Fear of Flying

-2 years later-

Fresh after a much needed shower, I walked into my living room to find Zayn slumped on the floor, half asleep against my couch. I nicked his thigh gently, “Zayn, come on! You said you were gonna help me!”

He groaned, “Yeah, but I didn't think you'd make me help into the early morning! It's almost 3am Ken! I'm fuckin' tired.”

“I know, so am I, but we don't have that much left to do.”

“Exactly,” he pleaded. His eyes looked glazed over with sleep. “So we can finish it tomorrow.” I sat down next to him and he stuck out his bottom lip in a pout. “Come on Kennedy. You know you're tired of packing to.”

I sighed, because I knew he was right. I mean, it was my fault for waiting until the last minute to pack up my tiny flat after all. “Fine, you win.” I threw my head back against the couch. “But this means you have to help me finish tomorrow!”

“Sure, whatever,” he mumbled as he kicked an empty box further away from him. “I call your mattress,” he smirked before shooting up with more energy than he just had moments before.
“Wait, what? No! Zayn! That's not fair!” I got up and followed him into my room and watched him face plant into what was left of my bed; just the mattress with blankets on the floor. The rest of it was already broken down and in the moving truck downstairs. “I feel like since it's my bed, I should get it.”

He scoffed as he rolled over onto his back and pulled his shirt off. “Actually, since you've made me spend my entire weekend helping you move, I should get the bed.” He settled comfortable in the middle of the mattress in just his jeans and socks. I glared at him. “Or,” he huffed as he scooted over, “We can just share.”

I smiled pleased, “Fine.” I crawled in next to him and he pulled the blankets over us.

We were quiet for about 10 seconds before he spoke, “I can't believe you're finally moving out of this tiny shit flat.”

“Hey!” I scoffed. “Don't disrespect the flat! There's a lot of memories here!”

“I know,” I could hear the smile in his voice. “I'm just surprised it took you this long to move out.”

“It was just easier to stay here while I was still in school.”

The last two years had been a crazy time in all our lives, that's for sure. Most of it started when Zayn left One Direction and broke up with Perrie. I think we were all shocked that he'd been keeping to himself how unhappy with his life he really was for so long. I knew the constant negative media attention had been wearing him down, but I had no idea actually being in One Direction was so hard on him in the last year or so.

He had wanted to taking his life in a different creative direction, and everyone supported that. Even the rest of the lads, even though they missed him on the road- not that he didn't fly out to spend time with them in different countries.

Now, he was doing his own thing. Working on his solo album, slowly but it was coming along. He really wanted to put his all in it, so he was taking his time. He'd released some singles here and there, and had been featured on some other artists’ songs, but he wasn't ready for the world to see the 'real Zayn Malik' yet.

He’d also come to the conclusion that he’s nowhere rear ready to settle down in a relationship. I love this boy to death, but he couldn’t keep it in his pants to save his life, so I think ending this with Perrie was doing her a favor. She deserved better, and he needed to sort his life out.

Zayn elbowed my side, “I think I'm more surprised you're not moving in with your boyfriend,” he said, shaking me from my thoughts,

“We aren't ready for that.”

He scoffed, “It's been two years Ken, how aren't you ready for that? I mean, the lad's been practically asking you to live with him way back when you were just friends. Even when we were... well you know.” It's been years, and he still gets a little awkward whenever the subject of 'us' is brought up. Which was funny since, we had all moved on. He and Harry have mended any bridges that might have been damaged back then, and there were zero feelings between us besides friendly ones. I think the reason he got awkward about it being mentioned was out of respect for our friendship and his friendship with Harry.

“I believe the word you’re looking for is ‘fucking.’”

He smacked my arm lightly, “Such a vulgar vocabulary. But yeah, I remember him casually telling you to just move in with him. Said it’d be ‘convenient’ for you or something.” He used air quotes and everything.

“I know,” I sighed, getting more comfortable on the mattress. “But it doesn't mean living together right now is a good idea. We'd just drive each other mad.”

“You already do,” he laughed.

This time it was my turn to smacked his shoulder. “Exactly. Plus, El really wants to live together again, so I figure, why not?” I shrugged. “Plus, Harry is shuffling between here, LA and New York a lot anyway, so it'd feel like I was living alone.” Having a boyfriend who has 3 houses (though technically the New York place is a flat), was cool and annoying. Cool because if I just decided I needed to see a California beach or Time Square, I always had a place to stay (although, LA has its appeal now since Alfie moved there with the band). Annoying because said boyfriend gets restless staying in one place for too long and always finds a reason to jet off across the world. Granted, I was always invited to tag along, but that was hard to do when I was finishing up school and trying to find a 'big girl job.'
“I don't know, I just feel like you and Harry are the only stable couple I've ever seen. Except for Liam and Sophia, but that's only because Liam is a relationship perfectionist.”

“Yeah, but every couple is different, and I just think that Harry and I aren't ready to share a closet yet. Officially anyway,” I said when Zain gave me a side eye glance. It was true that I had about half of everything I owned in Harry's London home. “Plus, Liam and Sophia broke up.”

He rolled his eyes at me again at that comment and sighed contently. He gave me a sleepy smile, “Well as long as you're happy Kennedy, then that’s all I care about.”

“I am happy.”

“Honest? You're not just putting up a front? You're happy?” He was staring me directly in my eyes so lying wasn't even an option.”

“Honest Zayn, I'm happy.” I gave him a reassuring smile. “I mean, I wish I didn't have to find a 'real' job, because I honestly love working at the cafe, but I'm happy. I'm done with school, my parents aren't mad that I decided to stay in London, and I'm so in love with Harry.” I sighed happily as my heart fluttered just thinking about him, “He makes me really happy.”

He squeezed my hand, “Good.”

“Are you happy?”

He shrugged through a yawn, “I don't know. I'm getting there anyway.”

*****

I woke up to the sound of the shower running and someone incessantly knocking on the door. I tried untangling myself from the blankets to stand up but just ended up rolling right off my mattress. With a grown, I practically crawled my way out of the entanglement and shuffled to the door.

“I’m coming!” I bellowed at whoever refused to be polite and wait for me to answer the damn door. I threw open the door to stop the annoying knocking, “What the fu-” I stopped mid word when two beautiful blue eyes smiled at me from the arms of her father, who just so happened to have the same pair of blue eyes. “Why miss Stella, good morning little angel!”

“Kenny!” She squealed/giggled at me. She all but dived out of Louis’ arms and into my chest.

When she was secure in my embrace I finally acknowledged her dad. “Funny, I was expecting Harry this morning, not you.”

He rolled his eyes at me as I let him in, planting a kiss on my cheek as he passed. “Harry got held up in a meeting so he’s gonna meet us at the house. Said he tried calling but you didn’t answer.” He shrugged, “Sent me to help instead.”

“You? Help?” Zayn scoffed as he walked into my box cluttered living room, freshly showered. I watched the two old friends greet each other with a shake and a hug before Zayn walked over to steal Stella from my arms.

My friendship with Louis has been a different one the last few years. It’s hard to know whose side to be on when your best friend breaks up with a guy that just happens to be in a band with your boyfriend. I’m not gonna lie though, I did take Eleanor’s side when the news hit that Louis knocked up a girl he had a one-night stand with. There’s certain loyalties you have with your friends, that you just don’t hang out with their ex’s when they instantly get another girl pregnant right after the brake up.

But being an adult means forgiving people for their mistakes. Plus, when you see Louis with his daughter, and you see how good of a father he is, you can’t stay mad at someone for that. He was a guy, who was heartbroken when Eleanor ended things, and he made a careless mistake. Well, mistake isn’t the right word, Stella is far from a mistake. She’s a perfect little piece of sunshine. It’s like all the good parts of Louis, plus his sass, wove together to make her.

“So,” Louis kicked at a box, “I see you’ve got a lot done yesterday.” He gave us a condescending smile.

“Oi, bugger off, yeah?” Zayn glared around his smile at Stella, “I didn’t see you here yesterday to help!”

“I’m here now aren’t I?”

“Well I appreciate it,” I said as I started moving some half full boxes. “We only really have the living room left and my bed stuff.”

Louis nodded as he looked around to figure out where to start as Zayn bounced Stella on his hip next to me. “So where’s Harry?” Zayn asked, “Isn’t it part of the boyfriend duties to help the girlfriend move?”

“He’s got a meeting, but Louis said he should be meeting us at Eleanor’s house to help me move in.” I shrugged, “I apparently missed his call.”

“When you said ‘El’s house’ what you mean to say is your house,” Zayn smirked. He put Stella down when she started wiggling to get down.

I nodded, still trying to get used to the word, “Yeah, my- our house.”

“How is El?” Louis asked conversationally. Enough time has passed that any bad blood, or awkwardness had all blown over. I wouldn’t call them friends per say, but they could be in the same room or party together without any problem. In fact, Louis helped Eleanor plan my last birthday party.

“She’s good. She’s finally getting used to working at the magazine I think.” Right after graduation, Eleanor’s internship at UK Vogue turned into an actual job. She was still the assistant’s assistant to one of the junior editors, but she was loving it. “You gotta start from the bottom and work your way up!” she keeps saying.

Stella ran over to the shelf where I had a stack of DVD’s waiting to be packed. She reached for the one at the bottom of the pile, and Louis, as fast as his fatherly reflexes were, he didn’t reach her in time to stop her. “Stella!” He chastised as the dvd’s came toppling over around her.

The little girl flinched at her dad’s tone of voice and looked over at us innocently. “I help?”

Louis sighed loudly as he kneeled down next to her, “You don’t touch other people things, little missy.”

“No, she’s fine. She was just trying to get us to start working.” I smiled at her when she looked up at me hopefully. “You wanna come with me to my room and help me change, and fold up my blankets while Daddy and Uncle Zayn pack out here?”

“Oh, so we get the actual work?” Zain scoffed.

I ignored him and reached for Stella’s hand as she climbed out of the mess of Dvd’s to follow me.

*****

“Thank god, we’re done!” Harry sighed as he fell back against my bed.

I scoffed, “Harry, we’re not done!” I gestured to my room, which was covered in boxes. He ignored me and rolled his face into one of my pillows, “We literally only moved my boxes from the truck and set my bed up.”

“Well then we’re done for today,” he moaned. He blindly kicked his boots off before getting more comfortable. He looked so attractive, laying in my bed right now. In his black jeans and dirty old white t-shirt, his hair messy from moving and falling out of his bun.

I ignored the drop in the pit of my stomach and rolled my eyes, “Come on baby! You said after we had dinner you’d help me unpack some boxes.” After Harry met me, Louis and Zayn at the house, he and Eleanor helped unload the moving truck. It surprisingly didn’t take that long with all of us working together. Even when Louis gave up after one box, claiming he had to occupy Stella. After we moved all my boxes in my room and around the house, and Zayn and Harry put my bed together, we ordered pizza and relaxed. But not before my boyfriend, who was currently ignoring me as he lazily pulled his shirt off and tossed it blindly across the room, promised he’d help me start unpacking. But as soon as out friends left, and Eleanor left to go out with her new work friends, he ran up here and collapsed on my bed. “Harry!”

“Kennedy!” He mocked.

“You promised, you twat.”

He groaned and rolled over to look at me, “And I will keep my promise. Just not this second.” He smirked as I rolled my eyes, “Now stop bitching and come lay down with me.”

“Fuck you, I’m not bitching,” I pouted.

“You are, but it’s cute.”

“Shut up,” I huffed as I let him wrap his arms around me as I crawled over next to him. “You just don’t wanna help me.”

He hummed as he buried his face in my neck, “No, I don’t.” I felt his lips brush against me as he spoke, “Still not too late to move in with me, you know.”

I laced my fingers with his over my stomach, “We talked about this.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he grumbled. “‘I wanna live with my best friend!’” He mocked my voice, “‘I’m only 23, we have plenty of time to live together.’ Yeah, I remember the conversations love.”

“First of all,” I pinched his side and he yelped, “how dare you, I don’t sound like that.” I rolled over so we were facing each other nose to nose, “And second, you said you were okay with this.”

“I am,” he sighed. “I’d just rather not have to travel back and forth between here and my house all the time.”

“Then don’t,” I said stubbornly. “You don’t have to sleep here.”

“Heeey, be nice Ken,” he pouted. He kissed my nose and we settled into a content silence. It’s not that I didn’t want to live with him, I did. But I also wanted to living with my best friend again, we hadn’t been roommates since the first year of Uni. Harry was still travelling a lot anyway, so now was the perfect time to move in and have a year or so long sleep over with Eleanor.

I was pulled from my thoughts by Harry sucking my bottom lip between his. Butterflies still erupted in my tummy every time he kissed me, and I hope it would never stop. “I wanna get married,” he mumbled against my mouth.

Adrenalin shot through me and I pushed away from him to see his face, “Excuse me?” I screeched.

“Relax,” he laughed at my reaction. “Not right this second, clearly.” I sighed and settled back into his embrace, “But in the future, I do, and I want, no- I need you to know that.”

I kissed his lips slowly, “I do. I know that.”

“Do you wanna marry me?”

I rolled my eyes but smiled as I tucked myself against his chest. “I wouldn’t be with you if I didn’t want a future with you, babe.”

“Stop teasing me!”

“Now who’s pouting.”

“Rude,” he huffed and slipped his hand up the back of my shirt.

I kissed his Adam’s apple, “I love you Harry. More than anything. You’re one of the best parts of my life,” I snuggled into him more, shoving one of my legs between his. “I have every intention of living with you and marrying you and growing old with you,” I promised. “I just don’t wanna jump into all that this second.”

He sighed contently, “I know, and I get it. It’s just nice to hear you say it.”

I didn’t have to see it to know he had a smile on his face.

We’ve been through a lot to get to where we are now. If I could go back and change the beginning of our relationship, I wouldn’t. Even though we hurt each other way too many times, and fought over the stupidest things and let little petty things come between us, it only made the love we have so much stronger. We’ve done a lot of growing up and we’ve helped each other grow into the people we are.

I never thought I’d love another human being as much or as hard as I love Harry, and knowing that he felt the same made it almost hard to breathe, but in the best way ever.