The Girl in the Spiked Collar

I remember very distinctly. Marilyn and I got up in the early dawn hours. “Time to get up.” He whispered. I blink a few times and rub my eyes. “Morning already?” “Yes.” I had a really bad headache. “Here, take this, honey.” Manson said, handing me a cigarette. I lit it and held it between my fingers. Marilyn smiled at me and got dressed. While blowing out smoke, I look out the large window in the hotel room. Darkness is still covering the horizon but day is about to break.
Once we got dressed and ready we ventured down to the bus. 5:41AM. It really wasn’t as extravagant as you’d think but I’ve been in tons of mobile homes so I wasn’t surprised. Of course, it was the nicest one I’ve seen by far and it had much more than the others but I feel like it was very glorified in media and such.
There were 12 beds in the form of bunks, which I found to be amusing. There were also 12 bus seat things so we could sit down if we wanted and just enjoy the ride. Two other girls were with us, but Manson didn’t seem to notice them. Mike, the driver, brought in donuts and juice before we took off. Manson sits in one of the seats by the window, I sit next to him. “Hey!” I greet. “He smiles and sticks his tongue out. “You meanie!” I say, playing along. “Oh no, anything but a meanie!” He answers. I hug him and sit on his lap. “Shadow, Shadow, Shadow.” “Marilyn, do you know where Marissa is?” “No, I’m afraid I don’t but I just about imagine they left her there.” Manson replies. “Why?” “Because there’s usually always a better girl than the one we picked up last night.” “Oh. Well I’m glad I’m still here.” I respond. “Me too. Tell me, you are only 16, why the hell did your parents let you do this?” I told him everything. From the 12 hour school days to running away from my class so I could go with Marissa to the concert and how I was ecstatic when Twiggy picked me to be one of the backstage girls.
We arrived to our destination 7 and a half hours later. I watched the boys get ready for the show and I stood front row in the concert crowd that night.
Back at the hotel room, it was almost completely identical to the one on the previous night. Manson and I got our own room. “I figured you’d want to fuck a different bitch.” I stated as he pressed me against the wall while we were making out. “You’re the only bitch for me!” He answers. “What about that surprise you promised?” I ask. “You’ll see soon enough.” We start drinking some scotch from the bottle and the world seems kind of hazy. I light up a cig, inhale and kiss Manson to exhale the smoke in his mouth. He quickly pushes me to the bed, rips my clothes off and fucks me like the beast he is.
We lay cuddled up to each other, catching our breath. “I think you’re ready, Shadow.” “For what?” I ask, smoking another cigarette. He sits up and looks under the bed. He pulls out a briefcase and opens it on the bed. I sit up to get a better look and recognize it instantly. Drugs. All kinds of drugs. Marilyn selects a baggie of white powder and a rolled up $100 bill. He sets the motel bible on a coffee table by the sofa. “Shadow, come here. I’m going to teach you a very important lesson.” I obey, still completely naked. Marilyn sits in all his beauty in just his underwear. I sit next to him, we kiss and he takes my driver’s license and his ID to straighten out the thick line of powder. “Now, you’re going to go just like this.” He demonstrates, lowering his head and snorting it through his nostrils. “You try. It’s going to burn but that’s just because you’ve never done it before.” I know better than to argue. He grabs my hair and gently pushes my face down to the cocaine holding bible. I snort it and figure out it burns badly. I come back up, nose still burning. Manson’s eyes are red and bloodshot and that’s when I notice he’s been smoking more than just cigarettes. “Can I have some, please daddy?” I ask. He smiles. “Yes, baby.” I take the thick blunt and take a small drag. “Watch me, baby.” He says just before using the rolled up $100 bill to snort more cocaine from the bible. I do exactly as he does and we go to lay on the bed. The effects of the cocaine kick in quickly. It seemed great at first, but wore off in little time. An exuberant feeling came over me, and then just an urge to talk and then, nothing. Long story short, I feel like cocaine is a very overrated drug.
Manson and I lay on the bed, smoking Marijuana and the room starts shifting and changing colours. We blow it into each other’s mouth each time we kiss. Just being close to him made me feel safe and secure; like nothing bad is ever happen to me as long as I’m by his side. I have always loved Marilyn Manson and I loved him then more than ever. I had my doubts that he felt the same way but I’d have fun with it while it lasts.
We fuck again and again that night and only hours later it’s time to hit the road.
Days go by. We hadn’t gotten a motel room since the second night I’d stayed with them but the bus was alright. We still got it on in the “master” bedroom. It was basically just a private bedroom for people to have sex in. Manson and I also did drugs in there quite often, but that’s another story.
Tour life was great; I loved it and the benefits were amazing. I especially loved the fact that Marilyn liked to have me around to fuck me and teach me naughty things, so I think it’s a good thing that I knew nothing about any of that before I met him.
Out of all the drugs we did, I feel like surprisingly LSD fucked with my mind the worst but in that good way. It wasn’t exactly an uncomfortable high, but it wasn’t relaxing at all. Marilyn brought it to me in the private bedroom on like the 5th day I was traveling with him. In the morning, like 5, still dark out. He woke me up. “What?” We shared the same bed, so he just shook me awake. “I have a surprise for you!” He announced, picking me up and taking me to the private bedroom.
He sets me on the bed and pulls out his wallet. In it, are several small square papers. “Eat this first, trust me, you’ll need it.” He said, handing me a piece of Pizza. I eat it. “Baby, look what I have for us.” “More meth?” I ask. “No, I have some LSD, I want to see how you react to it.” I finish the piece of pizza and he tells me what to do. “Open your mouth. Good. Now, keep this paper under your tongue for 10 minutes. Don’t move it, don’t talk, nothing.” I obey his instructions.
10 minutes later, I feel the paper almost completely dissolve and he gives me the ok to open my mouth. “I don’t feel anything.” I say, disappointed. “Give it about 40 minutes, you should feel something.
We talk until then, both taken LSD 45 minutes before. “Marilyn! Do you see that?” I ask, pointing to the light. “Yes, the rainbows are so… soooooo….” He trails off. My perception changed and all the lights had rainbows around them. The room started what looked like literally melting and I freaked out. “Marilyn, help! Look! We’re gonna die!” I exclaim. He holds a finger to my lips. “Shhh… it’s ok babe, it happens, just roll with it, close your eyes. Enjoy it. It gets better.” At first I was terrified, this was by far the worst drug ever. I close my eyes and it still haunts me. Geometric shapes of all shapes, sizes and colours. I open my eyes again and the carpet on the floor reaches out to me like some sort of monster. I clutch Manson and hold on to him. He smells so sweet, sweeter than usual. A sudden urge to fuck him comes over me. We had sex a lot but I wanted to climb on him and fuck his brains out. Wonderful, sexy ideas came to me. I feel so happy, so aroused. Little rainbow dragons wit quilt texture swirl around the room and I look to Marilyn. “Shadow, I think I love you!” He insists. (I thought he actually meant it, but it was an effect of the drug) “I want to fuck you like a foreign film.” I answer, ripping off my clothes, then his only to climb in top of him and fuck him like a beast. In no time, I feel him spray inside me and I have one of the most satisfying orgasms of my life. His warmth pools inside me and I fuck him again, and again. We have a meaningful conversation about everything. Politics, religion, government and think about all those problems. We found solutions to all of them that seemed well at the time.
7 hours of LSD bliss passed and we both slowly started coming down, just in time for the show.
More days passed. Marilyn and I were always either having sex, doing drugs or getting drunk, sometimes all three. Our agreement was that he would drop me off in Wichita and one of my friends would take me half an hour away to my home in Kingman. I agreed, knowing I’d have hell to face when I get home. I won’t tell my parents or my cheating boyfriend about any of it. They’ll be pissed enough knowing I ran away from the school field trip in Denver, let alone all the other things. It would be time to go home in a little less than three days but I would have fun while it lasts here.
One of the hobbies of not just Manson, but also the band, was setting things on fire. In the hotels, they’d catch the sheets on fire and toss them out the window or in the elevator. A nasty surprise for whoever is below us or going to get in the elevator. I found it comical.
I recall it was the last night I’d be with them, we were in Wichita early because the Kansas City show got cancelled, so we got a motel for a few days just to relax and chill. We’d gone shopping and I showed him around the city. I knew it well seeing as though I use to come here a few times a week and I do only live 30 minutes away.
Manson and I had meaningful conversations a lot; we thought the same way and had pretty much the same views. It was always interesting, just learning about the real him. We were having one of those conversations whilst getting drunk and out of the blue he gets up. I knew I loved him but I also knew he didn’t love me, so I never stressed that, I simply let it be because I was just happy with my luck and situation. Not everyone gets to do what I did. He returns. “There’s something I’ve always wanted to try. Are you up for it?” He asks. “Of course.” I answer. “Well, since it is one of your last days with us, I want to make it special.” I watch him as he pulls out the drug brief case. “Marilyn, what are you doing?” “Looking for your surprise.” I calmly lay on the bed just a few minutes after one of our post-sex conversations. We usually sexed four times every 24 hours. A lot, I know, but we satisfied each other. Marilyn pulls out two needles filled with clear liquid and approaches me with one. I instantly get nervous. I don’t like needles at all. “You’re nervous, I can tell. Watch me put mine in, it’s not that bad, hun.” He assures. I look as he pokes himself in the arm and carefully injects it into his bloodstream. “I thought you said to stay away from heroin.” I point out. “Yes, well, it won’t hurt if you use it recreationally. I’ll be by your side the entire time, princess.” He assures. His froggy voice is so sexy, so desirable. I wish I could taste his words. My muscles tighten with anxiety. He notices and sighs. “You’re nervous. This isn’t going to work. It looks like I need to help you relax.” Manson says with an evil grin. He takes another needle and fills it with everclear. “What?” I ask. “Lay back with your wrists up and stretched out. Very good!” He praises. “You’re going to feel a little pin prick on three. One… Two… Three!” He pokes it into my blood veins and carefully injects it, a little at a time. I feel drunken warmth consume my body. The numb, reassuring feeling comes over my body like that of being wrapped in a warm blanket fresh from the dryer. My face heats up and my muscles completely relax. “Very good, baby. Now, I’m going to give you some medicine and it’s going to make you feel really, really good, ok? Just relax. There we go. On three. One… Two… Three.” He pokes me with the heroin needle and injects a little bit of it and then carefully pulls it away. Almost instantly I
notice a warm feeling travel from my wrist, up my arm and to my brain.
Pretty soon it consumes all of me and it felt so empowering, so euphoric.
It was almost like LSD in the fact that there were so many colours, but it was still much different from that. I felt like a child again, in mother’s embrace, so content, so safe. “How do you feel?” Manson asks.
His words are so crisp, so clear. Every last one of my senses are heightened and it felt amazing. I look to Marilyn, who looks at me. I have always known he was beautiful but this even made him that much more appealing. Clear, colourful, sharp details. It felt like the orgasm from sex but the feeling of just after sex for the hours it lasted.
We lay on the motel floor just looking into each other’s eyes. I think we’d crashed and just woke up but I don’t exactly remember.
The use of heroin was like being in a dream, just a nod, like anything is possible. Of course, I don’t recommend it to anyone but I loved the feeling it gave me until the end. I violently convulsed and puked for about 30 minutes, just cradling the toilet while Manson lay still strung out on the floor.
After I cleaned up the vomit and brushed my teeth, I went over to him to lay down, smoking and drinking. He turns to me. “You are so sexy. Come here!” He demanded.
Sex after that drug wasn’t quite as satisfying as I thought it wuld be, but still good.
The show that night went well, it was at the same concert hall I’d go to to see concerts. I wait for Marilyn backstage when it ends, knowing I have to face the hell that awaits me at home. I wouldn’t leave without goodbye,though.
“Hey baby.” Marilyn said when he came into the dressing room where I stood. “I guess this is goodbye, you have to leave with the band, I just want to tell you thank you. I am very appreciative of all we’ve done together and it is a dream come true for me. I love you.” I say. He laughs.
“Don’t you want to stay another night? You can if you want and your friends can pick you up in the morning.” He offers. “Would I!” I happily exclaim.
We go back to the room and start drinking. “Stop. I don’t want you getting drunk tonight.” He urges. “Why not?” “Because it’s our last night together and I want us to remember it. 17 days ago I was picked up by Twiggy in Denver and brought to Manson. I’ve been with him for 17 days. It doesn’t seem like it’s been that much. It’s 1:11AM. “Let’s go take a shower, I have something I want to do.” He says. “Ok!”
Stripped naked, we stand holding each other in the warm shower water. He’s so solid, so real.
We dry off and I start to get dressed. “You won’t be needing that.” He cautions, leading me by hand to the bed.
That night was the most passionate night ever. It wasn’t just savagely fucking. No, it was making love for hours and hours.

5:17AM. Both completely satisfied, we start getting dressed. Manson doesn’t have to get up until 8, which is surprisingly late for traveling 7 hours to the next show. “Let’s go for a walk.” Manson suggests. “I’d love to.”
Marilyn and I walk down to a Kwik Shop just down the road for a pop and something to eat. We proceeded to walk to a park a little ways from the convenience store and sit on the swings. “I can’t believe I’m saying this about a woman, but I think I’m going to miss you.” Manson says. “I know. I’ll miss you too.” I answer. The sun is slowly rising above the horizon and I am saddened knowing I will never get this opportunity again. I voice that to him. “All good things must come to an end, Shadow. Nothing good can ever last forever.” He replies. I sigh. “I know, I’m just going to be sad when it ends. I will miss you a lot.” “Don’t cry because it’s over; smile because it happened, or however that saying goes.” He says with a smile. I giggle. “I suppose you’re right.” We continue talking and it’s strange, in the 17 days I spent with him, I’ve told him more about me than I’ve ever told anyone ever before. The sun continues coming up, colouring the sky pink, then purple, then blue. 7:09AM. I call Minnie to pick me up, she agrees.
Marilyn and I get back to the hotel and stand outside waiting for which ever ride to get there first. “I want to thank you, I had an amazing time. You taught me so much and I love you.” I tell him. “You’re welcome. You taught me a lot too. For being a 16 year old, you seem 10 years more mature for your age. I wish there were more people like you in the world, Shadow.”
Just as he says this, both of our rides arrive at the same time. We hug and kiss once more and I cried.
I watched the bus drive one way, Minnie and I drove the other. It
disappeared in the busy Wichita traffic and I think. Exactly 5 minutes ago we were together. Exactly 24 hours ago we were being intimate and exactly 17 days ago I had nothing to worry about. Minnie and I talked until she dropped me off at my house. I gave her a $50 for her troubles and walked up to the home. “I know what awaits me behind this door.” I mutter.