We Don't Belong

Three Years Later
Andy's POV

I was sitting outside watching the kids in the pool. Jacob tried to push Sophia in the pool, but over the years, she's gained some weight so she had a good 60 pounds on him. She ended up pushing him into the pool instead, and she jumped in after him.

I went back in the house and looked through the window for Ash. He had to go take care of something at the shop that sells his clothes. I went back outside and continued doing what I was doing.

He had been gone for about 30 minutes when my phone rang. Ashley's father's name popped up on the screen. Wonder why he's calling me.

"Hello?"

"Andy, where's Ashley?" He asked, his voice sounding strained.

"He's out. Did something happen?"

"Try to get to him and tell him to come to the hospital. His mom had a heart attack and–and, s–she didn't m–make it."

Before I could reply he hung up. I gripped the phone tighter, and my hand covered my mouth. Noticing the kids looking at me, I went inside the house and to our room. I dialed Ashley's number only to hear it ring right beside me. He knows better than to leave it when he goes somewhere.

I sat in the bed crying and thinking of how I was going to tell Ashley that his mother just died. She was a hand full but Ashley loved her like he loved me and Soph. It was his mother for god sakes.

Ashley's POV

I walked back in the house and sat the pizza that I bought on the way back, on the counter. Peeking outside I saw Soph and Jacob casually swimming. I called Andy's name to see him rushing down the hallway.

"Ashy!"

My crying husband rushed towards me and wrapped his arms around my abdomen.

"Andy what happened?" I asked panicked. I haven't seen him cry in a while. He was scaring me.

"Sit down baby."

"O–okay."

I sat down and his hands wrapped in mine. His eyes were that dull shade of gray that they always turned when something was wrong.

"Ashley baby, I just got off the phone with your dad. It's your mom. Sh–she had a heart attack."

"A heart attack? Is she–is she okay?"

He shook his head slowly and tried not to sob. I tried to search my brain for reasoning, but there wasn't any. My vision blurred and the lump in my throat spilled over. This isn't happening. It can't be.

"She passed away Ashley. I'm so sorry."

I didn't know what to do. I could cry, I could yell, I could just sit here, or I could faint. I feel lightheaded anyway.

"She's dead?" I whispered.

He nodded, tears covering his face. Is it weird that I'm not showing any emotion? My heart hurts, it really does, but I can't bring myself to cry? Is this what shock feels like?

_____________________________________

Mom's funeral was short and small. We did a traditional ceremony and my father and I spoke on her behalf. The guys and Andy stood by me, and for some reason, I still couldn't bring myself to cry.

Currently I was laying on the bed wrapped in Andy's arms, feeling dead. It had been three days since we buried her and a week after her death.

"It's okay Ash. It's okay. She's okay now."

It's like he never spoke the words. They didn't help me at all. I just continued breathing hard and holding on to him.

"I–I just wish—that I–I got to—to say g–goodbye." I stuttered.

"I know baby. I know."

“And I–I should h–have been a better son. All she wanted was for me to live a good like and give her grandchildren."

"And you did Ashley. You can't lie to yourself baby. It'll only make you feel worse. You know you're successful and you gave her Sophia."

"B–but—"

"Shh. I know Ashley. I know."

"I don't know what to do Andrew."

"It's alright to be clueless. Do you remember when grandad died? I didn't know what to do either. Really, I don't even remember what I did. I drunk a lot, but I just know that one day, I was okay."

"But I'm not you."

"I know, I know, but you have me. Don't forget that."
_____________________________________

Andy's POV

A couple more days had passed and Ashley was still walking around the house like a zombie. He stopped getting up early and fixing Sophia breakfast. He stopped working on his designs, and he wasn't answering any mail.

Today, I was going to get him to finally let his feeling out. He wasn't going to get out of bed anyway, so Sophia and I got paint and filled water balloons with different colors. I was going to take Ashley to an old location from our teenage years.

When we were young I got a guy to paint a billboard as a gift to Ash. It's still out there, I kinda of own it, and I got a guy to get one of those elevator things for us to use so we get face level with it.

It's faded now, but maybe we can add a little color to it with these balloons. I don't know how he'll feel about it, but it's worth a shot.

"Ashley, honey, you have to get up."

"Why."

"I'm taking you some where. You don't even have to get dressed. Just come on."

He laid there without moving and I jumped on him.

"Andy, you fucking asshole! Get the fuck off!"

I jumped off of him immediately and moved towards the door. He never yells at me.

"I...I'm sorry. I'll just go."

I closed the door behind me and sat on the couch and closed my eyes. Something's gotta give.

"Where are we going?"

Ashley was standing there in a muscle shirt and shorts. His toes stuck out of flip flops.

I smiled and stood up.

"It's a surprise. Go to the car. I'll be out there in a second."

"Okay. And I'm sorry. I'm just—"

"I know honey. Now go."

"Okay. I love you."

"And I love you."

_____________________________________

"Andrew, why are we here?"

"Because we're going to repaint that."

"How? We're not that talented.

"That's why there's a cooler of paint balloons in the trunk."

"You want me to throw paint at our billboard?"

"I want us to throw paint at our billboard. Ashley, do you realize how old this thing is? The colors brighten it up."

"Okay fine. I don't understand the point of this, but I'll do it.

"Alright, let's see how this thing works."

"Don't you just push the up button."

"Sounds logical enough."

I pushed the button and slowly, we started rising to the top. After we were face to face with the billboard, I stopped the machine.

"So what now?"

"Basically, we're going to pick up one of these balloons and....throw it at the billboard."

My sentence was ended with the splatter of the balloon. Ashley bent down, pick one up and threw it at the board.

"You know, when I think about it, Mom was always a hassle."

"What do you mean?"

"She was always causing some type of trouble. Like remember that time when we went to dinner with our parents, and she made you cry and that, that pissed me off a lot."

There we go. Our conversation was accompanied by the sound of the ballon splats.

"But she came over and apologized like three days later, and the brownies were good."

"Yeah, but that didn't stop her from being the way she was."

"Well, you know she had that boyfriend that killed himself."

"I know. I haven't forgot. Yeah, it was sad, but it didn't give her the right to treat you like shit."

"You're right." I said.

Ashley started picking up his pace and throwing the balloons harder.

"She never stayed for parties or even our fucking wedding reception. I really don't understand."

"But she showed up to everything. And she stayed all day after the birth of Sophia."

"Yeah, but she forced me to go to that family thing and that was the day they diagnosed her with epilepsy."

"And she came home and stayed at the hospital with everyone else. She loved you Ash. She really did."

"Why do you remember her more positively than I do?"

"You do remember her positively, but that's what grief does. It makes you see darkness, but everything has light."

"I know."

And that's when I saw it, the tear leaked down his face.

"It's okay to cry Ashley. No one's out here. It's just me and you."

He nodded and covered his mouth. That's when the tears and sobs escaped him, and I put my arms around him.

"I–I'm sorry."

"No need to apologize. Let it out honey."

Ashley cried and cried for about 15 minutes then he finally stopped and rested his head against me and closed his eyes in a tired way.

"Can we go home?"

"Sure we can."