Status: Two parts- re-uploaded from tumblr.
Broken Bracelets, Broken Promises.
Part Two: Vic's P.O.V.
***
‘Kellin! Kellin, wake the fuck up! Kellin, goddammit! Kellin!’ I sobbed, after finally breaking the door open and feeling instantly sick at the sight. Kellin’s lifeless body was in my arms in an instant, blood still trickling from his sliced wrists. His skin was pale and he was already starting to go cold. I examined the surroundings; four empty pill bottles, the now-shattered bottle of scotch, and the razorblade. My clothes were soaked in Kellin’s blood, but there was no way I was going to drop him. I couldn’t stop the tears from pouring out of my eyes. ‘Fuck, Kellin! How the fuck…god!’ was all I was able to choke out.
Honestly, I’d been expecting something like this for a while. I knew Kellin would end it. I just didn’t expect it to be so soon. And I sure as hell didn’t expect to be the one to find him. I guess I was kind of glad to find him, though. To be able to spend this one last moment with him. My tearful eyes swept his body once more; he was so thin. He always had been, but it’d gotten a lot worse in the last few weeks. He was getting paler and paler as the minutes ticked by. I felt sick to my stomach, but I refused to let the limp boy go. I doubled over his body, burying my head into his stiff neck as I let out a sob. I stayed like that for God knows how long, probably hours. I just couldn’t bring myself to move, to leave him, even though he was already gone.
Things only got worse when his mom got home. Honestly, I’d grown numb. I couldn’t think straight; the only thing I knew was that I couldn’t let Kellin go. I knew she was screaming, and she was crying, then there were sirens and lights. Paramedics ripped me away from the bloodied boy, ignoring my begging and pleading to let me remain by his side. I struggled and sobbed against the larger man holding me until I literally couldn’t move anymore. I’d exhausted myself, and I really didn’t want to be conscious anyway. I blacked out.
I was pretty sure it was the worst day of my life.
***
I couldn’t have been more wrong. Today, standing in front of the closed casket in the middle of an old cemetery, a whole new feeling of sorrow washed over me. I didn’t cry, though. Not anymore. I couldn’t. My sore eyes glanced to Kellin’s mother. His poor mother. She was being consoled by family friends; she’d lost her world. Her everything. If he could have seen what his actions had done to her, I wondered what he’d say. He’d probably apologize; he did that a lot, even when it wasn’t necessary. My eyes flicked back to the casket; it was nice, I guess. As far as caskets go. Kellin wouldn’t have liked it. It was way too fancy for his taste, but I guess he really didn’t have a say anymore.
The sun was setting as the last of the mourners left the cemetery. Kellin’s mom had gone so unwillingly; she was basically dragged away, wailing at the top of her lungs. It was the most heartbreaking sound I’d ever heard. I shoved my hands into the pockets of my dress pants, glancing over the flowers and gifts left on Kellin’s grave. My eyes began to sting, but I wasn’t going to let myself cry.
“This is it, then,” my raspy voice broke the unbearable silence, startling me slightly. I don’t know why I expected an answer. It was almost like I had to constantly remind myself: Kellin’s dead. He’s dead, Vic. He’s not coming back. Ever.
I let an angry sigh escape me and turned from the grave, tangling my thin fingers into my hair and pulling on it in frustration. What the fuck was I supposed to do now? Kellin had always been there. ALWAYS. How the fuck was I supposed to function without him?! How was I supposed to make it without my best friend?! How the fuck was I supposed to live without the boy I’d fallen in love with?!
“You’re so selfish!” I spat, keeping my back to the fresh grave. “How the fuck could you do this to me?! Goddammit, Kellin! I needed you! I loved you, fuck! Fuck, Kellin! Fuck!” The tears began to fill my eyes and, finally, I let them go. With an audible sob, tears sprang from my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. There were so many of them, and they didn’t seem like they’d ever stop. A cold wind stung my face, and I finally turned back to the grave, my breathing shaky and irregular.
I collapsed next to the fresh dirt, pulling my knees up to my chest and resting my head on them, my arms wrapped securely around myself. I don’t know how long I stayed there like that. Long enough for Mike to call me three times and send me about a million texts. I finally just turned my phone off and threw it into the grass, burying my face against my knees once again.
“How could you do this to me,” I sobbed quietly, my cries muffled by my legs. “How the fuck could you leave me, you fucking…goddammit, Kellin…”
I’d never felt more alone in my entire life. I felt cold, and empty. The most important person in my life was gone. Forever. I’d never see his face again; I’d never see him scrunch his nose up the adorable way he did when he thought something was really funny. I’d never see his crystal blue eyes light up when he’d have some sort of mischievous idea. I’d never be able to wrestle with him the way we used to when we’d ‘fight’ over who was a sore loser in a video game. I’d never hear him sing when he thought he was alone; god, he had such a beautiful voice. I’d never be able to experience any of that again. He was gone.
My life was gone.
‘Kellin! Kellin, wake the fuck up! Kellin, goddammit! Kellin!’ I sobbed, after finally breaking the door open and feeling instantly sick at the sight. Kellin’s lifeless body was in my arms in an instant, blood still trickling from his sliced wrists. His skin was pale and he was already starting to go cold. I examined the surroundings; four empty pill bottles, the now-shattered bottle of scotch, and the razorblade. My clothes were soaked in Kellin’s blood, but there was no way I was going to drop him. I couldn’t stop the tears from pouring out of my eyes. ‘Fuck, Kellin! How the fuck…god!’ was all I was able to choke out.
Honestly, I’d been expecting something like this for a while. I knew Kellin would end it. I just didn’t expect it to be so soon. And I sure as hell didn’t expect to be the one to find him. I guess I was kind of glad to find him, though. To be able to spend this one last moment with him. My tearful eyes swept his body once more; he was so thin. He always had been, but it’d gotten a lot worse in the last few weeks. He was getting paler and paler as the minutes ticked by. I felt sick to my stomach, but I refused to let the limp boy go. I doubled over his body, burying my head into his stiff neck as I let out a sob. I stayed like that for God knows how long, probably hours. I just couldn’t bring myself to move, to leave him, even though he was already gone.
Things only got worse when his mom got home. Honestly, I’d grown numb. I couldn’t think straight; the only thing I knew was that I couldn’t let Kellin go. I knew she was screaming, and she was crying, then there were sirens and lights. Paramedics ripped me away from the bloodied boy, ignoring my begging and pleading to let me remain by his side. I struggled and sobbed against the larger man holding me until I literally couldn’t move anymore. I’d exhausted myself, and I really didn’t want to be conscious anyway. I blacked out.
I was pretty sure it was the worst day of my life.
***
I couldn’t have been more wrong. Today, standing in front of the closed casket in the middle of an old cemetery, a whole new feeling of sorrow washed over me. I didn’t cry, though. Not anymore. I couldn’t. My sore eyes glanced to Kellin’s mother. His poor mother. She was being consoled by family friends; she’d lost her world. Her everything. If he could have seen what his actions had done to her, I wondered what he’d say. He’d probably apologize; he did that a lot, even when it wasn’t necessary. My eyes flicked back to the casket; it was nice, I guess. As far as caskets go. Kellin wouldn’t have liked it. It was way too fancy for his taste, but I guess he really didn’t have a say anymore.
The sun was setting as the last of the mourners left the cemetery. Kellin’s mom had gone so unwillingly; she was basically dragged away, wailing at the top of her lungs. It was the most heartbreaking sound I’d ever heard. I shoved my hands into the pockets of my dress pants, glancing over the flowers and gifts left on Kellin’s grave. My eyes began to sting, but I wasn’t going to let myself cry.
“This is it, then,” my raspy voice broke the unbearable silence, startling me slightly. I don’t know why I expected an answer. It was almost like I had to constantly remind myself: Kellin’s dead. He’s dead, Vic. He’s not coming back. Ever.
I let an angry sigh escape me and turned from the grave, tangling my thin fingers into my hair and pulling on it in frustration. What the fuck was I supposed to do now? Kellin had always been there. ALWAYS. How the fuck was I supposed to function without him?! How was I supposed to make it without my best friend?! How the fuck was I supposed to live without the boy I’d fallen in love with?!
“You’re so selfish!” I spat, keeping my back to the fresh grave. “How the fuck could you do this to me?! Goddammit, Kellin! I needed you! I loved you, fuck! Fuck, Kellin! Fuck!” The tears began to fill my eyes and, finally, I let them go. With an audible sob, tears sprang from my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. There were so many of them, and they didn’t seem like they’d ever stop. A cold wind stung my face, and I finally turned back to the grave, my breathing shaky and irregular.
I collapsed next to the fresh dirt, pulling my knees up to my chest and resting my head on them, my arms wrapped securely around myself. I don’t know how long I stayed there like that. Long enough for Mike to call me three times and send me about a million texts. I finally just turned my phone off and threw it into the grass, burying my face against my knees once again.
“How could you do this to me,” I sobbed quietly, my cries muffled by my legs. “How the fuck could you leave me, you fucking…goddammit, Kellin…”
I’d never felt more alone in my entire life. I felt cold, and empty. The most important person in my life was gone. Forever. I’d never see his face again; I’d never see him scrunch his nose up the adorable way he did when he thought something was really funny. I’d never see his crystal blue eyes light up when he’d have some sort of mischievous idea. I’d never be able to wrestle with him the way we used to when we’d ‘fight’ over who was a sore loser in a video game. I’d never hear him sing when he thought he was alone; god, he had such a beautiful voice. I’d never be able to experience any of that again. He was gone.
My life was gone.