Panophobia

“No, seriously, Kellin. It’ll be fun!” Bella said, her and Gabe grabbing my wrists and dragging me outside against my will.

“No, no, guys. Seriously, can we not?”

“C’mon, Kellins, it’ll be fun!” Gabe said.

They ignored my reluctance, and continued to drag me to the sketchy part of town. Bella and Gabe were the kind of couple to explore random shit they shouldn’t get me involved in. Such as, wanting to go to a clairvoyant… and bringing me along with them.

We had only gotten out of school, when Bella jumped on my back (almost giving me a heart attack) and made me bring her to Gabe’s car. It was then that they shoved me in the backseat and, drove us to this neighborhood; I was supposed to be hanging out with Vic, but they basically kidnapped me.

“You haven’t hung out with us in forever, Kellin!” Bella said, opening the shop door and dragging me in. Gabe followed behind us, “It’ll be fun.”

They forced me to the desk, when I felt my phone vibrate. Fuck, it was probably Vic.

“Hello, welcome! My name’s Nikki, nice to meet you all,” a blonde woman said, walking out from the back to the other side of the desk. "Bella, Gabe, Kellin," she smiled, and all of our jaws dropped, even just the tiniest bit.

"H-how?" I whispered, looking at my hands.

"I know all of the name of everyone who walks in my shop, silly Kellin. And I can sense that you're in a bit of a rush, huh? Why don't you go first? It won't take any longer than thirty minutes, sweetie. C'mon follow me, you lovebirds can just sit on the sofa over there."

I stared at them as they sat and shooed me away with their hands. What the fuck? What if I don't want to go with this lunatic?

"Don't be scared. Trust me," she smiled, and for some strange reason, I felt like I was obligated to. Like I was... drawn to her or some shit. Fuck, what's even going on?

She led me to a section in the back, cut off by silky curtains with sporadic patterns. She pulled it back and had me sit on a chair while she pulled a small table in front of me, and a chair on the other side.

"So, Kellin, the first thing we're gonna do is establish a connection. It won't take much, but you need to be at least half-convinced I'm not a fluke. Yes, I know you're all scared, but no reason to be. Do I look like a murderer to you?"

"Sounds like something a murderer would say," I muttered under my breath.

She rolled her eyes, "typical smart-ass response."

"Excuse you! I'm not a smart-ass!"

"Sure you're not. And I'm not a girl. Now, give me your hand."

"Touch.

I placed it in her's cautiously, still not over her calling me a smart-ass. She lifted my hand to her face, kissing each of my fingers.

"Taste."

She then let go of it, and started me down.

"Sight."

"Ow!" I felt a pinch on my arm, and I pulled it to my chest.

She smirked, "Sound."

And, finally, she reached behind her, and sprayed a bottle of some sort of mist onto my forearm. She inhaled deeply, and on her exhale she said, "Smell."

Oh, the five senses. Wow, I'm so stupid.

"Okay, now the last step on connection, I need you to close your eyes and stay as still as possible. I'm going to draw some of your energy out of you."

"What?"

"Just trust me, and do as I say. If you open your eyes or move, it'll draw too much energy out of you and you'll faint."

"Are you serious?"

"Completely. Now, let's get on with it."

I rolled my eyes and, closed them, placing my hands in my lap. Somehow, I could sense her hands in front of my face, moving around, near my skin. I could feel myself become slightly weaker.

"There," she said. I opened my eyes, and saw her eyes a little wider, and her face more flushed.

"Well, my, you have a lot of energy inside you. Just sitting around, not being used."

I frowned at her, and she just shrugged.

"Sorry, just being honest. Now, let's just see... I can see that you're eighteen, a senior in high school. You want to be a child psychologist, very nice, but you're unsure how to do it. You also have just made a new group of friends, and you have some close friends that you've known for a while. I see a mother, and father, and two brothers. A sister... gone, and that's affected you deeply. And a new love interest, male, Hispanic. Victor?"

I don't even want to see what I look like, because I probably look ridiculous; I’m so flabbergasted. How in the fuck did she know?

"I just know."

“Jesus Christ,” I sighed, leaning back a little.

“I see you’re mildly panophobic, Kellin. But, it’s okay, the group you’re with is very protective of you, and they understand how you are; they want to help you. This boy, Vic, wants to take care of you. He’s falling in love with you, and I can tell you’re falling for him. It’s going to be a slow process for you, but I believe if you want to fall in love, you’ll find it better than anything.”

I smiled at her, “Really? I really do care for him, he’s the best. I don’t get why people are so scared of him.”
“I see the whole murder speculation, but I truly feel in my heart of hearts that he is innocent. He hopes you see that he is; you should ask him about it, truly clarify. I know it’s taken you a few weeks to warm up to him fully, but now you see the good in him. How he makes you feel.”

“Do you, like, do you know the touch?”

“The touch?” she questioned, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, like, he has this really weird touch. I, uh, it feels really weird and euphoric.”

“Hm, well take my hands, close your eyes, and focus on it.”

“You that that’ll work?”

“You think I’m wrong?”

I chuckled, and laid my hands on the surface; she placed hers atop mine, and I closed my eyes. I thought about all the times I had felt it, all the power it has over me and my senses; how I feel comforted or electrified. How he doesn’t understand it fully, but puts it to good use.

I felt a warming between our hands, and a mumbled ‘holy shit.’

“What?” I asked, opening my eyes and raising my brows.

“I’ve never felt anything like that; I don’t even have a clue on what that could be. Whatever it is though, is special. I’ve never really looked into it, but he may be a descendant of a healer; someone who can fix with just touches. He can soothe or destroy with a touch. I can see another side to this touch – a side that you won’t see because he cares about you too much. He’s very protective over you.”

I sighed, dreamily, “I hope that doesn’t change.”

She lightly shook her head, “You act like a girl.”

“No I don’t!”

“Okay, well, now it’s time for your card reading,” she said, pulling out a big deck of long cards and placing them in my hand. “Shuffle these until you feel like they’re shuffled enough. Then, you’ll ask a question, we’ll pull three cards, and those will tell the answer. After, we’ll pull five more cards and those will tell your future.”

I smiled and looked down at the cards in my hand, mixing them up. I never really knew how to actually shuffle, but I’ve always been content with simply mixing them.

“There,” I said, passing the cards back to her.

“Okay,” she took them into her hands and splayed them out in her hand. “So, what do you want to know?”

“Uhm,” I looked down to my left hand and twirled my virginity ring. Since my date with Vic, I’ve been thinking about where this was gonna go and if he was the right person to do everything with. “Do you think Vic and I will go the distance?”

“Let’s see.”

She pulled out three cards, and laid them in front of me. They all had intricate artwork, the kinds where you can just stare at them and get lost.

“The Lovers, the Queen of Cups, and a reverse eight of pentacles. These are positive cards. The Lovers card means that love is going to become the biggest thing in your life soon; I’m talking about the meeting each other’s parents and thinking about the future kind of love. The Queen of Cups is also a nice sign, but it also means you must balance your life out – not just love and rainbows all the time. And, lastly, a reversed eight of pentacles. It means that in this new relationship, both of you must work to make it happen; you can’t just sit around and expect the relationship to progress, you have to make it progress.”

“So, you think we’ll go the distance?”

“Not a doubt in my mind,” she smiled. “Now, onto the last cards which will tell about your future. You care to do the honors?”

I reached out and pulled five cards, setting them on the table.

“You grabbed The Tower, Strength, a reversed Hanged Man, Death, and a reversed ten of wands.”

“Those all sounds fucking terrifying.”

“Well, you don’t know that. Now, let’s see. The Tower shows that you need to hang onto positive thoughts, and if you’ve been building stability in the air, it will crash soon; you need to focus on reality, even if it’s scary, just rely on those around you. They got your back. Strength says mind over matter; focus on strengthening your mind, body, and spirit. This card shows you’re strong, stronger than you think, and if you’re at a low point, it means things will look up soon. But know this, things don’t magically get better, Kellin. The Hanged Man reversed means that you will have to let go of something, and you’ll find a positive outcome out of it. It can be anything that you have to let go of, but it’ll be worth it; they’re not worth your time anyway. The Death card sounds scary, but it doesn’t mean physical death a majority of the time. This plays off the last card, you may need to metaphorically bring something to its death. Lastly, the Ten of Wands reversed means that it’s time for everyone to be completely honest, and even if you have a suspicion that someone is lying, they probably are. It also means that you need to protect yourself, whether it means physically, spiritually, or emotionally. If you feel abused in any way, you need to address the situation, or leave it.”

I was quiet for a few minutes, and I felt the heartstrings sway, “Damn, this is deep. Am I going to be okay in the end of everything?”

“As okay as you can be.”

“This was really fun, actually. And eye-opening. I may have to come back later,” I chuckled.

“You may have to. And, since I know you’re not exactly the best with money at the moment, this session will be free.”

“Really? I was just going to leave the price with Bella and Gabe, oops.”

“Oh, I saw that,” she paused. “You’re phone’s going to ring.”

It vibrated in my pocket, and I smirked at her.

“Oh, it’s from Vic. Better answer that,” she laughed. “See you later, Kellin.”

I smiled at her, “Bye Nikki.”

We waved as I walked back to the front of the shop.

“Hey, guys,” I said to Bella and Gabe. “I gotta go, but that was actually really cool, holy shit.”

They laughed, “Awesome,” Gabe said, standing up, holding Bella’s hand and bringing her up as well. “Our turn.”

“Bye guys,” I smiled.

“Bye, Kellin!” they said, as I walked out the front door.

I pulled out my phone, and checked my texts. I had five.

From Vic: Hey, you coming soon??

From Vic: Kellin? We’re waiting, silly. :)

From Georgia-May: yo bitch where u be

From Vic: Are you okay? :/

From Bones the Master Commander: i want a ferbie so i can take the batteries out and terrorize little kids and old people that piss me off should i do it tell me Kellin i need to know is that a good idea

Oh my god, Bones, what the fuck?

To Bones: Can you fucking not? Jesus Christ.

Okay, now I really need to text Vic back. I’ll just text him while I walk.

To Vic: Sorry, I’m fine. Bella and Gabe kidnapped me, haha. I’ll be over in 20 minutes or something, I’m walking right now. (:

From Vic: Okay, don’t get run over! And I can’t wait to see you. ;)

To Vic: Don’t say that!

From Vic: Say what?

To Vic: Both things! Should I be scared or do I blush, ugh.

From Vic: You’re too cute. :)

To Vic: I’m blushing now, oh god.

From Vic: You always blush because of me. It’s adorable.

To Vic: Oh, are we still on for Friday?

From Vic: Why wouldn’t we be? Silly boy. :p

To Vic: I haven’t been bowling in years. I can’t wait!

From Vic: I can’t wait either. :)

-

I put my phone away once I reached the treehouse, and climbed up to my friends.

“Hey, Kellin,” GM said, and I recognized her girlfriend next to her. “This is Tay.”

Tay gave me a small wave and a smile, which I returned, and I sat across from them.

“Where’s Vic?” I asked, awkwardly tapping my fingers together, avoiding eye contact.

“Right here!” I heard a yelling, and felt him jump on me.

“Jesus!” I yelled, feeling him flip us over so I was sitting on his lap. “Vic,” I whined.

GM and Tay just giggled, and rolled their eyes. We started chatting, mindlessly but the conversation turned when Tay started talking about how she was kicked out of her house because her family didn’t agree with her sexuality.

“We’ll probably have to sneak in the house and get some of my stuff, so I can move it into GM’s,” she looked at Vic. “You think Mike, Jaime, and Tony can grab it?”

Vic smiled and pulled out his cellphone, “Done,” he said, starting a group message with the guys.

“Thanks,” she said graciously.

“Hey, you wanna go for a walk?” GM asked Tay, bumping their knees together.

“Sure,” Tay smiled at us, grabbing Georgia May’s hand, and pulling them up.

They left, giving us light waves, and Vic leaned us back, so he was resting his head on the wall and my head was on his chest. I could hear his heartbeat, steady and strong. I thought about what Nikki told me, nervous about what waves I could rock; seriousness was never a strong point for me, but then again, any kind of talking isn’t a strong point for me.

“Hey, Vic, can we talk about something?”

“Uh oh,” he said, ruffling my hair and giving my body a squeeze. God, if I ruin this moment I’m gonna throw myself into a gigantic beehive. “What’s on your mind, darling?”

“I haven’t really thought about it much, but it came up earlier today. W-where did the murder rumors come from?”

My voice was so shaky, just like my hands. I could feel Vic gulp and look down at me.

“I know I’d have to tell you sometime. People think I’m a killer because I was seen carrying you to the police station I was a suspect in your sister’s case, but my name was cleared.”

“Oh god, it makes sense,” I breathed out. “That’s why you look so familiar.”

"I always knew I was holding you. I just… I kept it a secret. That’s why I was rude to you at first, so you wouldn’t find out. But, I just took one look at you all offended, and I just wanted to apologize and hug you. But, when we became friends, I had a cop question me, and it was so annoying. Now that we’re, you know, going on dates and stuff, they might come question you,” he turned my face to his. “And I don’t want that to happen.”

I gave him a little curl of my lip, “It’s okay if they question me. As long and I can stay with you.”
He sighed, “I’m really sorry. I don't know, Kels. I kept it a secret because I didn't want to scare you away. I'm sorry."

"No, no. It's okay," I said, snuggling into his side even more. "Thing is, I know the truth, and I know you did it to protect me. Why would I be mad at the person who saved my life?"

"You make me sound like some god-sent superhero."

"Maybe you are one."

“You’re so cheesy, Kels.”

I planted a small peck on his cheek, not scared of any rejection. His face lit up, “Deal with it.”

-

I was sitting in last period, which was a merge between the three senior anatomy classes. I was chatting away with Desi, who was my lab partner, while Justin and Gabe were sitting across from us. Bella was paired with Jack Fowler, a casual friend of our group. Vic was with a girl, Jordan, who was mentally ripping off his clothing and eye fucking him. Seeing her hang off of his few muttered words was out-of-breath-laugh worthy, but I did feel jealously because, well, I’m the one he took on a date and spends all his free time with and I’m the one he plays footsies with and she’s not his and-

“Kellin, you’re staring,” Desi said, elbowing me.

“Oh, shit. Oops,” I said, snapping my head back to the project we’re working on. “What are we on now?”

She rolled her eyes at me, “Jesus Christ, Kellin. You’re fucking killing me.”

“I’m sorry!” I said in a baby voice, jutting out my bottom lip and leaning on here. “Forgive me, friend.”

“You’re so annoying, oh my god,” a voice said, mocking me. I turned.

It was Emily.

Aka, the biggest bitch in the fucking school.

Aka, the girl whose been taunting me since childhood.

Aka, my arch nemesis.

“Hey, shut the fuck up,” Bella said, leaning forward, her curls falling and framing her face, her eyebrows raised. She had the perfect “What The Fuck” face I’ve ever seen.

“Oh, and what are you gonna do about it?” Emily’s new boytoy for the week, William, said.

“I’ll beat your ass,” Bella barked.

Now, here’s the thing. Bella may look like a small girl, but she’s pretty tough; if someone wasn’t threatened by that, then they better run.

“So, faggot,” Emily spat at me, venom dripping on her tongue, coating every word like a dagger in me. “I hear you got a new boyfriend.”

“Head down, ignore her, Kellin,” Desi whispered in my ear.

“Hey, bitch no one asked you to talk.”

“You know what!” Justin shouted at her, banging his palm on the table.

“What? What do I know, Gumby? I know that your favorite pastime is stretching your skin and getting stoned with that weird girlfriend of yours. Besides, I didn’t ask you a question, Gumby.”

She turned her attention back to me, and my jaw clenched. My eyes went and pleaded to Vic for a few seconds, where he looked extremely angry. He glared at Emily so hard, if looks could kill, she’d already be in her grave.

“I’m gonna call you Kelly, because you’re such a fucking girl. You’re such a fucking slut, and so was your sister. All you do is cry about her, pretending that you’re such a good boy. Give me a break! You should just kill yourself then you can be back with your whore sister.”

Everyone’s jaws dropped. Tears burned in my eyes, but I held them back; I would never let Emily have my tears. My bottom lip was slowly deteriorating between my teeth. I could see Vic stomping over out of the corner of my eye, fuming.

“You think you’re really fucking clever, huh?” he yelled at her, slamming his hands on her work table, making her jump.

“Uh, duh,” she said, whipping out her phone, probably texting bullshit to one of her little disciples. Vic grabbed it out of her hands.

“You want this?” he asked, swinging it in his thumb and pointed fingers. She nodded at him, rolling her eyes.

“No shit, dumbass. It’s my phone, give me.”

“Well, if you’re gonna act like a bitch,” Vic said with confidence, and then he shocked all of us as he threw it to the floor, causing it to break apart. “Then you can fetch it like a dog.”

We have captured the attention of everyone in the classroom by now. Some were scared, some were suppressing laughter, some were snorting, but more were just still, their mouths slightly open.

“Are you serious?” she yelled, dropping to the floor, trying to salvage the pieces of her broken white iPhone.

“Fuck off, man,” William said, starting to stand up.

He raised his fist, but before he could do anything, Vic slammed his head into the table. Everyone gasped in horror, and I finally let my jaw drop. William lifted his head back up, shouting something about his nose feeling broken. He had a massive fat lip.

“Young man,” a teacher I didn’t recognize yelled to Vic, “go to the office!”

And Vic just sneered and walked straight out the door, not even glancing over his shoulder.