Disarranged
chapter 11: between friends
There was a downside to the intimacy. I'm sure someone could never imagine saying that, or couldn't imagine any negatives to the activities Sirius and I got up to.
But in all reality it left us undefined and crossed the boundaries that had existed before. Although we happily participated in kisses and heavy petting, the fall-out was us always avoiding the topic. Neither of us wanted to say what it was, or maybe we had different ideas. I wasn't even sure if I loved Sirius in a way beyond friendship. It was reminiscent of Cecil and I.
But everyone kept making comments on how much brighter Sirius seemed. Of course our snogs and shags were clandestine, so no one knew why he was happier than usual, but their words made me feel selfish when I imagined our situation deteriorating. I just hoped he wouldn't get hurt, and that we ended up being okay--whatever "okay" was.
Remus had an unusual night off. Mad-Eye had told him, "Yer no use to us half-dead!" As a result, he was sitting at the kitchen table in 12 Grimmauld Place, sipping a cup of coffee.
The children had already returned to school, so it was quieter than usual in the house. Remus had been concerned Sirius would have been more devastated with Harry's departure, but noted he seemed to be taking it well. Remus knew that was curious, since Sirius had always been, understandably, very dramatic when it came to Harry.
"Moony," Sirius greeted as he entered the kitchen, scrounging around for some food. He settled for some Firewhiskey.
"How have you been holding up?" Remus asked with genuine concern. He reasoned this happy-go-lucky attitude could be an act.
"Been okay," Sirius replied, brows furrowing in confusion at the question. "Why do you ask?"
"You just seem very…." Lupin wasn't sure how to word it. "Chipper."
Sirius laughed. "And there's something wrong with me being happy?"
Remus sensed Sirius was deflecting. "Well, you were very angry about staying here…and Harry's at Hogwarts."
Sirius seemed to deflate a bit at the last comment. "Maybe I've just learned to adapt to my surroundings!" Sirius provided.
Remus snorted. "Not likely." Sirius 'harumph-ed' at the comment. Remus knew he only had to give Sirius the silent treatment before he caved.
"Okay, well, there's a reason," Sirius began, and Remus gave himself a pat on the back. "Scout and I…well, we've been kind of messing around."
Remus' eyebrows shot up. "Sirius Orion Black, if you are--" Remus began to scold.
"No, no, no! It's not like that!" Sirius frantically defended.
"That's what you said about Diana Marsh in sixth year," reminded Remus with a knowing tone. "And we know that ended with tears in Madam Puddifoot's."
"This isn't like that!" Sirius urged. He took a moment to take a deep breath and lowered his voice. "I really fancy Scout."
Remus still had a steady look of skepticism.
"I mean it, Moony!" Sirius tried to persuade. "She makes me laugh like I've lost a few marbles, and she says what's on her mind. She seems to always know what I'm thinking and she makes me feel young again."
Remus didn't seem convinced and rubbed his forehead. "Sirius that's just the point--she makes you feel young again. Scout is considerably younger than you, and if you hadn't notice, you're not a spring chicken anymore. A relationship is more than just some fun times and infatuation. It's a partnership."
"Well, I respectfully disagree," Sirius huffed, sipping his Firewhiskey. There was absolutely no comparing Scout Urquart. She was like a breath of fresh air and a missing piece of him. She wasn't just some floozy he had some fun with for a week or two.
The two men sipped their drinks silently for a few moments before Sirius added with some levity, "She called me an old perv the other day." Remus couldn't withhold the laughter that bubbled up from the comment.
Sirius seemed to become a little sullen after their laughter subsided. Remus wondered if it was the alcohol. "I don't know if she feels the same," Sirius admitted.
"I'm surprised, you usually never had problems being blunt," Remus jested, but quickly became serious. "It takes time, Sirius. Are you sure you even feel the way you do? You know you have a tendency to get wrapped up in things."
Sirius cradled his head in his hands. "I don't know, Moony."
Remus got up and walked over to Sirius, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. For as long as he knew Sirius, he knew that he was intense. Sirius just felt intensely, even as a teenager. Azkaban only strengthened that trait. He knew Sirius was seeking comfort right now. No one had had much time to help Sirius adjust after his escape, and his friendship with the young Scout had provided a bandage. Remus felt guilty. He had not been there to help Sirius get back on his feet either. He was just as much to blame. It was no wonder why Sirius was so attached to Harry and leaped into the physical relationship with Scout. Remus only hoped that neither Sirius nor Scout would get hurt. He knew they were both resilient, but there was only so much a person could take.
But in all reality it left us undefined and crossed the boundaries that had existed before. Although we happily participated in kisses and heavy petting, the fall-out was us always avoiding the topic. Neither of us wanted to say what it was, or maybe we had different ideas. I wasn't even sure if I loved Sirius in a way beyond friendship. It was reminiscent of Cecil and I.
But everyone kept making comments on how much brighter Sirius seemed. Of course our snogs and shags were clandestine, so no one knew why he was happier than usual, but their words made me feel selfish when I imagined our situation deteriorating. I just hoped he wouldn't get hurt, and that we ended up being okay--whatever "okay" was.
---
Remus had an unusual night off. Mad-Eye had told him, "Yer no use to us half-dead!" As a result, he was sitting at the kitchen table in 12 Grimmauld Place, sipping a cup of coffee.
The children had already returned to school, so it was quieter than usual in the house. Remus had been concerned Sirius would have been more devastated with Harry's departure, but noted he seemed to be taking it well. Remus knew that was curious, since Sirius had always been, understandably, very dramatic when it came to Harry.
"Moony," Sirius greeted as he entered the kitchen, scrounging around for some food. He settled for some Firewhiskey.
"How have you been holding up?" Remus asked with genuine concern. He reasoned this happy-go-lucky attitude could be an act.
"Been okay," Sirius replied, brows furrowing in confusion at the question. "Why do you ask?"
"You just seem very…." Lupin wasn't sure how to word it. "Chipper."
Sirius laughed. "And there's something wrong with me being happy?"
Remus sensed Sirius was deflecting. "Well, you were very angry about staying here…and Harry's at Hogwarts."
Sirius seemed to deflate a bit at the last comment. "Maybe I've just learned to adapt to my surroundings!" Sirius provided.
Remus snorted. "Not likely." Sirius 'harumph-ed' at the comment. Remus knew he only had to give Sirius the silent treatment before he caved.
"Okay, well, there's a reason," Sirius began, and Remus gave himself a pat on the back. "Scout and I…well, we've been kind of messing around."
Remus' eyebrows shot up. "Sirius Orion Black, if you are--" Remus began to scold.
"No, no, no! It's not like that!" Sirius frantically defended.
"That's what you said about Diana Marsh in sixth year," reminded Remus with a knowing tone. "And we know that ended with tears in Madam Puddifoot's."
"This isn't like that!" Sirius urged. He took a moment to take a deep breath and lowered his voice. "I really fancy Scout."
Remus still had a steady look of skepticism.
"I mean it, Moony!" Sirius tried to persuade. "She makes me laugh like I've lost a few marbles, and she says what's on her mind. She seems to always know what I'm thinking and she makes me feel young again."
Remus didn't seem convinced and rubbed his forehead. "Sirius that's just the point--she makes you feel young again. Scout is considerably younger than you, and if you hadn't notice, you're not a spring chicken anymore. A relationship is more than just some fun times and infatuation. It's a partnership."
"Well, I respectfully disagree," Sirius huffed, sipping his Firewhiskey. There was absolutely no comparing Scout Urquart. She was like a breath of fresh air and a missing piece of him. She wasn't just some floozy he had some fun with for a week or two.
The two men sipped their drinks silently for a few moments before Sirius added with some levity, "She called me an old perv the other day." Remus couldn't withhold the laughter that bubbled up from the comment.
Sirius seemed to become a little sullen after their laughter subsided. Remus wondered if it was the alcohol. "I don't know if she feels the same," Sirius admitted.
"I'm surprised, you usually never had problems being blunt," Remus jested, but quickly became serious. "It takes time, Sirius. Are you sure you even feel the way you do? You know you have a tendency to get wrapped up in things."
Sirius cradled his head in his hands. "I don't know, Moony."
Remus got up and walked over to Sirius, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. For as long as he knew Sirius, he knew that he was intense. Sirius just felt intensely, even as a teenager. Azkaban only strengthened that trait. He knew Sirius was seeking comfort right now. No one had had much time to help Sirius adjust after his escape, and his friendship with the young Scout had provided a bandage. Remus felt guilty. He had not been there to help Sirius get back on his feet either. He was just as much to blame. It was no wonder why Sirius was so attached to Harry and leaped into the physical relationship with Scout. Remus only hoped that neither Sirius nor Scout would get hurt. He knew they were both resilient, but there was only so much a person could take.