We Don't Belong

Andy POV

Ashley agreed to go back on his antidepressants, but it just left him quiet all day. It was like they had no effect . We've been arguing a lot lately too, but I only blame it on his depression.

Right now, me him and Sophia were in the living room. I was on my phone and Ash was on the laptop probably working on his website.

"Daddy?"

"Hm?"

"What was your first kiss like?"

Ashley arched his eyebrows, but he never took his eyes off of his screen.

"Well...god this is embarrassing..."

"What is it?" She asked.

"I was his first kiss." Ashley said without looking at us.

She threw her head back and laughed.

"Really?! How was that?"

"It was very romantic if you must know."

"Tell me about it."

"Soph why are we talking about this?" I asked.

"No reason."

"Sophia Elyeece Purdy! Who is it? When? Where? How?"

Ashley started coughing dramatically.

"Daddy, it's no one really."

"I'm sorry. I just–"

"We were talking about you two, remember?"

"Oh right. So we were at Ashley's–"

"We were at yours." He corrected.

"Really?"

"Yes Andrew. If you're going to tell the story then get it right."

Sophia's smile went away and so did mine, but for only a second. I had to pretend that nothing was wrong for her. I knew that it was hurting her as much as it was hurting me.

"Right. We were playing this dumb questions game and Ash asked me what was the best gift that I've ever received and I told him it was him and we just kissed."

"Oh god that's so cheesy! I bet you were like one of those movie couples when you were younger."

"Yeah we kinda were."

Ashley looked up at me, shook his head and closed his laptop. Oh fuck. He rolled his eyes and left the room. I apologized to Sophia with my eyes, and she just have a nod.

I went to our room and shut the door so she didn't have to hear this.

"Ashley! What the hell is your problem? You can't just do stuff like that in front of our daughter!"

"Go to hell!"

"Ashley!"

"What Andy?"

"I'm worried about you."

"Well isn't everyone?"

"Honey, I just want to help."

"Well I don't need your help."

"You don't need it or you do want it?"

"Andy, not now. Can we just go one fucking day without arguing?"

"Ashley, you're starting the arguments! You realize you just said, and I quote, go to hell. That's what you just fucking said so don't make me the bad guy."

"Whatever."

"So this is how it's going to be?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Ashley, in all our years of being together, we never argued like this. You're yelling at me and telling me to go fuck myself and saying go to hell, what's next, you gonna call me a bitch? Emo? A fag?"

"Andy, how dare you even infer that I—"

"That you what? That you're so caught up on yourself that you're dragging me down with you? I tried Ashley. I kept planning all this shit for you just so you can maybe see how much I love you, but you're so self absorbed that I'm starting to think you don't really give a fuck."

"I'm not having this argument."

"Of course you're not. If you're not interested you'd rather not listen. Now that I think about it, that's always been one of your traits, and it didn't bother me because you always listened to me. Guess not now huh? I'm going to take Sophia to Jacob's because her and Jacob are having a movie night or something. I'm going to go see mom. Don't know when I'll be home."

He didn't even bother to say anything and neither did I.

"Sophia, are you ready?"

"Yes sir. Hold on."

I watched her pick up lipstick from her desk and apply it.

"What's that?" I asked even though I knew.

"Lipstick."

"Why?"

"Because it looks nice. Can we go now?"

"Eh...yeah sure."

We got into the car and I pulled away from the house. We sat there listing to music then Sophia turned to look at me.

"Is Papa alright?"

"No. He's not now, but he will be. I've been with him for over 25 years. There's nothing Ashley Purdy can't shake."

"I've never seen him like this though."

"No, neither have I."

"I hope he'll be alright."

"I don't want you to worry about that."

"I'll always worry about you two."

"I know."

She was silent again then she took a deep breath.

"Daddy, I have to tell you something."

My heartbeat sped up, but only my grip on the wheel gave signal to my nervousness.

"I'm listing."

"Well, I've been doing some research and searching and I've been trying to find myself and..."

"And?"

"Well, the other weekend, Jacob and I went to this church right down the street from his house, and I loved it. I think I want to be a Christian."

"A Christian huh?"

"Yeah, are you mad?"

I laughed and little and put my free hand on her hair.

"Of course not silly. You do what makes you happy. Don't feel discouraged just because you think I won't approve. I'm not saying go out and get pregnant at 17, but it's okay to have beliefs different from your parents'."

"So you're not mad?"

"No. Your great grandfather would be so happy to hear that, you know."

"I wish I knew him."

"Me too. He was a great man."

"Is that where you get it from?"

I smiled at her.

"I love you Sophia. You know that right?"

"I do. And I love you too. We never talk like this anymore."

"I know."

She smiled and looked out the window and then looked back at me.

"So where did my name come from?"

"Ali named you."

"My birth mom?"

"Yeah."

"Have you—have you heard from her since I was born?"

"Eh...no. Not really. She sent a card on your 11th birthday, but we gave it to you."

"I remember. Do you think I would like her?"

"I don't know. She was a sweet girl, but it's been so long."

"I get it. Maybe I could meet her one day."

"Would you want to if you were presented with the opportunity?"

"I think so. I mean, you guys raised me and I love you to pieces, but a part of me feels like I've been missing out on a life with her...I'm sorry. I don't want to seem ungrateful.

"No. No. I get it. Nothing to worry about Soph."

She smiled and the rest of the ride was quiet. I dropped her off at the theater and handed her $40.

"Thanks daddy."

"You're welcome. Call me when you're ready to come home."

"I will. Love you."

"I love you too."

I watched her and Jacob walk in, then I drove off towards mom's.