My Own Loser

As I scroll through the responses I see more and more ones similar to the last one. Telling me to kill myself, to stop being such a fag, all of it. My hands are shaking as I scroll down.

I can feel tears running down my cheeks and I honestly don't care. I honestly don't.

I understand that people don't agree with my sexuality but does that give them the fucking right to put me down about it?

“Lex, are you okay?” Suddenly, Jack's at my side, crouching down next to me. I shake my head no. I can feel a panic attack creeping up and I try to control my breathing but I start to hyperventilate. Fuck fuck fuck fuck.

I feel Jack's arms wrap around me.

“It's okay, it's okay, it's okay.” he keeps repeating. I can feel his head slightly turn and I know he's looking at my computer screen and everyone's nasty comments.

“Hey, hey, hey.” Jack says, pulling back. I shut my eyes closed. I don't fucking deserve this shit.

Maybe I do. Maybe I am just a stupid fucking faggot.

“Alex. Look at me.” Jack says softly. I open my eyes a little.

“You are an amazing person. I'm not saying that just because you're my best friend. You are funny, nice, you have an amazing fashion taste, you have great hair, you're weird in an awesome way, you can make me laugh when all I want to do is die, you are so nice to everyone. And some people aren't. Some people are dicks and that's their problem. But you're not like that. In that tweet, all you were trying to do was be nice and you got shot down because of it? That's not fucking cool. You would never do that to someone. That's why you're so amazing. You light up my world like nobody else.”

“Did-” I sniff. “Did you just quote One Direction?” I ask, smiling a little.

“Yes. Because it's true.”

“No, it's not. I mean, I'm a fucking loser.”

“No, you're not.”

“Yes. No one will even fucking date me.” I say. Jack has a blank expression. I get a giant knot in my stomach and want to start crying all over.

But Jack leans in and buries his head in my neck and leaves a soft kiss.

Tingles shoot all through my body.

He pulls away but where he kissed is still on fire.

“Alex, you are beautiful and people are just intimidated by you. There are plenty of people that love you.”

“Can we just go now?” I say. I can't handle this conversation anymore.

“Yeah. Let's go.”

*****

“Alex! This is my date, Vinny.” Zack says, motioning to a guy standing next to him.

“Yo, dude, what's up?” Vinny says, holding out his hand for me to shake it. I do so and we all sit down at the bar.

“Alex, be nice, I really fucking like him. Rian set us up. And if he's Rian's friend, that means he's cool.” Zack whispers, taking his seat next to me.

I laugh. Vinny seems cool. He's wearing a Glamour Kills shirt, so points for him.

We order our drinks and suddenly, I feel a tap on my shoulder.

“Aren't you on YouTube?” Avoice asks.

I turn around and see none other than Pete Wentz.

“Hey, man!” I say. It's always nice to see Pete. “Sit with us!”

“Yeah, of course. So I saw all that hate on you're tweet. Fuck the haters, Alex. You're awesome.” he says, waving over the bartender.

“Yeah, Jack gave me a whole speech about how amazing I am but it's nice to hear it from you.” I say, honestly.

“Can I say something?”

“Pete, you don't have to ask. Of course you can.”

Pete looks around and leans forward a bit, placing his hand on my lap.

“You look really good right now.” he leans back, but keeps his hand on my leg. Wow.

Pete has a crush on me. What? No. Ohmigod he totally does.

“Hey, Pete, it's nice to see you.” Jack says, walking over. Pete smiles and nods.

“Hey, Jack.”

“So how was touring?” Jack asks. I see his eyes dart to my leg, where Pete's hand is.

“It was awesome. So nice to be back with everyone. I missed it.”

“Nice.”

“Well, I'll see you later.” Pete says, giving Jack his cue to leave us alone.

“Yeah, of course. Nice seeing you, man.” Jack walks away and as he does his eyes lock with mine. I give him a smile and he nods- only half smiling.

What is going on?