Fragments of Us

{take 2}

It has been all been done before. Sad love stories with happy endings, right? Well, I do not know if this story will have a happy ending. We were the perfect couple, every sad love story starts with that right? They tell us that we are perfect people meant to be. But there is something already wrong with that statement. We are not perfect people. And we were not meant to be. They tell us we will last forever. They are all wrong. Nothing last forever not even love. We were not a perfect couple with a fairytale ending. We were not forever. We were not perfect. We were nothing like that at all. We would never be.

It's dark outside and it is pouring. And I can't seem to stop thinking about you. The windows are closed but the rain is pounding on the glass. It's loud and annoying but my thoughts are louder. It has been difficult to fall asleep since you left. The bed is freezing without you. Every couple of minutes lightning flashes or thunder roars. This used to scare me but I know what is scarier. And the storm always passes. It moves on or goes away but it never stays. Nothing ever stays. It's just the problems we have in our lives, it eventually goes away. But sometimes it lasts for along time. But we can always get help. Only if we ask for help. The storm rages on and my thoughts are everything. What did I do wrong? Why am I never good enough for anyone?

I wake up to the sound of my radio clock. Somehow I managed to get some sleep. My hand reaches out to turn it off but instead it knocks a picture of us together over. I pick it up after stopping my alarm clock. I still remember the day we took that picture. It was with my old film camera. I still have the camera in the back of my closest, collecting dust. I wonder if you miss me. It's been almost 3 months. But it feels like an eternity. I roll out of my messy bed. I brush my teeth and put my clothes on. I walk to the nearest cafe and order the blackest coffee they have. I don't eat breakfast. I finish the coffee and put into the overflowing grasp age can. I put the hood of my coat up and exit the cafe and into the rain. I walk to work. it isn't that far anyway. I think it would take a taxi longer to get there than of I walked. It's not raining that hard anymore, the sun will come out eventually and the darkness will go away. My past quickens as the tall glass building comes into view. The first time I came here, it seemed imitating and evil but it's a lot nicer inside. I push past the gawking tourists and into glass building. I stalk past the security and press the elevator button. It turns the color of a sad yellowish orange . The elevator doors open slowly, minutes later. I should take the stairs instead, it burns more calories.

I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. These are the three words after the "I loves you"'s You are in a relationship to either get married or break up. It's only the lucky ones who get married. We were not those. We were never meant to be together forever. The sounds of my keyboard drowns out the sound of my thoughts. I think a lot, never saying much. I try to focus on my work. You always distracted me, focusing on the wrong things. The telephone rings but it's not you. It has not been you for the past couple months. "Hello, How may I help you?" I say in my most professional tone of voice.

My cell phone is in my hands, one slender finger scrolls down my contact list. I stop when I see your name. It is kind of a habit now. But I never press on it. I miss the sound of your voice but I never call you. It's not right. You are not supposed to keep in contact with your exs (or their phone number). ButI never deleted you contact. I could not. It's too hard. I always end up thinking about you and it's kind of getting the way of living. Sometimes i wonder what's better, missing a person or falling in love with a person. It is kind of the same thing. They are always on your mind. I think when you left you took a part of me with you.

I wonder why I still feel this way about you. Maybe I cared too much or it was "I love you"'s. I don't know. You were my everything and I guess I was your nothing. I wish I could take everything I gave to you back. You don't seem to want it and I don't think you deserve it. The time I gave to you, I could have used for something that will never leave me. I stop for a minute and look out side. We all stare at the same sky but we don't always see the same things.