Worthless

Shit, what do I do? This had never happened before. I never wanted this to happen. What do I do? I am so scared. What is Justin going to say or do? How do I tell him? Do I even tell him? I felt like I was going to have a panic attack. The boys started waking up and saying hi to me. I probably looked pale and sick with how nervous and scared I was. Justin then woke up. Oh god, what do I do? I didn't say anything and just stood in the hallway. He walked towards me and asked me if I was okay. He looked really concerned. "Hey, you want to go for a walk and maybe get something to eat?" He said it was fine and we left the tour bus. "So are you okay? You seem kind of... different?" I looked at him, grabbed both of his hands with mine, looked him in the eyes, and spoke. "I know this is really new for both of us, especially me. I really like you Justin and I love every time we are together. I love spending kissing you, holding hands, the laughs, just everything. I know I am still a tad bit scared, but I want you to know I am not leaving you. I am not going to leave. You mean to much to me." I looked at him and gave a slight smile. "Julia, what is the matter?" I felt a lump in my throat and didn't know how to spit it out but it just came out naturally. "I'm pregnant. I am so sorry." He looked at me, and it was a look I had never seen before.

"Julia, it's okay. I should be the one saying sorry for not being more careful. I will stand by you the whole way through this no matter what you decide. It is your body, so I am okay with what ever you want to do. I am not leaving you on this. Yes, it is a big surprise to me, but it doesn't mean I will leave you alone on this. You are coming with us on the tour bus. We need to be together for this. I want you and me to stay together. I really like you Julia. Are you okay with that?" I looked up at him, gave him a big hug, and said thank you. His band called him over and said they were going out with some other bands to go out for a while on their last full day. I said I would stay in the bus because of what just happened and Justin understood completely.

I laid back down to watch cartoon when the door opened again. The same guy from last time came in. This time he came all the way inside and closed the bus door. "Hey I am sorry for coming off the way I did last time, it was wrong of me and I was a bit drunk. I apologize." I told him it was okay but then started crying. He asked what was wrong and sat next to me on the couch. "I just don't know what to do. I am pregnant and it's Justin's. We had sex last night and now I am so scared." I continued to cry and he just gave me a hug. He didn't let go right away like normal and I pushed him off. "I am sorry, was that too much? I apologize." I looked at him and he looked at me and it was quiet. He then leaned in and kissed me. "Please go, that was wrong of you." He looked at me and right as he was about to get up I asked him to sit back down. "Okay, sorry that was harsh to ask you to leave. It was a small mistake." He sat there in silence. "By the way, what is your name?" I asked him. "Oh, My name is Ahren Stringer" I knew this guy.. he was from the band The Amity Affliction. He put his hand on top of my hand and told me everything would be okay and kept staring at me and then leaned in for a kiss again. I don't know why, but I began to kiss him back and he pulled me close. We continued to kiss, and he ran his hand down my stomach. I hesitated but let it go. What was I doing? Julia, you need to stop yourself. I couldn't stop. I didn't know what was going on with me. He slid his hand down and under the same dress from last night. I still haven't changed. he began to feel around and then got his hand under my underwear and began to rub and finger me. Why was I letting this happen. My breathing got harder and we kept kissing. He then stopped and pulled his hand out from under my dress. "Ha, I think I should go." I looked at him and I understood the slight laugh before his sentence and why he laughed. I looked behind him and the whole band was standing there and Justin's blank expression killed me. I then saw Justin turn around and leave the bus.

I just ruined everything.