A Single Daffodil

The days following the Teddy-Harry incident were cruel and painful. Turns out when you get roofied by a mad as a March hare prick, 95% of the time your healthy immune system gets cornered and you get hit by a full-blown flu—I forced Jayden to check my symptoms on WebMD when I started to feel a fever. The results told us it was either the typical flu or cancer…so we went ahead and speculated that it was just the flu.

I didn’t leave the hotel room for three days. I spent all my time tucked away in my bed, living off of NyQuil, Gatorade and English tea. The first two days were a complete blur because the medicine kept me knocked out for the majority of the day and throughout the whole night. Sometimes I’d wake up and find Jayden and Sophia on the other bed, watching TV, other times I’d wake up to a completely dark and empty bedroom. It was exhausting being this sick. My throat felt like sandpaper, my cough was killing me, my nose was stuffy and my whole body ached. It seemed like nowadays, nothing good was ever going to come my way.

By the third morning of being cooped up in the hotel, my fever finally broke and I was somewhat on the lesser side of delirious. I had been up early in the morning, around 8 o’clock, watching the morning news and admiring the small vase of flowers on the vanity next to it. They were hand-picked flowers from Graham and his wife, and were given to Jayden last night when he was on his way up to check on me.

“I swear you become friends with everyone, Vita, even when you don’t try.” I vaguely remember Jayden making a comment as he placed the flowers on the vanity. “These are from Graham. From downstairs? He told me to tell you to feel better soon.”

I gave Jayden a sleepy smile before falling back asleep.

Now I could fully sit up and actually look at them. There weren’t many flowers in the vase, only a couple of Pansies, two or three Marigolds and one lovely blush-colored rose. I smiled because I knew Graham didn’t drain the sap out of the rose so the flowers wouldn’t last another twenty-four hours (sap kills). Which was fine because, after all, it was the thought that counts.

While the news anchors signed off and the beginning credits of today’s Olympic games came on, I sighed and pulled the duvet up to my chin. I didn’t let myself dwell on the two accidents a couple of days ago because my illness easily numbed out any type of thought process I could have had. But now that my mind was a little more clear, I couldn’t stop thinking about…well, everything. The bruises on my elbows were turning an ugly yellowy/blue color and my stomach dropped somewhere near my feet anytime I recalled the last conversation me and Harry had. It was painfully apparent that I wore my heart on my sleeve during that argument. I told him everything I didn’t want him to know, and a little more. Everything was a mess.

The soft click of a key inserting into the door and Sophia’s loud voice interrupted my thoughts abruptly. “Hola, chica! Are you decent? You have visitors!”

“Yes.” My voice croaked before my throat tickled, causing a fit of uncontrollable—and uncomfortable, may I add—coughs.

“Look who we bumped into at breakfast downstairs.” Jayden said as he sauntered into the room.

“Lil Spoely!” Chris Bosh, the unusually tall giant, was the second one to enter the room, clad in his usual workout gear and nike flip flop-sock combo. Behind him, Lebron James and Dwayne Wade were dressed in a smilier get up. “Where have you been!?”

I felt my face instantly light up when I saw them. I felt like a little kid in a candy shop. “Guys!”

Lebron and Dwayne made themselves right at home by flopping on the end of my bed. Chris Bosh fell flat on Sophia’s bed with his stomach facing down and his long lanky legs dangling off the edge.

“Heard you were sick, Lil’ Spo.” Lebron reached over and patted my duvet-covered leg twice. “What’s that about?”

“Yeah we missed you at the game last night, kiddo.” Dwayne added.

“I missed you too.” I told them with all honesty. When these guys were around, it felt like I was home. They were exactly what I needed right now. “But you guys didn’t have to visit! I don’t need my dad blaming me for getting you guys sick during the Olympics.”

“Oh please.” Lebron rolled his eyes while Dwayne and Chris laughed. “It would take a lot more than your icky-ass germs to disrupt this beautiful machinery.” He motioned toward his body with pride.

I rolled my eyes even though I was laughing.

“Speaking of your dad!” Sophia piped up. “Did he come up here yet?”

“Here? As in my hotel room?” I shook my head. “No, he hasn’t.”

Sophia swung her head over to the vanity, where Jayden was perched. They shared a look of what I immediately recognized as sympathy.

“Why?” I questioned.

“We bumped into him downstairs while we were getting breakfast.” Jayden answered. “We told him you’ve had the flu and that you haven’t felt your best recently, to which he said he would come check on you.”

I chewed on the inside of my left cheek as I glanced down at the balled up tissue I had in my hand. The feeling of disappointment in my father, yet again, made itself a home right inside my bones. As always, my dad picked his job over me and placed me on the back burner. I wasn’t even surprised.

“Lil Spo, you know how Coach gets.” Chris tried to reason in a soft approaching tone, even though we were all thinking the same thing. “He’s determined to bring home that gold for us.”

“Yeah, I know.” I croaked back before reaching over to the bedside table and grabbing another tissue. I blew into it and rubbed my red irritated nose. “It’s whatever.”

I could feel everyone staring at me with fierce sympathy. I condemned the idea of people feeling sorry for me. I absolutely hated it. It made me feel small and weak, and those are two things I never wanted to be associated with. I was desperate to change the subject.

“So when’s the next game?” I asked quickly.

“Tomorrow night.” Lebron answered in a tone that was quite passive, almost sounding like he didn’t want to continue on the subject. In which case, meant only one thing: he wanted to get real with me. “Hey bud, are you okay? Like, really okay?”

“Yeah. I’m fine.” I said. “It’s just a flu. Nothing too serious.”

I made the wrong decision in looking at Lebron while I said it because I could tell right then and there that he could see through my lie. I should have known that lying to Lebron’s face was a no-go. He could read anyone like an open book, no matter how guarded or tall the walls you built around you were. In my case, I had huge boulders and he could still see through them like glass. Shiny, smudge-free glass.

I looked over at Dwayne, Chris, even Jayden and Sophia too. They were all giving me the same look. No one was buying it.

“Okay, I’m not fine.” I admitted a little reluctantly. “My Grandpa died, I have the shittiest relationship with my dad, and I can’t tell where my ex-boyfriend stands when it comes to me and his feelings. I’m having a really bad go at it right now and it sucks because I just want to have fun with my best friends and you guys.” I motioned to the three of them. “We’re in fucking London, England and here I am, cooped up in the hotel room. I feel like I’m not doing anything right.”

“Hey!” Jayden immediately protested. “You are doing everything right. You’re making an effort.”

“Kid’s right, yo.” Chris jerked his head in Jayden’s direction. “Someone really important to you just passed away and you’re not letting grief or depression repress you. You’re getting up everyday and you’re talking and you’re trying.”

Everyone else nodded in agreement with Chris as I anxiously picked at my nails.

“I just didn’t realize-” I paused to let out a wicked cough. Being sick sucks. “I didn’t realize it would be this hard.”

“It’s always hard, Spoely.” Lebron said. “But that’s what life is about, you know? It’s always going to have it’s ups and it’s downs. And it’s like riding a bicycle. In order to keep your balance, you have to keep moving.” He patted my leg once more before continuing. “And please, for the love of God, Vita, do not mislead yourself into thinking that grieving is a sign of weakness. I can see that you’re trying to avoid it but if you do that, it’ll destroy you, Vita. Don’t let it destroy you.”

I ran a hand through my greasy locks and nodded silently to let him know that I understood. Lebron was telling me everything I already knew, but it held such a different meaning when it came from a different perspective. And he was so right. Grieving is an important process that needs to happen. I was just struggling with finding the right way to do it.

As if Dwayne could read my thoughts, he added onto what Lebron said. “You know, when I was first drafted into the Miami Heat in 2005, I was only a little older than you. About twenty-three years old.”

“I remember that so well because Sophia had the biggest crush on you.” I interjected, smirking in Sophia’s direction. “Stupid idiot thought she could court you at the ripe age of twelve.”

Everyone started laughing as Sophia cursed me in Spanish.

“Well I don’t know if you guys remember this, but I lost my cousin that same year.” Dwayne got serious again. “He lived in Chicago, he was walking home one day and he got murdered for no reason. Someone just came up and shot him.”

“Shit, dude.” Lebron sighed while I shook my head in disbelief.

“I remember that going down actually.” Chris added as he looked up in thought. Both Chris Bosh and Dwayne Wade were drafted into the Miami Heat the same year. I remember it well because my dad was so happy about it. He would take me out for ice cream every day after basketball practice that year.

“Yeah, I was devastated because I lost my best friend.” Dwayne said. “I didn’t know how to handle his death and play in the NBA at the same time. I really struggled to keep my emotions off the court. But my Mama told me I needed to find a way to cope with it or it would eat me alive. Well if there was one thing you needed to know about my cousin, it was that he loved sailing. It was his favorite thing to do growing up. So the year he passed away, anytime I felt myself missing him, I’d go sailing. Just straight up, go out there in the bay and sail for hours. I mean, I never recovered from my loss but sailing out there, experiencing what he loved most, really helped me cherish his life. I was able to celebrate him as a person and just gain a deeper awareness of how lucky I was to have him in my life.” He stopped speaking and you could tell he was wishing he was on a boat, sailing across the Miami bay in that very moment. “And I think maybe that’s what you need too. Something similar. You need to find out what it is you want or need to experience to really help you approach life without him.”

I’ve known Dwayne Wade for as long as I could remember, but in all the years we’ve known each other, he’s never opened up to me this much. It warmed my heart to know that time after time, these three guys are willing to be there for me when they don’t have to be. And while my dad has continuously let me down by being too caught up in basketball and being a coach, these three guys will always find a way to make time for me, even for a little bit. They truly felt like family.

“Thank you, guys.” I said. “I mean it. I don’t know where I’d be without your constant support.”

“Through thick and thin, Lil Spo. You know you can count on us.” Lebron smiled before standing up. “But I think we’re a little late for practice.”

“We’re a lot late for practice.” Chris Bosh corrected the second he looked at his phone.

“Gid oudda heeeaa!” I exclaimed immediately, shooing the three of them away from my bed. “You know how Kobe when y’all ain’t punctual!”

“Oh God.” Dwayne moaned, also standing up and stretching. “Don’t remind me. I never understood how he could be such a great player with a huge stick up his ass.”

I genuinely laughed at that one.

“Stay golden, Lil’ Spo.” Lebron high-fived me on the way out before high-fiving Jayden and hugging Sophia. He turned around and pointed at me. “Rest up today so you can come watch us kick some Lithuanian ass tomorrow night.”

I saluted him. “You got it, Captain.”

When the three of them left, I felt exhausted after our talk. Their advice gave me hope that I would find a way to celebrate Grandpa Gene. Was it even achievable while I was in London or did I have to wait until I go back to Miami to find it? I had a lot to think about.

Instead of dwelling on it too hard, I took another dose of medicine and snuggled back up into my bed while Jayden and Sophia got ready for their day. Apparently they were heading over to Liam’s to watch the soccer game between the UK and Spain.

“We can always watch the game here too.” Jayden offered as Sophia skipped off to the bathroom to begin her hour-long makeup ritual.

“No way!” I retorted. “You go have fun. All I’m doing is sleeping for the next four hours. I won’t be much company.”

Ten minutes ticked by as I felt the medicine finally kick in. The familiar drowsiness washed over me rapidly as Jayden and I watched the Olympics on television.

I fell asleep in an instant.

When I woke up, Jayden and Sophia were gone. The bedroom was much brighter from the high sun. There was some dramatic soap playing on the TV. I felt less sick with a clearer mind.

And within minutes of waking up from my nap, I figured out what I wanted to do to celebrate the life of Grandpa Gene.



“Ummm. Question.”

My phone rang as I walked into Urban Outfitters on Oxford St and before I could even say ‘Hello’, Jayden started talking.

“And I have an answer. Maybe.” I responded as I started browsing the accessories section of the store. I had a long list of things to buy, to-do’s and very little time to execute.

“Well, it’s just the strangest thing.” He continued. “I’m in your hotel room right now.” He paused for effect, forcing me to stop browsing and roll my eyes. Jayden was all about being extra. “But you’re not. So I guess my question is, where the hell are you?”

“I’m shopping. And also on a mission.” I answered cryptically.

“Weren’t you laying in your deathbed like…oh I don’t know, three hours ago?” Jayden asked. “And what’s this about a mission? I have so many questions. I feel so out of the loop.”

I laughed which inevitably led me into a rough session of coughing uncontrollably. The medicine made me feel better, but I definitely wasn’t cured. “I came up with an idea. I feel really good about it, Jayden. Can I fill you and Sophia in about it later when I get back?”

“I mean, obviously.” Jayden replied. “But come by Zayn’s house when you’re done! We’re all heading over there for food and movies later. He just got this rad new TV projector in his living room.”

I nearly dropped the weird head massager I was holding. “Who is ‘we’?”

“Me, Sophia, Zayn, obviously. Everyone else, probably. The yooj’” Jayden’s voice hummed casually on the other side of the line.

“So when you say everyone else, do you mean…?”

“Relax, Vita. Harry isn’t even in town today. Liam said something about him being back home for a couple of days. You’re in the clear.” Jayden said. “So if I give you Zayn’s address, will you come over?”

“Maybe.”

“Quit being an asshat!”

“Alright, fine!” I caved instantly, mostly because I was really excited to tell them about my new plan. “I’ll be there in an hour or two. Text me the address.”

When we hung up, I felt myself smiling as a new feeling of absolute warmth washed over me, and it wasn’t because I was still recovering from the flu.

I finally had a plan of action.

It was all inspired by the dream I had this morning during my medicine-induced nap. It was a dream about a lake. It was a pretty weird dream, actually. The lake was the color of cotton candy there were giant pillows floating on top of it, and I’m pretty sure Leonardo DiCaprio was in it too, but that’s neither here nor there. Whack dreams were not uncommon when it came to NyQuil, but this one was different. Somehow, the pink-colored lake dream promptly reminded me of the secluded lake my Grandpa once told me about. The one he would visit with my Grandma when they first met in her hometown.

And in that brisk second of realization, the decision was made.

I would go to France.

Saint Malo, France.

It made so much sense. I was already in Europe, I had money, time, and an eagerness to see what I’ve been hearing about all my life. I wanted to visit the town my Grandpa and Grandma met. I wanted to visit the cafe my Grandma worked at, Merce And The Muse. I wanted to walk the streets my Grandparents walked. I wanted to see the lake he painted. I wanted to experience their adventure, relive their past.

So I ripped the bedding off me, took a quick shower and made a list of things I needed. I had to research places to stay in town, confirm that Merce And The Muse was still open in Saint Malo (it was, much to my delight), and most importantly, I had to document everything.

I originally started planning it for just myself, knowing my dad wouldn’t even realize I left the country. And be that as that may, I also knew there would be no way I could disappear to France for four days without Jayden and Sophia.

As I paid for a new instant camera, black leather bound notebook, a short floral skirt and brown sandals, I couldn’t prevent the sheer happiness and optimism I was sensing. This idea was the lighthouse through the darkness of doubt. It was the sun rising after the bleakest night. I couldn’t wait to experience everything.

When I arrived at Zayn’s place, everyone was there just as Jayden predicted—except Harry, of course. With all the new excitement about my trip to France, I hadn’t given Harry or Teddy so much as a thought.

“Vita! You came!” Liam looked assuredly excited to see me when I walked into the jam-packed living room. There were three couches, all brown leather, surrounding a lovely oak-colored coffee table. Liam and Jayden occupied the one on the far left, Sophia, Niall, Louis and Eleanor were lounged on the one next to them, and Perrie by herself, stretched out on the opposite side. In front of them was a gigantic white screen, located on a suspended tall wall. It was almost the size of a typical movie theatre screen. They were watching Titanic.

“How’ve ya been?” Perrie smiled at me as I took a seat in between Liam and Jayden. Zayn, who followed close behind me, joined Perrie on her couch. “Heard you got a bit sickies.”

“Yeah and it was all because of that good for nothing prick too.” Louis added, a look of disdain washed over his face. “We’re sorry you had to go through all that, Vita.”

“We had no idea how much of a shithead Teddy was.” Liam agreed. “We should hire a hitman. Or like, invite him to a party under false pretenses. Let’s get him in a room and just beat the shit out of him.”

I nervously laughed as I placed a stray curl behind my ear. I could feel my left over bruises burning underneath my skin as I thought about Teddy (and Harry beating him up). I didn’t want to think about it. Or talk about him, for that matter.

“Let’s not talk about him.” I finally said. “I actually wanted to tell you guys about…an idea I have.”

Since I wasn’t only telling Jayden and Sophia about my idea, I had to quickly rehash the short version of Grandpa Gene’s love story before disclosing my plan to go to France. Of course everyone died over it, especially Perrie and Eleanor.

“Oh my God!” Eleanor cooed. “It’s like The Notebook, but better!” She snuggled closer to Louis then, placing her head on his shoulder. I couldn’t help the pang of jealousy as I watched them. They made it look so easy.

“Okay, YES, we are so doing this.” Jayden clapped his hands together. “I’ve never been to France.”

“Neither have I!” Sophia added excitedly. “Si, si to Paris! Oh! I cannot wait.”

“Sophia, you know Paris isn’t all of France, right?” I asked.

“But if we do not go to Paris, then where do we go?” She looked so confused, God bless her sheltered, Miami Soul.

“Saint Malo.” I said. “It’s on the coast of France.”

“Saint Malo.” Zayn sat up straight as he repeated my words. “I know where that is! It’s close to Bayeux. I have a place there.”

“You what?” Niall raised an eyebrow at him. Now everyone was looking at Zayn. “Since when, mate?”

“This is the first I’ve heard of this too.” Perrie furthered the state of surprise by pulling back from him to give him a look.

Zayn, suddenly flustered by all the attention, shrugged quickly. “It’s not just my place, yeah? It’s my family’s condo. Right on the beach. We usually go there on holiday but we haven’t gone back in a bit since One Direction started up. It’s been a while.”

“Oh my God.” Louis’s face lit up with euphoria. “I just got the best idea.”

You could practically see the lightbulb shining above his head.

“You know how we were all talking about going on a mini-vacation before the Fall tour starts, right?” Louis continued. “Why don’t we go there! Zayn’s family condo?”

“It would be nice to go back, actually.” Zayn stroked his rugged chin as he thought about it. “Yeah, I could probably get the keys from my parents.”

“And we can take a private plane!” Niall jumped up, clearly delighted by this suggestion. “Oh yes, I can absolutely get behind this idea.”

“Whata’ ya say, Vita?” Liam turned to me. “Would be fun to go as a group.”

“Sure.” I grinned. “What’s a couple more people added into the mix?”

At this, Sophia clapped her hands excitedly. “We’re going to France, y’all!”