Disarranged

Sirius and I weren't sure when he would be leaving, so we spent most of our time together. When I was gardening, he would sit nearby. If he were in the library, I would join him and find a book to read. And of course we continued our usual hours spent in the dayroom.

We chatted more often. We usually discussed each other's lives before the "shit hit the ceiling" as Sirius phrased it.

"What was your childhood like?" I asked one day from the sofa.

He made a sound that sounded like it was between a groan and a growl. "It was terrible. I was never into any of that Pureblood honor stuff, and it drove my parents up the wall. I used to just do things to irritate them, like put up posters of Muggle girls. My mother hated it the most and would always give me an earful and a good smack for my behavior. It was tortuous, I really have to say, they were totally insane."

I suppressed a laugh, imagining a teenage Sirius Black's bedroom. "You mentioned you ran away?"

He nodded. "I moved in with the Potters. They were more of a family than mine ever was. James was like a brother. How about you?"

"Well, my father was a very pompous man in his youth and used to 'play' with Muggle girls," I explained. "He met my mother in a bar, and when she gave him a piece of her mind he fell in love. Of course my grandmother and grandfather were totally against it, so they absconded to the small town of Casper in the United States and eloped. My brother and I grew up in a very rural area and essentially lived like Muggleborns. I remember that time very fondly. Eventually my father mended his relationship with my grandparents and we moved back here in time for me to start at Hogwarts. We were outcasts, at first, but the Pureblood community finally realized they were too small to deal without us. My parents were never overbearing or pushy, though. It was good for me, but not for our relationship with the Pureblood community."

"That sounds nice," Sirius commented. He was imagining if he had had Scout's parents.

DeeDee walked into the room. "Dinner's ready," she announced. Sirius and I got up, exaggerating our moans and groans in the process, as we made out way to the dining room. It was delicious, as usual. DeeDee was a wonderful cook and I would have died of food poisoning without her. Sirius and I had our dessert and tea on the veranda as to watch the sunset.

We were eating the tiramisu DeeDee prepared in a comfortable silence as our teas cooled. The sky was beginning to darken and the meadow was still.

"So have you prepared packing?" Sirius suddenly asked. I immediately stopped eating and looked at him.

"What do you mean?" I questioned, completely confused.

"Well, for when we move," he said as if it were completely obvious.

I put my plate down, sensing this was going to come as a shock to him. "I wasn't planning on moving, Sirius."

His head snapped in my direction. "What do you mean you weren't planning? You're like a sitting duck here!"

I frowned. "If you haven't noticed, Sirius, I am a very capable witch. Besides, you now how much I love it here. I can't just leave it like that, it's not a temporary stop for me like it is for you."

"Temporary?!" he roared. "Is that how you view me? And do you care so little about your safety?"

"Sirius, we're both adults and we both know that you couldn't stay here forever! You're a wanted man! And as for my safety, I highly doubt anyone is coming after me, I'm not exactly a rook in the scheme of things," I argued.

He stood up and grabbed me by my biceps, dragging me up. "Do I mean nothing to you?" he growled, but it had an edge of sadness. "Don't expect me to come to your funeral when they've come for you."

Sirius was about to leave, but I grabbed his hand. "Sirius, you're one of my dearest friends! How could you accuse me of being uncaring?"

He seemed torn at this moment, but quickly threw my hand off and bellowed, "Just leave me alone!"

He proceeded into the house, leaving me on the veranda. It was dark now, the sun already set. I felt confused and upset. For several minutes I was frozen in my spot. But, ignoring Sirius' instructions, I stormed into the house and into his room.

I found him there, stuffing the things we had gotten for him into a trunk.

"What are you doing?" I angrily exclaimed.

He didn't pause in his packing and said, "Hell if I let someone tell me when I can and cannot leave this house!" he hollered.

"Sirius, you're being ridiculous," I pointed out. "You say I'm in danger staying here--well you're putting yourself in danger by running out of here with no plan in mind!"

He looked up, an angry look on his face but tears in his wide-eyes. "You're pushing me out!" he screamed. "You're pushing me out of here!"

"How can you say that?" I screamed right back. "How can you say that so easily to me after everything! You know I've given you nothing but time and care! How can you say such hurtful things to me and threaten to hurt me even more by running out of here?"

He started taking deep breaths, his expression torn between anger and immense sadness. He finally broke, falling onto the bed, sobs wracking his body. I immediately swooped down, holding him.

"I-I," he stuttered between sobs, "I can't bear to lose someone else!"

"I know," I murmured as I ran my fingers through his long black hair. "I know, Sirius."

"Then why won't you come?" he cried.

"Because it's time for me to stand my ground," I whispered, lying my head on his shoulder.

"Why won't you let me stand with you?" he asked as a shudder ran through his body.

I rubbed his back. "Because it isn't your time."

He continued to cry, and a few tears escaped me as well. We held each other gently, as if the other may suddenly break or dissipate. I would stand resolute on my vow to remain at Adamite Manor. Not hell nor high water could force me to leave. I knew it would hurt Sirius, but it was something I had to do.

"Just come back to me," he pleaded desperately, clutching at my shirt.

I wasn't sure what I had been promising at the time, but I gave a simple but firm, "Yes," sensing that was what he needed.