Fear of Flying

I called Alfie and Eleanor on the drive up to the cabin, “Wait, what’s happening?” my best friend asked with confusion.

I rolled my eyes out the window as I tried again, “I’m going to Harry’s cabin so I need to you take notes and get any papers that are handed out in our class. Also, if it’s not too much trouble can you get the notes from Alfie too? I already talked to him.”

“Oh, yeah I guess so. Why are you going to Harry’s cabin in the middle of the week?”

I shrugged sending the lad in the driver’s seat a long look, “Because he kidnapped me.”

“Hey, you need a holiday!” he shot, glancing at me. “And I’m taking your phone.”

I huffed like a child and went back to my phone conversation, “He’s taking my phone apparently.”

There was a short pause, “Is he going to take you out into the woods and kill you?” she whispered dramatically.

I cracked a smile, “Probably.”

She laughed, “Well have fun, yeah? Don’t worry about your classes, I’ll talk to Alife and we’ll take care of everything. I’ll stop by your history class as well and see if I can get anything. Enjoy this little holiday, I say you need it.”

“Thanks El. I’ll see you Friday.”

We said our goodbyes and Harry held his hand out for me, “Phone.”

I pouted, “You were serious? Oh come on, how is this fair? You’ll have yours.”

“I’ll turn mine off too,” he shrugged. “I just want you to forget about everything. Don’t think about what’s been on your mind the last few days. While we’re at the cabin, the real world is gone okay?”

I stared down at my phone thinking over what he was saying. It’d probably be good for me to just forget for a while, not let thinking about Zayn get too me. With a small sigh, I hit the power button on my phone and placed it in Harry’s hand, “Alright, you win.”

He smiled triumphantly at me, “I always do.”

“Don’t be cheeky.”

He chuckled, “It’ll be fun, you know it.”

I nodded, “Yeah I think it will.”

“Finally!” he cheered, “She admits it!”

I smacked his thigh lightly, “Shut up. But seriously,” I said looking away from him out the window, “Thank you.”

He reached over and grabbed my hand. He brought it up to his lips and placed a soft kiss on my knuckles, “Oh course Ken. I just don’t want to see you sad anymore.”

I sighed, “Yeah, me either. But I’m trying, I really am.”

He squeezed my fingers in his, “I know you are. I’m just trying to help.”

I got a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach at his words and the way his hand fit in mine. It was making me feel, I don’t know, awkward? I pulled my hand from his and pinched his cheek, “Thank babe!” I said obnoxiously.

He swatted me away, “Don’t be a twat now.”

“Alright,” I laughed, putting my hands back in my lap. “So can we find something better to listen too? I can only take so much Radio 1.”

He scoffed, “There are CD’s in the glove box.”

*****

We didn’t get to the cabin until almost 4, and it was starting to get kind of chilly. It wasn’t too bad considering how bad Britain could get, but enough to wish I had a long sleeve shirt instead of a short one.

I met Harry at the boot of his truck as he started grabbing grocery bags and his duffle bag. I reached for my own, throwing it over my shoulder. “I could have gotten that you know.”

I rolled my eyes playfully, “Yeah I know. But I’m perfectly fine carrying my own bag thanks.”

He shook his head before sending me a smirk. “You wanna shut the boot for me,” he asked stepping back with his hands full of bags. I nodded and reached up to shut it before following him up the walkway. I’ve never been here before, but I’ve heard how nice it was- and who hasn’t seen ‘A Year In The Making’?

Harry managed to get the door open with one hand and he kicked it open and gestured for me to walk in first. I hurried passed him and he followed, shutting the door behind him. He turned the corner headed for what I could see was a kitchen and I followed. “You can go look around if you want,” he said as he placed all the bags on the counter. “Find Gemma’s room to sleep in.”

I smiled, “Alright.”

The cabin was huge. Usually when you picture ‘cabin’ in your head, you think about a tiny onc roomed log cabin. But this was a house. The living room was massive, with a big flat screen mounted on the wall, and there were 2 big plush white couches and a matching loveseat. There was also a pretty big fire place.

I turned down a hall towards the bedrooms, where I found the bathroom first. There were 3 other doors- I guessed that the one at the very end of the hall was the master bedroom, which I chose to leave untouched. The other two doors were right across from each other. I turned to open the one to my left and stepped in the door way. It was clearly the room Harry usually stayed in. It smelled like him, and there were pictures of him and friends and One Direction stuff all over the walls. I walked in out of curiosity and went over to the dresser where he had framed pictures.

Most of them were older, like he looked 12 in these. There was a picture with him and his old band that looked like it was taken after a practice or show. There was also a picture of him and One Direction, which I guessed was taken when they all first stayed here before judges houses. There were also pictures around the room of him and his family, as well as kids I guess he was close to back home.

There was also a picture by his nightstand of us. I smiled at it, it was one of my favorite pictures. It was from a party at Liam’s about 6 months ago. We were in the backyard and he was standing behind me with his arms wrapped around my middle as he rested his chin on my shoulder and had his mouth open and his tongue out while I had my mouth open in an obnoxious smile. “I stole that form your Facebook,” he said from behind me causing me to jump.

I turned and found him leaning against the door jam with a lazy smile. “I figured,” I said glancing back down at it. “It’s one of my favorites.”

“Mine too,” he said pushing off the sidding, “Gem’s room is over here,” he said gesturing behind him.
When I went to squeeze by him, his hand came to rest on the base of my back, guiding me through the doorway. It sent an electric current up my spine because I just wasn’t expecting the contact.

Gemma’s room was similar to Harry’s, but less pictures and personal items- you could tell she hadn’t been here in a while. I dropped my bag on the bed and turned to the lad in the door way, “You hungry?”

I shrugged, “I could eat.”

He smirked, “Come on. Let’s go get our Jamie Oliver on.”

*****

What ‘getting our Jamie Oliver on’ really meant was that we made homemade burgers and frozen chips. We made our plates, and he grabbed two beers from the fridge and we wondered into the living room. We sat on the floor between the couch and the coffee table and he cracked open a beer before handing me the bottle. “Anything you wanna watch?” he asked as he opened the PPV page.

I shrugged, “I don’t know, a comedy or something.” I picked at my chips as he scrolled down the list of movies. We were sitting so close his thigh was touching mine. I don’t know why I was being so hyper aware of Harry. It was like as soon as we drove out of city limits, the atmosphere changed between us. I don’t know, maybe it was just the fact that he was giving up 2 days to run off with me to try and make me feel better. No one’s ever done something like this for me. Maybe it was because I was vulnerable or maybe even the other night after I kissed him changed things. I couldn’t tell if I was the only one affected like this, he was always good at keeping his cool- he has too with his kind of life. But I noticed every look he gave me, every subtle touch- I even noticed when he sighed.

He placed his hand on my thigh, pulling me from my thoughts, “Hey, did you hear me?” there was amusement in his voice and he was giving me a funny smile. “Where are you space cadet?”

“Sorry, what?”

“I asked if there were any movies that caught your eye, but clearly not since you completely zoned out,” he laughed.

I smiled sheepishly, “Sorry, um,” I turned to the screen to skim the few titles that were there. “What about A Knights Tale? Heath Ledger is always a good choice.”

“I’ve never seen it.”

“Then it’s decided, we’re watching it.”

*****

When the movie finished, we’d long since finished eating and had both finished off 2 beers each. “Heath Ledger was so fit,” I sighed.

“Is that all you think about?” he smirked.

I scoffed, “You have no room to talk. You date models and America’s sweethearts. Let me lust after actors I’d never have a chance to ever meet, yeah?”

“Hey, I haven’t dated any models.”

“Hook up, date, same thing.”

He shook his head as he got up and grabbed our plates, “If you say so.”

“It’s alright Harry, we all have our types!” I called after him as I got up to follow.

He placed our plates in the dishwasher, “You have no room to talk about types.”

I rolled my eyes as I leaned forward on the island in the middle of the kitchen, “Clearly I have a thing for musicians and guys who don’t like me back. Sometimes they’re rolled all into one,” I shrugged. “If I can own up to my type, you can own up to yours.”

His eyes softened, “We don’t have to get into this. I told you the outside world doesn’t matter here.”

“I know,” I shrugged. “I’m just trying to make light of everything in hopes it helps me just not care anymore you know? I was doing well until the other day.”

He walked closer to me, stopping at the corner of the counter, “I just don’t want to see you sad anymore Kenny.”

My heart pulled when he said that. His voice was so sincere- low and thick, and I was terrified to look up into his eyes. Instead I focused on his hand inching closer to mine. He lightly grazed his fingers across my knuckles. “I don’t want to be sad either,” I managed.

“Come here,” he said as he grabbed my wrist, pulling me into his chest as he tucked me under his chin. I wrapped my arms up his back as I let him envelope me into him. He kissed the top of my head, “I’m here for you, you know,” he said into my hair.

I squeezed him in response, “I know. Thank you.”

We stood there in the middle of the kitchen in our embrace. It felt good to just be held for the moment, pretending everything was perfectly fine and he didn’t bring me up here to try and help me heal. We were just two friends spending a few days together. “You know what we need?” he said softly.

“What’s that?”

“Cookies.”

I laughed and stepped out of his arms, “Really?”

“What?” he shrugged. “We can make them from scratch! They’re better that way.”

I stared at him for a moment, “You wanna make cookies from scratch?”

“Hey, I worked at a bakery! I know what I’m doing!”

I laughed, “Alright…”

“Don’t sound too over confident there Kennedy,” she scoffed.

“Sorry,” I laughed again. “Let’s do this.”

*****

I scrolled down the webpage of the recipe for chocolate chip cookies on Harry’s laptop. Working in a bakery aside, he didn’t know how to make cookies. “Okay, now sift the dry ingredients into the wet mixture in the mixing bowl-” before I could finish my sentence, he dumped the entire bowl of dry ingredients into the mixing bowl, successfully showering the counter- and the front of his shirt- with flower and sugar. “-slowly,” I finished. I sighed as he turned off the mixer, “So much for following instructions Mr. ‘I’ve worked in a bakery’.”

He gave me flat look before he reached into the mixing bowl and threw a handful of half mixed cookie dough at me. I shrieked as it splattered across my face. “You did not just do that!”

“Oh, I believe I did,” he laughed. Without even thinking I grabbed an egg out of the carton and hurled it at his chest. I watched with satisfaction as his broke against him on impact and dripped down his chest. “You know this means war now, right?” He stared at me with a sinister look before he lunged for me.

I was quick on my feet and dodged him, running around the island trying to get away from him and to the mixing bowl where he left it unattended. I reached it just as he cornered me against the counter and I slammed a handful of dough across his face. He let out a grunt of disapproval as he tried to pry the bowl out of my hands. “No! This is mine!” I shouted.

“Fine, it’s yours,” he laughed before he tipped it against my chest and all the unmixed dough slipped down my chest. I screamed as I laughed trying to push away from the bowl but his arm had locked me in place.

“Harry!” I squealed. In desperation, I shoved the bowl out from between us and scooped what was left and slapped it across his chest, where his flannel button up had opened. His necklaces getting swept aside as I smeared the goop all over his skin.

“Enjoying the grope?” he smirked at me. I immediately pulled my hand from its spot on his chest. I tried to pull away from his grasp but only managed to turn and get locked against his chest, facing away from him.

“Let me go!” I laughed.

“Oh no, I need retaliation after that!” With me still locked against his chest he reached over and grabbed an egg.

“No! Not the hair! It’ll take forever to get out! Please!”

“Who said anything about your hair?” With that he crushed the egg in his fist before he shoved it down my shirt.

I screamed and tried squirmed away from him as I reached down my shirt to try and get the egg out before it spread too much. It was too late though, it was already spread into my bra. I grabbed as much of the slimy mess as I could before I spun in his arms and ran my eggy fingers through his hair. “You said no hair!” he bellowed.

“Well that was before you shoved it down my shirt!” I tried to wiggly out of his grasp but his arm wasn’t letting up. I tried to move my footing to try and get better leverage, but instead I ended up completely losing my footing on the doughy mess on the ground.

With the loss of my footing Harry lost his and we toppled to the floor. He somehow managed to make us fall so I landed on him instead of the other way around. We both looked at each other in shock, “Shit, are you okay?”

He nodded, “Yeah, you?” I nodded. He sighed and squirmed a bit before a smirk spread across his features, “You know, if you wanted to be on top of me, all you had to do was ask.”

I scoffed and rolled myself off of him and sitting up, trying to hide the blush I could feel burn across my face. “You always gonna ruin a moment.”

“Oh, were we having a moment?”

“Shut up!” I laughed as I looked around the kitchen. “Well, we sure made a huge mess. And now we have no cookies to show for it.

He leaned up on his elbows looking across the kitchen floor. “Yeah. We should probably clean up and maybe shower.”

*****

It didn’t take too long for us to clean up the kitchen. Well, it took a bit longer than it would if we were both clean, but eventually we managed to make the counter and floor spotless.

Then we headed our separate ways to shower. He went to the master bedroom to do his thing while I went to the guest bathroom. My hair was easier to wash than I thought, since he hadn’t managed to get very much cookie goop in it thank god.

When I got out I changed into clean pj’s and threw my messy hair up in a bun so it was out of the way.

I came out of the bathroom the same time Harry came out of the bedroom down the hall. Though, while I was dressed, he was wearing nothing but a towel. “Wow, someone’s modest.”

He smirked, “Oh I’m sorry, does my nakedness make you uncomfortable?”

“You wish,” I shot, though I would feel a blush coming on.

He chuckled as he headed to his bedroom, “I’ll be out in a minute, yeah?” He tassed his dirty clothes at me, “Throw our close in the wash, then find another movie for use to watch.” I watched as he slipped into the bedroom, shutting the door behind him softly. I sighed and leaned against the wall trying to get my heart to slow down. I don’t know why seeing him half naked was getting to me so bad these days. It had to be because I was vulnerable and on the rebound- that was the only explanation. I was like a recovering crack addict looking for a fix.

This needs to stop. Stop now before I complicate of fuck up another friendship. I need to shut this nonsense down now.

With a finally huff and glared at the door Harry was behind, probably completely naked and- yeah, what the fuck is wrong with me. I turned sharply and grabbed my clothes out of the bathroom as I lectured myself about how I needed mental help. I went to the garage where I guessed the laundry room was and threw our clothes in. Once I turned the washer on, I walked into the living room in an attempt to distract myself from my inanity that was going on in my head.

Instead of turning the tellie on I walked over to one of the windows. It was pitch black outside, I wasn’t used to how dark it got up in the mountains without all the ambient light of the city. With nothing to see outside, I moved over towards the fireplace where there were a bunch of framed pictures on the mantel.

There were so many family pictures from when Harry and his sister Gemma were little, as well as updated ones, like the picture of the family at Anne and Robin’s wedding. I’ve never met Anne or Robin, but I have met Gemma once. It was before the last tour, when they played a concert in London she came for the show. She’s a little intimidating at first but once you get to know her, she’s super sweet and a lot like Harry.

“Did you pick a movie?” He asked as he walked into the room.

“Nope,” I said as I turned to face him. He had changed into a pair of joggers and a tight wife beater that left very little to the imagination. He was doing this shit on purpose. He was trying to kill me. I turned back to the mantel, “I was too busy being nosy. You were a cute baby,” I said pointing to a picture of Harry when he was I guessed about 1, sitting in a highchair looking happy.

“I’m still cute,” he said with such confidence as he came up next to me.

I shook my head and rolled my eyes, “Don’t believe everything 14 year old girls scream at you.”

“I’ll have you know, that 14 year old girls are very reliable.”

“Uh huh,” I mumbled as I turned away from the pictures and walked over to settle on the couch. “So let’s pick a movie.”

He sat down next to me, leaving little space between us as he grabbed at the remote and brought up the PPV menu again. “So what do we want? Comedy? Drama? Action? Horror? I vote horror.”

“No, not horror.”

“Why not,” he whined.

I huffed, “Because we’re in the middle of nowhere and it’s pitch black outside and it’ll only make my wind run wild and I’ll scare myself. No horror movies!”

He gave me a pouty face, “I’ll keep you safe.”

“Yeah, I’m sure you will. But still, no horror.” I watched as he scrolled through the genres, “Oh! Let’s watch a Disney movie!”

“You’re such a child.”

“Shut up, you love me.”

He scoffed, “You’re lucky I do.” I rolled my eyes at that and threw my legs over his lap. He raised an eyebrow my way, “Comfortable?”

“Extremely, thanks.”

I probably should have rethought the whole, stretching across him thing. I didn’t anticipate his finders to rub softly against my calves. It gave me the chills, but more importantly it made my heart heavy in a weird way. But I ignored it- I shoved the thoughts and weird feelings inside me away and just focused on the tellie as he scrolled through the movie choices. “Oh, Dazed and Confused! How about that one?”

He nodded, “Yeah, that’s always a good choice.” As the opening credits started we both settled into the couch and got more comfortable. Harry leaned more towards me, and draped one of his arms over my abdomen and rested his hand against my thigh. I couldn’t help feel like this embrace was way to intimate for us. But I was comfortable, and he was warm and I liked being cuddled. I’ve missed it. The last thing I had that was close to cuddling was when Harry held me the night we got drunk after Zayn broke off our arrangement.

As the movie picked up we both recited our favorite lines and laughed at our side comments. I found myself playing this his fingers, twisting around the ring on his middle finger absentmindedly, and he let me without comment.

When the movie ended I extracted myself from him and the couch and excused myself to the bathroom. I’d had to pee for about 45 minutes at that point but wanted to wait for the movie to end. When I came back out to the living room after doing my business Harry had brought out a bunch of blankets. “I figured you’d get cold the later it got,” he shrugged.

I smiled, “Thanks. But you know what we should do before we find something else to watch?” He looked at me expectantly, “Let’s make a fort!”

He let out a surprised laugh, “Alright then. Let’s make a fort.”

“But it’s gotta be above the tellie so we can see it!”

“Alright,” he laughed, “I’ll go find some tacks, go into the rooms and get more blankets.”

*****

20 minutes later, we had one epic fort with a comfy blanket floor bed going on. “You’re the best fort partner ever,” I beamed.

“Thanks, I try. Plus, I did all the work.”

I scoffed, “I handed you the tacks!”

“Oh, so hard!” I stuck my tongue out at him and laid back against the pillows and grabbed the remote. “Let’s watch a show or something.”

He fell into the spot right next to me and pulled a blanket over us. “Anything but Doctor Who, I’m sick of Doctor Who.”

“How un-British of you.”

“It’s all that’s ever on!”

I found an old Skins episode and clicked on it, “Then we’re watching Skins.”

“I’ll never understand the hype of this show.”

I shrugged, “Its attractive people doing drugs and sleeping with each other. What’s not to like?”

We were quiet for a while and mindlessly watched Tony and his friends be complete twats. “Do you remember that time I showed up at your flat completely care parked-”

I laughed, “That one time?”

His hand made contact with the side of my hip, “I wasn’t finished! That time I walked to your house, not caring that the paps were following me. I was even having full conversations with them.”

“Oh yeah. That was such a shit storm for me after. I had to constantly remind people that we were not together.” I sighed, “Thanks for that by the way.”

“Remember that time you puked on me.”

I busted up laughing, “That was a good time, well what I can remember of it by the way.” Harry had had this massive party at his house before tour. We were out in the backyard with Niall and Eleanor and Louis chatting about since it was cooler outside than in the packed house. I can’t remember where Zayn was, but I never could keep track of him at parties. All I remember was I was laughing, then I just threw up. Somehow it landed on Harry’s leg since he was sitting so close to me. It wasn’t a lot of throw up just a tiny bit, but I remember looking at both our puke covered thighs, and laughing even harder. Niall thought it was the funniest thing ever too, but Louis and Eleanor helped us both go up to Harry’s room and clean up.

“I think you reach a new level of friendship when you let someone throw up on you,” he chuckled.
“Well, you have a free pass to throw up on me someday. Just, please don’t,” I giggled.

We had turned on our sides, facing each other as we talked- mainly about nonsense and nothing. “In 10 years, where do you see yourself?”

“Are we doing an interview now?” I asked cheekily.

He shrugged, smiling so his eyes scrunched up in that cute way. “Well, in 10 years I’ll be… 30,” I winced.

“Almost 31,” he sassed.

“Fuck off,” I shoved his shoulder.

He laughed, “Sorry. But go on. Where do you wanna be in 10 years?”

I shrugged, “I don’t know. Hopefully done with school.” I sighed, trying to think about what I wanted. “Mom and dad want me to move to Greece once I finish school,” I shrugged again, “Maybe I’ll be there. Maybe be married, or at least in a real, steady relationship.”

“You want to move to Greece?” He asked, his eyebrows shooting up in shock.

“I have no idea. I know I miss my parents, but London is my home you know?”

He nodded, “Plus I’d miss you if you left.”

“It wouldn’t change much of anything,” I added. “You’re only home like, 3 months out of the year, tops, anyways.”

His eyes looked sad when I said that, “I know. But if you lived in Greece, it’d be even harder to see you.”

“Harry,” I sighed. “It’s not like I’m moving tomorrow, or even moving at all. 10 years is still far off you know. We’ll probably be busy with our own lives by then.”

“You don’t think we’ll be friends in 10 years?” he accused.

I shook my head, “No, that’s not what I meant at all. I meant, like, you might have your own family by then, or I might. You might move to another country or be on tour with the band still. I don’t know what the future is gonna be like.”

“I can’t picture my life without you in it. I’m kind of offended that you can.” He rolled onto his back to avoid my eyes.

I felt guilty for offended him. I didn’t even know how some random comment could change the mood in the fort so quickly. “Harry, I didn’t mean to offend you. I do want you in my life- for the rest of my life. You’re one of my best friends and I don’t know what I’d do without you. I mean, fuck, you dropped everything to take me up to this cabin to help me get out of my funk. And it’s working! No one’s ever done something like this for me, I don’t know how I found someone so amazing as you.”

He sighed and looked back at me, “I am pretty amazing aren’t I.”

I smacked his chest, “You’re such a wanker! I thought you were really mad at me!”

“No,” he laughed, “I just wanted to hear you say some fantastic things about me.” He settled down and his eye softened. “I would be sad if you left the country though,” he reached over and brushed a stray piece of hair out of my face and my heart rate kicked up again.

I cleared my throat trying to calm myself, “Well you don’t’ have to worry about that. At least not for a while, I still have about 3 semesters of school left,” I shrugged.

“Yeah, but you’re staying no matter what. I’m keeping you forever.” He moved his hand down to my sides and started squeezing right above my hips- a place I was very ticklish.

I screamed out in surprised. “Harry!” I shrieked for about the hundredth time tonight. I pushed at him and rolled away from him, “No, no, no! Truce! You win! Stop!” I gasped.

He stopped, but continued laughing, “Like I’ve said before, I always win.”

“Like I’ve said before, you’re a twat!” I huffed, “Now let’s watch another damn movie!”