like I was that parakeet. I rolled my eyes. “Why am I here again and not at Taco Bell? Oh, yeah - for the family meeting. Can we get to that? Please?”

She shook her head at me disdainfully. “Goodness, Blake. Alright, calm down. Yes, the meeting. Okay, well, your father and I were talking – we went to your room last night to talk about it with you but you were sleeping, so we just decided to hold it off – which is what this whole thing is. So, as you brought up when you got Frehley…Thursday, was it? No, wait. Friday morning when we spoke about this whole situation again – wait. Maybe it was Thursday. Anyway, what you said about Leah, about how she said she was going to just get a house and live on her own with Frehley there - well, we were thinking about that and have come to the conclusion that you should do that, since she couldn’t.”

She made that so confusing. A lot of words. The way she said it was just *brain explodes* woah, you know? I quickly replayed all she said and realized I only needed the last sentence.

I sat there dumbfounded. “So…you’re saying that I can’t buy a taco or some fries but I can buy a house?”

She actually nodded. “Essentially, yes. But that’s only because I wanted you to start saving for bills and all that – and yes, we realize you also will be going to college. That’s why we are going to pay for rent – the first month, anyway. And we wanted you to get an apartment, not a house. Much less expensive.”

“Riiiiigght,” I said slowly. “But still – I’d rather get Taco Bell than my own home. And besides, wouldn’t it just be easier to take the money you were going to spend on an apartment and put it all towards Frehley now? I’ll get a job and start paying for her on my own, I swear.”

She held up a finger and basically said my idea was shit. “Or we could still do what we originally planned on and then you still get a job and use that to pay the bills and we’ll give money every once and a while for food, Frehley, etc. And this isn’t just because of her; we thought this would be the perfect time for you to start getting out and living your life on your own. Get you ready for college, you know?”

I still stared at her taken back and asked, actually somewhat seriously, “Are you trying to get rid of me? Do you not want me around anymore?” She gasped like she was so shocked that I asked that.

“What – honey, no! I’m just saying you’re getting older; it’s time for you to branch out on your own, take care of your kid. You basically lived alone here. It’s not like we all really interact. So it’s just like we moved into a new house, only you can throw parties and not have to worry about us coming home early -…and you have to pay for it by yourself, that’s another thing.”

I slunk back into my chair. Geez. I don’t want to live alone. But I wouldn’t be alone. I had Frehley. But I don’t think I could do this on my own. I can’t take her everywhere; what if I want to go out somewhere she can’t go - like to my job? I can’t always make Shelton babysit - and I don’t even pay her. I probably should; she does a good job. And she had a form of sex with me a couple times.

But I don’t want her to think I think she’s a hooker or something.

Well, they have daycare, right? I could always do that…but that’s money I could be using for bills and food.

I could just leave her at home.

.
.
.

No. She’d be bawling the whole time. (Hobo: That’s the only thing you see wrong here? Me: Do I know you? Author: He’s in all my stories. I’m not sure why. Me:…stories?)
I’ll just never go anywhere inappropriately fun. Yeah. That’s…eh. I’ll just make Liz do it – gah. There I go again. Shelton, sorry.

I mentally sighed. What else is bad about this?

Ooh. What if I don’t find a job or I do get a job but it doesn’t pay enough? I’ll have to take more than one job. And who’s going to watch her while I’m working? Wait, I already said that. Shelton will. She better be up for this.

Oh, crap. She’s going to start school in couple years – Frehley - and I was planning on starting college next year. She’s not going to be in school then and I think Shelton is going to college, too.

Gaaahhh. I don’t want to do thiiisssssssssssssssss!

“Honey,” My mom reached forward and put her hand on mine. “It’s okay. Everything’s going to be fine. It’ll all work itself out in time – and if it doesn’t, that’s okay. That’s why you’re renting an apartment. Just yhnerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr2 fhty (Author: Hahahahaha. That all’s not supposed to be there, but I’m going to leave it.) try it out for a couple months – you can even get a roommate. You and Adam are ‘bff’s, right? Or Elizabeth; I know how much you like her. You guys can start a family of your own -”

I choked on my spit when she first mentioned Shelton; everything after is just – heh – crazy. “Uhm,” I cleared my throat, coughing, trying not to die. “What?”

And she ignores me. “Whoever you chose will just have to split rent, of course, so it’ll be fair. And if you don’t like it, just come on back home and we’ll do this some other time.” She squeezed my hand. “Alright?”

I took a deep breath to refrain myself from either bitch slapping her or breaking down and begging her not to make me do this. I started to nod, making her smile.

“Okay.”

“Well, good. I picked out a few catalogs of some of the more decent apartments in this area. They’re in my room. I’ll go get them for you.” She got up, handing Frehley to me, and then left.

“Daddy, I’m hungry,” she whined to me, taking a break from playing with her feet. Just then, my stomach growled. Oi. I gave her peck on the forehead and then hugged her.

“Me too. We’ll go after Grandma comes back down to earth.”

“Okay.”

A couple seconds later, mother strolled back in with a few magazine-lookin’-like things. We paged through them and this went on for about an hour. Every time I found one I liked, she pointed out that it had only one bedroom or three bathrooms or something I didn’t need; something was always wrong with it. And the ones she liked all sucked, so.

I ended up getting really frustrated with her - surprise. She said Frehley and I could go to Taco Bell as long as I continued looking through the catalogs. I promised I would and she let us go. But little Miss Frelo over here quickly decided, when we were seconds away from entering Taco Bell, that she wanted McDonald’s.

Uh-freakin’-mazing.

And then she called me ‘Daddy’ about fifty times in one sentence and I gave in so fast, so we crossed the parking lot and a street to get to McDonald’s.

There were quite a number of people here. Not like a lot, but not like two. You know? We walked into a line, waited, ordered, waited some more, and got our food.

I bet it looked really weird that I strolled in here with a wagon attached to me and a skateboard via rope. But oh well. I do this all the time. Come on now, people. Get with it. I ignored the weird looks and followed Frehley to a booth. When she climbed up, she barely showed up over the table. It was so cute.

“Are you sure you don’t want a booster seat?” I asked teasingly with a snarky smile.

She flashed a big smile but shook her head, standing up in her seat, grabbing a handful of fries. “Nope. I’m okay.”

I laughed at her and sat down in the booth across from her. “Alright. Whatever floats your boat…” I waited for her to finish the saying. After getting a few more fries, she did.

“Or sinks your muffin.”

“Heck yeah.”

I heard the sound of giggling to my left. Wanting to know what was so funny, I looked that way. Two tables away sat a group of chicks – couldn’t have been out of high school yet – and they were all looking this way, giggling to each other. It took them .00009 seconds after I looked their way for all their heads to quickly jerk the other way and they giggled some more.

They’re probably laughing at Frehley. She is adorable.

I just ignored them and got the catalogs from my bag.

“Can I play with your phone, Daddy?” Frehley asked knowing my phone was in there. I got it out for her but seconds away from her grabbing it from me, I yanked it back. I got that parenting tone on.

“If I let you play with it, will you promise me you’ll eat the chicken nuggets, too? You can’t live on fries.” Oh, God. My mom used to always say that to me. What have I become? (Austin Carlile: I’m a fucking monster. Me: Anyone getting tired of the surprise visits from celebrities, or just the Hobo? If yes, screw off. There’s plenty more to come.)

She just pouted, making a whining noise. “But, Daddy, I don’t want it.”

“Then why did you ask for them?”

“Because you made me.”

“Oh….right. Well, you like them, eat ‘em.” She continued to whine. “No, Frehley, eat them or you’re not getting my phone.” She huffed over-exaggeratedly which still meant no. So I sighed and I asked in a pleading way, “Will you please eat them? It doesn’t have to be all, just some.”

She sighed, too. “Fiiine.” She picked one up and took the world’s smallest bite, but it was good enough.

“Thank you.” I slid my phone across the table. Oh my god – they’re giggling again. I tried to pay no attention to them, but then something popped into my mind.

Wait…are they giggling at me? Is there something on my face? (OR AM I JUST SEXY AS HELL?) I didn’t look in the mirror at all today. I quickly grabbed my phone from Frehley, making her cry out, “Hey, give that back!” I ignored her and looked at my reflection. Nope. Nothing.

Damn, I’m hot – oh stfu. It’s true; I’m allowed to think that.

I handed Frehley my phone back – and goodness. They were giggling again. And since I knew there wasn’t anything on my face – and Frehley hadn’t done anything funny to laugh at - I looked over to them to see they were all looking over here. I expected them to giggle and look away; three out of the four did. The one was very ballsy and gave such a flirty wave it wasn’t flirty. If that makes sense.

It was just weird.

I smiled and waved back and they all, like, screamed. I’m not even kidding.

Well…

I turned back to my catalogs and continued looking through them. They had started giggling and chattering louder but I didn’t ignore them anymore. And I couldn’t stop smiling.

Yeah, that’s right. They were giggling at me, nbd.

And after about ten more minutes, Frehley wanted to go outside to the playland. Since she ate all her chicken nuggets, we did. After a couple minutes of it just being us out there, the table of screaming girls came out, too.

Wow.

And Frehley had ditched me to climb up a slide.

Thanks babe.

I mentally shot her head off, sitting down at one of the tables, going back to the catalogs, though I really didn’t want to.

Oh well.

This one looks pretty nice. It’s in like a two story type thing; like a complex. One apartment below, one on the left, one on the right, and one above that one. The one I liked was above. Two bedrooms, one bathroom, *reasonable amount of money a month here.*

Coolio.

“Are you looking for a place to stay?”

“Holy fucking hell.”

I almost had a heart attack when one of those chicks was suddenly in front of me. The ballsy one. Hopefully she didn’t actually have any because she was hawt as fire. js. She realized how much she scared me and her eyes widened as she quickly apologized.

“Oh, god, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to freak you out. I was just -”

I took a deep breath before interrupting her. “It’s fine. I just wasn’t expecting someone to be…right there. But, uh…yeah, I guess. Well, not ‘I guess;’ I am. My mom gave me some catalogs to look through, so that’s what I’ve been doing for the past hour.”

“Oh.” She pointed to them as if to ask if she could look at them. I slowly nodded, a little spooked by her nerve. She sat down on the table and picked the one I was just looking at up.
I heard the giggles of her friends, a couple tables over.

Right.

“Have you found a place yet?”

*nod* “Yup.” I poked my head up a bit to see if she was still on the same page I was. She was. I pointed to the one I liked. “I was thinking that one.” She did the ‘surgeon face’, nodding in approval.

“That’s pretty nice.” She was suddenly looking at me, smiling. “I have a couple friends that live over by there. If you get that one, I’ll have to stop by sometime.”

No. No, thanks.

But then I realized she was hot and flirting and this could go well for me and I smirked. (and and and and and) “Well, now I definitely have to get that one.” She began smiling bigger, biting her lip.

My dick: Oh, are we doing this? *b0ner*

I mentally prayed for a pillow, but didn’t get one. I slyly grabbed my bag, placing it over the area.

“You should,” she agreed very seductively before looking behind me. “I saw that by the way.”

“Saw what?” Playin’ dumb, ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

She reenacted what I did but with the catalog. “That. Do I turn you on?” wth who says that.

“A little.”

She smiled bigger. “Good. She’s adorable, by the way. Is that your…little sister? Cousin?”

What the fuck? Don’t comment on my boner and your turning on skills and then start talking about my child within the same three seconds.

I turned around to Frehley. She was sitting on the other side of the playland on a bench next to a statue of Ronald McDonald. She was just poking him…and it looked like she was talking to him.

It’s a statue. He’s not going to say anything back.

I looked back up to whatever her name is. She was smiling still. “Uh, yeah, no - daughter, actually. A couple months away from being three and already a complete psycho.”

“We prefer the term ‘imaginative,’” she informed me with a cunning smile, but then it fell a second. “Daughter,” she repeated. “Is there a mommy?”

I shook my head and said, with only a smidge of sarcasm, “Nope, had her myself. Hurt like a bitch.” She rolled her eyes.

“Right, that was dumb of me. I meant are you and her…still a thing?”

I didn’t know exactly how to answer that.

“No, but yeah at the same time.” When she looked at me to go on, I did. “I think it’s a no because I only see her about once every couple months, because the second her parents found out she was pregnant, they flipped their lid and moved about a week later. But, almost three years later, and we’ve never really talked about it, so I don’t know. And if it’s a yes, I’ve been doing some serious cheating.”

why

why did I say that out loud?

w

h

y

?

Now she knows I’m easy.

“Just kidding…”

But she just nodded, chuckling. “Oh, I’m sure. Well…” And there’s that flirty smile again. She picked up one of the markers I had out, snatched my hand, and began writing something on it. She set it back down. “That’s my number. Call me sometime.” (Me and Hobo: Hey, I just met you and this is crazy, but here’s my number, so call me maybe.) “I can help you settle in with your new apartment.”

Ha. She means ‘have sex in your new apartment.’

I smiled a flirty one back to her. “Will do.”

She bit her lip again, leaning forward slightly, (purposefully) giving me a glance down her shirt. (Oh, hello. So we meet again. I think all this lost time is finally catching up with me. All at once. And it fucking sucks and rocks at the same time.)

She giggled to herself before hopping down from the table, parading back to her giggling friends, making them giggle even louder as she smiled really big.

“I can’t believe you!” one of them cackled in response. She just shrugged looking back to me, smiled, and then turned back. I didn’t hear what she said back but it got them to giggle excitedly.

Well, that was interesting.

Frehley eventually got really tired and bored (as did my dick) so we left.

When I got home, I showed my mom the one I liked. She surprisingly said she liked it, too, even though this was one of the many thousand that she turned down earlier because it wasn’t one she chose. Weird.

But yeah, so we made an, uhm, appointment (they’re called that, right?) with the chick that sells houses and stuff. And just to speed this all up and get this story further on faster, we’re at the appointment now; it’s a couple days later, Monday. The chick’s showing my mom outside because my mom doesn’t really think this is a safe place for a baby and the chick was trying to prove her wrong. Frehley was wandering around and I was standing in the living room because there isn’t any furniture in here yet.

God. This is crazy. This will probably be the abode I raise my daughter in until she’s eighteen-ish and then I’ll kick her out, bring in some sluts and it’ll be my bachelor pad.

Wait…how old will I be in eighteen years?

ew…37….nah. I probably will have killed myself by then.

Okay, well, I have this thing where I don’t want to get old, like too old. I think by the time I’m twenty-nine, I would’ve killed myself. So…Frehley will be…twelve…wait, no…fourteen? (right?)

Okay, uhm…never mind. I shouldn’t leave her like that…while she’s that young. I could just stay alive for four more years…then I’ll be…old.

Ugh. I’m probably doing all this math way wrong…

Wait. It’s not like Frehley was just born; she’s basically three now, so minus three from eighteen. Fifteen. So, 34. That’s better. And when I kill myself, which will still be twenty-nine, Frehley will be…eighteen…?

Wait, shit, no.

Goddamn. This is too much thinking.

I’ll hold off until she’s – gaaahhh. idk.

Maybe I’ll feel different about aging later on.

If you actually read that, then wow that s kind of cool.

I had let Frehley run around, check everything out (as I already said) and she just ran into the living room from what would be her room. She stopped to smile at me, waved, and continued her run to the other side of the room. To where there was a screen door that led out to a balcony-type thing.

I immediately felt everything in me tighten. The only thing keeping her from the two story drop to the pavement was a shitty little fence…thing.

“Uhm, hell no.” I like flew over to her, grabbing her hand, pulling her back. She instantly started whining when I shut the screen. Little bitch - I’m doing this because I love you. “No, Frehley. I don’t want you to die.”

She tried to sit down on the ground, a usual part of her tantrum, but I yanked her back up and ended up holding her by her arm in midair.

“WHY?!” she bawled.

“BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!” I screamed back.

I’m guessing my mom and what’s-her-face were back now, because I heard my mom’s voice. “What the hell’s going on up here? Can’t even leave for ten minutes without all hell breaking loose.”
“Mom!” I began, feeling like I was a young adolescent again and Lauren (the sister) took my Playboy, because she always fucking did that. “Frehley’s being a little bitch because I don’t want her out on the terrace because she could fall and die and I don’t want to live alone.”

Frehley had gasped when I cussed. She turned to me, holding out her hand. “Bad mouth! Dollar please.” What the hell – she didn’t say a thing when Shelton cussed that one time. Two times in the same dialog. I just bent my knees to get down to her level of height.

“FUCK,” I shouted just in spite of her. She just turned to my mom and began crying.

See, alright, I told you she’d turn evil after a while.

But after a few more seconds of us, my mom quickly got annoyed and screamed at us. and blah blah blah. We told the chick we wanted the apartment, yadda yah. So now I have it. And it is Thursday, June, 7th, I believe.

The only items we have in our house are my bed, the couch, my TV which is in the living room and all the stuff that was already here. Everything else is in boxes. My mom is out shopping with Frehley to finally get her a bed so I’m here alone and I’m going to be alone until tomorrow. My mom is also going to keep Frehley for the night, because earlier when I was trying to get everything out and put things away, Frehley kept getting in the way, so my mom’s being nice and yeah.

It’s about six-ish. Frehley has been gone for approximately thirty seconds and I’m already bored. I’m sitting out in the living room because it has the TV. We don’t have cable so there’s nothing good on, so I just had it on for a background noise.

I dipped my head back and groaned out, “I’M SO FUCKING BORED!” Just then, my phone buzzed. Heh. Okay. But when I checked to see who it was and what they had to say, I nearly started crying.

It’s Weather Channel and they’re just texting me to let me know there’s going to be a thunder storm tonight. And I’m all alone in a new apartment.

FUCKING AWESOME.

Gaaaahhh. I guess I could text someone to hang out.

I pulled up my contacts and searched through them.

Okay, well, so far I’m considering Adam, Shelton, that one horny chick, and, uhm…a lot of other chickadoos that have helped make past ‘undercover taps’ possible. That’s it. I was kinda wanting to hang out with Shelton because idk she’s fun, and, according to my mom, I have a thing for her. But I really wanted to call up horny chick (or any other fwb) because they’d have sex with me and I like sex. (I swear I’m no better than Adam.) I only considered Adam because, well…not too sure why. Just did.

Oh, well, I guess he’s my friend. But he’s not even in the country right now. They left for Mexico yesterday. Cool.

Sex is sounding really good right now, so…

I clicked on ‘Horny Chick’s contact. Well, I promised her I give her a ring when I got my apartment. Just hope she’s willing to keep her end of the deal up – should I call her? Or text?

I went with calling, for some reason, and quickly decided against that as soon as she answered. I was about to hang up when she said, “Hello?”

I couldn’t say anything. Why can’t I say anything? Oh, maybe it’s because I HATE TALKING ON THE PHONE!

“Hello?” she said again. SPEAK. SEX IS AT STAKE.

I took a really deep breath and let it out, saying, “Hey! It’s, uhm, it’s…” We’ve never exchanged names before. Holy hell. Who am I? “Guy from McDonald’s…I got my apartment.”

Yeah, that’s not weird.

There was a brief pause and then some whispering. Giggles. I think she somehow knew exactly who this was. “Oh, hey!” she chirped out over some giggles. Oh god. She actually hangs out with those cackling fools?

I felt myself smile at how happy she sounded – but it wasn’t for a good reason. This was going to be easy.

“Sup.”

“Oh, uhm, chillin’ at my friend’s house.” You could just hear her smile. “What are you doing? You moved into your new apartment?”

“Yup.” Come over and we can fuck in it. “And my mom took Frehley for the night – my offspring – so I’m sitting here all alone and bored – and not gonna lie, a bit scared shitless. Apparently it’s gonna storm like a bitch tonight and -…”

She chuckled. “Want company?”

“Hell yes.”

Again, she chuckled. “Where do you live?”

“*my address*”

“Oh, sweet. That’s about a block away from where I am.”

“What a coinky-dink.”

“Right?” she said. “So I should be there in about five minutes – *my apartment number*?”

“Yup.”

And then she said alright and we hung up. I sat there, humming happily, but then stopped, looking around the apartment. There’s, like, nothing in here. The TV’s screwed and there’s no light source besides the candles in here, the TV, and, since it was still light out, the sun. (No light bulbs.)

What are we going to do?

.
.
.
.

Right, booty call. Duh.

I should go check to see if my bed is even capable of being fucked on. And thank god I did. There were all these boxes sitting on it. I quickly moved them off, shoving them in Frehley’s soon-to-be room.

Gah. This might be the last time I get some before having to get someone to take Frehley away for the night. That’s depressing.

Or I could just risk getting walked in on in the act.

Heh. No. I walked in on my mom and dad about a hundred times in the nineteen years I’ve been alive, and it sucked major Hot Pockets.

I did some weird hand gestures and tried to catch my breath because I moved at the speed of light to do that, and trying to catch your breath while standing wasn’t really working for me, so I sat down, making my bed creak audibly.

I immediately smirked hugely.

Okay, (after years and years of hard work) this bed was destined to fuck on.

Just kidding. It was like this when we found it out in the alleyway next to our old house.

jk again. What I first said was how it really got this way.

;)

After what seemed like so much longer than five minutes, but when I checked my phone it was actually three, there was (finally) a light knock coming from the living room. I ruled out it being ghosts and raced out of my room for the front door. I acknowledge the sound my bedroom door colliding hard with the wall and slamming shut and ignored that bitch, yanking open the more important one.

She stood there in almost nothing – shorts that could honestly pass as underwear, (shit, I’m only 13% sure they weren’t) a tight little tank top and, errr, flip flop lookin’ things. Well, dang. Hope it doesn’t start pouring on her when she has to walk home in about an hour or two.

…just kidding. Weather Channel told me it should just be light rain in about three hours; I’ll just keep her here a while longer.

Kidding, kidding. I’ll call a cab…even though we don’t leave in a city with cabs or taxis. We have school busses.

Anyway…

The most concealing thing she was wearing was a huuuugggee smile. Hate to see her look like the only idiot here, so I smiled just as big back.

“Hey.”

I seriously thought her face was going to split in half. She said quietly back, “Hi.” What the – what happened to the gutsy girl I met at McDonald’s? Seriously, is this her timid twin or something? What the hell happened?

It looked like it had started raining on her on the way over here. Shoooot. If it started raining on me and I was on my way over to some person’s house I wasn’t close with, I would’ve turned the other way and ran my ass home.

Admiring her grit, I stepped to the side and bowed, hoping to get her bold self back. “Come in, m’lady.”

But she just giggled all shy-like, curtsying before walking in. “Don’t mind if I do.” Alright, she’s partially here. As I shut the door behind her, she stood there, back to me, taking a look around the apartment. “Kind of gloomy, but I like it.” She laughed at her own joke, turning back to face me. “Seriously – the TV works, but no lighting?”

I shrugged like she was missing the big picture and motioned around. “Hey, I got candles.”

“How romantic.”

“I try.” Actually, didn’t even think of that. I wonder if she wouldn’t mind sitting here while I lit up a few more.

I was legit about to but then she asked, facing the hallway that led to the bedrooms and bathroom, “Which of those is your room?”

;)

And a smirk crept back to its rightful place. I walked passed her, grabbing her hand, taking her to the only door on the right. (The bathroom was the first on the left; Frehley’s room was the last, also on the left, right across from mine.) “This one.” The door was closed, but, see - this crazy thing happens when you grab the knob of a door and you turn it a certain way…it opens.

I let her walk in first, and when I got in, I leaned up against the door, closing it. She had found her way to the bed and sat down, facing me. The bed creaked under her and that sly smile worked its way back onto her face.

“Are you going to fuck me?”

Oddly enough, I found myself shocked by how blunt yet innocently she asked it and pushed out an odd, slightly daunted chuckle. “Uh, wow. Well…do you want me to?” Please say yes. Please say yes. She nodded a couple times in a rather sophisticated way. (I really don’t know how you can nod sophisticatedly about being fucked.)

“Very hard, yes.”

Awesome. Awesomely-awesome awesome. Rad.

And since that was obviously the answer I was looking for, I smirked again, sitting down next to her, ready to start the usual questions I do before doing someone. “So…before we…do it, uhm…have you ever – are you a virgin?”

Wait, I don’t think I have a condom.

Hah, oh well.

She didn’t answer right away. Is that a yes? No and she just didn’t want me to think she was easy? Because…I am, so it’s okay. It looked like she was about to say ‘Yes,’ but instead shook her head.

“Nope. Big ol’ skank. Loosey-goosey over here.” Now, for some reason, I didn’t believe that. I narrowed my stare at her, needing an honest answer.

“Seriously.”

She feigned a look that was meant to make me believe she was taken back. “I was being serious. Whore of Babylon.”

“So, judging by the fact that you won’t give me an honest answer, I’m gonna go ahead and mark down ‘Virgin Mary.’” I pointed my index finger out, pretending like I was about to write it in the air. “Is that okay, or would you like to continue on with your lie?”

She forced out another short chuckle, grabbing my hand, stopping me. “I’m not so virgin to be pegged off as ‘Virgin Mary.’ Like…I’ve done stuff, but not all the way.”

“And yet you want me to ‘fuck you hard’?” She nodded. wth why? “After waiting all those years, what makes me so different?” WAIT HOW OLD ARE YOU?

Meh. I’ll ask later. (By the way, I end up waiting to ask a bit too late.)

“Well…” She stopped, probably deciding how to word it. “When you waltzed in to McDonald’s, like, a week ago, and I was there with all my friends - we all just had our eyes on you the second you stepped in, not gonna lie. And Lindsey – one of my friends – just kept daring one of us to go up and talk to you – yet she was too much of a puss to do it herself. And I guess after a while of listening to them refuse, I just…volunteered – plus, I already wanted to, because, well…you’re unnaturally hot. Anyway, long story short, I did, and -….” She tipped her head to the side. “What was the question?”

“I have no idea.” Seriously, what was it? Alright, let’s just scroll back up…*scroll scroll* “Oh, wait. I remember. Why do you want me to be your first? We don’t even know each other…”

She nodded, remembering, too. “Oh, right, right. Well…like I said, you’re unnaturally attractive and, despite the fact that you’re obviously fertile and capable of reproducing, I just -…you look like you’d be good, like, you know exactly what to do. Weird way to put it, but – I guess it’s just, underneath all that intimidating sexiness is a guy that knows how to be good in the sack, but be gentle at the same time. Like if you were to, let’s say, screw a virgin and...I don’t know. Don’t listen to me; I make zero sense right now. I’m just…ehem…nervous and, uhm, anxious. A little uncomfortable because I’m making things awkward. I’m always doing that.”

Shoot, she’s not the only one who’s feeling all that. Like, what the hell? I look like I know how to fuck? Okay then. Not a bad rep; I’ll take it.

Oh, god. She’s still talking.

“…And when I’m nervous and anxious and uncomfortable and awkward, I tend to ramble and repeat things, but reword it, even though it’s obvious that I’m just repeating the same thing. But I found that if I rearrange things, change the wording, it’s like I’m saying several things, but I’m not. It’s the same thing, just worded differently – do I make sense? Like, at all? I’m rambling, aren’t I? It’s just…I’m nervous…and anxious, and uncomfortable and…awkward – when aren’t I awkward? Didn’t I already say that? It’s just, when I’m nervous, anxious, uncomfortable and making things weird and awkward, I ramble and repeat things and -”

“So, do you want to do this or not?” I asked abruptly, not sure how much longer I could take her rambling. It was cute, but good lord.

She looked like a deer in the headlights, but cleared her throat, composing herself. “You mean…you still want to do me? Even though I’m a virgin?”

“It all depends on if you want to – I prefer virgins, but they’re not as easy to stumble upon these days, so sometimes you just gotta take what Satan hands to you.”

*tense laugh* “Interesting little…You said ‘Satan.’ I was expecting ‘life’ or something.”

“………so how nervous are you exactly?”

Her face fell to a complete mess. “Unnaturally – almost as unnaturally as – it could amount to how cute you are. So a lot – should I take this off?” She began pulling up her shirt. I quickly stopped her.

“You don’t have to…”

“Oh, god.” She somehow looked even more edgy. “Am I making you uncomfortable? It’s just I’ve never gone all the way before – heh...well, duh. Virgin. But – gah. Am I rambling? I just – god, you know? I’m starting to sweat a lot, oh god.”

I continued to stare at her. She’s odd. Yet I could see myself being best friends with her. Or
just having a lot of sex with her. Whichever. “Do you want to watch TV or something? We don’t have to do this.” I honestly don’t care what we do anymore. I now just wanted someone to chill with to keep myself from falling even more insane.

Now she was looking at me like that was absurd. “That’s sweet, but no! I came here to lose it, so lose the pants, sexy – you like blowjobs, right? Oh.” She laughed to herself. “You’re a guy, who am I kidding? Of course you do – Didn’t I say ‘lose the pants? Do you not want to do me anymore? I look like a whore, don’t I? I just thought, ‘Well, maybe if I look the part, he won’t get suspicious and see right through it’ – but you did, so…”

w-t-fuck?

I think she’s bipolar…

No, she’s a virgin who is scared out of her wits. And has the gift of gab.

Haha. It’d be funny if her name was Gabby…

What is her name?

What’s my name?

Man, I just wanted sex with a hoe. Or a sane virgin, at least. But I got the crazy one. But – it’s not her fault. She’s nervous…and anxious and uncomfortable and awkward. And is trying to unbutton my pants. I’m guessing she doesn’t care if I want to do her anymore.

But, gah - I don’t want her to regret this.

I put my hands on hers, making her stop. She looked up fearful. “I’m sorry – do you not want me to do that anymore? Did I do something – should I take this off?” And there she goes again with the de-clothing.

I stopped her from doing removing her pants this time and just held her hands, trying to get her to calm down. “I think you should relax a little.”

*very nervous laugh* “Right, sorry.”

“Yup…” And now we sit there. For forever. “So,” I started again. “Are we…not gonna do it?” Well, I need to know whether or not to suggest we could go out into the living room and watch the news or something.

She gasped, now smiling. “You still wanna do me after all that?” I nodded, like yeah, it’d be nice, because I just really wanted to do it now. Maybe I’m the bipolar one.

“Yeah…if you want.”

“OF COURSE I WANT!” She hugged me – uh. “If you can handle that, it should be a breeze dealing with me after I lose my virginity to you! You know you’re going to be the first guy I have ever had sex with, right? I’m gonna be so clingy after!” Her hands went back to my pants and she actually looked like she did when we met at McDonald’s: flirty and hot as fuck. “Take these off.” She bit her lip and I feel a boner coming on. “I wanna suck you.”

NOT EVEN KIDDING. That’s what she said. (haha) And you know how the crazy weird things people say when horny are crazy and weird, and any non-horny ears listening might be weirded out by it? Well, when you’re also horny those words are the hottest things ever. Right next to boobs. Boobs will always be hot. But they’re never crazy and weird…except when they’re crazy and weird. But they’re boobs so they still got a fighting chance.

Anyway, so, I guess this isn’t meaningless sex, now, is it? So it wouldn’t kill me to share the details.

(Author: And I’m just gonna leave this here until I’m really in the mood to write about blowjobs and eating out and fingering and sex because that’s all you’re going to be reading about and, ngl, it will be raunchy and awkward cuz why not amiright – well, when I explain what he does to her. Just ‘cos. Well, never mind. Probably not that bad….………...and I’m back.)

Okay, so if you’ve never gotten a blowjob before, you poor soul; you have no idea how good it feels. But if you’re a girl and you’re gotten ate out before, just imagine that but a thousand times better. If not, still imagine how you think it would feel.

Something along the lines of: FUCKING AMAZING would be fine. And I haven’t had sex in a while, because I really wasn’t lying; I tried to focus on school while it was in session, so it felt even better. And she was doing all these crazy things with her tongue and was a deep throating champ, and – deer lord.

Right, right – details. But…blowjobs are pretty simple, yet a bit too raunchy. She used her mouth and just kept looking up at me all innocently and did a fantastic job and I cummed everywhere in matter of minutes, okay.

tmi? I really don’t give a single fuck. Blowjobs are awesome. And since they are so awesome, I’ll go detailed.

She took the tip back into her mouth, tongue swirling around it, faster now. I leaned back on my elbows, breathing hard, pushing her head further down. God, it just felt so good. She looked up innocently again and started sucking harder and faster. What she didn’t have in her mouth was being taken care of by her hands. She moved from tip to base, base to tip, squeezing a little harder each time.

I tried to bite back a loud moan but it came out anyway.

“Oh, fuck.”

She seemed pleased with that and smiled, going even faster. “Is this okay?” Of course it was fucking okay. It was more than okay - phenomenal.

“Yeah, babe.”

Oh my – what’s her name? I should know her name by now – WHO CARES?!?!?!? Not me.
And oh jesus. It started feeling extraordinarily good. The kind of good you feel in this situation when things are about to get…messy, to say the least. But she was prepared and took it like a champ.

She looked up and opened her mouth, showing what was now inside, before closing it, swallowing. She opened her mouth again to prove that, yes, she swallows, and smiled. “Was that good?” I decided not to answer that dumbass question and pulled her up on top of me.

(Author: Okay, so I’m trying really hard to write this from a guy’s POV, but it’s just so awkward. I know you can't tell but it took my for reals, like, a few weeks to just get that far, heh. lame. I don’t know why. So we’re just going to go to her POV, alright? Alright. *ding ding* hello you ordered the awkward sex scene? order up. srsly I'm going to make this as weird as I can let myself)

Her POV

Honestly, I think I’m in love. His tongue fucking rocks. And his fingers – oh my. They’re partners in crime. His dick’s going to outstanding.

Oh god – I shouldn’t have thought that. Now I’m all nervous again, and I tensed. He somehow felt that and stopped. He pulled his head back up out of, uhm, that area. “You alright?” I quickly nodded, begging he’d let it go and return to that fantastic thing he was doing before. He just looked at me like, ‘Yeah, okay.’

Aw, that’s cute. He sees right through me. Which was probably a lot easier to do now, considering I didn’t have any clothes on. You know how clothes…really limit x-ray vision…?

Ehem. I don’t know.

He has such a big dick. (author: weirded out yet? let's just power ranger through this together.)

……………………………………………just saying. It was really nice. And comparing it prior erect and mid-erect, not a difference; same size: FUCKING HUGE. Yet now bigger, of course. And it’s not going to fit in me, oh goddddd.

No. Stop it. Just keep calm –

oh lord. He went back to it, and it feels gooooooooooooooooooood.

I wanted to scream at him when he slowed both his tongue and fingers down again, but then, after a couple torturous seconds, they both were moving at the speed of light – oh god. My hips jerked up and I moaned, pushing his head against me.

Shit.

Alright, I shouldn’t be saying this, but I’ve been eaten out and fingered more than a couple times, but never like this. It’s never been this good.

Then something started happening that confirmed that this was the best ever and unlike any other time. I started getting this…sensation. One that I don’t think you should ever get at a time like this. It was like I had to pee. Badly.

Uhm. Should I stop him? I really didn’t want to; underneath all that ‘hey, bro, you might want to hit the bathroom, asap.’ was what I knew was the beginning of an orgasm. And it was feeling superb, like ten times more pleasurable than what I usually feel. It felt like heat building up in my body.

My hand searched frantically for something other than his hair to grab onto, because I actually feared I might rip his gorgeous hair right out. My hands went for his shoulders and my nails dug in. Deep. Really deep.

It was like he didn’t notice and just kept going. Faster.

Oh, god.

I feel like I’m going to burst like a water balloon. Or a supernova exploding into a black hole. (Author: I’m watching Hubble’s (or Hammel’s, not sure) Amazing Universe, and apparently it’s pretty intense.) Maybe this is what it’s really supposed to feel like? Or I’ve just never felt it to its full extent.

That’s the same thing, isn’t it? I just repeated myself…

Either way…

I just relaxed and let it happen and then – oh lord. It was like this explosion of awesomeness all over my whole body. I swear I almost lost consciousness. It was like I just took a peak at heaven. Complete bliss, release. And it lasted for a looooonngg time. Then everything got super sensitive.

I patted him lightly on the shoulder. “You did it. You did it.”

“You squirted,” he laughed, pulling his fingers out.

WHAT

Sure enough, when I took a good look down, the bed was soaked. Heh. Well.

“Wasn’t aware I was capable of doing that.”

He continued to laugh. “Well, you did. I must be gooooood.”

“Amazing, actually,” I corrected him in all honesty.

And now onto the sex. The part I’ve been having the most bipolar mixed feelings about. But that’s totally understanding, right? Not my fault. It’s going to be awesome…as soon as we get pass the ‘this hurts like a bitch’ portion.

He rubbed that area a couple times. It felt good, but I knew why he was doing that and I started getting nervous again, taking in a deep, shaky breath.

“It’ll be alright,” he assured me, kissing my neck a few times, setting the head firmly in place. “Just calm down. Relax.” But I couldn’t. But I really wanted him to do, well, me. So I made myself appear calm. “If you want me to stop, just tell me and I will.”

I took another deep breath. “Okay.” And then he started pushing it in. Fuck. I gasped, my hand connecting hard with his chest as I tried to push him away. God, that hurt. He quickly stopped, looking back up at me.

“No?”

I shook my head. “Not yet.” He nodded and rubbed a few more times, kissing my chest this time. When he started using his tongue – oh lawdee. It felt good. Calmed me down a bit.
But then I felt an intense pressure down below. Painful pressure. I jerked myself back, pushing him away again. I groaned out, “Owwww.”

(Author: Shit, alright, so I’ve been trying to write this as quickly as I could, but, I know you obviously have no way of knowing this, but It’s actually taken me two weeks to get from the whole her confessing she’s a virgin part to just this. And it’s just annoying now. I legit can’t write from either’s point of view. It’s weird. I used to be able to write the most vulgar shit from a girl’s perspective. idk. whateves. So now, badda bing badda boom, they eventually get it in, only for like five minutes because it hurt her too much, yadda yah virgin yeah. And now - oh you know what, I’m feeling it now. Here ya go.)

He, of course, stopped right away. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Yes,” I said a bit too eagerly. “Just - please.”

“O-kaaaaaaaaay,” he said slowly, pushing in again. Whoo - alright, ow. It’s a little bit in. I tried not to show how painful it was, but most of it came out.

“Okay, ow, fuck.”

I knew he just really wanted to stop now, but I hoped he saw hope much I didn’t want to. I think he did.

“Okay, how about…” He flipped us over, so I was on top. I steadied myself to keep it from getting shoved in. “You do it.” Hmpf. Good idea. So I did. Tried. I think he got a bit impatient and just yanked me down. Pain went shooting like a star. I squeezed my eyes shut, grimacing.

“Holy God.”

“Sorry.”

I shook my head. “Nah, it’s cool.” FUCKING SHIT OW. He pushed me up, pulling out. Huh - the tip had blood on it. He smirked - damn, he looked hot(ter).

“You’re not a virgin anymore.”

I actually laughed like I was high. “Oh, sweet.”

“Yup. Still wanna do it?”

“Well, of course. Be dumb to stop now.”

“Right.” He moved it back under me and let me go down at my own pace. Holy geez-us. I kind of hoped it wouldn’t hurt as much now that it already went in once, but it sure as hell did.

So after five minutes of actual (painful) sex, we both realized I was somehow really tight even though I’m kind of a whore. I think I was just really nervous, going all the way, so everything just freaked out and tightened.

Downstairs is kind of sore now. Kinda. He just ate me out again and everything is awesome. I’m, like, shaking now, because the guy’s a champ. Best ever. I would keep coming back to him just so he’d do that. I’d do anything for him if he promised he’d give me a little something in return.

It’s just so good, man.

“Oh, the name’s Gabriella, by the way,” I informed him as he pulled on his boxers. Guess we’re getting dressed now. “Everyone calls me Gabby.” I was so preoccupied with finding my tank-top, I didn’t really note him stopping everything and not answering me right away with his. I looked over my shoulder to see him just staring at the wall, incredulously.

“Uh…what?”

He looked back at me and said, “You’re kidding me, right?”

I slowly shook my head, staring at him oddly. “No…Why would I lie about my name? If I were to lie, I would’ve said a cooler name. Gabriella’s alright, but people call me ‘Gabby’ for more than one reason -”

“Is it because you talk a lot?”

Instead of being offended by his assumption, I nodded, because that is why. “Yup.” I hooked my bra on and pulled my tank over my head. “What’s your name?”

“Blake.”

Hot name for a hot guy.

I instantly thought of something else that was funny and laughed to myself. “I have a cousin named Adam and another with the last name Anderson - call him Ders and get together. My life will be made.”

He laughed at that, sitting down, now in boxers and a shirt. “I already got an Adam. But get Anderson and we’ll see.” I positioned myself comfortably back on his bed, now completely dressed, minus my flip flops.

“What’s his last name? Maybe it’s the same Adam.”

“Oh, God, I hope not,” he said, leaning back, hooking his hands behind his head.

I sort of laughed. “Why?”

“‘Cause I’d be screw-ewed. My Adam is my best friend, but that doesn’t mean he’d spare me for hooking up with his little cousin.” He said ‘little cousin.’ So his Adam must be older than me - according to him. Which is probably true. Blake looks young, but older than me, too. He has his own apartment. And child who is almost three. He seems very mature, but at the same time, just a kid. Probably doesn’t hang out with people who are younger than him.

I’d say he’s about eighteen - twentyish.

Ooh, look at me, fooling around with someone who could be, at most, five years older than me, maybe older.

….Okay, I’m fifteen, but don’t tell him, okay? If I was one year older, it wouldn’t really matter. Sixteen is the legal age for consent in our state.

Hmm. My Adam is my older cousin, and would probably murder him for ‘hooking up’ with me. And if he found out he took my virginity – oh, boy. He is very protective of me and won’t let me meet any of his friends. So there is a chance we’re talking about the same Adam.

“Well, he doesn’t have to know,” I said deviously, cracking a smile. He smiled too, shaking his head.

“If the law doesn’t get to me first,” he added in a ‘though’ tone. “How old are you, exactly?”

“Just turned seventeen about a month ago.” Okay, so I lied. Big deal.

“And I’m about to be twenty, wow.” So, going to be five years apart. Illegal. Very illegal. Or, you know, in his mind, three. I think that’s still illegal.

I sucked in some air, sharply. “Damn.”

“Yeah. So, as much as I’d hate to say this, I don’t think we should do this ever again until you’re of age and I won’t go to jail or be murdered for talking to you...or fucking you.”

I frowned. “But - but…the oral, man.”

He groans. “God, I know. It’s fantastic, but *sigh* I don’t want prison. Or death. Yet.” Just then, his phone rang. “OH, I WONDER WHO THAT COULD BE,” he pondered in a higher pitched voice, grabbing it off the nightstand. He read the caller ID and smiled, but answered coldly. “What do you want, Sheldon? ”

Uhh…who?

There was a brief pause while Sheldon answered. Is Sheldon gay or something? (Author: Haha. Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory is gay.) His voice was very high pitched. It sounded like he was freaking out.

Blake’s face just dropped.

“You’re about to WHAT? WITH WHO?!” Another pause and then, “Seriously, Liz. Who?”
Liz? I thought it was Sheldon…different person on the phone now? She better not be anything other than a friend to him.

His jaw hung low. “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? Him of all people?” He groaned in disapproval. “Please don’t. I will kill myself if you sleep with him.” Okay, I really want to know who he’s talking to right now: Liz or Sheldon. Maybe Liz is gonna bone Sheldon?

“Why are you calling me? To just tell me you’re giving it up?” *pause* “Wow. You would.” *even longer pause that ended with him rolling his eyes* “I’m a guy; how am I supposed to know what it feels like for a girl?” Then he took a look at me and smiled. “Well, wait. I might know a little. Apparently it’s really unpleasant.” *pause* He laughed. “You’re welcome.” He sighed again. “Seriously? It feels like a train driving up your vagina. Good luck.” And then he hung up.

I still sat there, looking at him expectantly. “Who was that?”

“Liz,” he said before shaking his head. “My friend. She’s only been with chicks and now she’s gonna go give it up to” - he shuddered - “David.” (Hobo: Ew.)

“Who?”

“This really skeevy guy. He’s my friend, but so not the kind of guy you want to be your first. I think she just wants to get it out of the way.” He let out a bizarre groan. “But I don’t want her to!”

He better not like her.

I made myself chuckle. “Why? Besides the obvious.”

“I don’t know. She just shouldn’t go giving it away because she doesn’t want to be a virgin anymore. That’s so dumb.”

Uh-oh. That’s kind of why I’m here. I just thought, ‘Hey, now or never. Might as well give it away with style.’ Blake’s cute and I’ve talked to some girls who ‘somehow’ know him - all I had to do was describe him and they all knew; mostly because of Frehley - and they said some very nice things about what happens in the bedroom. To keep it short, he knows how to fuck.

I just never got to actually be fucked by him. Well, finger and tongue-fucked, but not full-on fucked. But he does have my virginity. Like, cherry done be popped and everything.

Oh, what am I doing? You were there.

And now he’s saying it’s dumb to give it up because I don’t want to be labeled as ‘virgin ‘anymore.

Maybe I shouldn’t have done that. I should’ve stayed home. But when he called, all bored, I couldn’t say no. I should’ve, but I didn’t. I knew what would happen if I came over here and it did. I wanted that to happen. And it did. And now I’m regretting it.

Stupid so-called friends pushed me into it. They planted the idea in my head - ‘One of us has to get with him and he chose you.’ But I went through with it. My virginity’s gone and I can’t get it back. When he asked if I really wanted to do this, I should’ve said no. But it’s just so hard to say no when you’re already seconds away from doing it.

But he kept asking if I was sure. Like, every couple minutes. I kept saying yes.

Oh godddd.

I wanted to curl up into a ball and cry until I died.

“Oh, god, you don’t regret it, do you?”

Yes. So much.

But I shook my head. “No.” I knew my voice said otherwise. I just hope he knows we’re dating after this. I gave it up to him; we have to get married now.

The way he looked at me; he knew I was lying. He looked so…down. Then he suddenly grunted, shoving his face into his hands. “Gah - I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

“I shouldn’t have even called you,” he went on. “But I didn’t want to sit alone in my house while it stormed - which ain’t even fucking happening!” It didn’t. It never stormed. I even got a text from Weather Channel, minutes before he called me, saying it was going to, badly. “And I just wanted to have sex - so much. But I have other people I could’ve called, but then I remembered I said I’d invite you over when I got my apartment, and I did.”

“Because I told you to,” I pointed out. “I’m the reason; it’s my fault. I wanted to do this – why else would I have come over? I knew this would happen and I wanted it to.” He shook his head.

“I should’ve hung out with Liz - I was going to. Could’ve saved her from dealing with this situation later. She’s going regret this. She doesn’t even want to give it up to him. She said he was her ‘last resort.’ That she ‘might as well give it to someone somewhat cute.’” Oh, the irony.

He pushed out a short laugh. “She was actually going to call me, but she sent the text to the wrong number. I’m in her phone as ‘Broskii’ and David’s ‘Bozo,’ so they’re right next to each other.”

And that raised the question, “So, if she did ask you to…would you have?” He took a second to think about it before shrugging.

“Maybe. I don’t know. But you were already here when she supposedly texted the wrong person. I think she said twenty minutes ago and he answered her…like, a minute later, and after freaking out because the text wasn’t from me, she called me -…after talking to David to ‘get to know him better’ so she could ‘comfortably’ give it up to him. She’s going over there now.”

“You could’ve just ditched me.” Then I wouldn’t have anything to regret.

“Well…we were kind of in the middle of something.”

“Oh?” Then I smiled, remembering just what. I had sex with him. I was strangely happy about that now. “Oh.”

He joined me. “Yeah.”

After reminiscing, I patted him on the knee. “Call her.”

He just stared at me, shocked. “What, why?”

“To stop her,” I said like ‘duh’. “As much as it kills me to say, you obviously care about her to some extent if you don’t want her giving it away - to someone whose not you, anyway, or just in general. And she must like you, too, because you were her first choice. So…yeah, hurry before she makes a big mistake.”

No. No, why? It just came out before I even got a chance to stop it. It hurt me to say that, because, like I said many times before, he was my first and we should get together. Not him and her. But he feels for her, and I don’t want her to make the same mistake I did. Not that I regret giving it to him, per se. Just because I rushed into it with someone I barely knew. If I knew him better, I probably wouldn’t be regretting it.

She should’ve texted him; he should be with her right now, giving her an awesome first time. Which, if it didn’t hurt so much and he didn’t stop, it would’ve been awesome for me, too.

But…she’s been with chicks. I’ve seen videos on how they do it - hotly. And with dildos. Just saying, but I don’t think it should hurt for her. He’d probably have a better time with her.

“Are you serious?” he asked after a few more seconds of silence.

I nodded stiffly. “Yeah.” I took his phone out of his hands into mine. He was still in the contacts/recent calls. The only recent-recent one was ‘Shelton.’

…..OH. Not Sheldon. Maybe that’s her last name or just her name in his phone. Must be an inside joke. Whatever it is, I reluctantly clicked on call icon. After a few seconds, a little timer started, meaning the call was being made. I shoved the phone back to him.

He fumbled with it but didn’t put it to his ear. He just looked at me like I was from heaven. I tried to smile back but it just hurt so much. It hurt to smile. But this was going to make him happy - her happy to know he cares.

There was a little voice coming from his phone. I could kind of hear it; when I grabbed his phone, I must’ve turned the volume up. Good. Maybe I’ll hear this conversation. “Blake?” it said. His eyes widened and he quickly brought the phone to his ear.

“Shelton?”

“Yeah?” she seemed to squeak.

He sighed, relieved. “You didn’t do it yet, did you?”

There was a little laugh - hers, of course. “No. But I think I just -…” I didn’t hear what she said after that. Must’ve been funny, because he laughed loudly.

“Hold on.” He covered the receiver and said to me, “You probably didn’t hear that - she said no, she didn’t, but then she said ‘I think I just gave my virginity to a tampon.’”

Again, I made myself chuckle. “Funny.”

He got the phone back to his ear. “Wait, what do you mean?” He stopped to groan with disgust. “Ugh. You started your -…”

It sounded like she said, “YUP!”

He groaned again. “Awesome.” I think she started explaining something, also funny. He laughed and said, “Wait, hold on.” He pulled the phone away and, apparently, put it on speaker. Holding that side of the phone to us, he said, “Okay, start it again from the beginning - you have to hear this,” he told me just as she began speaking.

Kind of static-y, but loudly, she said, “I started my period, like, the second I stepped into his neighborhood. I was just like, ‘Ew, yeah, no. Aunt Flo’s in town. Can’t do this.’ which, thank God, because I really didn’t want to give up to him. He’s so grody!”

“I know!” Blake moaned along with her. “I can’t believe you even considered him.”

“God, I should’ve double-checked before I hit send.” She started laughing. “He was just like - I sent him - well, I thought you, ‘Hey, man, I never banged a dude before. Kind of want to. Can you help a sistah out?’ And he replied, like, a minute later, ‘HELLZ YEAH!’ And I - I saw I sent it to Bozo and not Broskii and I was like, ‘SHIT! No, not you!’ But then I just thought, ‘Eh. Why not?’ Then I tried to make small talk, because I’m gonna to sleep with him; gotta get to know him a bit and he’s actually pretty alright. But I still was like, ‘I’d so rather have sex with Blake, but okay then, Fate. Be a bitch,’ you know? But then fate worked for me and sent me my monthly visitor.”

“Oh, man,” he said, finally calming down, not laughing so hard anymore.

“Yeah, but I still wanna do a dude, so, in five to seven days, expect a text from me.”
He laughed again. “Better actually text me this time. If I get another call from you saying *high pitched voice*, ‘Shit - I texted the wrong person!’ I will fucking cry.” She laughed this time.

“Oh, I swear I’m about to just delete his number. This fucker’s ruining all my plans. You know how many times I texted him instead of you? And it’s always something super private or just not meant for him. So annoying.”

Well, as cute as they are, I started feeling a bit jealous of how he was with her; they’re conversations just flowed. You could just hear how much they liked each other, how comfortable they were. I started to stand, getting my flip flops on.

I’d never be like that with him. I wanted to kill her.

Blake had surprisingly noticed I had gotten up to leave and looked up at me. He said to. Shelton, interrupting her from another story, “Hey, hold on again.”

“Alrighty.”

He covered the receiver, now talking to me. “Wh - where ya goin’?”

I pointed to the door. “Gonna get home before it finally starts to rain.”

“But…I don’t want to be alone while it storms.” I still made my way to the door, opening it. I shrugged, but before I got to say anything, Shelton was.

“Hey, man, it’s starting to rain a bit, and I’m miles away from home - ‘miles to go before I sleep.’ You got your new apartment, right? Over by King’s Chapel?” He removed his hand, answering her.

“It’s in King’s Chapel. Yeah.”
“I’m about ten minutes away from there right now - wanna have a slumber party?” It looked like he wanted to say yes - like he was about to scream, ‘HECK YEAH,’ but then he looked at me. I knew he was going to tell her no because he didn’t want me to ‘feel bad’. I just motioned to his phone.

“There ya go. You won’t be alone.”

He sighed, covering the receiver again. “Gabby,” Woah. He remembered my name. “Don’t be like that. I can tell her no. You don’t have to go.”

“Blake -”

“Plus, it’s going to rain. I don’t want you walking in the rain.”

“And I don’t want her walking in the rain. I’ll be fine. I have a zillion friends that live around here. I’ll find someone.” He just looked at me again. “No. Now, I have to go before I cry.”

And I tried to get out of there as fast as I could, ignoring him, going out the door, leaving.