A Failure on My Behalf

The first thing I thought when I woke up this morning was ‘with blankets to scream.’

I don’t know what the fuck that means and I’m a little confused. I’m just going to blame it on this. Frehley, Shelton and I listened non-stop to Sleeping With Sirens yesterday, because they’re going to be there this year at Warped, and we want to know every single word to every single one of their songs.

I hope that’s why.

Oh, but if you don’t understand, you need to start listening to some good music. They have a song called ‘With Eyes to Hear and Ears to See.’

Okay, I’m just gonna tell you the date of today, so you can keep track of when things are happening. It’s June 11th, a Monday. I think. Shelton is now officially living with us, even though her dad was just like ‘Hell no.’ But when Shelton reminded him that she was only into girls, he said ‘Hell yeah, have fun.’ Her mom has always been pretty alright with us being alone together.

Heh, she thinks I’m a wonderful young man, a gentleman.

And yes, if you caught that, I said ‘only girls.’ Her parents think she only likes the female genitalia, because she’s only dated the girls, but she likes both.

So…

Oh, uh, I doubt you’ve been wondering this, but I feel like someone out there must be. Yes, I have been talking to Leah ever since she ‘permanently’ gave me Frehley. Just because I don’t mention it doesn’t mean it isn’t happening. She misses her veerrrryyyy much and was thinking about coming down to see her soon but I told her she can go fuck herself. She can wait her two months like the rest of us.

Sure, she got a little mad, but still.

Anyway, now what? Oh, we’re gonna go down to the cabin soon, like Thursday soon. It’s like a family trip. And the cabin isn’t really a cabin. It’s more like a house up in Seneca Ville, by the Seneca Ville Lake.

Is this making sense? I dunno.

Okay, well, sometimes I bring Adam and Bobby and all them, depending on how much of my family is going. I always bring Shelton. One time, Leah. It’s family trip, but my real family doesn’t want to go this time because they’re ‘busy.’

We usually go for a couple days, three at most, because someone always has to get back to work, but since it’s just gonna be a bunch of teens with no jobs, I think we’re gonna stay like a week, or until we feel like going home.

Oh, and hey, guess what. Shelton gets off her thingy doo in like two-ish days. I could cry. But I haven’t got to practice sex yet with what’s-her-face. I’m screwed. I need to get over there soon, like very soon.

I need to go make a call.

Well, first I need Liz to get Frehley out of here for a little while. She likes Liz, and I need to stop calling her Liz. It’s Shelton and I need to accept it.

Wait - what am I going to tell her?

The truth, duh.

Well, yeah, but she doesn’t like Other Liz. If I tell my Liz I’m gonna go do Other Liz, my Liz probably won’t like that very much. But what if I add that the only reason I’m doing her is so when we do it, I’m not bad at it because I - you know. It’s been a while.

I could always just ask…uh…Gabby (right?) how I was.

(Oh, and btw, we’re all chillin’ out in the living room, watching…what is this? Oh, derrr, The Incredibles. We still don’t have cable so we watch nothing but movies, basically.)

Anyway, I went with Gabby first, and since we've texted since the...that time, it wasn't too awkward. I grabbed my phone off the side table, un-hooking it from the charger so I could text comfortably. I always have my phone on the charger - when I’m around an outlet. It’s just one of the many things I’m obsessed with. My phone has to be completely charged at all times; especially when there’s a chance I could be going somewhere.

Frehley actually wasn’t playing with it this time. She was way too absorbed in this amazing movie.

Gabby’s name in my phone is still ‘Horny Chick.’ I should probably change that. Meh. I clicked on it and then the message button and typed out the awkward question.

To: Horny Chick
From: Me
---------------------------------------------------------
(1/2) So, uh…hey. Okay, I have an odd and
undoubtedly awkward question to ask
you and I need you to be honest. When
we, uh, did it, was it good? And I know
it wasn’t (2/2) actually as-good-as-it-could’ve-
been sex, but up until then, was it good?
And do you think the sex would’ve been
good? Okay, just wondering. Bye.
---------------------------------------------------------

And now is when I die a little at how awkward I made that all that sound. WHY AM I SO AWKWARD? But I already sent it so there’s no going back now.

Fuck. I hate myself for that. I don’t even want her to answer me. I didn’t think she would after how weird I made it. Or even if she does reply, she most likely won’t tell the truth. I mean, seriously, if a guy you ‘banged’ asked you the honest truth of how it was, if it wasn’t that great, you’re going to lie and say it was fabulous. Unless you’re brutally honest. Which is what I need Gabby to be right now.

If she ever replies.

Gah. What have I done?

And just so you know, most of this chapter is going to be thinking and stuff. Well…maybe.
I figured I would have a long time of waiting ahead of me and hooked my phone back to the charger. And just as I did that, it buzzed.

Mother fucker.

Well, alright. I unhooked it and brought it back to me like it was a bomb ready to go off if I moved too fast. But - oh. Well…well, yay. Okay. Either she is a generous liar or I’m the generous one.

Get a load of this, bitches.

To: Me
From: Horny Chick
---------------------------------------------------------
(1/3) Uhm ahahah…alright well you seriously
have NOTHING to worry about. At all. I
mean come on now. You made me squirt
for goodness sake. I’ve never done that
before (2/3) so…obz good. And the little bit of
sex we had was painful of course but I just
knew if I got over that it would’ve been
fucking amazing. But uh if you don’t mind
(3/3) me asking…why are you asking me this?
Besides a little reassurance.
---------------------------------------------------------

Hmm. Should I tell her? Nah. Telling a girl I wanted to know what she thought so I could either go screw my new neighbor with confidence or skip her and go to town on my best friend whom I ‘ditched’ her for after taking her virginity? Yeah, I don’t think so.

To: Horny Chick
From: Me
---------------------------------------------------------
Oh hahaha. Thanks?
Well, yeah, just wondering. For future
reference, I guess.
---------------------------------------------------------

I still wanna practice. Doesn’t have to be right now, just really soon.

Well, I guess I should text…goddamn. I am so bad with names. There are just so many chicks in this story. It’s hard to keep track. Whatever her name is, I’m going to text her first to know whether I have to make up a lie or not - oh wait. I don’t know her number. She has mine, but I don’t have hers. I could always just go over there. Or is that weird?

Eh.

I waited until after the movie, when I put Frehley down for her nap in my bed. I had to lay with her until she fell asleep but it was all good. Then I did a very girly thing, I changed my clothes like fifty times before being satisfied with the same outfit I rejected thirty out of those fifty times. Not like it even mattered. If things go as planned, won’t be wearing clothes for a bit. ;)

I ended up telling Shelton the truth. I was gonna go over to Other Liz’s place to screw her.

And she said, “You’re fucking kidding me, right? You want to have sex with that?”

“Yep - but it’s for a good cause,” I assured her like a door-to-door ‘save-the-whales!’ activist.

“Because you want sex,” she said intuitively. “I get it, but need I remind you? Two days, buddy. Hold tight and you’ll get your sex.”

“But that’s the thing!” I whined out, hoping I wouldn’t have to explain because it makes me feel lame. I don’t even like thinking it. Maybe I’d mind less if I didn’t have an audience. -_-

“What? You don’t wanna wait? I mean, I guess I could forget the whole sitch going down in my uterus for a bit, but…that’s kinda gross, if you ask me. And with Frehley right there? Well, she is sleeping and there is always her room -”

“No. Ew.” I stopped her there. “My child’s room while she slept in the next? No thanks. What I meant was…” Ugh. Don’t make me say it. But I have to make her understand that I, in my brain, needed to do this to feel more confident. “I meant that - look, you’re the only one that knows - besides the people in my head - that I haven’t gotten real lucky in quite some time, and I just…I need practice.”

“‘Practice?’” she said with a laugh, and I realized how stupid that sounded out loud. I need practice, omfg. Oh, that’s rich. “Oh, my god. Well…dude, you seriously don’t need to be frettin’. You got Leah in bed with you more than once - though it ended in tragedy - and she was a little saint. But I mean, if you really think this will set you straight, go ahead. But just this once. I want you to toot it and boot it like never before, because I really don’t like that skank. She gets to have sex with you before I do.”

“I like really love you.”

“I don’t blame you,” she said, smiling. “Like Tyra, I think on my feet and it always works in my favor.” Seriously, how do you not love this chick? She’s unnaturally witty. (Author: *death glare* it's...all...ME.) “So, you gonna do it or what - or her, I guess? Because, seriously, I think you’ll be fine either way.”

“Meh.” I shrugged over-exaggeratedly. “I don’t know - you swear you’re not going to hold this over my head with some crazy grudge?”

“Yeah, I mean, it’s just sex. You can have sex with whoever you want before or after me, and that’s fine. I’m not doing this to control your life; that’s not why I’m here. We’re temporary friends with benefits, if you want to think about it like that. But, you know, if you want it to be more than that, alright.”

“Wait, you mean like…a relationship?” Eh, yeah. I could do that. She seemed to be getting nervous. I could’ve said that one part out loud to ease her.

“Well, yeah, I guess. I mean, you are getting my sex-with-a-guy virginity. Oh, you know what?” she said abruptly and grabbed my arm, dragging me up and over to the door. She yanked it open and shoved me out. “Go get her, tiger. Have fun.” She slammed the door in my face.

What a weirdo, that kid.

Well…okay. H26, here I cum.

I tried to move, but couldn’t. I didn’t want to. This is my neighbor, my hot neighbor. What if I totally bomb it? The sex. What if Gabby was just being a generous liar?

Or she was being honest and I need to accept that I rock.

I was feeling so gosh darn confident - finally - but as soon as I stepped onto the welcome mat, a thought reared it’s way into my head, making me stop dead in my tracks. I was in that place yet again of I didn’t want to do this.

Wha -…you don’t think Shelton, like, likes me, do you?

No. That’s ridiculous. Why would she like me? That’s stupid. Well, I mean, she did before we started hanging out, apparently. For a while. She told me she thought I was super duper cute and she had a big ol’ crush on me. But then she got to know me, and was like, ‘Yeaahhh...he ain’t that cute.’ because I was fucking weird when I was a kid. Still am, but not as weird.

Like, I remember the first time we hung out. That Youth of The Nation song was my fucking theme song, I swear to God. I played it so much I forgot the lyrics. Not even kidding.

So she’s over for the first time ever, and we’re chillin’, listening to that song of course, and I was singing along, like, “YEAH, THAT’S RIGHT. WE ARE, WE ARE, WEEEE, THE YOUTH OF THE NA-HEY-TION. THERE’S GLUE ON MY *big gasp for air* ARMY-ARMYYYYY.” because I had gotten glue on my arm.

But anyway, then I figured out she’s weird as fuck, too, so she should’ve accepted me with open arms.

…wait why are talking about this? OH RIGHT. Because she might like me and I’m about to go screw our neighbor whom she hates with a burning passion for some still unknown reason. But she said she’s okay with it. But she’s a girl; she’s probably lying.

God danggit. I need to listen to the world around me when I’m thinking, because I make little sounds and faces and all this shit to go along with my thoughts, and _ GOD CRAPPIT.

I suddenly got the gigantic urge to sneeze and - have you ever seen that one Kevin Hart special, when he did that impression of how - who was it? Nate, I think, sneezed? Well, that’s how I fucking sneezed. Like, twice.

I swear to goodness, I’m about to cry. What’s-her-face just opened the door.

NO. I wasn’t done making decisions yet. CLOSE THE FRIGGIN’ DOOR.

“Blake,” she greeted with a big smile. “I thought I heard someone out here - nice sneeze, by the way. What’s up?”

And “I don’t know,” is what I said.

She laughed, saying, “You don’t know? How do you not know?”

I shrugged. “I just don’t know. Well, I mean, I did, but then I lost it and now I don’t know anymore - FUCK.” I sneezed, I swear to you, eight times in a row. I don’t think I had a heart beat for ten seconds. I better not be getting sick. This is the worst time to get sick, what with the cabin and Liz all coming this week.

Heh. Pun intended.

Plus, I don’t want Frehley get sick. It’s just so sad seeing your baby all coughing and sneezing, and she has trouble breathing sometimes and her little itty bitty nose gets all red and I just wanna cry.

I groaned, feeling dizzy, as she laughed, asking, “Gee, you alright there, buddy?”

Another groan as I shook my head. “Ugh, no. God, 1/8th an orgasm, my ass. That was death - or is it 1/16th?”

She took a second to wonder, too, and ended up shrugging. “I think it’s 1/8th.”

“Well, according that, that should’ve felt great as opposed to horrid.”

“Right? Like, I hate sneezing. Have you ever sneezed a shit-ton of times in a row and felt like your heart was trying to make up for the beats it skipped - all at once?”

“YES!” I ended up shouting, loving the way she described that feeling. “I just had that. Sucked ass.” Then we just smiled at each other, I don’t know. A bonding moment, maybe.

She asked, “So, uhm, back to my original question, ‘what’s up?’ Are we hanging out?”

“Oh. Yeah.” Eh, thought I should explain myself, so I said, “Didn’t have your number, so I thought I’d just…do this. And sneeze in your face, ‘cause I know how attractive that is.”

She laughed. “Oh, yeah, yeah, no, that was nice. You know actually, you didn’t look too bad sneezing - like, your sneezing face wasn’t ugly, if that’s not weird to say, but it feels weird, so it probably was.”

“Oh, no. Psshh, so sweet. Thanks. I don’t get that enough.” I should just stop talking. That’s how friends talk to each other, you know. And I don’t want to be that type of friend with her. But I just kept going. “If you thought that was nice, you should see my yawning face - oh, man.”

“Couldn’t imagine the beauty,” she said, nodding along before stepping aside. “You can come in.”

Just in your house?

HOLLA I’M ON FI-YUH. But thank god I’m not letting this out of my mouth. Though I think she’d be okay with my stupid pick-up lines/jokes/puns. But then again, probably not.

Wha - oh crap. I don’t want to do her anymore. Like, just don’t. Plus, I just sneezed again. But then I thought about sex and how nice it is and started getting horny and went inside anyway and we banged and it was lovely. (Cassie: Oh, wow. Lovely.)

So now we just kind of chill in her bed.

And she’s like trying to snuggle. Uhm, no. It’s awkward because I didn’t like her at all in any way unless it related to hot sex.

Trying to find an excuse to leave, I brought up the time. “What time is it?” Yeah, too lazy to check myself.

“Oh, uhm,” She hung halfway off the bed, digging around for what was probably her phone. Yup. She clicked a button and read off, “Almost five. Why?”

I sat up quickly, literally panicking, no acting required. “It’s almost five?” Okay, good thing I asked.

“Yeah, why? What’s up?”

I found my pants and boxers on the ground and grabbed them.

“Frehley.” Frehley. She’s gotta be losing her shit right now. I left a little more than an hour ago and her naps only last twenty minutes at the most. “She’s probably up from her nap now. I can’t believe it’s almost five,” I said in all honesty, doing a dance to get my pants on over my stupid friggin’ boxers. I don’t know if anyone besides guys - or girls - who wear boxers knows this, but skinny-ish jeans and baggy boxers don’t get along well. That’s why bitches be saggin’ their pants all the time; they give up mid-process.

I was about to just waddle out of there with my pants around my ankles, but I didn’t want to trip after sexy time.

As I sat up and stuffed my hand down the leg of my pants to smooth the boxer leg out to prevent that stupid bulk, I heard a voice - and it wasn’t Other Liz’s. Or Bethany’s, for that matter. I don’t give an eff if she walks in on this; she should’ve saw it coming. (ha ew not like that.)

“Did you guys have sex?”

(Author: uhhhh weird thing happened to the format so, this is bit id gonna be indented. I'll fix is later.)

I completely froze and looked up to see A LITTLE FUCKING GIRL standing in the doorway. Not Frehley. This one looked about six years older than her.

When no one answered her she just looked at us, grinning, and said, “You did, didn’t you? Was it good?”

My eyes widened to the size of golf balls as my jaw dug its way to China, stopped halfway and struck oil. What is this child’s deal? I can’t believe she would just say that. Other Liz had bolted into a sitting position when the little weirdo first spoke, clutching the sheet to her chest. “Megan!” she started, sounding like this was the worst thing to happen. But then she said, “Megan,” again in an ‘Oh crap, right,’ kind of way. “I can’t believe I forgot. Is your mom still here?”

BETTER NOT, HOLY CRAP.

I was still in that hunched over position with my hand down my pants - and ‘Megan’ was staring right at that area. She began smirking.

“Need help?”

…WHAT is with this kid?

“MEGAN!” Other Liz said her name yet again with disgust.

Megan stopped smirking and looked at her like she was shocked that she had yelled at her. Then she started smirking again. “What, I was just asking. Answer me. How was it? I bet it was good. He looks like he’d be good.”

HELLO, I’m RIGHT HERE. Let’s stop talking about me like I’m not.

I heard a scoff from behind me. “You’re such a little creep,” Other Liz groaned. She flung her hand at the living room through the wall. “Go make yourself some dinner or something. Just get out.”

“Well, geez,” Megan muttered, feigning sadness. She started back towards the door, grabbing the handle, slowly closing it behind her. “Can’t blame a girl for being curious.”

“Oh, but I can - GO!”

Finally, FINALLY, muttering under her breath, Megan finally shut the door completely with her on the other side.

I still have my hand down my pants. Oh. I went back to it, then stood to fix the other side as Other Liz began apologizing on Megan’s behalf.

“I am so, so, so, so sorry for her weirdness. She’s such a little creep. She thinks she has to be a part of everything - especially my sex life. I think it’s her sick way of getting her fill of the world - someone else’s world. But then again, she’s eleven; she shouldn’t have a sex life yet -”

“Yeah, uhm, who is she exactly and why is she here?” Those were the only answers I was really concerned about.

“Oh, right. Just this little girl I’ve been babysitting since she was a baby. She’s practically my sister. About as nosey as a sister.”

I’ll say. Who just says that stuff? She’s like five. She shouldn’t even know what sex is.

Curious, I asked, grabbing my white tank thing up (I don’t feel comfortable calling it a ‘wife beater’), “So does this happen often?” I just want to know if she’s a whore or not.

She had laid back and was pulling her long black hair into a perfectly messy bun - oh. She must’ve stopped caring about modesty a while ago because the sheet wasn’t covering her lovely parts up anymore. She just let them hang out. I mean, that’s cool. Not like I hadn’t been acquainted with them before but geez. She’s just so comfortable already. I guess I’m just used to modest whores. :p

She's not a whore. That's obvie a joke because I have no room to talk.

She had laid back and was pulling her long black hair into a perfectly messy bun. “If you mean the whole her-walking-in-on-me-getting-it-on-with-someone, then no. Only happened a couple other times before, but she’s just so nosey and doesn’t knock. Like, she’s caught me a few times…you know, doing something nice for myself.”

I don’t know how, but I got it right away.

Okay, nice thought.

“Oh. So…wait, you do that with her here?”

“Well, no. I forget that she’s gonna be here sometimes and those always seem to be the days I got the house to myself and just want some ‘me’ time.”

‘Me’ time. Her ‘me’ time is nice. She had some ‘me’ time when it wasn’t just her here, but when me was here and she is very generous with herself.

“Ah,” was the only thing I could think of to say that wasn’t raunchy.

She made the ‘p’ pop as she said, “Yup.”

And we just sit there. So I got my Pink Floyd shirt from the ground. I was about to pull it on when she grabbed my arm, stopping me.

“Ooh, wait no.” She began smiling deviously and you just knew she wanted something. “Can I, uhm, keep that - or at least wear it for a bit? I’ll give it back to you, I swear. I just - yeah.”

I actually smiled at her being all cute. “Well, alright.” I have several more Pink Floyd shirts at home so it’s all good. As she pulled it over her head, I took a little peek at her boobies because boobs. She took her hands and ran them down her sides, smoothing it out even though there wasn’t a wrinkle in sight. She looked down at the shirt and nodded approvingly with a big smile.

“They’re so trippy and mellow at the same time - have you heard Bike?”

I puffed some air at her like that was the stupidest question ever. “It’s only one of my favorite songs, partly because it’s so god damn weird.”

She smiled even bigger. “It’s probably in my top ten favorites, definitely.”

“You just got a whole lot cooler. Not just saying that. I mean, you like Pink Floyd. How much cooler could you get?”

Her smile somehow widened. “They deserve ever fan they have and so much more.”

“Couldn’t agree more.”

Gah. Now I don’t want to leave. I just want to lay back with her and smoke pot while chillin’ out to Pink Floyd.

But Frehley.

I actually had to force myself to get up from the bed and stretched. “Well,” - yawn - “I gotta jet. Like I said, Frehley’s probably throwing a tantrum, so.”

“Oh. Alright.” I didn’t really think she’d get up and walk me to the door but she did. “I’ll show you the way to the door, in case you forgot.”

I laughed, letting her - just in my Pink Floyd shirt and her thong - walk out first. “Thank God because I did.”

Megan was sitting in front of the TV with Roseanne on full-blast, a bowl of ice cream in her lap. When we walked into the room, her eyes drifted from Other Liz casually to me creepily.

Other Liz snorted at Megan. “Nice dinner,” she remarked scornfully.

“Oh, leaving so soon?” Megan said mad flirting, ignoring Other Liz’s comment.

Other Liz answered for me, snaking her little delicate hand around my forearm. “Yes, he is. Doubt he’d stick around just for you, you twerp.” She tightened her grip, getting annoyed by Megan, as she pulled me to the door. “Whenever you’re just feeling bored or horny - you know, whatever - just come on over, okay, and we can bang to Pink Floyd.”

I’m assuming she said that to me.

“Sounds like a dream date to me,” I said, accepting her proposition.

She smiled and turned the knob of the door, pulling it open. I was about to walk out of it with a sincere ‘bye’ when she grabbed my arm, stopping me from going any further. I just looked back at her like ‘what?’ when she showed me just ‘what.’

She spun me completely towards her, sliding her hands up my chest, locking them behind my neck. She perched up on her tippy toes and smirked before giving me a nice ol’ kiss. I’m not even joking when I say that I instantly became horny again. Thanks. A boner’s a nice thing to go home and greet my child with.

I think she knew she was evil because that normal smirk turned devious as she said what I assumed was ‘see ya later’ because it’s hard to focus on something that’s not a solution when you’re getting a hard-on.

I tried to say ‘yup’ but all that came out was *weak groaning sound*.

She must’ve thought that was a sign for celebration because that evil fucking mouth of hers twisted into an even eviler smirk as she said, “It’s a shame you can’t stay longer.” I tried saying ‘yup’ again and we all know what came out instead. She smiled even bigger. “But I guess what they say is finally applying to me: ‘time flies when you're having fun.’”

And as fate would have it, I finally was able to say something. I just had to say, "Actually, time only flies when you throw it out the window."

She started to laugh.

-

I didn’t even have a foot out the front door before I heard the sound of loud cries of distress. My first thought was some snotty sixteen year old drama queen didn’t get the silver Mercedes she wanted but the black one, but then my heart tightened at the words: “I want my daddy!”

And boner dies.

I never ran so fast. I feel so baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad. How long has she been crying? Why am I the spawn of Satan? I am such a horrible person.

The second I opened the door to our apartment, I saw Frehley having a tantrum on the floor. She was lying on her stomach, kicking at the ground, screaming her head off. “I want my daddy!” she cried again, gasping for air. Shelton was standing over her, trying to pick her up, but every time she grabbed her arm, Frehley would yank it back and scream again.

God. What a little monster.

My little monster.

“I know, honey,” Shelton said, grabbing for her arm again. “I tried calling him, but he’s not answering.” Wait, she tried calling me?

I don’t know why, but instead of letting her know of my presence, I just stood there,
completely heartbroken. MY BABY!

But then I sneezed.

Both Frehley and Shelton’s necks snapped up at me at the same time. Shelton’s face was taken over by relief as she breathed out, “Thank God,” while Frehley jumped up from the ground.

“DADDY!” She wrapped her little arms around my leg, burying her face into my knee. “Why’d you leave me?” she cried and I could just feel myself die inside.

“I thought I’d be back before you woke up,” Truth. I picked my little crying monster up, letting her bawl into my shoulder. “I’m sorry, baby.”

“Where’d you go?” she continued with her cries.

I didn’t like lying to her - mostly because I couldn’t think of another placed I’d go without her - and told her the truth again. “Next door. I’m so sorry, honey. I really am.” Gaaahh. I just feel so bad. Shelton had gotten up a while ago and sat down onto the couch.

“She’s been crying her eyes out for the past half-hour. Why don’t you answer your phone?” she asked exhausted. “I called you, like, ten times.”

I joined her on the couch. “I must’ve had it on ‘silent,’” I said, looking down at Frehley. She had her thumb in her mouth, tears still streaming down her face, nose sniffling, but no loud cries. Thank God. I can’t handle hearing her cry, especially if it’s because of something I did.

I pulled my phone from my pocket and found that I had six missed calls, all from Shelton and like ten texts all from her too.

Damn.

I swear this time, never leaving her without her consent.