Tied Together

“No, she isn’t going to your place. You haven’t even bothered to child proof it. You’d think with all your millions of dollars that you could hire someone to ensure your daughter’s safety”

Sid fumed and I knew I wasn’t going to like what he had to say. “Do you really want to start that again because I have no problems going to court and filing for sole custody and I can guarantee that I would get it. You’d never see her again and you know it”.

He always threatened taking Ryanna away from me; it was the one threat that I took seriously and couldn’t imagine what would happen if he followed through with it. The past 2 years had been difficult to say the least. We still hadn’t figured out how to parent together without it ending up in a huge argument. There had been times over the past 24 months that we’d found ourselves tangled up in sheets and enjoying each others company, but no matter how hard we tried, it just wouldn’t work. Now, on the best of days, the most we could accomplish was being civil to each other; for Ryanna’s sake.

Nate was the one constant source of strength for me, he took his “Gunkle” role quite seriously and was the one I could always count on when Sid and I didn’t see eye to eye. I thought back on the short time Ryanna had been with us and wished everything was the same as it was just after she was born…before all the drama, before Sid found a new girlfriend and before he started his threats of sole custody.

Tightening the grip on my phone, I closed my eyes and willed myself not to freak out. Ryanna was sitting next to me on the floor, half playing with a doll as she stared at the television. Sesame Street had the ability to keep her still; nothing else mattered to her while that show was on. Opening my eyes, I looked at my daughter and I remembered the vow I had made to her, to make her childhood the best that I could. Sighing, I reluctantly agreed to drop her off after practice.

“Try not to be late this time”, Sid hissed as he hung up the phone. Rolling my eyes I got up off the floor and tussled Ryanna’s dark curls before heading into her bedroom to start packing her overnight bag. I was searching under her crib for her favorite blanket when I heard the door slam shut.

“It’s just me J”, Nate yelled as I heard Ryanna squeal. Poking my head out of her bedroom door, I saw Nate toss her into the air and catch her again as she screamed with delight. “If you drop her, consider yourself disowned”, I told him as I got on my hands and knees to check every nook for that purple blanket.

“Are you Natey’s little girl today? Are you? Ohhh, you’re so cute”, Nate exclaimed and I couldn’t help myself from smiling.

“What the hell are you doing J?” Nate had entered the room and I jumped, bumping my head on the underside of the crib. “Shit, ow”, I said as I crawled out, “I can’t find her blanket”. Nate motioned with his head and my eyes followed the direction in which he indicated. There, sitting neatly on her dresser, was her blanket.

“You’re bringing her to Sid’s again, aren’t you?” Nate spat out. “You get all stupid when you bring her there".

Picking up the blanket, I carefully placed it onto the Louis Vuitton diaper bag Sid had given me for Christmas. “He’s her Father”, I pointed out as I closed the bag and went into the kitchen to pack extra bottles just in case.

“I don’t care if he’s the Pope, she’s not going”, Nate replied as he began to pace around the room with Ryanna cuddled in his arms. “Hell no, she’s not going. Hell no…. “

“Quit it!” I yelled from the kitchen. Nate protesting was the last thing that I needed. “Look, I have to go, you stay here and wait for me. God knows I’ll need some Nate therapy after the drop off”.

Nate nodded and passed Ryanna to me as I started gathering up her jacket and little pink Ugg boots. Making sure I had everything, Ryanna and I headed downstairs to the underground parking lot. Strapping her into the car seat, I tried to control my breathing. One night was one night too long to be without her, I was absolutely dreading dropping her off.

As I pulled up to Sid’s new house, I entered the code into the gate and waited for it to swing open. Glancing in the rear view mirror, I could see Ryanna grinning at my reflection. The gates opened and I drove up towards the front door, parking next to Sid’s Range Rover. Taking note of the other vehicle parked in the driveway, I silently thanked myself for taking the time to change my clothes and fix my hair.

Before I could get out of the car, Sid was opening the back door and greeting his daughter. “Why isn’t she wearing pants? Its cold out”, he commented as he unstrapped the car seat.

“She’s wearing a dress and she has tights on, she’s fine”, I snapped as I closed the back door and followed him into the house.

A dark haired girl was standing in the foyer and moved quickly to Sid’s side as soon as he put down Ryanna. “You remember Tracy, right?” he asked as I pulled off Ryanna’s coat and boots. “We’re going to have so much fun Ry, I’m so excited to see you”, Tracy said as she grabbed Ryanna’s hand and started to lead her away. Ryanna tried her best to pull out of her grip and she let out a little cry as she looked my way.

“It’s okay, you’re going to play with Daddy”, I explained to her as I dropped onto my knees. “Noooo”, she wailed as Tracy tried to pull her away.

Tears started to fill my eyes and I willed myself not to cry. “For fuck sakes, don’t start”, Sid snapped as he opened the door and motioned with his hand for me to leave. “I’ll drop her off tomorrow”, he said as he pushed me out the door as I blew kisses to Ryanna. Her crying echoed in my ears as the front door slammed in my face. Another successful drop off, another night spent alone while another woman looked after my child. This so wasn’t the life I had imagined for my daughter. Letting the tears free fall, I put the car into drive and peeled out of the driveway and headed in the direction of home. A tall alcoholic drink was exactly what was needed after a day like this.