Panophobia

I felt my breath kick up and my heart jump into my throat, a sob ripping from my mouth. Despite all my physical pain, I jumped up and ran down the stairs and out the door. I heard Katherine and my dad call to me, but I drowned it out. Cold air hit my bare arms, and rocks were jabbing my feet, but fuck all that. I have to get to Vic; I have to get to my love.

My breath was going crazy when I reached the door to the Fuentes’ home. I felt hope slowly running out of me, but his mom finally answered the door.

She looked shocked. “Hi, Kellin.”

“Is Vic here?”

“Yes,” she opened the door wider. “Come in, come in. Are you okay, sweetheart?”

“N-no. I need to see Vic, please.”

“He’s upstairs. What’s wrong?”

“I really need to see him.”

I ran to his room up the stairs, and threw the door open. There, Vic was standing on a chair, fitting his head through a makeshift noose.

“Vic!” I yelled, jumping on him, knocking him off the chair, and landing on the floor. I wrapped my arms so tight around his waist, and attacked his face with every kiss I missed out on. He was alive, oh god, he was alive.

I had to pull back to breathe, and he was looking up at me with surprised, starry eyes, his spellbinding mouth slightly parted. God, it was like I was looking at heaven. He’s gold.

“You’re alive,” he said, stunned.

“You too.”

A smile slowly spread across his face, and I giggled, as he tackled me onto my back and kept ravishing my lips. It led to the bed, but we were too captivated by each other to even think of anything sexual. Eventually our lips calmed down, and we pulled apart, as close to each other as we could get.

“I’m sleepy,” I said, nuzzling my face into his neck.

He patted my back, “Let’s go to bed,” he said, pulling his comforter up to our chins.

We snuggled together, safe and secure, holding each other; the small trace of a smile was stuck on my face, but my hip was still sore from the stab wound. Vic was cuddling me, soothingly running his hands through my hair. His touch was stronger than I’ve felt it in a long time; maybe as strong as the first time our paths crossed.

He reassuringly wrapped his arms tighter around me, rubbing the nape of my neck with a softer hand. I could see beads of tears threatening to slip out of his eyes. I could feel his whole body shaking. I knew he was staying strong for my sake, but that’s not fair for him.

“Vic?” I said, pulling my face back a little, looking up at him. He looked back at me, pulling his lips into a thin line. “I know how you’re feeling, Vic. You don’t have to bottle your feelings for me.” I whispered the last part, going back to digging my head away.

I liked to hear his heartbeat. I liked the fabric of his shirt. I liked that I could smell his conditioner. I liked that I could feel the rise and fall of his chest.

His breathing quickened a bit, and his arms quivered. I looked up, and a few tears had leaked out of his eyes, his bottom lip between his teeth. I pulled my whole body atop him, and raised a hand to wipe his eyes. He wrapped his arms around my lower back and flipped us onto our sides, facing each other. His lips pressed onto my cheek, little rivers of tears spilling onto my own face.

“God, Kellin, I love you so much. It hurts to see you in so much pain.”

“You too,” I whispered, pushing my face into the crook of his neck. “I hate this. My own sister hates me, Vic.”

“Sh, don’t say that baby,” he said, pulling me back to look in my eyes. God, I hate the sight of Vic crying. I swear, I will never make him cry on purpose. Never ever ever. He’s too precious to me. “She’s just going through a lot. Fuck, all of us are,” more tears spilled out of both of his eyes. “I’m going to take care of you, I swear it. We’re gonna all be happy again, okay?” He sniffled, “Okay, Kellin?”

“Okay,” I whispered, crawling back on top of him. “I love you so much, Vic. Please, don’t ever leave me, Vic. Please?”

“I’ll never leave you, Kellin. Swear on my life, I’ll never leave you. I love you too much, so much it’s unbelievable.”

“I love you.”

That was all I could say.

Because, through everything that has been thrown at us, I’ve found comfort and security in him. Even before we were actually friends, he’s been looking out for me. Before we were boyfriends, he was my anchor. And I know, in full confidence, he loves me just as much as I love him. He’s my guardian angel sent from heaven.

Not even death could take me away from him.