Disarranged

Tragedy struck the night Arthur was attacked. Sirius and I were notified by the portrait of Phineas Nigellus. Sirius mentioned afterwards he hadn't ruined the thing during his bouts of Grimmauld Place revenge just because Dumbledore revealed its use. Sirius was still in his day-clothes, his insomnia often more intense than my own. I was in my pajamas, wrapped in his old dark purple robe.

The house was still when the Weasleys and Harry arrived. Sirius wasn't completely presentable for company, and I couldn't blame him. Despite my presence he missed Harry terribly, and as a result he was unshaven and smelled of Firewhiskey (which I, in extension, smelled of as well).

He began to frantically question the group, but the floor went to Harry. He explained the vision, the attack, the snake. It was all very unsettling, I must admit, but it was crazy times. The Weasley children obviously wanted to go see their father, and I was surprised when Sirius provided the voice of reason: "Hang on, you can't go tearing off to St. Mungo's!"

The twins became angry when Sirius cited Harry as the reason why they couldn't leave. He had a point, though. How would they explain knowing about the attack before it was officially announced?

The children were still trying to reason with him. I was hanging back, mind still slow from disturbed sleep. I also didn't have as good as of a report with the children as Sirius either. They were less likely to listen to me than him.

“Your father knew what he was getting into and he won’t thank you for messing things up for the Order! This is how it is - this is why you’re not in the Order - you don’t understand - there are things worth dying for!” Sirius angrily explained.

“Easy for you to say, stuck here!” Fred yelled in frustration. “I don’t see you risking your neck!”

Sirius seemed stunned by the words and I immediately was at his side, holding his arm. I felt his hand clench into a fist. What Fred said had been way out of line.

"Fred, remember the terrible words you've said in anger," I scolded. "You know better."

Sirius took a deep breath and calmly replied, “I know it’s hard, but we’ve all got to act as though we don’t know anything yet. We’ve got to stay put, at least until we hear from your mother, all right?” I was so proud of Sirius in that moment. I knew how difficult it was for him to be the bigger person. He was known for losing his cool and being a loose canon, but few people ever saw the control he could exert.

The children reluctantly sat in the kitchen and I watched Sirius awkwardly take on the role of parental figure. It was understandably quiet until a message from Fawkes appeared from Molly. It assured the children that their father was still alive and that she was going to St. Mungo's.

“Still alive...” George whispered. “But that makes it sound...”

"Don't think about it," I immediately interjected. "He's injured, but he's in the best hands right now."

It became silent again. Sirius and I sat and watched the children doze or stare off into space. It felt like we were playing some demented form of house and that we were both terribly unprepared for the role. I thanked the heavens when Molly walked in announcing that Arthur would be alright. Sirius turned toward me and gave me a look that basically meant '"you've earned some rest." I'm sure he could sense my discomfort with the situation because he followed the look with rubbing my back.

I quietly left as the Weasley family began to rejoice. I was happy, as well, but did not know how to share in their joy without feeling like an intruder. From the staircase I head Sirius bellow, "Breakfast! Where’s that accursed house- elf? Kreacher! KREACHER!”

I chuckled at his energy, making my way to the bedroom where I would curl up and sleep until the late morning undisturbed.



Christmas arrived quickly and the spirits within 12 Grimmauld Place rose. More often that not Sirius would grab my hands and proceed to hum and dance around. I could tell he was happy having the house full. It was like the family he dreamed of. Sirius had put me to work decorating and cleaning, occasionally calling me into another room and pointing to a a group of ornaments.

"Does that look festive to you?" he'd ask.

I'd roll my eyes. "They're bloody green and red, Sirius." He would then bite his lip in thought.

"No, not festive enough," he'd always conclude and rearrange everything.

The one decoration that gave me a good laugh were the mounted House Elf heads. Sirius' need to decorate everything applied to them as well, apparently, because I was greeted by a bunch of hatted and bearded heads one morning. It nearly had me rolling on the floor. Sirius could be so adorably ridiculous at times.

I had purchased gifts via Tonks for the children and hoped they liked them. I may have avoided them most of the time, but it didn't mean that I didn't care, and it certainly didn't mean that I disliked them. I was peeved, however, that Sirius and Remus teamed up on many of their gifts. "It's like you're his boyfriend," I told Remus. Sirius jokingly told me that him and Remus were planning to elope in Paris.

I was touched to find a Christmas jumper from Molly. It was red and had reindeers on it with white pompoms along the neckline and wrists. I immediately donned it and looked at myself in the mirror. I became a bit teary eyed, remembering my own mother. I had become quite fond of Molly through our interactions. She seemed to mother everyone, but it meant so much to me.

I was not pleased, however, to find her crying downstairs. I quickly pulled up a seat next to her and rubbed her back, Remus working on the words to calm her down. Apparently one of her sons, Percy, had wordlessly sent back his jumper.

She turned to look at me through her tears, her gaze going down toward the jumper. She sniffled. "I-I hope you like it," she said, almost about to burst into tears again.

"I love it, Molly," I assured her and gave her a big hug. She hugged me back, a smile on her face despite the tears. Remus grinned at me over her shoulder. Molly was a tough lady and soon calmed down, determined to have a wonderful Christmas. I respected her resilience.

Christmas lunch was lively. Everyone seemed to be relaxed for the time being. The twins were up to their usual hijinks and sparks went off through out dinner near their seats. Mundungus showed up for dessert and earned a skeptical stare from Molly. He joined the end of the table Sirius, Remus, Tonks, and I were seated at.

Throughout the lunch Sirius was boisterously laughing. It was a relief to see him in such good spirits. I couldn't help but worry about the inevitable crash when the Christmas season ended, though. My heart fluttered when he placed one hand on my knee. It remained there for the rest of lunch.