The Broken Rhythm

I've been grieving for about two hours in my bunk. I haven't talked to anyone, haven't sang anything, refuse to get out of my bunk. I'm a wreck. I'm too upset to even text! Tay has been texting me non-stop asking me where I am and what I'm doing.

I'm too numb too cry, we're leaving for NYC now, I'm alone and Jack is just drinking away. He's fucking devastated. Unlike Jack I spend my time sitting in my bunk, blasting music into my ears and just thinking about what I did to deserve this.

I groan when someone hits me with a pillow. I turn over and see Rian.

"Alex? Are you any better?" Rian asks. I shake my head. "You've been like this for two hours already."

"What did I do? Why did I deserve this?" I ask completely ignoring what he said. He sighs and leaves me alone. I turn over shutting my curtain.

When can tour be over so I can curl up in my room on my bed and just stay there forever?

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"Bye!" Jack shouts after our show in NYC. I just get backstage and lie on the couch. It's been about two weeks. I still haven't texted Tay and she's pretty pissed.

I decide to call her.

"Alex! What the hell?" She asks. I sigh.

"Sorry, my sister died to weeks ago."

"I'm sorry, but why haven't you texted me?" She asks.

"I just told you why." I say weakly. She groans.

"You still could've texted me! I've been worried sick! You were ignoring my texts and calls for two weeks! When were you going to call me?"

"When I was done mourning."

"Which is when?"

"Probably a month." I sigh. "I lost my little sister and you answer that by yelling at me?"

"You wouldn't text me! We could've hung out and you could've opened up to me! You could've told me everything you were feeling! But you never called!"

"Well I'm sorry if I was too upset to talk to anyone!" I argue.

"I'm sorry too." She says angrily. And cue the break up. "Why did it think we were going to last?"

"I don't know." I sigh.

"Sorry Alex." She says hanging up.

I stand up and grab a beer bottle. I walk outside and face the wall. My girlfriend broke up with me two weeks after I lost my sister.

I throw the beer bottle at the wall and crumple to the ground. I'm a fucking mess. I have no one to care for anymore! My sister is dead, my girlfriend broke up with me. I have no one!

"Alex! What are you doing?" Jack asks running outside. He spots the broken glass and spilled beer on the pavement. He kneels down and hugs me. I cry into his chest.

"Tay broke up with me Jack!" I cry. He goes silent and rubs my back. "I really loved her... Now I have no one!" I cry.

"I know you did." Jack says. "I know."

"My whole life went down hill in two weeks." I say looking up at him. "Everything... gone."

"You know what's not gone?" Jack asks. I sigh.

"My pride." I say. He laughs a little and I give him a sad smile.

"No. Your friends. Your family." Jack says. "Everyone around on and off tour, is your family. They'll be there if you need to talk." Jack explains.

"I know, but... I'm just not in the right head." I say. "I mean I lost my little sister and my girlfriend left me. I'm kind of broken right now."

"I know." Jack says. He playfully kisses my head and I smile. "I know it hurts now, but things'll get better."

"I have no one to care for now." I say quietly. I look at Jack and get a fucking crazy idea.

"What?"

"I want to adopt."