Regrets

She was outside the church, fighting with herself over the last cigarette left. She told herself a few months back that the day of the wedding would be the first day of her non-smoking life. But the day had been hectic with people running everywhere; the tension grew as the excitement became anxiety. She looked up at the blue sky, remembering the panic when the weather channel expected today to be a rainy one. The reception was taking place outside, under a huge and wonderful white tent. Rain would ruin the magical night. Luckily, the sky was blue with little white clouds floating around. The sun was already high in the sky and there was no sign of rain. Maybe it would be a perfect day for the newlywed after all.

She could feel a headache coming. She got used to the daily headache in the last months. She knew all the symptoms of the upcoming headache: she couldn’t stand being with people, she felt suddenly tired and the lighting seemed too bright. She knew she should be inside getting ready for the ceremony but everyone was getting on her nerves today. It was better for her to take a few minutes for herself so she got outside. She took the cigarette out of the pack and slid it between her lips. She instantly felt more relaxed, even if it wasn’t even lighted up yet. As she searched for the lighter in her little sapphire purse, which was full of useless stuff, making it almost impossible to find the damn lighter, the church door opened and one of the best men head appeared.

“Aly, there’s a white dressed girl who wants to see you,” Logan said with a smile. Alana exhaled and stopped searching for the lighter. She took the cancer stick with her fingers and threw it on the ground before crushing it with her silver heels. It was a sign from the big Guy up there reminding her that she made a promise. “I’m coming. Thanks Logan,” she smiled at him and she closed her eyes to try to control her headache.

The door closed and she took a deep breath in. Being a bridesmaid to your best friend wasn’t an easy task, especially when your best friend is a control freak. “If I die tonight, You better send me to heaven or I will make a hell of a scene, I swear,” she murmured.

Alana entered the church where people were already gathered around. She took the alley to the left, greeting some family members of the bride and groom that she knew. She reached the bride’s room and knocked before entering.

“Thank God you’re here!” Mika said in a sigh.

“Is it that bad?” she asked with anxious expectations. Mika reached to her, putting her hands on Alana shoulders.

“She’s my sister and I love her to death. But jeez, she’s going crazy! You better make her calm down because it won’t be a beautiful ceremony, it’s going to be a freak show,” Alana forced herself to smile and walked to the back room where she knew Sophie was. Sophie’s mother was placing the veil on her daughter. The bride was bouncing from one leg to the other but stopped when her eyes caught the sight of her best friend.

“There you are! I was scared you ran away,” she said calmly but Alana could see panic in her eyes. Alana walked to her trying to look comforting and cupped her friend’s face with both her hands. “You really think I’d be such an awful friend? I made sure that Mother Nature gave you a wonderful rainless day. I can be really persuasive when I want,” Sophie laughed and the tension in her shoulders seemed to vanish.

“You really look amazing in you bridesmaid dress Aly,” Sophie said, going back to her normal personality for a second. “Thank you. A friend of mine picked it up for me. But I heard this friend is gorgeous in her white wedding gown,” she smiled at her friend and added “I know a groom who’s going to stop breathing for a whole minute when he sees you,” Sophie was about to cry but Alana made a funny face, as usual, to make her stop.

Someone came in without knocking, warning everyone that there was 15 minutes left before the beginning of the ceremony. Sophie turned to Alana instantly.

“Can you make sure the guys are ready?” Alana smiled at her best friend and nodded. Mika came to replace her next to Sophie.

She walked through the corridor but stopped at the groom’s door. She knew that Liam’s mother had everything under control. But she also knew that the other best man would be there. It was somehow still hard for her to be in the same room with him. Even if the breakup occurred almost a year ago, it was awkward for both of them to be together with their friends. She took a moment to calm her down. There was nothing to be scared of; Josh and she had a task to accomplish so they would not have to interact that much with each other. The day was not about them, it was about Sophie and Liam.

She finally knocked on the door and waited for Logan to open the door. He smiled at her. “Welcome to FreakyLand,” he said, being his usual clown self, which made her smile. “You must be here for quality control,” I nodded and walked in. Liam was making the final touches to his outfit. His black suit was literally transforming him. He looked so grown up. His sapphire shirt made his blue eyes the main focus on his face.

“Hey handsome,” she said walking to him as he turned to her with an anxious smile on his face. “Ready?” she asked him.

“No.” she touched his back comfortingly. “Nobody’s ever ready for this. Don’t panic, you are making the right move and you know it.” She reassured him. He exhaled loudly. Logan asked Alana if she saw her sister Ellie. “Ellie is placing people in the church. She said she will try really hard not to laugh at you,” she added. Ellie and Logan were together for 5 years. Logan was a mechanic and her sister was used to see him dress as a mechanic. When he first tried his best man outfit, she laughed for 15 minutes straight; he never felt comfortable in a suit and it shown.

“Why do we have to wear a stupid tie again?” a voice said, making everybody turn around. Josh was in front of the mirror and seemed pretty pissed of trying to tie the tie. She turned to Liam and he made a puppy face to her. She sighed and walked to her ex-boyfriend.

“Let me do it,” she said, trying to keep her voice from shaking. He turned to face her but did not look her in the eyes. She took both ends of the tie and concentrated herself to the task. “Look up,”

It was not something she was used to do, but she did it a few times for her little brother when he first started playing hockey in a semi-pro league. She focused on her hands, trying not to think about the way she was feeling being this close to him. It felt like when they first started dating, when she couldn’t stay away from him more than 5 minutes. She tried to ignore the sweat in her palms and all the memories popping in her mind. She tied the tie and adjusted it perfectly under the collar of his sapphire shirt.

“There you go,” she said, raising her head. She smoothed the folds from his shirt on his squared shoulders and let her hands slid along his arms, following the outlines of his muscles. When she realized what she was doing, Alana let her arms fall along her body and coughed to shake away the weirdness of the moment.

“Well, Sophie knows how to make men look stunning,” Alana said out loud so it wasn’t a compliment thrown only at Josh.

“Sure. But she doesn't care if it’s comfortable or not. I swear, as soon as we leave this church, the tie goes off,” he said before raising his hand to the tie, trying to loosen it. Alana slapped his hand before smiling at him. “You slack the tie before the wedding and I know a bride who is going to make sure you never have an offspring,” He winked at her, letting her know he got the message.

“By the way, you really look great Aly. I like when your hair is up this way. It’s beautiful on you,” he said looking straight into her eyes. She felt her cheeks going red and she looked down shyly. “Thanks Josh,” she said in a whisper.

“Is everybody ready? I need the best men, the groom and his parents in 2 minutes,” the wedding planner said.

“I should get back to the bride. Live the moment Liam.” She said before closing the door behind her.