We Don't Belong

Ashley's POV
A month later

I laid in our bed, the lights off and the cover over my head. I don't know where Andy went but I didn't really care anymore.

"Baby?"

"Hm?" I answered, not bothered enough to talk.

"Ashley, I need to talk to you. It's important," I didn't move a muscle because I obviously couldn't be bothered, "Ashley please."

I sighed and pulled the cover from over my head.

"What?" I asked as if I were annoyed.

"Ashley, I think we need to put you back on antidepressants."

I rolled my eyes and got back under the cover.

"No." I said.

"Ashley, I'm serious."

"Me too and I said no. You can't make me do anything."

He sighed and I felt him stand up.

"You're right. I'll tell Jacob you said happy birthday."

He stomped out of the room, closing the door behind him. Was it really Jacob's birthday? They were throwing him a party too weren't they? What kind of person will I be if I don't go out there.

I threw the covers off of me and pulled on a T-shirt. These sweat pants will have to work. I was walking out the door when I bumped into Andy.

"Oh. You're getting up."

"Yes."

"Well good. Here's come cake."

"Thank you."

His cheek twitched with what I think was an attempt to smile, but my depression is pushing him away.

"Well, the kids are outside."

"I know."

He grabbed my free hand, I didn't protest. One thing about Andy is that he understood what being depressed was like, so I didn't expect anything but support from him. For a really long time in high school he struggled with depression, but he's living proof that you can get through it.

When I walked outside, Sophia's face lit up. She dragged Jacob over and his girlfriend followed.

"Hey Ash. Glad to see you up."

"Glad to see you too Jacob. Hey Jessie."

"Hey Mr. Purdy."

"I keep telling you to call me Ashley."

She smiled and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. Sophia dismissed the two and hugged me.

"I'm glad you're out here Papa."

I smiled, but the lump in my throat stayed there.

"Anything for my daughter. Now go have fun. Stop worrying about me."

"I love you."

"And I love you."

She finally let me go and went back to the party.

"I'm proud of you sweetie."

I shook my head and looked down at my feet.

"Don't call me that. That was like the only way mom used to refer to me."

"Oh. I'm sorry Ash."

"It's okay. How long do I have to stay out here?"

"You don't have to do anything if you don't want. I understand what you're going through."

"No you don't. You didn't lose your mother Andrew. You have no fucking clue what I'm going through!"

"Ashley!"

I didn't bother to answer him and I went back in the house. Taking my clothes back off, I got back in my position in the bed. A shot of Jack would be great right now, but we all know what happens when you give me alcohol.

"Ashley, do you want to talk."

"I'd rather be alone."

I didn't even hear his sigh this time. The door closed softly and he left me in the dark.

_____________________________________

Later that night, Sophia popped in to say goodnight and I tried to smile at her. I don't think it worked.

Andy didn't come in until midnight, but he didn't even get in bed. He went to our bathroom and the water was running but it sounded like he was running a bath. I proved myself right when I smelled the multiple bath oils that he bought for me one day. Now that I think about it, it's weird that he's taking a bath. He never does that.

For some unknown reason, I forgot about my sadness and jumped out of bed to check on him."

"Andrew, are you—"

Our bathroom was littered with rose petals, candles, and he had a little basket filled with dark chocolates, my favorite.

"I know this probably isn't what you want right now, but in high school you did everything you could for me so I want to do that for you."

I felt my eyes swell up, and I sniffled.

"Andy I—"

"I won't make you talk to me or sit in here with you, but I just want you to know that I care."

"I know you care Andrew. I'm sorry for the way I've been acting, I just—"

"I get it. I feel like you forget who I was, but I don't blame you because it was so long ago. I used to lash out at you for the stupidest things, but you always held my hand and for that, I can't repay you. I can only show you how appreciative I am."

"You have repaid me. I have a great marriage that's lasted all these years, a 17 year old daughter with so much potential, and—and so much stuff."

"I get it, but Ashley, you're going through all this darkness and I don't want you to end up like me or how you were after the Michael thing happened."

I tensed at the mention of the even from all those years ago. Not him killing himself, but the whole thing that made me hate him. I shook my head a sniffed.

"Not even the death of my mother is worse than what that bastard did."

"I'm sorry for bringing it up. I'll just...I'll just go. I love you. Goodnight."

He rushed out of the room and before he left I called out for him.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome Ash."

"And I love you too."

He smiled and closed the door behind him.

I stripped down and stepped in the tub. My hair got wet but I really didn't care.

A part of me wanted to see what would happen if I took some pills and went to sleep in the water, but a bigger part of me was horrified that I would even think that. I have a kid at home.

After I was done with my bath, I went back to our room. Andy was under the blankets but I don't think he was asleep.

"Andrew?"

"Hm?"

"I—I'll go back on antidepressants."