A Single Daffodil

“Ow, Sophia!” I cried as she rubbed the rugged washcloth against my cheek.

“Hold still, Mi Amore!” She tutted, now wiping around my nose and eyes. “It’s all over your face!”

Sophia forced me to spend an additional ten minutes on Harry’s bathroom floor because she decided to take her sweet time wiping off the access makeup around my eyes. And while I nagged her to hurry up the whole time, the cool washcloth against my face made me feel a little less like death.

When the three of us finally returned to the kitchen area, Zayn, Liam, Niall and Harry were exactly where we left them. I was careful to focus my eyes on just about anything that wasn’t in Harry’s direction.

“You alright, love?” Zayn turned in his stool to face me.

I shrugged in response, not quite sure how to answer that. I realized pretty quickly that there was a new tension filling the air as I walked closer to the kitchen, and it was mostly radiating off of Harry’s corner. I tried to ignore it, but it was fairly unavoidable.

“Coffee?” Liam broke the silence, pushing a mug towards me.

I instantly winced, shaking my head quickly. I tried not to gag as the unpleasant tickle worked it’s way up to my throat.

“Liam, you idiot. Coffee is the last thing she wants!” Niall exclaimed. “She’s dehydrated.”

“We’ll pick up some Gatorade on the way back to the hotel or something.” Jayden piped up.

“Maybe some Tylenol too?” I added. My head was still throbbing.

Before Jayden could respond, Harry slammed his empty mug down on the breakfast bar and stood up. This made everyone look at him, including me.

“Liam, take Sophia and Jayden to Tescos.” He instructed before turning to look at me. “I’m driving Vita back to the hotel.”

I instantly panicked, absolutely disliking the idea of being in a car alone with Harry.

“No, that’s okay.” I replied rather hurriedly. “We have a driver from the hotel who can pick me up and he--”

“I said, I’m driving you.” Harry glowered at me, his words saturated in a harsh and stern articulate manner. He sounded so infuriated that everyone in the room fell quiet. Next to him, Niall’s brows shot up and his mouth formed an ‘o’ as he looked at Harry. It was apparent that none of us have ever seen Harry this mad before.

Liam cleared his throat before standing up. He started pushing Jayden and Sophia out of the room quietly, smartly avoiding what would happen next if they didn’t listen. “We should uh, we should get going then.”

“Yeah, uuuummmm. I’m coming with you lot.” Zayn added, jumping up from his stool and artfully following Liam, Sophia, and Jayden out of the room. He paused when he reached me, offering me a reassuring smile and quick pat on the shoulder before exiting. It felt like a ‘Damn. Good luck dealing with that.’ pat, if you asked me.

I stared Niall down as Harry turned around to drop his mug into the sink. I widened my eyes at him and shook my head quickly. Don’t. I mouthed the word to him as he slowly slid off his own stool. If Niall was about to leave me alone with Harry, I would kill him. I would kill him with my bare hands.

Niall chewed his bottom lip and gave me an uneasy look, as if he were actually debating on whether or not he wanted to take one for the time. And right as I thought he would actually help a sister out, he mouthed the word Sorry! to me before he yelled out to the others. “Guys, wait for me! I’m coming!”

“Niall.” I said through clenched teeth as he started walking past me. “Niall. Niall. Niall.”

He gave me two thumbs up before disappearing into the hallway. A beat later, the sound of the front door opening and closing echoed throughout the house, leaving me and Harry alone in silence.

I was going to kill Niall Horan. Actually, I was going to kill all of them for leaving me with Harry.

I nervously smoothed out my curls, not sure what to do next. All I wanted to do was go back to the hotel, maybe take a shower, and go back to sleep for another three days, give or take.

The sound of car keys clinking loudly made me look up. Harry picked them up from the counter and walked towards me.

“Let’s go.” His voice was still demanding and full of fury. He didn’t even wait for me to respond. His Ray Bans were already covering his eyes and he was heading towards the front door.

“Alright.” I said to myself before turning on my heel and following him out the door.

I closed the front door behind me and slowly walked down the steps. Like always, the skies were a dark gray and there wasn’t a hint of sunlight anywhere. Today, I was grateful for the lack of sunshine. I don’t think my brain would have been able to handle it.

Harry was waiting by the passenger door of his black Range Rover, already holding it wide-open for me. I sighed, walking around him and getting into the car. My breathing hitched suddenly when Harry, at the last second, clasped his hand under mine to help me into the seat. My mouth parted slightly as I looked down at our hands. I could feel the rough fringe of the bandage wrapped around his knuckles tickle the inside of my palm. I slowly looked up at him, hoping I could read his reaction. He stared back at me through his sunglasses.

“Thanks.” I murmured.

He didn’t say anything. Instead, he let go of my hand and closed the passenger door shut.

I sighed and sat back in my seat, pulling the seatbelt over my body. Watching Harry run his fingers through his hair as he walked around the front of his car was just irritating. I didn’t know how I wanted to feel about him right now. I thought I was suppose to feel grateful for him intervening with Teddy last night but seeing him angry just made me feel angry. It was really rubbing me the wrong way. He was acting like I just single-handedly ruined his life. He was acting like this was such a chore, that this was typical behavior from his ex-girlfriend.

This was becoming rather unbearable.

By the time Harry got into the car, I had my hand covering my eyes and the side of my forehead leaning against the cool window. My entire head felt heavy, like there was a huge metal ball rolling around in in it, making it more than difficult to sit up straight. I had hoped that this position would also imply that I would be asleep until we got to the hotel, because the last thing I wanted to do was talk to Harry.

Of course, that didn’t stop him.

“You’re a piece of fucking work, you know that!?” He finally exploded when we reached the second red light on whatever the hell street we were on. “I just...I can’t. I cannot even begin to tell you how fucking...”

I dropped the hand that was shading my eyes and peaked over at Harry as he let out a loud and aggressive sigh. His bandage-covered hands were gripping the steering wheel, the corner of his mouth pulled down as he continued to stare straight ahead. He couldn’t even look at me.

I didn’t say anything because I knew if I’d open my mouth, the words would be strained, harsh, and fueled by a cold heart. I was not in the right frame of mind to argue with Harry.

Silence filled the car once again. Nothing but the sound of the outside world buzzing past us as Harry sped through the streets. I tried to focus on the whirred noise the cars made in the opposite lane as they drove past and not the infuriating feeling I felt towards Harry. How did he even have the right to yell at me? Was I not portraying the feeling of regret and distress enough? Was it not obvious that I’m completely at a loss for words about what happened last night?

I thanked my fucking stars that the Langham hotel came into view and that Harry had no time left to heckle me. I sat up slowly and focused my attention on the little dot that stood outside the main doors of the hotel, hoping it was Graham in his uniform.

“I wish I never met you.”

I was reaching over for my seatbelt, ready to unfasten myself out of the seat when he said it. His words were low, slow, and drenched in disappointment.

I froze, slowly looking up at Harry.

“What did you just say?” I could feel my body going slack as I stared at him in shock. My chin quivered, my eyes watering as I tried to process his statement.

He stayed silent as he looked over me, and then I could see just how much he regretted saying it almost as soon as the words left his mouth. And maybe he would have taken it back and apologized if he had the chance.

I didn’t give him the chance.

“Fuck you.” I said as harshly as I could before ripping the seatbelt off my body and ripping the car door wide open.

“No, Vita--shit-” I slammed the car door as hard as I could before running up the steps to the hotel.

Graham was halfway down the steps before he paused and watched me with shock as I raced up the steps. I ignored his confused calls as I pushed through the main entrance of the hotel. I could feel myself start to unravel, my head dizzy with the rapid motions I was making.

My heart was racing and my legs were shaking as I stood impatiently inside the elevator. Every part of me trembled and I was biting down as hard as I could on my bottom lip to prevent myself from sobbing.

When I got into my hotel room, I threw the key across the room, stomped over to my bed, picked up a pillow and screamed into it. I screamed as loudly and as hard as I could. I screamed until my throat felt dry and the ache in my body resided.

I wish I never met you.

I threw the pillow aside and leaned over, covering my face with my hands. I didn’t want Harry to be the reason I was crying. I already cried too many times over him in the past year.

“Let me in, Vita.” Two soft rasps at the door followed the muffled sound of Harry’s voice on the other side of the door.

“Go away!” I raised for my voice loud enough for him to hear. I wiped at my eyes harshly as I stood up from my bed and stared at the door.

“Vita, please.” His voice was pleading and no longer abrasive. “I’m sorry. I didn’t…fuck, I didn’t mean it, alright? You know I didn’t mean it. You have to know that.”

In a slow and steady pace, I walked towards the door. I reached for the handle, hesitating slightly before pushing down and opening it.

“Then why did you say it?” I glared at him the second our eyes met.

Harry pushed the door open further, letting himself in. When he closed it shut behind him, he spoke again. “I said it because I’m an idiot, alright?”

“No.” I said immediately, backing away from him. I needed as much space between us as possible. “No, that is not a good enough answer. That’s the worst fucking answer I’ve ever heard. Some sort of thought process went through your head, Harry. Something made you want to say it and I need to know why. Right now.”

Harry ran his hands anxiously through his hair as he took another step forward. “Because…because I don’t know, Vita! I have no explanation for how I’m acting towards you! It’s driving me mental.”

“How in the fuck is it driving you mental!?” I was getting so riled up that Harry couldn’t articulate why he’s been acting the way he has. I was in no mood to fight with Harry right now but I was angry and hurt. I needed to know why he said it. “That is such a cop out and you know it!”

“It’s because you’re you but different!” He yelled back, throwing his hands up in the air out of frustration. “You’re so different and I don’t know how to handle it. You’re not the same Vita I knew last year.”

“What are you talking about?” I replied in the same tone of voice: frustrated, exhausted and more confused then ever. Was this no longer about last night?

Harry dropped his hands and stayed quiet for a moment as he sucked in his bottom lip and kept it wedged between his teeth. We watched each other in silence and with every second that went past, I felt myself growing more and more nervous. I had a feeling I wasn’t going to like what he was about to say.

“The Vita I once knew was lovely. She was nice and she was happy and she was sweet and she was always laughing.” He started carefully, his voice low and weary. “She was tan, she had blonde hair, and she looked like the sun. She was confident and loud and sarcastic in her own right. But you—” He took a couple of steps toward me. “—you’ve changed so much. You’re pale, you’ve lost weight and the sunlight behind your eyes has disappeared. And don’t try to bullshit me, Vita, because you know I’m right. You may have fooled everyone around you, but you can’t fool me. You’re not you anymore and it—it scares me, Vita. It fuckin’ terrifies me.”

My brows furrowed as I casted my eyes down to the floor. I blinked a few times, trying to digest his words. I could feel my fingers trembling, my heart racing, and my head throbbing. I didn’t know what to say. He made me feel like I was no longer a person, but a wilted flower that couldn’t live. I tried to remember what it was like before everything went to shit in my life. Harry was right. I wasn’t me anymore. I was now the quiet girl who was lost in space, the girl that was slowly fading away and receding into the background. I never wanted to see anyone anymore. I don’t get excited. All I want to do is lie in my bedroom with the curtains drawn and let nothingness wash over me in a slow and sluggish wave. I felt inadequate, stupid and above all, without worth. The worst part about all of these thoughts? They were embedded into the new Vita that I have become.

And that was really, really sad.

“I-I don’t know what you want me to say.” My voice trembled as I tried to prevent myself from bursting into tears. “I’ve been through a lot, okay? Everything went to shit for me in the past year and it started with you.” I finally looked up and made sure to make direct eye contact with Harry. I was about to get real with him. “You disappeared last summer. Just completely fell off the map. Well, not off the map obviously, since you’re famous and all that, but you fell off my map. You completely severed ties with me. And guess what, Genius? When you’re famous, you can’t exactly go incognito with your affairs—”

Harry’s eyes widened. We were finally approaching dangerous territory. “Vita—”

“Do you know how much it fucking hurt to see pictures of you kissing other girls after you left Miami?” I sounded pathetic as my voice struggled for strength and confidence. “You couldn’t even wait a week. A week, Harry. Did I really mean so little to you?”

“You broke up with me!” He exclaimed, clearly exasperated.

“That doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt to see you move on so quickly!” I seethed through gritted teeth. “You made it look so easy. And you wonder why you can’t see the sunlight behind my eyes. It’s because you stole the sunlight from me.”

Harry watched me with complete despair, like he couldn’t believe what I was saying.

“God, and you know what? Out of the whole equation of my fucked up life, you weren’t even the worst part.” I continued. “The only positive thing in my life was Grandpa Gene and now he’s gone. He’s gone, Harry. He’s dead. When he left, my world got darker. I thought maybe if I left Miami for a while, I might get used to it, but I-I can’t, okay? I can’t.” My eyes started to water as I shakily placed a piece of hair behind my ear. I sighed. “I thought I could accept his passing, but then I’ll notice a piece of artwork on a wall or I’ll spot his favorite flower in a nearby park, and his death hits me all over again. And it's--just fuck. It's absolutely fucking useless for me to even try to articulate how terrible it feels to lose someone like Grandpa Gene because you would never understand.” I stared at Harry, knowing the anguish could be recognized in my eyes. “So yeah, I’m different. I’m really fucking different.”

“Vita, I…” Harry scratched the back of his neck as he struggled to find his words. “I had no idea.”

“So it would seem.” I replied.

He watched me with a grief-stricken expression while I quietly stood in front of him, trying to figure out how we got to this point. Me in last night’s dress, greasy hair and novel bruises imprinted up and down my body while Harry had bloody knuckles wrapped in bandages, and a new awareness of how he no longer was the reason I smiled, but one of the reasons I withered.

Before Harry and I could exchange anymore words, the sound of a key slipping into the door and the chatter between Sophia and Jayden kept us silent.

“Oh shit!” Jayden said immediately when he saw me and Harry. He was swinging three grocery bags in each hand. “I didn’t know you were up here, Harry.”

“Everything alright?” Sophia asked, looking from me to Harry.

“Just peachy.” I answered, keeping my voice monotone.

“I should go.” Harry looked at me once more before walking past Sophia and around Jayden. “I’ll see you guys later.”

Sophia and Jayden watched after Harry’s retreating figure with complete confusion. When the door slammed shut behind him, they turned to me.

“What was that about?” Jayden asked.

I shrugged, kicking off my shoes and immediately climbing into bed. “Nothing.”

And as I started drifting off to sleep, I realized that Harry and I didn’t even get to argue about Teddy yet.