A Single Daffodil

There weren’t any London flights out of Caen Airport for another two days, so we were forced to activate plan b: taking a train to Paris.

It didn’t take long for the three of us to pack up our belongings while the rest of the house slept into the late morning. I felt bad for leaving without saying goodbye to everyone else, but I just didn’t have the strength to go through with it. As we carelessly jammed our stuff into the back of the cab that waited outside, I immediately felt guilty for dragging Sophia and Jayden away from everyone else.

When I voiced said guilt, telling them they didn’t have to come back with me, they shut me down quick.

“No,” Sophia responded with force. We were sitting in the back of the cab now, driving to the closest train station. The train for Paris was leaving in fifteen minutes. “we are coming with you. Fuck everyone else right now. You are more important.”

Even though they insisted on it not being an issue, I wanted to argue with them and force them to stay here instead because I felt like I was ruining their holiday. But I didn’t have the fight in me. My heart was aching and while the distance between me and Harry continued to grow in yards, that sinking feeling of reality expanded uncontrollably. It was just too unbelievable.

I didn’t speak a word on the three hour train ride to Paris, and I appreciated Jayden and Sophia for not asking any more questions about what happened this morning. They both knew that when I was ready, I would talk about it. I was careful not to look at either of them, however, because I didn’t need to witness the sympathetic looks they were giving me. They were the kind of looks you gave a wounded animal or an old woman trying to cross a busy street by herself. I hated it. Nothing was worse.

I kept my head down and my hood up as I focused on the landscapes that flitted past the windows. I was in a quiet rage as I fixated my stare. I tried to focus on the rhythmic pattern of the wheels turning on the railroad, but it was proven difficult, thanks to my turbulent mind.

I couldn’t believe I was in this situation. How did I manage to single-handedly ruin this trip in a span of a couple of hours? Everything was perfect, just like in the movies. It was a Romantic Comedy at first, wasn’t it? We made up, we went to Saint Malo and experienced something magical, we were both suppose to realize that us not being together was the worst idea ever, and the grand finale was a dramatic confession on the beach.

But this wasn’t a Romantic Comedy. This was a Tragedy.

Because Harry didn’t love me. I was no longer the girl with ocean blue eyes and sand-colored hair. I was no longer the girl he wrote about, the girl he dreamt about, his muse or the voice he wanted to hear. Tanya had replaced me. She was the one who reaped the rewards of Harry’s laugh, his sleepy smile in the morning, his green eyes, his light.

What a Godawful mistake that was, telling him the way I felt.

I was in such a daze, that I could barely recount the process of getting to the Paris airport, going through customs and finding our gate. I dropped my duffel bag on the ground and dropped into one of the uncomfortable seats near the window. Sophia quietly took the seat across from me, feverishly texting on her phone. I tried to ignore the urge to both throw up and cry when I realized she was probably texting Niall, trying to explain how fucked up my situation was.

“Well, I got the three of us booked on a flight back to Miami.” Jayden let out an exhausted yawn as he fell into the empty seat next to me. Both Sophia and I looked at him. “We’re heading back tomorrow morning. 10:30 am.”

“Wait, Jayden. You didn’t have to do that.” I said, my voice croaked from the lack of speaking for the past couple of hours. My throat still felt raw from all the crying I’d done earlier.

“Yes, I did.” Jayden responded, offering me a smile. “It’s time for all of us to go home.”

“But that must have been so expensive.” The guilt was uncanny. I immediately started reaching for my wallet. “How much was it, let me—”

“Don’t worry about that now.” Jayden shook his head and patted my knee. “Besides, I have a butt-load of skymiles logged in with American Airlines from the past two years. Professional dirt biker, remember?” The smile didn’t quite reach his eyes while he said it.

I nodded in response, worried that if I tried to say anything else, I would start to cry. Isn’t it a terrible thing to have your heart broken? All you want to do is cry, and even the littlest things, like your best friends being there for you 100%, made you want to burst into tears.

I looped my arm through Jayden’s, resting my head on his shoulder as a thank you. I would repay him every penny the second we got to Miami.

American Airlines started the boarding process not long after that. Our section was called, we boarded the plane, I sat by the window. And the entire time, I found myself holding my breath, staring out the tiny porthole, wondering if maybe, just maybe, I would see Harry running to my gate number, just like I did for him.

But this was a Tragedy. And I was the idiot with too much optimism.



I didn’t feel much relief when I returned to London. In fact, I felt quite worse. I was riddled with anxiety because I didn’t want to bump into my dad or the team at the hotel. The last thing I wanted to do was go into detail about why A)I’ve disappeared for the past three days, B)I wasn’t going to be staying for the remainder of the Olympics and C)I never wanted to step in London ever again. Granted, the team were probably too focused on winning the last three games to think about where I’ve been, which also meant my dad most-likely forgot he even had a daughter. Which was fine by me, since I definitely didn’t have a father.

When I got back to the hotel room, I switched out of my stale airplane-smelling jeans and jacket and into a pair of grey sweatpants and an old Miami Heat sweater. Even in London, it was pissing rain but I wasn’t surprised. After this morning’s disastrous turn of events, it felt like I’d never see the sun again.

“I am actually excited to go back home.” Sophia tried to sound cheery as she neatly folded all her clothing into a suitcase on her side of the room. I watched her pick up a plush white teddybear that held a small red heart in front of it’s stomach. I remember Sophia telling me Niall won it for her when they stumbled upon a traveling fair in the Northern part of the city a couple of weeks ago. I turned away and started stuffing clothes into my suitcase, feeling the guilt engulf my entire being. “It has been too long since I’ve seen the rest of mi familia. I miss them.”

At least you have a family to go back to, I thought sourly.

After I carelessly threw my entire belongings into the suitcase, I remembered that I did have one last goodbye to say before I left England altogether.

“I’ll be right back.” I muttered to Sophia as I grabbed the hotel key and slipped it into the pocket of my sweater.

Before Sophia could even question my departure, I was already out the door and heading downstairs.

When I entered the lobby, I let out a sigh of relief when I saw the familiar grey suit and top hat standing outside the front doors. His crisp white gloves were grasping the gold handle, waiting to open it for the next person coming in. When we arrived at the hotel earlier, he wasn’t waiting outside and it made me sad to think I wouldn’t be able to say my last goodbye to my new friend, Graham. Alas, when I asked the different doorman where Graham was, he said he had the late shift tonight.

Unaware of just how happy I felt to see Graham one last time, I gave him a hug the second he opened the door for me. The impact surprised Graham, earning me an ‘Oof!’ and a surprised laugh.

“Well good evening to you too, Miss. Vita!” He chuckled, patting my back. He smelled like nutmeg and soap. “Don’t you know that us English folk don’t hug? It’s a sign of weakness!”

I smiled, finally stepping back. As always, he had a small flower from his garden pinned to the lapel of his jacket. This time it was a red poppy. “Well I’m not English! And hugging is an everyday staple for us Americanos.”

He chuckled again, finally letting the door close. “Shall I call your car ‘round?”

“No thank you, Graham. I’m not going anywhere tonight.” I stuffed my hands into the pockets of my hoodie. “I came down to say goodbye to you, actually. I’m leaving for Miami in the morning.”

Graham was baffled. “I thought you were here until August?”

“Change of plans, I’m afraid.” I answered, looking down at my feet so I could hide my cringe. I briefly wondered what Harry was doing in that very moment. Probably laughing it up with Tanya on the phone, making fun of how stupid I was earlier. “The team is staying, but I need to go back.”

“I hope this doesn’t have anything to do with that wretched young man who picked you up last week.”

He meant Teddy. I never told Graham about the party incident, so he was solely basing his poor opinion of Teddy on the one time he didn’t open the car door for me. I wanted to laugh at that because it showed just how sweet and old school Graham was as a person. To not open a door for a lady was a crime in his eyes. Alas, the laughter was lost. I didn’t feel like laughing. Laughing felt like a strenuous task.

“No, no. Not because of him.” I said, walking over to the edge of the steps. The rain let up and sure enough, the clouds were departing from our area. Finally, there were stars again. “Out of everything that has happened to me on this trip, he was the least of my worries.” I looked over at Graham and offered a shrug. “It’s mostly my doing, really. My actions are forcing me to leave earlier than I should be. Fell a little too hard for this guy and I made the stupid mistake of uttering the words ‘I love you’. You know, the usual schpiel that transpires when you’re young and foolish.”

Graham stood next to me then, clasping his hands behind his back as he surveyed the sky as well. “Well then. This young man is an absolute stooge to be lettin’ a kind heart, like yourself, leave like this.”

An absolute stooge was right.

“Life can be pretty cruel sometimes, huh?” I laughed out the words in attempt to keep a new batch of tears at bay.

“Or does everything happen for a reason?” Graham mused. “I read this book my wife bought me not too long ago. I cannot, for the life of me, remember the name of it, but there was something I read that really stuck with me. It was about the universe and how it conspires in helping you find the one you love. That everything that happens to you, even the littlest things like cutting your finger on an edge of a paper or eating a pastry instead of toast, happens for a reason. I believe it.” He paused for a moment, to let out a long and wistful sigh. “Had I not made the choices I did during my younger years, I would have never met my wife.”

I chewed the inside of my cheek, fascinated by his words. Sounded a lot like my Grandparents too. It was definitely a positive way of looking at how life worked, but right now, in this current state of mind, it sounded like a load of bollocks.

“I wish I could agree with you there, Graham.” I replied. “But I’m just not there yet.”

“You will be though, soon enough.” He offered a smile. Graham always reminded me of Grandpa Gene when he smiled. I knew they would have been great friends, but I guess the universe didn’t conspire in making that happen, unfortunately.

It was pleasant talking to Graham on my last night in London. Somehow, our conversation was making that sour feeling in my stomach feel less…sour. We talked for a little longer after that, mostly about keeping in touch. I promised I would send Cherokee Rose seeds to him from Jane’s Flower Shop so he could plant them in his garden. He was delighted to hear this, quickly retaliating with “Well then I’ll have to send you my wife’s infamous Yorkshire Pudding!”. I liked the sound of that.

When I returned to the bedroom later that night, Sophia was already asleep, clutching the white teddy close to her chest. I wordlessly turned off all the lights and set an alarm on my phone. When I hopped into bed, I twisted in the sheets to face the window. Suddenly feeling so alone without the sound of waves crashing against the shore outside, I started to ache with sadness once more.



Coming back to Miami felt so strange. It felt like I’d been gone for years, not weeks, and everything was so…off. This was not the type of reaction I was hoping for as my cab driver drove me home that following afternoon. Everything looked the same on the outside and just as I predicted, everything looked exactly the same on the inside. But it still felt weird. Like, for some unfathomable reason, I didn’t belong here anymore.

I pulled my suitcase to a stop in the hallway and placed my hands on my hips as I surveyed my place. Unlike London, it was sweltering hot and humid in Miami, so you can only imagine how great it felt inside a house that hasn’t had the air conditioning on in over a month.

After turning the temperature down to a more Antarctica-like climate, I quickly crossed the street to pick up Robin from Mrs. Baker’s house.

“This cat is strange, you know.” Mrs. Baker commented as she picked up my familiar furry friend from her living room and handed her over to me. Robin immediately started purring in my arms, relentlessly rubbing her head against my chin. It was still weird seeing my Grandpa’s cat anywhere else but his sunroom. “All she did was sleep during the day, but stayed up all night, wailing like a damn banshee. Don’t know what is wrong with that stupid cat. You should get her checked out with a vet or something.”

I held my tongue, hoping the words “Have some fucking compassion! This cat lost her owner and was plucked out of her natural element!” didn’t force themselves out like word vomit. Instead, I gave Mrs. Baker a tight smile and thanked her for taking care of her while I was away.

“Welcome home, Robin.” I sighed the words as I carefully placed her on the ground once we walked into my living room.

I stood in the quiet house for a moment, wondering what my next move should be. I could make something to eat, I could take a shower, I could stop by Jane’s Flower Shop to see Maggie and Ronnie. Suddenly, it dawned on me that I was running on five, maybe six, hours of sleep with an additional dose of jet lag—hitting three different cities, in three different countries, in a span of three days definitely took a toll on a person’s well being. So instead of doing anything that required effort, I kicked my shoes off, ripped my clothes off my body and sunk into my awaiting bed. A beat later, Robin joined me, purring her way right into the crook of my neck.

I wasn’t sure how long I was asleep for but when I woke up, it was dark out. I felt groggy and completely disorientated, forgetting momentarily what country I was in to begin with. I let out a groan, reaching over to my bedside table to check the time on my phone.

5:55 AM.

There were a couple of texts from both Jayden and Sophia from last night, checking in to see if I was alright. It’s funny, that in a brief moment of sleepy haze, I almost forgot how shit my life was. What a blissful moment it was to not remember that I lost my Grandpa, Harry, and just about everything else that made me happy.

I sat up, letting out a groan as I dropped my head into my hands. Robin, who was sitting at the end of my bed, saw this as an opportunity to jump up and rub her head against me.

“Hi, little one.” My voice was coated with sleep. “You must be hungry.”

The black sky had turned a hazy blue by the time I stumbled out into the kitchen and living room area with Robin trotting closely behind me. I fed Robin the leftover cat food in the cabinet and idly turned on the morning news as I began making a pot of coffee for myself.

“Well, can you believe we’re almost at the end of the Olympics already?” The chuckling news anchor earned my attention as I poured the steaming coffee into a mug. I tentatively took a sip as I sauntered over to the breakfast bar. “How time flies! It’s time I turn it over to Janet for sports! Good morning, Janet! How’s it looking for our champions today?”

“Yes, a good morning to you as well, John! It’s looking like our champions are unstoppable these days! We’re only a week and a half away from the Closing Ceremony of the London Olympics, but it seems as though our USA stars aren’t even close to being done!” The camera phased away from Janet and switched to highlights of the basketball game between the USA and Australia. “Let’s start with basketball, shall we? Everyone loves a little Lebron James! The USA played against Australia in the Quarterfinals last night, easily beating them with a final score of 119-86! The team will be moving into the semifinals against Argentina two days from now and by the looks of things, the team and hometown native, Eric Spoelstra, seem rather pleased with their results”

My dad appeared on screen, sitting behind the infamous blue-clothed table as a bunch of media representatives sat in front of him, attacking him excitedly with questions. Before the first question was even finished being thrown out, I quickly changed the channel. I was happy that the USA team were winning every game they played in the Olympics, but I could give zero fucks about how my dad felt about it. It wouldn’t be long now before they would be back in Miami. But how long would it take my dad to realize that I wasn’t flying home with him and the team? How long would it take him to figure out how furious I was that he was the main reason Grandpa Gene didn’t get the father-son relationship he deserved? It made me sick to my stomach knowing my dad will probably call a basketball meeting with the Heat team the second their plane touches down in Miami. He won’t give me as much as a second thought.

Robin meowing noisily from near my feet snapped me out of my furious string of thoughts.

“Grandpa Gene wasn’t kidding. You are quite the scoundrel cat, aren’t you?” I said, looking down at the cat, offering a smile, albeit small, to her tiny face. “Want to go on a quick road trip?”

Of course, Robin would never understand what the hell I was saying, but I had a feeling she’d understand it soon enough when I picked her up, grabbed the car keys and drove down to Seashell Lane.

It was finally time to give Grandpa Gene’s house a long overdue visit.