Worthless
Heartburn
I can't do this. I need to make a change and do it for Justin. He changed me into a better person and I ruined that for him. I looked at Ahren, and pulled my hand away. "I need to go. Please just go away from me and just, just go." I took off running toward the Sleeping with Sirens tour bus. Once I reached it I was banging my hand on the door which was locked and hoping someone would open up. The door then began to open and Kellin looked out. "Look, I know you messed up, and I can see you regret that. I really tried to help you and make things better for you two. This is something you need to fix yourself. I don't fully trust you like I did before, but I know there is that good person in you somewhere that I have seen before. Do the right thing." He looked at me and signaled me with his hand that I could go in the tour bus. I just asked him to get Justin for me and that I would wait outside.
When Justin came out of the bus, I could tell that he didn't want anything to do with me right now. "Justin, just listen to me. Please." He looked at me and nodded. "I know I messed up big time, and I know you trusted me and I ruined that. I am such a fuck up and I just, I know okay? We do have a child together, and I want it to be ours, because I want us together more than anything. I learned from what I did and I know that I am a better person thanks to you. Please, just, can we fix this?" He looked at me and started to talk. "I am so mad at you. I hate how much I still like you and I hate that I care so much when you went and hurt me. But I know that you made a mistake, and I have made some in my past, and people have forgiven me and moved on. So, this is going to take time for me to warm up to you, but I know that we can slowly, and I mean slowly, work things out again." I looked at him and went to grab his hand. "Justin, I am so sorry." We looked at each other for a couple seconds and then he said something. "Julia, I know you are and its hard to accept but, I forgive you for this. I just never thought someone could mean so much to me, and I know what we have is so real, because I feel it all and I feel all the passion there is. I hate myself right now for how okay I am making this. I hate that I love you, but I can't help it." Did he just say.... did he just say he loved me? I looked at him with a confused expression. "You.. you, you love me?" I just had to do it so I pushed myself into him and kissed him. He kissed me back and pulled me in close. A tear ran down from his left eye. "I want you to be all mine, and mine for good. I love you Julia."
I then realized I felt fine, no sick pains in my stomach, just fine. "Justin, we need to go to a hospital. I need to check on my pregnancy." He hurried back in the tour bus where I saw Kellin smiling at me from inside. Justin and I began to quickly walk to his car, got in, and drove off. At the hospital, I asked for a pregnancy test in the ER, which was something you usually don't ask for but I need to know what was going on. They handed it to me and I went to use the bathroom. When results were suppose to come back, they didn't. The stick stayed blank. No positive, and no negative. I went out of the bathroom and told the nurse. She called me to the back where she asked me about symptoms I have had, and so on. She then had me do a blood test, weighed me, and had me do another urine test. She told me that I would be waiting a while and had Justin come in the room. He held my hand and we sat there together, waiting. When she finally came back, she sat down and told me that the first pregnancy test was cheap, so it was false, even when it have me a positive answer. I wasn't pregnant. Justin looked at me, and then we got up and left the hospital.
In his car, we just sat there in the hospital parking lot in silence. "What do we do now?" he asked, waiting for me to answer. I didn't know what to say. "Well, um, I don't know. Maybe it was just a false alarm to warn us not to go too fast and rush things. I don't know Justin." He looked at me, leaned over, and kissed me on the cheek. "It is okay Julia. I am just glad everything is okay. I was going to be okay with it either way." He started the car and we drove back to Warped. He brought me into the tour bus, and they all were rushing because they needed to take off again. Justin and I went and sat on the couch as the bus took drove off, and watched 'The Orphan' together. We were cuddling and it felt great to be in his arms again. Later on, we all had cereal for dinner, and then everyone got ready for bed. This was going to be a long ride. Once everyone was asleep, Justin asked if I would like to lay with him in his bunk bed. I was nervous to because of our trust issues at the moment, but I wanted it more than anything. So I laid with him, he pulled the blanket over both of us, and put his arms around me. It felt great to have his body against mine again. He then whispered something to me before going to sleep.
"I love you Julia."
When Justin came out of the bus, I could tell that he didn't want anything to do with me right now. "Justin, just listen to me. Please." He looked at me and nodded. "I know I messed up big time, and I know you trusted me and I ruined that. I am such a fuck up and I just, I know okay? We do have a child together, and I want it to be ours, because I want us together more than anything. I learned from what I did and I know that I am a better person thanks to you. Please, just, can we fix this?" He looked at me and started to talk. "I am so mad at you. I hate how much I still like you and I hate that I care so much when you went and hurt me. But I know that you made a mistake, and I have made some in my past, and people have forgiven me and moved on. So, this is going to take time for me to warm up to you, but I know that we can slowly, and I mean slowly, work things out again." I looked at him and went to grab his hand. "Justin, I am so sorry." We looked at each other for a couple seconds and then he said something. "Julia, I know you are and its hard to accept but, I forgive you for this. I just never thought someone could mean so much to me, and I know what we have is so real, because I feel it all and I feel all the passion there is. I hate myself right now for how okay I am making this. I hate that I love you, but I can't help it." Did he just say.... did he just say he loved me? I looked at him with a confused expression. "You.. you, you love me?" I just had to do it so I pushed myself into him and kissed him. He kissed me back and pulled me in close. A tear ran down from his left eye. "I want you to be all mine, and mine for good. I love you Julia."
I then realized I felt fine, no sick pains in my stomach, just fine. "Justin, we need to go to a hospital. I need to check on my pregnancy." He hurried back in the tour bus where I saw Kellin smiling at me from inside. Justin and I began to quickly walk to his car, got in, and drove off. At the hospital, I asked for a pregnancy test in the ER, which was something you usually don't ask for but I need to know what was going on. They handed it to me and I went to use the bathroom. When results were suppose to come back, they didn't. The stick stayed blank. No positive, and no negative. I went out of the bathroom and told the nurse. She called me to the back where she asked me about symptoms I have had, and so on. She then had me do a blood test, weighed me, and had me do another urine test. She told me that I would be waiting a while and had Justin come in the room. He held my hand and we sat there together, waiting. When she finally came back, she sat down and told me that the first pregnancy test was cheap, so it was false, even when it have me a positive answer. I wasn't pregnant. Justin looked at me, and then we got up and left the hospital.
In his car, we just sat there in the hospital parking lot in silence. "What do we do now?" he asked, waiting for me to answer. I didn't know what to say. "Well, um, I don't know. Maybe it was just a false alarm to warn us not to go too fast and rush things. I don't know Justin." He looked at me, leaned over, and kissed me on the cheek. "It is okay Julia. I am just glad everything is okay. I was going to be okay with it either way." He started the car and we drove back to Warped. He brought me into the tour bus, and they all were rushing because they needed to take off again. Justin and I went and sat on the couch as the bus took drove off, and watched 'The Orphan' together. We were cuddling and it felt great to be in his arms again. Later on, we all had cereal for dinner, and then everyone got ready for bed. This was going to be a long ride. Once everyone was asleep, Justin asked if I would like to lay with him in his bunk bed. I was nervous to because of our trust issues at the moment, but I wanted it more than anything. So I laid with him, he pulled the blanket over both of us, and put his arms around me. It felt great to have his body against mine again. He then whispered something to me before going to sleep.
"I love you Julia."
♠ ♠ ♠
Heartburn- Architects